Should my boyfriend go to the first prenatal visit?

[Anonymous]

I recently found out I’m pregnant and have my first checkup/ prenatal visit coming up. Should my boyfriend come with me? Why or why not?

[Anonymous]

There are a number of factors that you did not mention that you need to take into account.

What is your relationship with your boyfriend like? Was he happy to hear about the pregnancy when you told him? Is he committed to taking care of his child?

These things matter and would, at a minimum, impact the mood he would bring to a first prenatal visit. Yet having said all that, and speaking from experience, I would say that you should include him if at all possible, all other things being equal.

When I got my girlfriend pregnant I won't lie, I was scared about being a father and nervous about what kind of father I would be but, still and all, I was happy and excited and I wanted to be part of every minute of it. It was an un[planned pregnancy and there was a lot to absorb, yet this was our child, our baby, that I shared with my girlfriend and it meant more to me than words can say.

This little person was somebody I helped create and I wanted to be part of every minute and to know everything I could know and help in any way I could. Moreover, I will never forget those moments like when I heard his little heartbeat for the first time - yes, the baby was a boy - and seeing the first sonagram.

Even now, years later, I still look at my son and remember those days. I remember when he was born. I remember holding him in my arms and I love him - and my girlfriend - more than I can say.

So ask your boyfriend. Honestly, he may not want to join you. I don't know him, I don't know you, and I don't know the nature of your relationship. All I can say is that I KNOW he will regret it - he will feel he missed something - if he is any kind of man he will feel, down the road - and you will feel a sense of something missing - if he is not part of the experience from start to finish.

Yup, I won't lie. There will be good moments. There will be bad moments. This experience will not be one of unalloyed happiness, but down the road and over the years, it will matter.

Truth in advertising, my girlfriend and I have three children now. We love each other and are not married mostly because, somewhat uncharacteristically, we both decided that all the noise surrounding a wedding would detract from what we share, so we have opted just to live together. Yet I love her, and our children, more than I can ever hope to express.

There is another point. I have been on the other side. Years before I met my girlfriend I had a one night stand with a woman I barely knew. I left and we never talked or saw each other after that. (It was in what I, retrospectively, call my "wild and crazy years.")

Flash forward to three years ago. This will sound like a bad movie, but it turns out I had gotten my one night stand pregnant and she decided to have the baby - a boy - and raise him without telling me. Then, as he was becoming a teenager, she decided he needed to know his father. So, in what I have to say was an amazing effort, she tracked me down.

Frankly, I was shocked at first, but a test proved he was mine and now I am building a relationship with a teenaged son I did not know I had. I love him and we are, not without awkward and difficult moments, building a solid relationship. He and I and he and my girlfriend and his half-siblings.

It is, all things considered, about as good an ending as I could ask for under the circumstances. Yet, in a funny way, I miss those moments with him. I missed his first steps, his birth, and yes, those doctors appointments during pregnancy.

Again, all other things being equal, trust me. You will want your boyfriend to be part of all of this and he will - even if neither of you know it now - will want to be part of this. Include your boyfriend if at all possible. You won't regret it.

[Anonymous]

It depends. I mean yes I think he should go assuming he’s not having to miss something that’s important to both your future. For instance maybe a work promotion, or a big business deal that could change your lives dramatically. Now if the baby was being born n he said he couldn’t make it cause he’s getting promoted lol I’d say fuck you mean you can’t make it than don’t bother coming home at all. But you’ll have more appointments in the future if for some reason he cannot make it. But I think you have time to talk to him to schedule something that will work for both of you.

[SecretsofKB]

This is entirely up to you honestly. Do you want him there? That's where you'll find your answer.

[spartan55]

Do you want him to go? Then let him know it's important to you. Don't expect him to read your mind and then get all pissy when he doesn't go.

[WhitneySnow]

He should go with you to support you

[D_Bone_Steak]

His kid right... I don't see why not.

[Luckycharms12]

Well if you want him there or maybe your mom