Girls, My girlfriend wants space to find herself again and think of our relationship. What to do?

[Anonymous]

She went on a backpacking trip by herself and when she came back she told me it was a stepping stone to a more positive way of thinking. But she needs some space from people she has a heavy connection with, aka me, to work on that positive way of life and wants space with no contact. I feel heartbroken and alone atm and have a desperate urge of contacting her. I do keep busy and try not to think of her but we had such a heavy connection with each other. Almost daily meet-ups, daily messaging etc and all of the sudden that's all gone and i'm struggling with it a lot. Questions swirl all the time in my head. Does she miss me, will she contact me, is she more happy without me? This is torture

[WonderBell99]

You have to respect your partner's wishes and give her the space she wants. You have to fight your urge to contact her.

What caused her to re-evaluate your relationship? Was it an argument or a misunderstanding? A tad more context would be appreciated.

It appears that she wants to focus on herself for a while and figure out the person she wants to be. Nothing wrong with it. Just because she needs space, does not mean that she has stopped loving you or does not miss you. She will contact you when she is ready, give it time.

[Asker]

no argument or a misunderstanding but she came from a bad relationship. They still have some sort of contact and they had another argument that pushed up some "stuff" and now she's not sure what she wants

[WonderBell99]

How long have you been dating her? And how long ago did her previous relationship end?

[Asker]

We've been dating for 6 months now, previous relationship ended around oktober last year

[WonderBell99]

And they have still yet to resolve their issues? Your girlfriend made the right choice, she needs time to figure out what she wants. Although, she should not have started something new with you when her previous relationship is still in shambles. Let her know where you stand and make your intentions loud and clear. Be open and honest about what you want and expect.

[WonderBell99]

Also, what "stuff" were they arguing about?

[Asker]

the ex was going on a holiday and wanted to leave all his pets (some are still kinda hers too) without any suprevision in this heat. She called him out on it and he started calling her things the way he did when they were in a relationship. It was a major trigger for her that reminded her of the bad times.
I have made my intentions clear as day, a future with her, marriage, maybe even kids.
And it started as a one-night stand but it just kept evolving into more as in friends with benefits right into a real relationship. She wasn't really looking for something serious

[WonderBell99]

Does she seem keen on turning your relationship into something more serious?

[Asker]

that's one of the things she's unsure about where she wants to go in life, because of the previous relationship. She stayed in that one way longer than she wanted and is very unsure if this one won't blow up in her face

[WonderBell99]

Her reaction is absolutely normal and expected. One thing though, please do keep this in mind, do not date someone who just got out of a relationship. They need to figure out who they want to be, before they can figure out the type of person they want to share their life with. Looks like she wants to get to know herself better and what she wants to do in life before committing to you. She does not want to bring her problems from her previous relationship into yours, and I consider that a good thing.

Give her some space, that is the only thing you can do for now. Time will tell.

[Asker]

thank you for the advice and the talk :-)

[WonderBell99]

IF she feels like she needs more time, and is NOT ready to date you, you have two options :

- you could either wait for her (it rarely every works and i'd suggest against it because you have strong feelings for her and it would only crush you more)
- or you could distance yourself from her and focus on yourself

[Asker]

I'm gonna give her some time, she did say she needed space/pauze/time-out and not a break up so. I'm gonna give her some time to think but I'm not gonna wait for months on end

[WonderBell99]

Wise decision