Did I ruin my boyfriends life by getting pregnant?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend never wanted a child, and I have undergone multiple surgeries and was told I couldn't have children. Somehow by miracle, it happened very very early in our relationship. I am now 8 months pregnant, and couldn't bring myself to abort due to a history of miscarriages. My boyfriend says I ruined his life, f**ked him over, and he hates his life now. He has said everything from "I hate you", to "I hope it dies". He said he wants me, but never wanted "a 3rd". I genuinely thought that I was doing the right thing, and I don't know what else to do.

Updates

+1 y

Edit;
I feel the need to stress that if our relationship was always this bad, I wouldn't stay. He is an incredibly sweet, vulnerable and affectionate person who dips in and out of these mood swings; but when he's angry, he has a nasty habit of saying whatever he can to hurt me. There are fleeting glimmers where he gets mildly excited, like when we learned we were having a boy, but it isn't long before he falls back into feeling deceived because we thought I couldn't get pregnant

[WonderBell99]

Of course not. You say that he is "usually" sweet and kind, but what about other times when he is mad? He needs to control his emotions. He is a grown adult and lashing out at you is NOT the solution. It's okay even if he wanted out of fathering the child, but cussing you out and increasing your stress, especially when you're pregnant only reflects badly on his character.

He is verbally abusive now, what happens after the baby is born? Is he going to "accidentally" hurt you or the infant BECAUSE he is angry? Listen, I'm not blaming you. You cannot change the past, you should have left him when he started showing red flags, but either way, let's focus on what we CAN do now.

Are you ready to be a mother? Do you *want* to be a mother? Truth be told, your boyfriend does not seem like he would make a good father. A father has to keep his emotions in check and a GOOD father would NOT want his baby to "die".

If you do not want to parent this child, you can put him/her up for adoption and ensure that he/she is adopted by a good family. If you do choose to keep this baby though, you have to make a choice. You have to do what a GOOD mother would do.

It sounds like your partner needs to see a therapist immediately and sort out his issues. Do NOT allow him to come near you OR the baby until he goes to a therapist and gets better at handling his emotions. He needs to step up and be a FATHER now.

[Screenwriter]

Please see a therapist and get out of this relationship.

He is NOT sweet. HE IS ABUSIVE!

There are only "fleeting glimmers" of how nice he was. He has "a habit of saying whatever he can to hurt" you. It "isn't long before he falls back" into feeling "deceived" because HE thought you couldn't get pregnant.

DID HE USE BIRTH CONTROL when having sex with you? Or simply rely on a verbal assurance? I've heard this so many times in the past. Perhaps you couldn't get pregnant with former partners because they had low sperm counts. There are a million reasons it didn't happen in the past!

If he did nothing to protect himself, HE IS TO BLAME for your getting pregnant also. He's trying to blame you for everything. I'm sure you had the conversation that you WANTED to have a child, but couldn't. And when presented with the opportunity, you took it.

Plan on raising this child alone, away from this negative, angry man. It isn't going to get better. He's resentful and not prepared to be a parent. This isn't what you need in your life. Get support from your parents and good friends so you can get through this period.

Move out and find another place to live so you can experience the full joy of your chance to be a parent. It might be your only chance. Good luck.

[MikeInHawaii]

A friend’s wife was told she was sterile after their second child. She was also told that after their third. She got a tubal ligation.

When she was pregnant with number four, my friend angrily asked her doctor “Didn’t we pay you $5,000 to take care of this?”

He said, “In one out of a thousand women, the tubes grow back together. It looks like your wife was the one!”

No matter what the precautions, pregnancy is a possibility if you have sex and he has no right to get mad about it.

[Gent207]

Your boyfriend is an asshole and you should leave him ASAP. There are plenty of resources that can help you move, find lodging, food and a job if you need it. Look up Abby Johnson and her ministry: "And Then There Were None". They will gladly help you out for free.
Your boyfriend will turn into an abusive monster before you know it. Please set yourself free for the sake of your child!

[Apple1996]

Wow this guy sounds like a piece of shit. Your better off raising the baby by yourself and collecting child support from him. There is no guaranteed way to prevent pregnancy besides not having sex. He decided to have sex now he has to pay the price of either becoming dad or supporting the child.

[TheLoneTerran]

Uhh, wow. Yeah, this is heavy. While I can understand that he is panicking, it doesn't excuse his behavior. It takes two to tango and he could have used a condom, spermicide, and/or a vasectomy to reduce the chances of being pregnant.

If this is how he's acting under stress, you might want to strongly reconsider who you want your life partner to be. And there's always adoption.

[SiberFox]

Sounds like a real piece of work, tell him you need his support and that this child needs a father, tell him wether you think he'll be a good father or not and based of off that figure out wether he can stay in the picture or not. But that kid will need a father figure.

[Sparkie460]

Your boyfriend has anger issues and he needs help. You didn't get pregnant on purpose. It's not your fault. You were told you couldn't have kids. If I were you I would tell him to get help. You say he's a great guy but he is verbally abusing you. What's he going to be like when the baby is born. I'd be afraid to leave him alone with the baby

[mark000h]

Your "boyfriend" is a total asshole, a failure as a man, and I really cannot believe the shit women are willing to put up with.

[MikeInHawaii]

Preach!

[LazerBean]

Sounds like a typical man who doesn't want children and supports abortion. And that's why I don't associate with those.

[Paul09]

And he couldn't wear a condom? He created the problem. Now deal with it. But why did you choose to bring. Kid in this horrible world? Life is going to change. No more fun, no more freedom, no more cash.

[JohnK123]

How did u get pregnant then….
well I mean it would definitely make him get a little upset if u told him u couldn’t have kids and then voila ur having a baby

[Asker]

We don't know. I have had several surgeries and tests, my last fertility test (with a previous partner) was negative. I understand why he is upset and surprised, absolutely, i was as well. However, I just don't think this ruined his life

[JohnK123]

I mean it doesn’t ruin a life but he might’ve thought it would never happened and I don't know but if u every need help or a friend pm me haha also congrats

[slatyb]

He doesn’t have to help you raise the child but he has to help support it. His choice.

[007kingifrit]

you and him are finished, let him go and keep the child yourself

but no, you didn't do the wrong thing. forcing someone to be around who doesn't want to be would be the wrong thing though

[Anonymous]

He sounds like an asshole. You would be better off without him.

[Anonymous]

No, if he didn't want kids he shouldn't have ejaculated in your vagina.

[LazerBean]

Exactly.

[spartan55]

Sounds like a great guy you chose... 🙄

[Agape93]

You need to leave and find someone who isn't a POS

[In_Trance]

No you didn't

[Anonymous]

What a surprise.