What’s something you used to believe earlier about relationships, but you don’t believe it any longer?

Question

dynamicyandere · Accepted Answer

There was a time that I thought that giving your partner anything and everything they asked for would make them love you more.

And, if it was something difficult or something I didn’t want to do, I thought if it as a “sacrifice” I was willing to make in the name of love.

This led to me being taken for granted and disrespected and in several cases, emotionally abused.

I learned later that if I don’t treat myself with dignity and self-respect, neither will others. I learned I need to be assertive and stand up for myself when I’m being mistreated. I needed to learn how to negotiate my wants and needs. I needed to learn how to set boundaries. I needed to learn how to call people out. I needed to learn how to be good with handling confrontation and conflict. I needed to learn how to be good with difficult and uncomfortable conversations. I needed to learn how and when to walk away.

The more I learned, the better my future relationships became. And, I never stop learning more, even to this day.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

That love was enough. John Lennon was wrong when he said "all you need is love".

Cynicaldreamer · Answer

That anyone can find love or a relationship: that is false.

No, I'm not being cynical or bitter; that is a true statement. Contrary to what fairy tales and social media promote, there is NOT someone out there for everyone! And that is okay. It sucks, but unfortunately some people have a harder time finding love or relationships compared to others.

Pinay_ako · Answer

That it can last forever. 🙄

ohsheeT · Answer

When we start a new relationship we are so happy floating on air nothing can phase you at all you are so happy and you're finding yourself falling deeper and deeper in love and then there's that moment where you make love and in that moment there becomes another moment right before you're going to give that girl an orgasm and there is a clarity to wear when you're looking at each other's eyes you know that you're going to give her the best orgasm ever she knows that she's going to have an orgasm and it's like you can read each other's minds and this feeling becomes so intense so beautiful and each person is saying oh my God I love this they're making me feel this way and then it goes even deeper and people think that moment when you connect that that is love because that person has made you feel something that nobody else has people mistake that as love and it's not what it really is is too Energies we have energy within our bodies their our energy is our teacher and our guide it is our light it shows us the way but it's when two energies connect is when this feeling happens you can connect with somebody in the same manner without having sex but have that same beautiful feeling if you understand it but people don't understand it they only feel it in that moment of climax and they believe it's love so they want to be with that person forever and that's where we get off the beaten path because now it changes our destiny we believe it's love we fall in love even deeper your relationship gets bigger and stronger but for all the wrong reasons and somewhere down in time you realize something and you end up breaking up and it all starts right there at that point when you can understand that that is not love that is an energy connection that we should have with everybody that is becoming one with the universe with each other with the world that's why we're on this planet is to do just that that's why that moment is in place is so we can feel that moment but we stop and we think it's love and in a way it is love yes don't get me wrong in a way it is love but it's not that love that person loves you and you're supposed to be with that person forever it's just meant to teach us we are one with the universe with each other with everything on this planet

You and I could start chatting hit it off and let's pretend we start a roleplay and we get into it deep you're going to start to feel my energy you're going to start feeling that beautiful feeling that I'm talking about during this role play it's going to be very Central very sexual you're going to feel every word every touch and in that moment you're going to say wow oh my God I've never ever felt this before and you can look at it two different ways you can either look at it I love this person because they're making me feel this nobody else has ever made me feel this way and you might think of it as love but what it really is is we just connected you can feel me from where you're at I can feel you from where I'm at and some of the most beautiful thing in the world and once you understand that it is an energy connection it will change your life because everything you start feeling is energy connected and you are one with this planet you are one with everything we're supposed to fill this feeling each and every day like I said you could feel me from where you're at I can feel you from where I'm at and that's where telepathic start coming in you start to learn how to read people how to understand people because you don't judge them you don't the little then you don't have any negative thoughts about them you are just one with them and that's the way we are all supposed to be with each other anyway

For me I use to believe that moment was to show us love and if someone could make you feel this it was love.
Don't get me wrong it is a form of love because it is so beautiful there's over 5 billion different types of love but even in a relationship it's not the type of love that is true true love too be with somebody or get married to somebody this is a different type of love this is a love to become one to experience life free of everything because each person is an individual and you have to accept them because we are all one when you degrade people when you put people down your degrading yourself and putting yourself down so this is something that if you understand it will change your life for the best it's a very beautiful thing and what you feel this and what you become it it will change your life this is who we are all meant to be we are all meant to learn this to become one with each other

PrettyPriya · Answer

There are a few things that come to mind but I think one that I believed when I was younger and just don’t now at all is that looks are the most important thing about a person. I think when younger (think teens and in school) you tend to think a lot about looks first.

Whether we want to admit that or not is another thing, but often it was “Omg look at ________ he is so hot”. No clue at that point if XXXXX was a giant jerk. As I got older I learned that there are far more important things than physical appearance. Sure, I have to be attracted to the person. That is a given.

However, I look for far more important qualities first when considering dating or a relationship. Priority number one is personality. That is made up of many character traits and not everyone looks for the same thing in a partner.

They do need to mesh with what I would consider a good fit for my personality and have at least the basic things that I look for, like sense of humour, manners, compassionate, kind, etc.

I’m not saying that when I was younger I didn’t want those things, but what I am saying is that I think there was too much importance placed on looks back then compared to what I value now.

DenizLikesTennis · Answer

In earlier relationships I believed that she had to spend time only with me because I was very insecure and felt uncomfortable when she talked to other guys, laughed at his jokes etc. I'd believe she'd cheat on me. So I'd break up or reject her immediately. The funny and paradox thing is that this behaviour makes her want to meet other guys, less communication. It's because you started to be needy, clingy, passive aggressive. Women love positivity a lot. and not because you'd be unattractive in the beginning. She needs space. Everyone in relationships need a me-time.

But now I have finally understood that relationships are built on TRUST THROUGH OPEN, DIRECT AND HONEST COMMUNICATION.

You trust your lady that she still loves you to the fullest and needs space for herself at the same time. But also thinks about you.

Compared the today's dennis with the past one, I have improved as a person a lot. Anyways, I wish you a good weekend 😊

Dennis

melaniee789456123 · Answer

This is a great question!
I used to believe that these were okay:
1.) Ignore red flags.
2.) Inconsistency during the "talking stage."
3.) Being stuck in a long term situationship will lead to a real relationship.
4.) Being shy is fine and wait for the person you're interested in to come to you.

Now, the explanations:
1.) Red flags are never okay to be ignored. Red flags are called "red flags" for a reason. When those small and subtle signs show up in that someone you're talking to, it might to time to say goodbye since they will end up hurting you or take advantage of you sooner or later.

2.) Inconsistency during the "talking stage" usually means that they're not actually THAT into you or they're talking to several people. It usually ends up being a waste of time after the two of you talk for a while but nothing escalates.

3.) Being stuck in a long term situationship will NOT lead to a relationship in the end. If the situationship were to have been short lived, maybe it would end up in a successful relationship. But, a long term one usually just leads to the benefits of a relationship without the label of an official relationship, which in the end, is generally quite toxic and upsetting to think about.

4.) Being shy is fine. It really is. But, now I believe that life is too short to let that person you have interest in never know how you feel. I think you should be bold and go for it.. what's the worst that could happen?

Theabcking · Answer

If you're still interested in a relationship, in this era the only advise is: "Do NOT jump into things quickly. Evaluate the potential partner for hang-ups that may involve you or your gender. If she has ANY negative issues about "men", bail out immediately. Make some jokes that may offend her and see how she reacts. Is she a good sport or does she go full feminazi on you. If the latter, bail out immediately. If she plays either the "victim" as a woman, or thinks her gender is the superior one, bail out immediately. Etc etc etc. Because this is just a lot of headache waiting to happen."

Bluemax · Answer

That having an absolutely wonderful, kind, and intelligent personality will always overcome no physical attraction.

I found out the hard way that this isn't true. I dated someone who was wonderful, kind, and intelligent and also physically unattractive. It wasn't a good relationship. You start to hunt for excuses to not be intimate.

Moreover, I found there's absolutely nothing wrong for finding a person physically unattractive. There's something wrong with treating them with less respect and courtesy because they are unattractive, but nothing wrong with finding them unattractive. Rejecting someone isn't treating a person with disrespect or being rude. Indeed, rejecting someone is often the kindest thing one can do.

sage2021 · Answer

That whatever a guy that old me, was the truth, and I believed him
Now I have come to find out almost everybody lies. So, now I hardly believe what they tell me as the truth.
It always amazes me that a person can look at you right in the eye while lying to you. They don't feel bad about it at all.
I have called places he told me he was at, and they said "No, he wasn't here." These are places of business, not friends or anything. He still lies to me, and I call him m on it. But he stands his ground. Even In the face of showing him empirical evidence, he will not bend and tell me the truth.

Bob92220 · Answer

I always thought that if I was nice and kind to a woman that I liked she would like me back. I don't believe that anymore.

I always thought sex was one of the most important things in the relationship. However, I recently read some studies saying that happy couples have sex only once or twice a week. Also, you can have a happy relationship without sexual intercourse, but there has to be an intimate connection. For example, hugging, holding hands, giving massages, sitting on the lap, etc.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

I used to believe in the romantic ideal of love, and that it was all we needed. “Love would conquer all.” Ell oh ell!
What we first perceive as “love” is actually just a series of chemical reactions. As with all chemical reactions, it is finite. It absolutely MUST change or end, usually both. If we haven’t discovered enough common values, common interests, common goals and the necessary mutual respect to justify a decided commitment to outlast the changes to and end of those chemical reactions, “love” is doomed. Relationships are no exception to the general rule that you reap what you sow. If you don’t put in the work, you won’t get anything out of it.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I believed that a couple going to the Prom in High School had to have sex after the Prom so I was scared to go to the Prom let alone think about it, In America, the Prom is what they have mainly in High School. But I no longer think about this and think differently.

Rania05 · Answer

People's love don't change when their partner does unless they're turning to the worst and had no rescue possibility, in fact love do part especially when the most shinning part they saw earlier in their partner disappear and they wonder if they truly loved him or that particular trait that constantly bewitched them, even if it's actually a maleficent trait.

Lionman95 · Answer

I mostly had two:

1. There´s a person for everyone and you just have to wait and search for them thoroughly.

2. There is a clear way of finding the person you wanna date. Meaning that there is a way that guarantees you a number of dates and where you surely find a partner for life.

Novacane · Answer

I used to think that someone will come and love me for who I am and not for what I have. I thought my personality was enough, but the world made sure to show me that is far from the truth. I guess after years of dating as a guy no girl is ever going to like you just for who you are. I once read a man’s life is staying healthy and fit, getting a great job, making good money, and finding you a beautiful wife, just to realize that if you didn’t have that money or job she wouldn’t be there.

laurieluvsit · Answer

Someone you love more than life itself would never leave you :(

petitedollbabee · Answer

That aslong as you have sex and be intimate with your partner regularly, then they won’t cheat.

Years later I know now that a cheater will always cheat, regardless of how often you take care of their needs. When you meet the right person, you won’t feel like you need to have sex a lot just to keep them faithful.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Earlier in life, you simply could not have convinced me that the vast majority of women wouldn’t prefer being in a monogamous relationship. Now days, I see that that’s actually bullshit, because the vast majority of women actually just want to feel appreciated and the sexual romantic aspect of being with men is something women will give to attractive men who make them feel appreciated.

YollyM · Answer

You have to fight for your partner, not necessarily physically.

Now I believe that if somebody loves you the way that you love them (how you deserve to be loved), they will never put you in a position where you have to fight for them.
They'll always make themselves available to you in every way they possibly can.

sirderpsalot123 · Answer

I used to believe that people could change. They don't. People show who they are. Don't stay because you think they'll change. Learned that the hard way.

xJeremyx · Answer

I always thought it would be just spending time and doing things together, and being something "official".

But much more than that, it is about that person who is constantly at the back of your mind. Considering for them whenever you plan your schedule. Thinking about them when you see things they like. Adapting to their personality, character, needs, likes and dislikes. Its about the small things, not the big events.

dophix · Answer

I used to belive if you're a good person , you won't be change even you two will break up. From my previous experience, my ex was a kindest person... most of his colleagues describes him "good person" but when we broke up he hated me afterwards.

That was the moment I don't belive in good guys anymore. Who knows they'll become a psychopath after the breakup lol

CrazyGirl2 · Answer

That Love is enough! That as long as you love each other, you can work through anything! Sometimes things come up, and no matter how much you love eachother, it is just not enough to be able to get through it in one piece as a couple!

MCheetah · Answer

That all it'll take for a woman to love you is to just be a good guy and to treat her right. I was so naïve in the past.

Anonymous · Answer

I used to believe That girls want our money. Even worse there were instances where i asked girls with jobs ( one of them was a SAP developer) if they want my money.

Couldn't have been more wrong, could i? It was a big doh for me.

saraocarney · Answer

That men actually want your mind and body but they really just want u to stfu and lay on ur back if ur not a hoe they don't want you I'm built like a sex doll I've been told but never a beautiful or smart or funny but I'm always "sexy" or "hot" I hate this shit anyone hot is always a dick

letuswaltzforthedead · Answer

I thought that dating as "official" as getting married. That if you agree to dating someone, you are essentially committed relationship waiting for marriage. You've already decides that you were going to marry this person but not now. In essence, I thought that dating was the same as an engagement.

ochitougly · Answer

I used to think there where perfect men without flaws, lol. Now I know they are just humans like we all 😂

fonduegirl · Answer

That only young people can date. It was pretty shitty belief, but it was mostly influenced by TV.

The newer belief is no better. Some people pass their whole life without finding anyone to love. And that's okay.

Anonymous · Answer

I learned that if a person doesn’t want to sexually satisfy you, it’s because they don’t love you. I’m not talking about extreme fetishes. I’m just talking about general stuff like swallowing and anal. A girl would gargle semen and give up her ass to one person, and completely deny her next boyfriend. It’s not that she can’t handle it or it’s too painful, it’s literally just she’s just not attracted to you enough to please you.

LexiXide · Answer

I still believe this but no matter how much you love someone they are not gonna love you as much as you love them back

JDavid25 · Answer

That there's a special person waiting for you.. I don't believe that anymore.. I believe you mesh well with a person and that y'all make it work..

kikissss · Answer

I used to believe and trust someone that broke my heart into pieces. It is hard now to trust another person again but I am trying to put down the many walls.

Andres77 · Answer

That you have to give in to them on everything to prove your love.

Reaper1985 · Answer

that true love and soulmates are a myth. found out if you want a lasting relationship you both have to continue to put in the work to maintain it. which means both people staying healthy on a physically, mental and emotional level.

menina · Answer

I used to believe there was someone out there for everyone but I found out that that's a lie. Some people were meant to be single like me.

maximumpower · Answer

Before: Marriage is a sacred bond & trust between partners
After: Marriage is a sham invented by women, for women and through which they very often plan and rip off the men. Women would be FAR less tempted to screw it up and we'd all be better off w/o it.

Literalbillionaire17 · Answer

All relationships start to sour and breakups end bad. It’s not true at all. Sometimes you guys just aren’t working anymore and you both can amicably come to that conclusion and move on like adults🙂

jestergent · Answer

That men cheat more than women. I don't believe that anymore.

Mess96 · Answer

That there is hope and true love, and that it’ll last forever like it did with my grandparents

lightbulb27 · Answer

When the time is right you’ll find someone. Baloney… you gotta be your best and available to make something happen …or it won’t …for most people.

Jltakk · Answer

That being the best you can be was enough. It's not a guarantee much like any of the love advice I've been given in my life. There isn't a mythical person out there created just for you, you're going to have to do everything yourself if you want the results.

linka_pat307 · Answer

I had nothing to believe but I think there isn't any perfect relationship

hahahmm · Answer

That it was a good use of time to let a woman get to know you deeply OR that she even cares about that.

AsaKyo · Answer

Don't get attached to the person because they could leave or betray you at any moment

magiusX26 · Answer

monogamy was for everybody (its not)

"there is someone out therefor everyone" the population math calls that bluff

soulmates (see above)

dating/relationships are worth the risks (they are not especially for us guys)

katestar · Answer

Relationships are about trust and love & happiness. If someone falls in love. You do the same thing.

jengeorge26 · Answer

That all men are superior to females. Maybe most men are but not all of the men. I have met some amazing females.

BLP11520 · Answer

That I couldn't make it without my wife, I could. Sad but true.

exitseven · Answer

i used to believe that they were all doomed to fail.

Beardedman1996 · Answer

That men like me would ever be enough, we have faults, we fail at providing and we hold our head high even when we’re cheated on, burnout and broke

JaxiCats · Answer

Not every person is going play nice with you

Anonymous · Answer

Long distance is possible... I've come to learn the men I date need to achieve an O several times a day, and if it's not in me, they have no problem finding someone else to do it in.

Phoenix98 · Answer

Nothing, I believe the same stuff.

Anonymous · Answer

How about it's only a friendship if there's no sex or it's only serious if sex is involved?

Anonymous · Answer

that you HAVE to get married after 2-3 years...

Anonymous · Answer

I used to think relationships and marriage benefitted both women and men equally. I know that's not true now.

Rose_84 · Answer

That people love forever.

Anonymous · Answer

I used to believe in Karma. Now I have my doubts.

Twalli · Answer

Mine isn't extremely unique

What’s something you used to believe earlier about relationships, but you don’t believe it any longer?

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