Anyone here been in love & had to part for whatever reason, dated a bunch since, never developed deep romantic feelings for anyone else, ever again?

[VIVANT]

Yes

No

Other

[Lliam]

A breakup can feel worse that the death of a loved one if you love the person deeply enough. But, as with the death of a loved one, you have to move on and continue to seek fulfillment. Life has to go on.

So, if you want a partner in your life, you have to open yourself to the possibility and continue the search, knowing that you will never find someone who is exactly like the one you lost. Hopefully you learned some lessons from your previous relationship and became even more worthy of a better, future partner. Life is a process of perpetual growth.

That happened to me.

[VIVANT]

I know people center hold on I think that’s a big different than just feeling nothing. There may be no correlation at all between leaving someone snd feeling nothing could just be a coincidence dk. Yes I know you had very deep loss I remember. I don’t think I’m in mourning I just don’t feel anything. So I wondered if that was common but it may be it’s own thing entirely.

[Lliam]

I understand. Maybe someone else has some experience with, or thoughts on, this question.

[VIVANT]

😊😊😊😊

[VIVANT]

To be sure I really appreciate you sharing that story

[Honest-Matt]

Ever since my last long term relationship of 4yrs that almost went to marriage I haven't been able to open up since. I wavered and was scrolling tinder, I already gave up and she caught me on tinder and I ended it because she didn't deserve that. She deserves more than me. Ever since then, I've never been able to commit or be open, I've forgotten how to genuinely love someone or know or be confident I love someone. I did all those things with her and now it's all used up. I feel like I don't know how to function socially in dating. Any time I ventured out since then I just get cheated on or it ends because we just lose interest.

I hope one day I can feel like I'm not damaged goods.

[Pinay_ako]

After my first love in high school cheated on me and I dumped him, I wasn’t the same. I went on blind dates with different guys in college but I just didn’t feel any attraction on any of them. I tried to have an open mind. Alas, it was fruitless. But I just decided to be single and wasn’t looking coz I was happier that way. There were still men left and right tried to date me, but nah. I chose me and finishing college for my parents’ and my sake. Didn’t want to disappoint them either!

[VIVANT]

That makes a lot of sense and time we’ll spent 😊😊

[Anonymous]

Yep, we had to part bc of the circumstances but we were still in love with each other. After almost 2 years, things kinda brought us back together to the same place and since we’re both also available at the time we decided to just give it another go. Been together ever since.

[VIVANT]

Oh that’s a nice twist congrats! 😊

[OlderAndWiser]

So you believe that a prior relationship has poisoned your ability to ever feel romantic feelings again?

[VIVANT]

No not at all. I don’t even know if there’s a correlation let alone cause, I mean there can be bent evevts happening simultaneously doesn’t mean there a connection. It’s more that i just notice the things happening. I decided to ask just to see but I’ve drawn no conclusion but if I were to guess it’s more that I don’t have any desire to be in a relationship. I happened to fall in love and even then I didn’t want a relationship…the falling in love was an anomaly amd I resisted very strongly but even so it touched me. It’s weird it was a shock in both directions having to confront it and having to heave it. I’m still not interested in relationships plus I feel nothing for anyone else. Rather than the past ruining anything I feel like I’m back where I started but numb.

[spg12212122]

I fell in love at 13 years old and it was a deep feeling. I didn't want it and neither did my partner. At that age those feelings are to complex and I didn't understand them. She was on my mind and still is and I tried to let go and forget but formed happy memories over five years of knowing her. I never even kissed her lol...

I have never felt like that again.

[spg12212122]

If I had never experienced that I would never have coped in life..

[VIVANT]

Funny the way you said you felt at 13 I felt as an adult as far as not understanding and not wanting the feelings and then missing it. get it

[spg12212122]

I understand, its incredibly strange how such things happen.

[humanearth]

No, but if my wife would die.

She would be my last romantic relationship I would have.

The love I have for her is to great. She is my Ying to my Yang.

Spend over 30 years with someone and see if you don't say the same thing

[Jamie05rhs]

@Humanearth You are my hero.

[VIVANT]

It’s beautiful really beautiful 😍

[RedThread]

I think we get a more realistic view of relationships after we go through heartache. New stimuli are always fresh and the more we experience something the dopamine response isn't as strong.

[VIVANT]

That’s a fair point 👍🏼

[Jamie05rhs]

It's not that I can't develop deep feelings for anyone or that I don't want to. Neither is the case. I'm just trying to protect my heart. I need to make sure that the other person is also interested in me before I go "all in" on them.

[VIVANT]

Well yes I understand this but I’m not talking about volitional detachment 😊

[Jamie05rhs]

Lol. Who said it was volitional? At this point it's just a pattern of habit. "Reject the feelings. Reject the feelings!"

[VIVANT]

“Reject the feeling” is a command tho you could command In reverse 😄🙏🏼

[Jamie05rhs]

@VIVANT If I command in reverse, then I will admit my love to her and she will get scared and run away. (This is speaking from personal experience lol.)

[VIVANT]

I don’t know the result with the right person that shouldn’t happen, but my point is before you get to the point of confessing, you are holding back volitionally, you’re not numb you are staying detached. There is a difference even tho it’s not fun either way 😊😊

[Jamie05rhs]

@VIVANT I'm not sure what you want from me here. 🤷. Confessing never works; there's no point. I never gain a lover; I only lose a friend. No one in their right mind would make a bet with those odds.

This is why I prefer to take baby steps.
(And if I ask her if she likes me and she says No, I'll just take her word for it and consider it a no forever unless she tells me otherwise.)

[JDavid25]

Nah, I haven't experienced that feeling... Hopefully never will.. At least not for too long.. Only short periods..

[VIVANT]

Hope so too 😊

[JDavid25]

Of course.. I think the only way I would feel that is if I got burnt so bad, I want nothing to do with a relationship for a long time or if my S/O whom I would really love died.. But of course Vivant.. 😊..

[jshm2]

That's just stupid.

If you missed the opportunity or fucked it up. Then you learn about it, not mope over it.

[VIVANT]

People can be numb without moping. Where did you even get yet from

[VIVANT]

that*

[jshm2]

The old saying "better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all". if you're immature then you'll just mope over what you lost, instead of taking the experience onboard and trying better for next time.

[VIVANT]

Who said anything about moping or not experiencing new things? it’s like you’re having a conversation in your head And just shooting things off randomly.

Speaking of being open to new experiences, Try interacting with the person you are talking to and where you lack information ask questions instead of jumping to conclusions.

[ChefPapiChulo]

How come you’re never mean like that to me?

[VIVANT]

@ChefPapiChulo
I’m not being mean there’s no reason to jump to conclusions. I have no problem with what he’s saying if it was about himself or if he ashes for confirmation. I ashes a question about other people it was not an advice post. You never answer long enough to make assumptions you usually just troll do there’s nothing to respond to. He was speaking of something real and I don’t disagree with him on the point it was just misappropriated bc that has nothing to do with what I was asking.

[VIVANT]

Not yeah in retrospect I responded hastily there was no need for it. People can answer however they like.

[ChefPapiChulo]

Nice! Thank you.

[ChefPapiChulo]

Thank you for being mean, just as I asked.

[VIVANT]

@ChefPapiChulo

No problem, thank you 😊😊

[ChefPapiChulo]

You’re so firey and full of passion and anger.

[Finchie40]

It happens , but it’s better to stick around and fix it instead of walking away

[VIVANT]

Sure if you can I didn’t disagree 😊

[VIVANT]

Don’t *

[Finchie40]

It’s hard for me to give myself completely to someone now a days since I been burned before , so I know a lot of that reason is my own defense mechanism, to protect myself from being shit on again , But if a girl is willing to stick by me and make me feel wanted and values me , I will show her the same in return as best as I can , if she starts pushing me away I make it clear to her that I don’t chase and I am not into games so you are wasting your time with me if you are into that shit , I tell her I can only treat you the way you treat me , if you want to be selfish then I will be selfish to , if you walk away I will walk away as well , because I don’t need anyone , I am perfectly capable of supporting myself , I want to be wanted not used or a convenience

[WindAtMyBack]

Sort of. The other person was the one who left to go into the military. I never saw them again. It didn't really hinder future relationships, but I never forgot about that girl. That was 45+ years ago and to this day I think she was "the one".

I've had relationships since then and been in love since then, but I have not loved anyone the way I loved her. We got along great. In three years we never once had an argument or raised out voice with each other.

[YHL6965]

Yes, I have not got that same feeling again so far and I've been kind of shying away from relationships to not get that hurt again.

[VIVANT]

I understand

[FilmGuy93]

Yeah... I mean... kind of. It's more like I have enough experience to know more about what I need in a partner, so I see the problems sooner in other women I've dated.

[loveslongnails]

The difference is that "ultimately", I only "thought" I loved the girl. I was afraid to be alone more than anything else. Once I realized that, it was easy to let her go. Turns out it was a great thing. She married some right-wing nut and went over to the dark side.

[The_Outlaw]

Yep. Most insane thing ever. But at this point, I'm done. I'm more than happy flying solo.

[VIVANT]

Congratulations 🎉

[scooogy]

I still try to figure why my ex-crush started to tell me of now the second guy she dated since I graduated at college and lacked of attention for her due to job search.

[lightbulb27]

Do you mean a real relationship or fantasy?

[VIVANT]

I never said anything about a relationship. As far as fantasy no real situation real people. I’m not looking for a relationship was i, … humans make connections regardless of what category it goes into on gag lol

[Thepumpkinhead]

No. I always flirt when one relationship is over like, I deserve a better man than this

[d3n0939]

That's me. I am desperately wanting to feel that again

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Thankful never happened to me

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Yes at different points of time

[ChefPapiChulo]

My turn. Be mean to me now.

[EaterPeter]

Yupp

[VIVANT]

Sorry Pete 🙏🏼

[EaterPeter]

No worry, thanks

[EaterPeter]

Thanks for likes!

[menina]

That has never happened to me.

[Debbie14217]

yes i have

[Anonymous]

Yes cause' that n*gga was gay 😔