I don’t know if she knows how I feel, but recently she mentioned that she appreciates having me as a friend. Do I tell her?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been interested in this girl for a while, we hang out together as friends pretty often and recently she mentioned that she appreciates having me as a friend. I can’t decide if it’s a good idea to tell her how I really feel or not. I don’t want her to feel like I’m being manipulative or giving her an ultimatum but I know it’s going to be painful for me to continue hanging out with her as nothing more than close friends. I’m not expecting her to change her mind but at the same time I don’t want to ruin the chance of that happening. I just can’t decide if I should tell her or not. Someone help me out here!

Updates

+1 y

Just a quick update.
I ended up asking her out. I’ve really known this girl for just a few months. I knew before I asked her out that she had previously been engaged. I found out from her that it was just before we met. She said yes originally, but that she was a little nervous because of her previous relationship. Later that night she called me back and said she doesn’t think she’s quite ready yet considering how recent that all was. I think she’s genuinely interested. We’ll see where it goes.

[quaranta]

There is a chance you aren't even friendzoned, though, because she didn't really "reject" you so far. She might feel something but for now she limits herself to praise the friendship, while not being sure about how you feel.
Unless she actually meant:"I'm glad we are friends and nothing more", while talking about relationship topics. And unless she already highly suspects you are into her. For example if you never talk about any other girl you're interested into, and for several months, well, that would be quite suspicious.
I think in your situation you could try 2 paths: one is to play games (which I don't like to suggest) to detect her reactions, such as mentioning a girl you found online and you're going to have a first date with her, talking about your ideal type of girl but describing a girl who is completely different than her, etc. Playing games is bad and creates confusion, and her reactions might be not genuine as well, so...
The other thing to do is to confess your feelings, but to increase your chances you should do that in a way and context that is possibly attractive to you. Don't confess out of sadness or desperation, first of all (it's really not attractive) and don't do that through text. Text is anyway not fascinating and she might not be in "that" mood anyway. I think you should surprise her instead, not letting her screenshot your confession to send to her friends but getting her actual, present reaction.
Since you hang out as friends already it will be easy to propose a place to go just to have a walk, by evening, somewhere where is not crowded and the lights are dim, that inspire to some deeper topics to talk about. At some point you could tell her, out of nowhere, at the end of a topic, with confidence, about your feelings (and not "suggesting" it before to let her pull your words out because that's quite unattractive). Don't come too strong, don't tell her desperately you are crushing on her. Just tell her that recently you started developing romantic feelings for her. And look at her in the eyes, not down or elsewhere. She will at least get some fast heartbeat or input of some sort, if she doesn't expect that, and saying that with confidence plays a role.
Then you see what she says and you'll discuss this. You don't need to end the evening with a kiss, but that's enough to let her consider you differently.
The thing is if you make her feel something in the moment you confess, and surprise her with confidence, you get higher chances. If you confess out of desperation or after making it obvious, "suggesting" you're about to say that, it's not attractive, and she would be more guarded, prepared emotionally, and verbally, before. So make her "feel" what you want her to get, from you.
I saw by experience that confessing in the right way can rearrange the way the other person sees you, in a bunch of hours.
Then, if she rejects you regardless, you'll discuss what to do with that. You should keep some distance, a pause, to get into some other girl freely and be back to her as a "real" friend, in that case. Afterall, the friendship you have now is also based on your "romantic bias" and so it might be not completely a true one from you.

[Changiis07]

If she said that then she probably only sees you as a friend and nothing more. Things could change but if it will make you feel better yes go ahead and tell her what you would want. Otherwise you will be left wondering plus it will help you move on in a sense and start getting to know other girls that are into you. So be prepared for the worst but get it out of the way

[DaveJord]

Hell yes you tell her! The sooner the better to. If you are a guy who is attracted to a women for romantic reasons, and you do not make it very clear what your desires are and you fall into the friend zone trap... well you basically gave it away for free.

She has all the benefits of the relationship without the romance. So I will not lie to you, women know this. Well most do, so when they start mentioning how they like being friends, you need to cut that off at the root. That's her way of trying to put you off in a nice way. It literally means I like you but I don't want to date you. Which translates into I like the benefits of being friends, but I don't want to have sex with you now or ever.

Now with that said, you should not allow that to discourage you. You still need to call her out and tell her the truth of your feelings and if she does not want that then you need to move on, quite wasting you time with this girl and find more fruitful ventures.

Once you're gone she might come back around, and that means she might of rethought it... but don't pickup the friendship where you left off, she needs to date you or nothing. They will say you bailed on the friendship because all you wanted was sex, which is completely not true, so never accept that response... what you wanted was a emotionally and physically fulfilling and bonded relationship, and she is not willing to provide that to you. Anything less would leave you unfulfilled, at her benefit.

[Honest-Matt]

If she said verbatim "she appreciates having me as a friend" then that's pretty set in stone 90% sure. BUT she could be stupid and has no perception of her actions translating into what impressions she gives people. Another way to look at it is this, most people infatuated with others will drop hints, position opportunities for the other person and reciprocate any advances the other person makes. If none of this is occurring, then it's likely she enjoys your attention but that's it.

[NathanDavis]

well, first of all... you are not a friend to her, you are just pretending to be a friend

so, there is no actual friendship to be worried about

second, you're making yourself miserable... there's absolutely no need to prolong that

third... there might be a chance that she is also interested in you in the same way you are interested on her, so... I think you should just be open and honest about your intentions with her

worst case scenario, she doesn't feel the same way and you're not really losing anything that you didn't have in the first place

best case scenario... she feels the same way you do, and you might start a relationship or whatever situationship you two could work out

[genericname85]

just ask her out on a date and see what she says. you won't be able to avoid the pain of possible rejection.

[Lincoln33]

Go ahead and make it known to her if she loves you she would accept you feelings