I'm in my first healthy relationship, and I feel my happiest. From my dating experience, they've all been VERY awful. I got cheated on, ghosted, manipulated and such. I've made mistakes, and I've learned. Opened my eyes a bit, realized the red flags. Took time away from dating. Focused on myself. Was very happy being single and doing myself.
I've had people that have done me wrong come back to me. My last situationship, he ghosted me while I was going through a tough time. Came back around New Years, saying how sorry he is. That he has thought about me a lot during the holidays... aka.. lonely.
From taking the time and doing my own thing, I ended up putting myself out there. I found a very good guy who is now my boyfriend to this day. Kicked the ghoster goodbye and let him know that I have found somebody else. He attempted to add me on part of social media. Deleted me right after. As if it's some game for me to come back, while I never did.
I look at my boyfriend, very thankful and happy. He knows my past related issues with boys. There are times where I'm scared to have a fight with my boyfriend. Him and I communicate very well. He cares about me a lot, where he has cried about how happy he is with me in the best way. I'm scared that my boyfriend is going to look at me and say "Dang! This girl has issues and been through some stupid shit.."
My boyfriend knows this is an insecurity of mine. I suffer with anxiety, and we talk through everything. His family makes me part of everything, and it feels so new to me still.
How long will I live in fear of my insecurities of this relationship? We never really talk about it, because I know he won't hurt me. I just have scary thoughts that will hit my mind randomly of what I use to know.
