He gives me the silent treatment if he doesn’t get his own way?

[Anonymous]

My partner is very loving, shows lots of affection and tells me he loves me all the time, we have been together years, and he’s alwYs been the same. The only issue is when he doesn’t get his way, or what he wants, he just stops communicating with me and walks around with a face like thunder. This mainly happens if I’ve refused sex a few times, and no I’ve never made him go without for long period of times! It’s generally just a few days! Or when I’m say I’m going out with friends. Last night, he asked who I was texting so I said my friend had just messaged to ask if I wanted to go to a festival with her in a few weeks, and he does this angry stare, and doesn’t say anything, it makes me feel really uncomfortable to the point I dread telling him I’m making plans with friends or family. He then kicked off a little, and said if I’m going out he’s going out 🤷‍♀️ and then pushed me away and hasn’t spoke to me since. He didn’t hug me like usual at bedtime and didn’t say he loved me. He slept at the bottom of the bed, and it will be like this for two weeks until I go out, and he won’t be ok until the following day after I’ve been out. It makes me not want to go out atall, I’ve put off a lot of seeing friends in the past, it makes me feel upset and ruins my time out, it’s got to the point I feel afraid to tell him I want to go out, and if I do I try to over text, so he has time to process it before he comes home. Why would he react like this? I don’t go out often.

[quaranta]

His ways to communicate discomforts or worries are terribly childish and you (probably mostly him) must seriously work on communication if the result is he would continue this ridiculous scene of caprices, possibly curling at the bottom of the bed like a baby for 2 whole weeks. What the hell, really? How severe are the communication issues then? They are extreme, in my opinion.
I'm not saying "childish" randomly, this is exactly what a kid does with their mothers who are supposed to be responsible for how they feel, reading their mind, overthinking and providing anything that fulfills their fears in advance. A kid doesn't have sense of boundaries and projects their problems to their mothers through such techniques, which underline lacking (of course) of abilities to communicate problems. But he is an adult and he is still stuck at this phase.

He is locking you in a situation to make you overthink, worry, cling for his signals and submit to his wills, through these "techniques", and he succeeds if the effect is you are afraid to make plans with your family and friends, or even feel guilty for that. This is where the aggression lies, but the worst thing is that he is doing that out of revenge for... For what? For his OWN doubts and worries, not for something comparably hurtful you did for real? As if his own doubts are enough to make you be deserveful of this treatment in response. This is complete lack of perception of your boundaries as if his inner problems must be yours too, like kids are in symbiosis with their mothers.

And you mattered too because you allowed him, so far, to be this pathetic with you for years, absorbing the passive aggression he throws at you and staying at his game. So you "settled the norm" about this, as if this is normal or acceptable for you, giving him green light to continue any time.

You even talk in a way like if sex is more of a duty for you than desiring him actively. Objectively, why in the world would you want or be inspired to have sex with someone you can't feel as reliable, safe, soothing, caring, full of love towards you? I would be personally turned off and my ovaries would implode in an unrecoverable way the first time I see a scene like that, so I can't blame you. (Yeah, I had 3 passive aggressive partners when I was younger, and my desire of any romance or sexuality faded quickly).

This whole situation probably made things stack on each other both sides.

So yeah that's absolutely time (and you're both really in late) to work on your communication. You might need couple therapy to learn techniques and to improve because it doesn't come automatically, especially at his age (I assume he is 30+), he still communicates like THAT for real, so he is used to his comfort pattern of passive aggression and he will hardly change any time soon, so it needs effort, cooperation and willpower from his side. If there aren't these things, you won't go anywhere with this problem in the middle and the effects, cumulating, will get worse and worse. Communication builds trust, trust keeps the foundation of any relationship. It's pretty obvious that there is no trust both sides here.

Now in this specific case he reacts like that because he notices you aren't submitted to his caprices and feels like you're in constant debt with him, but rather than getting desperate about it as he wishes you think about having fun with your business where he is not included, where his caprices are not listened. But analyzing this single case doesn't mean anything, this pathetic crap will repeat again the next time he decides you must "pay" for something that is mostly in his head, in his abstract mysteries.

Plenty of old generation women dealing with their grown babies (husbands) and completely submitting to their passive unpredictable abuses, just because society said so. My mother is one of them. A relationship is made in 2 so he must cooperate the same and we aren't in the 60s anymore. Set your mind to start a work on communication as a mandatory step to save your marriage, he is too behind to hold any healthy relationship at the moment.

[MoniqueTLC]

He's stonewalling you. Completely shutting down when he doesn't get his way, and won't talk to you. This is a poor communication style, which he most probably adopted during his upbringing.

Changing his behaviour towards you like that is manipulative and controlling, and can depict narcissistic behaviour. It's making you feel like you've done something wrong, when you've done nothing at all. You SHOULD be able to be autonomous in your relationship. To be able to go out with your mates without feeling bad, or getting silent treatment from your boyfriend is necessary for a healthy relationship.

He's pretty much 'punishing' you for not doing what's in line with what he expects from you. I hope you stand your ground, and not let him ruin your plans.

[FilmGuy93]

That is an extremely unhealthy relationship. The silent treatment isn't something a healthy person would EVER subject their partner to for the crime of going out, and especially not for that length of time.

[TroyDT]

"My partner is very loving"

Yeah, no. He's manipulative and childish.

[melanieeeB]

Leave, the fuck, where are we? In Kindergarten? Lol

[Asker]

Not very helpful (n)

[melanieeeB]

Then start communicating with him... oh wait he is a child lol

[MiseriaCantareAFI]

is he a trump supporter

makes sense, trump tends to throw tantrums when he doesn't get his way"

[Anonymous]

He could be thinking in his head you are cheating. Either way his behaviour is not acceptable