Was I in the wrong for getting an abortion without telling my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

I was 16 weeks into my pregnancy when I decided I didn't want to have a baby. I know I should've thought it through before having unprotected sex, but I thought a little too late. I didn't want to drag an innocent soul into a world where I couldn't give it all it needed/wanted. I thought about putting it up for adoption, but possibly not knowing the home it would end up in worried me. That's when I turned to the only option that was somewhat comforting; abortion.

Without telling a soul, including the father, I went to the doctors and was soon prescribed abortion pills. I took them like so, and I was no longer pregnant.

A few days later, my boyfriend came to see me, in which I really didn't want him to, but this was something I couldn't hide from him forever. I knew he was excited to be a father. It was one of the first things he talked about when we started dating. Now, as you'd expect, he was severely upset and now he doesn't want to talk to me at all. The last time I heard from him was 2 weeks ago, and the last thing he told me was that I was irresponsible, that I'm a liar, that he hated me.

I feel as if what I did was wrong, and I think that I should just stay away from him, but I don't want us to end on such bad terms. I don't know if I can say anything that would trigger his forgiveness.

Yes.

No.

[OlderAndWiser]

LISTEN! There is a huge lesson that you should learn lest you repeat your mistakes:

There are actions that you can take which have DRASTIC consequences and you will never be able to undo the harm that you have done.

You had unprotected sex and it had consequences that will forever influence your life. Impulsive, unnecessary, and horrible decision.

You decided you really didn't want a baby. . . what an inconvenience it would be! How selfish of you!

You decided that you didn't want to live with the guilt of knowing that your baby might not end up in a good home, so it was just better to have an abortion and at least then you wouldn't have that guilt to deal with! Well what about the guilt of knowing that you murdered an innocent child?

You did all of this without consulting the father of your child. That was his child just as much as it was your child, and you took it away from him forever and for all time. How selfish and arrogant! He wll think about his unborn child for the rest of his life.

You could have had the baby and let HIM raise the baby, since he wanted it, but since YOU don't want a child, that means that you and he would no longer be together and you didn't want to face that possibility, so it was better to murder the baby.

Are you getting the idea that making decisions selfishly and impulsively leads to horrible decisions?

You can't undo ANY of this! Your baby is dead. Your relationship is over. Now you must live with all of that for the rest of your life!

Stop dating and stop having sex until you have accepted all of this and understand what you must do to make sure this never happens again.

Certainly you can be a better person than this if you try, so start trying!

[Notcreativenough]

Older for sure.. wiser not so much..

I agree she should have told her boyfriend but you don't have ovaries and you're not the one giving birth and you have the audacity to talk about arrogance? Not your body not your choice my friend, she asked a simple question to recieve a simple answer, know your place sir.

[duttyjamagyal]

@notcreativeenough shut your mouth about bodies and choices when abortion destroys an innocent babys body and you're in full support it... it's not about bodily autonomy it's about being able to kill people and get away with it.. that's all

[OlderAndWiser]

@Notcreativenough The fact that someone disagrees with you does not mean they lack any wisdom. Remember that word you were talking about: arrogance? People can disagree without feeling the need to call each other stupid, unless the way you handle conflict with others is to simply call them stupid.

[Notcreativenough]

I didn't call you stupid, I questioned your self-proclaimed wisdom by witnessing you injecting your own beliefs and shame onto this poor girl post decision. This is a sensitive topic and I think someone with enough "ARROGANCE" to claim themselves wise should know it requires a more subtle, subjective approach. Your shame and judgement serves no purpose other than despair plus, like I said, not your body not your choice any argument after you've been told that is null.

[OlderAndWiser]

@Notcreativenough

"someone with enough "ARROGANCE" to claim themselves wise" I didn't proclai myself "wise." I proclaimed myself "wiser." There is a difference and if you bothered to read my profile, you would understand what is meant.

"plus, like I said, not your body not your choice" Not her body either. It was a baby's body. It was a life and it was killed for convenience. No, I don't feel like getting warm and fuzzy with someone who killed a child. Yeesterday, I attended a funeral for a three year old child and I am in no mood to hear this nonsense.

[Notcreativenough]

I will apologize to you for misunderstanding the meaning behind your username, I did look at your profile afterwards and I'm sorry for your loss. Though I still disagree with you on the topic at hand. For a rather callous example, the parasite cannot survive without the host so no, it's not the baby's body it's the mothers body and the core point here is that it's really none of your business. She asked a question and instead of providing un-biased, universally solid advice you dragged your own emotions all over it and caused unessecary damage to someone likely already struggling emotionally. Pro-lifers never seen to understand there are veeeery few women who take this decision lightly and without emotional toll, it is but a necessary evil when you consider a life lived through the spite of an illprepared parent.

[OlderAndWiser]

@Notcreativenough "the parasite cannot survive without the host so no, it's not the baby's body it's the mothers body and the core point here is that it's really none of your business." By that logic, a newborn baby cannot survive without the mother so is there a right to kill newborn babies?

[Notcreativenough]

No because a newborn baby is no longer receiving direct nutrient supply from the mother so it doesn't fit the classic definition of a parasitic relationship though I think I still understand your argument. People far more well versed than both of us on the biology of it have determined there is a logical point of no return where it does fall closer to murder than just abortion. I believe it falls past 6 months gestation unless there's a abnormality thats endangering the mother. Rights are a hard topic to debate but there has to be guidelines set on any topic because extremes on either side will always be empirically wrong.

[OlderAndWiser]

@Notcreativenough You are suggesting that absolutes are always morally flawed?

[duttyjamagyal]

Is there any point to the conversation when he's already denied that a new being is formed when someone is pregnant? He even calls human reproduction parasitism

[OlderAndWiser]

@duttyjamagyal Yes, I know. That seems to be a common argument of the crowd that thinks they have cornered the market on empathy!

[Notcreativenough]

What's your game sir? I mean I love philosophical debate but it seems you're straying from the topic.

Dm me if you want to have some real talk.

[Dennisnky]

It is absolutely your decision. If he's a good guy and the relationship was good and stable, then not telling him seems kind of cold, but if I was in his shoes I would not be mad, I would just be really apologetic, and mortified that you didn't feel comfortable figuring it out together. Like I would accept it but would really want to have a chance to understand what disconnection or what I may have done in the past that made you feel like you needed to do that alone. But it wouldn't change my feelings for someone.

[Vesuvius87]

While abortion in the end unfortunately is our decision, you were wrong in withholding your decision from him. Before having the abortion, you should've told him how you felt about the pregnancy and inform him of your decision.

If the girlfriend tells the man about it and he knows very well an abortion is going to happen, then I think it can give him some time to grieve the life he could've grown together (at least he was informed in advanced) with her vs not telling him anything about it and doing it behind his back.

I'm not a fan of abortion unless it's for these 3 reasons:

- Medical emergency (I'm going to die giving birth)

- The child will be deformed and have no chance of living a normal life

- It's the produce of a rape (ex: child molester rapes and impregnants a 10 year-old girl)

[Vesuvius87]

I actually believe in exceptions. I would never be one of those radical extremists nor religious fanatics that would forced a legitimate rape victim to carry a child she never wanted.

[Cherry234]

You certainly were. You betrayed his trust so now it's going to be difficult for him to ever trust you again. You have the right to choose if you want to go through a pregnancy or not because it's your body but you have to talk to your boyfriend before making a decision, which you didn't do. If you chose not to go through the pregnancy because of financial concerns then you could have spoken to your boyfriend about it and he could have helped you raise the baby or figure out another solution.

[Apple1996]

No you weren't wrong to do this. It's your body not his. And honestly if he would have known he would have pressured you into keeping it. And the fact that he isn't being supportive about this shows how shitty a dad he would have been.

[NotTacocaT6969]

All nonsense aside, it was inside of YOUR body.


Nobody’s opinion about your decision matters.


There will always be people who will jump down your throat even just for saying that word. Try not to take those people too seriously.

[boggboss]

Via Morals and if u cared about him then yes I would say u was wrong that not me saying u didn't have the right because u did but by not telling his u show a complet disregard for your partner in the relationship past apologising for bot including him I dont see anything else u can do

[Notcreativenough]

I didn't read the context because it doesn't matter, at the end of the day no reason from him should prevent you from doing what you ultimately want to do and you had every right to abort the baby if you didn't want to have it but regardless you absolutely should have given him the benefit of knowing beforehand.

[JustinTheGreat]

In the end, it’s your body and your decision. Even if you told him and he wanted to keep the child, if YOU don’t want it, then you have every right not to have it 🤷‍♂️
why someone would want to force their partner to have a child that they clearly aren’t ready for is beyond me

[HighValue]

Of course it was wrong. It shows that you think men should have no rights to their own children.

Just another example of a woman being sexist and being against equality under the law. I think there should be a law that if the father didn't also approve, it should count as murder and the mother should be prosecuted and go to prison. That is what they deserve.

[musicbrain5]

So if the father approves, that makes it okay to kill the baby? In that case, both of them should be going to prison, with your logic. What about the baby’s right to live?

[Agape93]

Nope. It's your body, your future, your money and your choice.

[Anonymous]

Tough situation. The decision to terminate is yours alone to make but you knew he was looking forward to being a father, so the mature thing would have been to tell him before. Waiting till after it was done kind of implies that his feelings didn’t really matter to you. Try to imagine if the roles were reversed. The relationship may have ended anyway but it may have been easier to get a more satisfactory closure if there was more openness and honesty.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry but you have severed his relationship with you for better or worse. There is no turning back now. I'm not gonna tell you any of that unhelpful "you should have" because at this point it doesn't matter. You knew better what to do.

He's over you. Move on. He has.

[Anonymous]

Beyond Wrong. And don't even try to use the "my body my choice" argument to justify it. Telling him about it isn't asking him for his permission.

He has a right to be informed about what happened to the child he helped create. If I were him, that relationship would be done.

[FilmGuy93]

No, you weren’t wrong. The reality is that you knew you couldn’t support the kid the way you would need to. Having the kid wouldn’t have been a responsible thing to do.

[KittyBox]

If you don't want the child, it's better you did get the abortion, even if you talked to him about it, the fact remains you don't want it, and if he has to talk you into it to get you to agree, then good riddence.

[Anonymous]

Are you talking about the morning after pill just after you had unprotected sex? That’s not exactly an abortion. It’s about the same as taking a birth control pill. Hopefully you both learned to use condoms and or BC.

[Shamalien]

That baby was half his. Yes, you were in the wrong. Anyone who disagrees can fucking bite me. Murdering a kid is bad enough but not even consulting with the father? There is no fixing this

[Vegasrunner]

Yes, but if he stays w/ you he gets what he deserves. He should be smart enough to take the out you gave him.

[dustybiker]

Pot / kettle.

[Vegasrunner]

@dustybiker Na, I don't think that anology is accurate. She did something foul, and he's a bit lucky that he didn't get stuck w/ a child w/ someone like this. He should take advantage of the bullet he dodged

[BarryLiverstone]

It’s your body so you have final say. But yes letting him know you were pregnant and then deciding to kill your baby without telling him was wrong.

[Yuushiro]

Agreed. Not letting him know is the main problem here.

[duttyjamagyal]

You were wrong for killing '"the innocent soul" in the first place, you need to be in prison

[Agape93]

You can't kill a soul lol all she did was kill a lump of cells 🤣

[duttyjamagyal]

Souls aren't real, I was quoting her.. but nah she killed more than just cells, She killed her child. And she was literally four months pregnant, go find a fucking man and learn what's its like.. anyhow u support abortion right up until the moment of birth so for u to even claim it's okay because it's " a lump of cells" is fucking hilarious

[Agape93]

She didn't kill a child, the child wasn't even fully formed yet lol

Glad you also recognize my humor on this lol

[Agape93]

Lol what's with the language? And the attitude? Chill out, it's nothing important, just an embryo

[duttyjamagyal]

He or she wasn't an embryo at that point, they were a fetus... but that's besides that point... what's with all the science denying? Last time you just blatantly said you would rip the head off a newborn if it benefitted you

[Agape93]

Lol I never said I'd behead a newborn, and what science am I denying? Are you referring to my wrong term here or what?

[duttyjamagyal]

Yes you did, you sure fucking did

[duttyjamagyal]

But anyways fuck off I'm over this conversation

[Agape93]

Lol where did I say that?

[Anonymous]

Maybe you have right to decide abortion, but it would have been fair to tell him. I understand it's a tough decision, but no reason to be a bitch.

[EaterPeter]

It would have been much better if it was a joint decision

[Aphrodite801]

Your body, your choice.