Is it normal to be terrified of forming a family?

[Anonymous]

Last year I had what many women are looking for. I had it all. I had him right there. All I had to do was be ready and tell him I want to have kids with him. He was waiting for my answer. If I had said I'm ready, he would have proceeded quickly. Instead I freaked out. I bailed out of the relationship. I felt it was too much for me. He ended up feeling I've wasted 2 years of his life and so it was over. I wasn't ready.

I really felt I wasn't ready for a major life changing event at just 22 years old. He was 28 years old. It's true that more women than men want commitment but I felt terrified. Is that reaction from a young woman normal?

I hope he found the woman he was looking for.

Updates

1 y

More than likely by the time I'm ready, that man will already have kids. He was ready before I was. Honestly I don't know what's wrong with me. Many women want that and here I am, I had it right there and I freaked out.

Updates

1 y

and he didn't want to wait for me either. I tried reasoning with him that maybe 3 years is what I need, what I might feel ready by then. He didn't accept it and left.

[HighValue]

I think many women DON'T want commitment/exclusivity until they are older and out of options, but by the time they want it, the good guys won't accept them anymore because of their age and their past.

Anybody that is serious won't accept a "maybe" because it could be wasting even more of their time for something that may still not happen.

[Asker]

I've tried to reach an agreement with him. I tried to tell him to give me 3-4 years and it's likely I'll be ready by then. He didn't accept it. He didn't want to wait. He's a very determined guy and will likely already have kids by the time I'm ready.
Settling down now and having kids feels like trying to fit on super big shoes with too much responsibilities. I didn't realize he really was that serious and ready now. That caught me by surprise.

[Anonymous]

Honestly you're wasting your own time waiting. A woman's best years to have a child the safest possible way is in her 20's. After 30, the chances of having a healthy baby go down drastically.

And you did indeed waste his time, he is better off without you.

[Asker]

It was my mistake leading him on. I found out I really wasn't ready to have a family at the last moment. I can't force myself into something I really don't feel ready for. I feel as if I'm going to fail as a mother, as a wife, as a life partner. I felt as if that was too much.

Hopefully I'll feel ready at age 25/26. Maybe I really do need some time to mature I guess. I do feel bad that he felt his time was wasted. I didn't mean to hurt him and more than likely by the time I'm ready, he'll already have kids with someone else.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah I get that. Perhaps you should not date until you're ready for that.. Because most men date with the intent of marriage and children..

[Asker]

I tried to compromise with him about giving me 3 years, that I'll likely be ready by then. He refused. He wanted a decision now and felt he was wasting time. He didn't want to wait.

[LazerBean]

No, most women I know at 22 are either already married, looking to marry, or have serious mental problems.

[Asker]

yeah I don't feel ready for that

[Guy13]

Normal.. vey normal at 22

[Asker]

I really felt bad for him. By the time I'm ready, he'll would already be married and have kids with someone else. It was a shock that he was ready before I was.
Babies are cute and yes eventually I want a family but now feels too much. I couldn't give him what he wanted and I hurt him without meaning to.

[Guy13]

You did the right thing. Living with your resentment, regret, and depression and his "then why you say yes-wish you would have been honest". What a recipe for disaster there... that you wisely avoided.

[Asker]

I tried to compromise with him about giving me 3 years, that I'll likely be ready by then. He refused. He wanted a decision now and felt he was wasting time. He didn't want to wait.

[FilmGuy93]

Yeah, that fear is pretty normal.

[Asker]

I actually felt bad for him. I couldn't decide on a life changing event. Babies are cute but actually getting married, having kids and sharing the house and accept all the responsibilites seem too much for me. It's like crying to fit on a very big shoe, too much.
It really sucks that by the time I'm ready, he'll already have a family with someone else.

[Asker]

''It's like trying to fit on a very big shoe''

[FilmGuy93]

A lot of that fear is just your age. You're still very young at this point.

[Asker]

he didn't want to wait for me either. I tried reasoning with him that maybe 3 years is what I need, what I might feel ready by then. He didn't accept it and left.