What would you do if your partner/Spouse wanted to abort but you wanted to keep the baby?

[Hafia_xo]

[TheCleverOne]

I don't think many people will agree with me but my personal opinion is that it's the womans choice and if the man doesn't suport the woman in her decision I guess it's better to split off

[Anonymous]

If you can't support your woman's decision, then you don't deserve a relationship with anyone, period.

[Anonymous]

This one hits home. I've been there and I see what some of the guys have written on this question and how they would just shrug it off and let me tell you - they don't know what they are talking about. Either that, or they are dead to all human feeling.

Let me start with cards on the table. My girlfriend and I have lived together and are not married and have three children together. (Two boys and my little princess.) The first two were unplanned, the last planned. Also, I found out a couple of years ago that I had a son with a woman with whom I had a one night stand.

She opted not to tell me until my son was 12 and then she decided that he should know his father. So she went to great lengths to track me down and although initially she opted not to tell him that I was his father, ultimately she did. Now I have a teenaged son with whom I am building a relationship.

So I am not exactly the injured innocent here. However, I love my children with all my heart and they - and my girlfriend - mean more to me than words can ever express.

However, when I was 19, I got my then girlfriend pregnant. At first she said she was happy and while I won't lie - I was scared a bit - overall I was happy. Then - and this is cutting a long story short - she changed her mind and had an abortion without telling me.

When she did tell me, I won't lie, I was shattered. I miss that baby I never knew and I wish I could tell the baby I never knew how much I love and miss him/her. It hurts me even to write that sentence. I don't even know if I had a son or a daughter. All I know is that - even with all the love I have in my life - there is a giant hole in my heart where my baby ought to be.

My then girlfriend and I broke up, suffice to say. When she did tell me she was icy cold and didn't seem to care about what I felt. To her it was all about her and what she was experiencing. I can only tell you that while she was pregnant I did everything a 19 year old guy could do to reassure her and tell her that she and our baby would be taken care of.

In the end, though, she didn't care. It was her rights and her body and all that. So be it.

However, to those guys on this site who sling that slogan around, all I can tell you that if it happens to you, you won't be able to imagine the pain. Yeah, if you find that you got a girl pregnant unplanned, you will be nervous and scared. Gosh knows I was.

However, there is a part of you that will be wildly happy. That will want to protect your baby and his/her mom and do everything you can for them. When that baby is gone you will feel like a failure. That you failed to do what a man should do and protect his baby - and it will, as it has with me, stay with you the rest of your life.

Truth is, as I say, I love my children and would give them the world if I could. They make me smile and make me feel ten feet tall and make me laugh. Oh, and yeah, there are moments when they make me want to pull my hair out too. That's life, but every night I go to bed, I go to bed a happy man.

Yet there is that irreducible spot. That wish that I could hold the baby I never knew and tickle him/her and tell him/her how much he/she is loved. It is an empty spot that will never be filled and any guy who thinks he could just walk away from that is either kidding himself - or is not the man he pretends to be.

[musicbrain5]

I don’t think anyone here is saying outright that they could easily walk away. Of course there are unscrupulous men who do walk away even after the baby is born, and they selfishly stay out of their life. But the main question here is “what would you DO?” Not “how would it make you FEEL?”

Anybody with adequate emotional intelligence will be affected in some way by such a heavy decision. Perhaps not right away, but months or even years later. It’s the same WHAT IF type of thoughts that pop up after people experience miscarriage or spontaneous abortion.

[Opinion Owner]

@musicbrain5 Well, I think the answer I wrote provides the answer to the question.

What would I do? Had I been given the opportunity, I would have done everything I could to talk her out of it. Failing that, we broke up.

She didn't care about what I felt. She didn't care about our baby. It was all about her and her rights. There was no considerations for my feelings let alone for the little life she carried that we had made together. Suffice to say, one can hardly build a relationship on such shaky foundations.

Had she had the baby, I would have been there every minute of every day, just as I am with my children now. I love them, and my mother, with all my heart and will do everything I can to care for them and protect them.

As I say, there is not a day that goes by that I don't wonder what I could have done or said to change her mind. Suffice to say, she never gave me the chance.

Hope that answers your question.

[Opinion Owner]

Type-o:

This sentence: " I love them, and my mother, with all my heart and will do everything I can to care for them and protect them."

Should read: " I love them, and THEIR mother, with all my heart and will do everything I can to care for them and protect them."

[Guy13]

IF the woman wants to keep it then she should have the baby. Have you gotten a free sonogram? Why don't you two go to a pregnancy crisis center together and view one. This may be the only means to rebuilding what sounds like a fractured relationship. It is your best shot and hearing and seeing heartbeat at three weeks can bring reality to bare upon this situation.

It is at these times... you know the kind of person you are with. The bottom line is that no one has the right to claim or murder a living being. This is something that needs to be realized prior to aborting. Talk to a woman that has had an abortion and ask them, "what do you think about in your silent, private, and/or pillow time?" You do not want to be trapped in that place she would describe to you day-in and day-out.

Get a sonogram and get him to go if you can !!!

[Agent_Elflord]

Leave the relationship. Politically I’m pro-chiice, but personally I don’t like abortions and would prefer using multiple forms of contraceptives if we didn’t both want a baby. Ideally, if it was a matter or her not wanting to raise it and not a matter of not wanting to go through labor, I’d prefer she carry it to term and put it up for adoption.


My twin brother was a stillborn, so terminating a baby does personally bother me. Still though if it’s a woman I’m not in a relationship with, it’s 100% not my business or the gov’t’s business, just hers and her doctor’s.

[BlueScorpio]

That would be an awkward moment if my husband suggested that now that I'm 5 months. I'm gonna have to go with no, the both of us made this kid together and need to be responsible wether we like it or not. I don't like when men and women use abortion as contraceptive to get out their responsibilities. It's the year 2022, if you don't know how sex works by now, then you shouldn't be doing it.

[Johnkandath]

I would plead with her I know how difficult it is …
Postpartum n all that stuff it’s easy to play the blame game…see for a man the most important instinct is providing food for family u no caveman instinct for a woman the instinct of preserving the child now because of various reasons/ stress the woman goes into temporary flight or fight syndrome nw that doesn’t mean it stays forever basic instinct given by God remains, the women ends being a psychological wreck…
Wouldn’t you like to perhaps build the person caught up through temporary amnesia and help her survive?

[Adititte]

I would talk to her about the pros and cons of both sides. And how ever she decides in the end i will support. I mean it is her body and health that have to deal with it so i don't give my self the right to demand my wish. But i'd want to know her decision. I wouldn't like it if she'd abort it without my knowledg

[sirderpsalot123]

I would hope that she would consider my feelings, but it would be her choice in the end. I wouldn't try to guilt her into it. If my child wasn't going to have a mother who was ready and excited to be a parent, I wouldn't want them to be born. He/she would deserve better.

[Havthrills]

Discuss the options. See what really works out. If one doesn't want the child, the other does, then the one that wants it should have full custody.

I heard a mother jokingly tell their 16 year old son that it's not too late for her to get an abortion. He just said that she's 16 years too late. Lol

[jasco]

This would be discuss before hand about what are opinions are on abortion and we also discuss when we would have a kid. I wouldn't do anything to get her pregnant unless she wanted to. So in short it would be her fault that she got that way and theirfore its her issue. Now if I did want it and she didn't than I just leave her because at the time I more than likely hopefully will be in my 30s by than

[melanieeeB]

As a female, who is carrying this baby, I would still keep the baby but just don't ask for child support and he can leave if he wants to, I don't give a shit but I know that I couldn't do an abortion, even tho I'm pro choice

[melanieeeB]

Like this is not even up for discussion, I'm not giving up my baby

[Aiko_E_Lara]

This is why there should be commitment at the start. In my case, i would be fine if she wants to abort if we both never agreed to have a child. But if the commitment was clear at the start and she changed her mind specially during second trimester, then i would leave her for that.

[dustybiker]

The only reason I wouldn’t would be medical reasons. Thankfully I’ve never been in that position. My heart goes out to those I know that have been.

[lightbulb27]

Cry, feel bad, discuss and see if there's a better answer.

women can get depressed and emotions/hormones all over. maybe they aren't thinking straight and maybe I'm not supporting them well enough.

[musicbrain5]

If a guy forced me to abort a baby that I want, then he is not the right person for me. Since he has no interest in being a father, I would leave him and not ask him for anything further.

[LazerBean]

That would never happen as I would never marry a man who supports baby killing.

[WhiteBoyChill]

Guys who support abortion are all just like children who can’t handle responsibility anyway

[ProVox]

If anyone kills my baby, there will be consequences.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Totally the opposite of punching her in the gut and throwing her down the stairs. I wouldn't even do that.

[TroyDT]

Hypothetically: we would discuss it. If she went through with it, we would be done.

Reality: I'm congenitally sterile so if she were even pregnant I'd dump her because someone else is the daddy.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I don't want kids.

I'm not dumb enough to have sex with someone who wants kids, when I don't want kids.

So this situation would never happen for me.

[AsaKyo]

I wouldn't have sex to begin with if I knew I wasn't ready for kids