How to make the relationship less sexual?

[Anonymous]

So my boyfriend and have been dating for just under two months and the furthest we have got is second base and almost third. It seems like every time we meet up in private, the date turns more sexual and we end up doing something sexual or there is a lot of sexual tension. This is my first relationship and I'm worried it's starting to get too focused on the sexual aspects of our relationship and not the emotional connection we have. As of late it's felt slightly more emotionally distant and we haven't talked as much.

Is it normal for a relationship to be like this? Is it bad?

And how would I be able to relive some of our sexual tension and feelings when we are enjoying each others private company?

Updates

+1 y

I forgot to add but I also want to lessen the sexual tension so that we can have more time to just talk and get to know each other better (talk about things that friends talk about and such)

[quaranta]

Let me tell you that the fact you are in a same-sex relationship, matters (especially if male-male). In the gay world, relationships are very, very, very much based on sex and hookups. All of my gay friends struggle since ever to find an actual relationship and not a fuck buddy that later "could" become emotionally attached. Several of my gay friends had open relationships or are setting up polyamory triangles (ending up in jealousy arguments anyway, literally always).
So take in account that what you could consider "normal" in a gay relationship, or average, is indeed a relationship that is very much based on sex. Of course not all of them offer this, but you will struggle finding a relationship that is first of all based on emotional attachment and sharing. Let's hope you're lucky, though.
And to not exclude: your boyfriend might get emotionally attached later. Usually they go through sex, to know each other better as a consequence, and sometimes it doesn't last.
However you might have better chances to find a relationship that is not based on sex (or that doesn't pass through sex to get to next stages), if you pick someone introverted, without experiences and with a deep soul.
The offer for sex and hookups is large, so it's up to you to decide where to put the filter, but that will imply you would wait a bit before finding your "one", if this one is not your current boyfriend.
For the current situation I would say: either roll with it in order to know each other better as a consequence, or talk to him about your priorities and about how you'd imagine a relationship with him. Propose him activities that prevent you from having sex all the time, like a travel, a concert or anyway something in public so that you are "forced" to share non-sexual moments, and try to know each other's friends or family perhaps.
Consider also that after the initial phase of passion, you will slowly decrease the sexual tension naturally (this happens in any couple, of any composition).
I conclude by saying that even if you don't match the "average" in the gay world, please keep the convinction solid that what you want is legit and you should never be diminished for the priorities you have (because it happens sometimes), by potential partners. What you want is what you should try to get, with all the rights possible.

[Guy13]

Same-Sex (Gay/Lesbian) is a False Paradigm.

[quaranta]

@Guy13 I'm talking about what happens in the reality around, people of the same sex, do have sex and relationships in the reality, and I told him what to expect about it...

[Guy13]

It is a False Reality... one of man's choosing in a False Dichotomy. Self-deceived and no grounding for any sexual acts as that is a Crime against both Humanity and Nature.

[Asker]

It's not so much that the relationship started off of sexual stuff or that they aren't emotionally attached. We started off and still are emotionally attached but I don't want it to go too far sexually to the point where we lose our attachment and it becomes just a relationship for sexual pleasure.

Ty for the advice that we should go out in public more, I will put it in to use :)

[HollyK21]

Don’t do anything that feels uncomfortable to you. I get that he’s your first boyfriend and maybe there’s some fear of losing him if you don’t keep things “spicy”, but if he really cares for you then he will respect the boundaries you set. Don’t be afraid to tell him you aren’t ready to go as far as he’s pushing for, and express that you want to connect on a mental level as well. You’ll soon find out if he’s genuinely interested in being with you, or if he’s just trying to get physical, and that’s not what you want.

[Asker]

Ok so I probably should have included more details in this but it's not that he isn't respecting my boundaries or anything. We have talked about boundaries and consent and for the most part I'm more open to sexual things than he is and he has never pushed me to do anything.
I think we both are interested in being with each other but I'm worried it will devolve into a more physical relationship if we focus so much on the sexual aspects of it. Ig I am afraid of losing the closeness we have to lust/wanting to do sexual things all the time which will take away from our bonding time.
I don't know if its a rational fear or if thats something that happens

But it's weird because it's all stuff I want to do but I still have this fear. Maybe we should go out in public for dates more often for bonding?

[HollyK21]

Gotcha. Well in that case, you could try finding activities and things to give you guys the opportunity to build a bond. As your boyfriend, this should come before all the sexual things. Even if it’s just taking a walk around an interesting part of the neighborhood or going to grab food.

[Asker]

Thank you a lot! This is very helpful :D

[Guy13]

It’s not normal for same-sex to try to have a sexual relationship

[Asker]

I think its completely normal, many same sex partners have sexual relations every day

But if it matters for the question, they were born a women but are now gender fluid and want to be referred to as my boyfriend. So I will do so

[Guy13]

Oh Boy ‼️🙄

[fonduegirl]

If you have problem with the asker's sexuality — exit the question. If you don't have an helpful opinion, maybe not post it. Thanks much.

[bean2k21]

So the Woke Mob believes in censorship now?

[fonduegirl]

@bean2k21 yeah. It's called being considerate. If you can't something positive, be quiet.

[bean2k21]

@anon1903 I checked the U. S. Bill of Rights and it didn't say anything about being considerate, but thanks for your opinion anyway.

[fonduegirl]

@bean2k21 it also doesn't tell you to fuck off, but that's highly recommended

[bean2k21]

@anon1903 Why?

[bean2k21]

@anon1903 You have some special right to be inconsiderate that I don't?

[fonduegirl]

@bean2k21 perhaps. Would my rights help?