Relationship help?

[Anonymous]

Hello, so I had a big fight with my boyfriend last night. To keep it short, we have been dating for 8 months.. I've never ever asked for anything from him. Not money, not gifts, not jewelry, not anything (just want to make it clear actually not 1 time). I decided to ask him if I could get my hair done. And he blew up and said I see him as a blank paycheck, that I am with him just for money, that he doesn’t feel appreciated for the things he’s done for me (which he has done a lot for me and I appreciate it so so much and I’ve made that so so clear, but just has to be on his terms). It hurt so so much hearing these things cause it was the first time I ever asked for something. And he was yelling/screaming at me over the phone and didn’t seem to care that I was crying the entire time. I explained that I just want to know that he wants to provide to me if I somehow get jobless, pregnant, and live with him. I want to know I can rely on him if I’m struggling financially and getting something like my hair done would make me feel so taken care of and safe.

So now I’m scared and feel so worried about my future with him. I worry about what kind of life that will be if we get super serious. He did apologize this morning and said he hated himself for yelling like that, that he wants my support when he is financially stressed. And proceeded to list off all the expenses he has to pay for. And how his mom asking for money for years makes him get triggered.

I need guidance. I don’t know what to do. I never saw my father talk to my mother that way. So it just scares me. I don’t feel like he wants to provide if need be.

[kylee2437]

Sorry but I agree with your boyfriend. You wanting your hair done and him not providing money has literally zero to do whether he will be there to provide, it has to do with you in general not having enough money to get your hair done. The real question is, would you have enough money to provide for him if he ended up jobless or injured? You can’t even afford to get your hair done.

[Asker]

That wasn’t really the problem as much as how he was yelling and speaking to me because of what I asked.

[kylee2437]

@asker maybe he definitely could’ve handled it a different way, but you are placing blame on whether he will be a provider or not when you can’t even provide for yourself. There’s a bigger issue to this and I think your boyfriend is partially correct. Are you clinging onto wanting a man just so he can provide for you and not because you actually want love?

[Asker]

I have a successful business and he is a successful man. I don’t live with him and provide for myself daily.

[kylee2437]

So then why were you asking for money from him?

[Asker]

I didn’t want money. I told him that I don’t want to be just given money. The point of it was just to feel like my man was treating me to something he knows I want and he has my back if I were to get pregnant.. if I decided to be a stay at home mom if that time comes. That’s something my money can’t buy and I wanted to know I’m worth it to him.

[kylee2437]

You realize when you are asking for something, it’s not a treat , right? Him treating you would be him possibly buying you a gift card to your favorite hair place, or taking you out to eat/going on dates, or him buying you flowers. Does he do any of this stuff for you? Have you discussed to him that your goal is to be a stay at home mother? Asking for money for your hair does not amplify any serious talk about future, it just simply implies that it seems like you don’t have your own money. If being a stay at home mother is your goal, you are probably going to need to find a new man because he’s already stuck on the fact that “all you do is ask for money”