I cheated on boyfriend with our mutual friend...should I tell him?

Question

Me and my boyfriend of 2 years were getting kind of bored with our routine sex-life.  Anyways, he went on a road trip with his friends over the weekend.  One of our friends dropped by to pick up his bong and we sat around and chilled for a while.  He is really hot and built and we were always kinda flirty.  Anyways we were both stoned and happy obviously (having a good time)  he put his arm around me and went for a kiss and I let him.  it felt good so we made out for like 30 minutes then we had sex.  Anyways I feel terrible about it and I don't know if its better to tell my boyfriend or just forget about it.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

i do agree with others that you did a horrible thing. but seems like they don't really answer the question whether you should tell your boyfriend about the incident or not.

writing an answer as a third person, I think you should tell your boyfriend about it.

i know he'll be mad in either way whether you tell him or he finds it by himself, so it might look better not to tell him since maybe he won't know about it forever. but you are actually lying and cheating again by not telling. and I believe finding it by himself would makes him more mad (will talk about this a bit more later). and you had sex with his friend, which means there are high possibilities your boyfriend will know about it one day. being honest, I believe you knew it's not right and you did think about your boyfriend while you were cheating. I feel like you don't really love you boyfriend much (sorry if I'm wrong, but that's what I see from your action).

if I'm your boyfriend.. I think I'll be really mad if you hide it from me. telling me about it early will AT LEAST show me that you feel guilty about it, you know that you have done something wrong and want to appologise. besides that, if I find it by my own, I will be not able to trust you anymore. feel like you'll cheat and will hide it from me again, making me often having doubts on you. and how can I know you have cheated me only once? I might doubt there are more but you hide it from me just like you tried to hide this one.

in conclusion, I wish you to tell your boyfriend. but plan well before go and tell him..

umm and.. lastly, you did sex with your bf's friend, whom he'll continue to see in the future whether in a work, university or on a road. and I bet image of you and the friend having sex will appeal on your bf's mind without trying to. what I wan't to say is that even if he forgives you, he'll never forget it. and this might cause fight between you two or makes him can't trust you much (cause fight is like when you two fight, he might offence you by talking about it resulting the fight to grow bigger).

p.s. I might be wrong since different people have different thinking and you and I are staying in places with different culutre. no matter thousands people tell you what to do, you are the one who makes a choice at the end. and you know about this situation and your boyfriend the most, so think yourself and do what you think it's right. but I guess you know that you did something wrong and should appologise. aiya.. wanted to write short but ended up quite long.. anyways sorry about bad writing. hope it helped somehow, good luck. oh ya.. and hope you'll never do this again..

Leocris · Accepted Answer

Lol. Peoples answers are terrible...

Shit happens. Why the f*** would telling him be the right thing to do? If you want to hurt his feelings and make him feel like sh*t, Hell Ya, tell him! If you give a f*** about him, keep it quiet. Maybe talk it over with the other guy, so you have your story straight.

If he finds out later, it's really Not going to hurt him any more than finding out from you. Both will trigger the same result; whatever that may be.

NOW THEN, you said your sex life was getting boring, So boring, in fact, that you slept with another dude. Do you think just that one time will be enough? Or do you think what has become boring will likely stay boring?

I think it's time for a new partner.

smexygal89 · Accepted Answer

"Second of all, it was HIS weed we smoked and it made us both horny so technically he is responsible too" - you made the decision to smoke the weed, you made the decision to sleep with him. I've smoked weed plenty of times and does not mean you can't make decisions whether your going to cheat on your partner or not! Take repsonsibility for your actions. Blaming the weed only makes you look imature.

"I DID NOT SMOKE BEFORE I MET HIM" - yes there is that pressure there to smoke with him but its STILL YOUR DECISION! If you were totally against smoking pot you wouldn't have done it would you. Unless your boyfriend forced the smoke into your mouth and held you down its YOUR decision. You can't blame your Boyfriend for that.

These statements stuck out at me because your trying to blame your behavior on your boyfriend which is wrong and just plain and simple not owning your own actions which is rather immature! I for one have been cheated on and know what its like to experience that kind of hurt and betrayal. You never properly trust that person again. Its just like people who go out, get blind sleep with someone and just blame it on the alcohol! Its f***en ridiculous!

Ok so you did something wrong but I would be much rather to take someone back who was honest and owned up to what they did rather then blame it on the alcohol or because they were emotional and whatever other stupid reason they can come up with...

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

That was incredibly stupid, but I am guessing you already know that. It will come out sooner or later. More likely sooner. Are you both in an open relationship? If you are, I would just keep it on the down low that you hooked up with his friend. Then, if it comes out, you can just explain that you are allowed to hook up with whoever you want.

If you are in a monogamous relationship, you would be better off if you broke up with him. I wouldn't explain why, just break up with him. Otherwise, you will end up incredibly depressed because you will still see this friend around and know what you did. You'll also end up feeling horrible whenever your boyfriend is nice to you because you will know that you don't deserve his loyalty. Just leave. And leave the friend alone. You messed up and this is the price you pay.

Eiffelgirl21 · Accepted Answer

Well...that is hard to answer..I would never do that :-S

But, you say you love him? May I ask how? How can you love someone and have sex with another? I am just different I guess...I do not know.

I think, eventually that guy will tell your boyfriend, if you don't. Guys like to brag and he will definitely be bragging about how he f***ed his friends Gf. :-/

Also, it is wrong to cheat..but, to lie and not tell your boyfriend is worse. Anyway, you will look way better if you tell him..then having a friend tell him. Which will happen..trust me..people always find out.

Giogiogio2011 · Answer

Talk about a total slut.

Its not even the fact that you slept with someone that makes you a slut. its the fact that even though you had two whole years to build a relationship you would still do something like this. And then not even have the little respect to tell him like an adult. AND then you have the nerve to sit there in the same room with him and his friend and pretend Nothing happened. How do you live with yourself? The Relationship should be over. you broke the number 1 rule of loyalty. And you can't even come up with an excuse, because there isn't one. If you can't take a relationship seriously then stop wasting his time. Stop wasting his Money, Stop wasting his families time. You know you screwed it up and your still using him for what he is. You don't and won't ever Love this man. Love is respect and that's something you don't have.

Its even sadder that you would even blame 'Pot" for making you horny. your such a child. people make mistakes, that's part of growing up. But you will never Grow up if you don't stand up for yourself and admit you made them. One that bond of trust is broken he won't look at you the same ever, and once you cheat on him he won't ever mean as much as you. It will be easier and easier for you to continue to use and hurt him. You knew you loved him while you made out with his friend, You knew you loved him when your clothes where taken off and you knew everything he did for you for the past 2 years while you were having sex with his friend.

Let him go, you had your shot and you messed up. Let him have the time he needs to heal and move on. So he can find someone who truly loves and respects him. Right now, you lieing to him is selfish. Because every time your watching TV with him and the words cheating are mentioned and every movie you see that has someone cheating you will remember what you did.

purpleprincess · Answer

This is like, it wasn't me who cheated I swear hunny, it was the bottle of vodka I drank! You did something bad, he has a right to know-especially if you were so stoned you forgot to use a condom! I hope this works out for you, but guys generally don't like being cheated on. Maybe in future save getting stone-if you must, for nights in with your boyfriend. But do the right thing and tell him, guys often talk about getting laid, so it may get back to him anyway via a friend if the guy you had sex with has told someone else.

Anonymous · Answer

"To all the people who think the weed accusation is ridiculous and its me playing victim...use your brain. I DID NOT SMOKE BEFORE I MET HIM. He is the one that set the stage and environment for things to go wrong. HE IS The one who introduced me to his friend and made us stoner buddies. DONT BE SO F***IN JUDGEMENTAL without hearing the full story."

I agree. Your boyfriend has obviously planned very far in advance how to make you cheat on him with his friend by making you smoke weed and intentionally setting you up to lust for his friend. Obviously it is his fault. I am sorry for judging you. You are obviously innocent in all of this.

EngineeringStudent · Answer

"Second of all, it was HIS weed we smoked and it made us both horny so technically he is responsible too."

Wow... just wow... the justifications I hear on this site are gold. Being drunk isn't an excuse for cheating, neither is being high. Also, he didn't physically force you both to smoke the weed.

Like everyone said, these things are hard to keep under wraps. It would be best to tell him rather than have him find out.

bewildered_123 · Answer

well of course you should tell him. don't be so self centered about it. if he cheated on you wouldn't you want him to be honest with you and tell you so that you can decide accordingly. its not a board game...that you cheat and win it. its his life... you just have to tell him if you care about him even  a little... let him make an informed decision... don't let him live a lie. tell him you will not do it again...it was a mistake. but let him decide what he wants to do about it. if you lie I seriously don't think you even love him... you will lie just to somehow keep him attached to you by any means... love is not like that...at least I don't think so.

Anonymous · Answer

If you were dating a guy, and he told you that his ex-girlfriend had cheated on him with his friend, how would you feel about her? You would probably tell him to his face that you would never do anything like that. Am I right? Because people that do something that atrocious aren't good people.

Right now, you can walk away with your dignity. It was drug induced. You felt vulnerable. It was a mistake. He never has to know what happened. You can be the one the protected him from getting hurt.

If you stay, you are the whore that slept with his best friend AND you are so self centered that you kept using him.

Do the right thing: leave.

dtaijo174 · Answer

wow... A random guy would've been better. You've destroyed your relationship, your man's friendship and his trust in people. Do you think he'll recover from having two important people in his life rip his heart out? How awful & selfish...

For his sake, I would leave him and not tell him you slept with his friend.

Anonymous · Answer

"And if I don't tell him and he never finds out, wouldn't that be best? First of all its not gonna happen again so it will be forgotten."

It will come out. Don't waste your imagination on pretending that it won't. It will.

Even if, by some miracle, it doesn't come out, you will never, ever, ever be able to live with yourself in that relationship. You'll feel bad when he's nice, you'll feel bad when he's mean, you'll feel bad when you are near his friend, you'll feel bad when he's near your friend. No matter how you slice it, the relationship is already over. You are just in denial.

Anonymous · Answer

did he force u...tied you with a rope...gagged you ...and made you sit with his friends and then suddenly held your hands back and pushed weed inside u? I don't think so. you sat there...with his friends...because you wanted u. you smoked weed because you allowed it to happen to u. nobody can force you to do anything. what are you ...a 3 year old? your age says 18-24...u are an ADULT... how can you blame someone else for what you are doing with your life. is this question real guys... because I have a feeling that its fake... nobody can be this dumb

sikoo31 · Answer

well, you should definitely tell him, if you care about him at all. otherwise, your conscience is going to eat you from the inside.

and your lack of self-control is truly pitiful.

you somehow just let it happen?

f***in terrible.

i hope he finds out and leaves you.

and kicks your friend's ass.

Italianbabe6209 · Answer

so lol at "he is partially responsible because its his weed and it made us HORNY. god" dude you made me lol so hard right there so my boyfriend has a bottle of jack in our room if I drink that then f*** his friend because alchohal makes me horney my boyfriend is responsible lol what are you 11 years old? your being selfish and dumb and a coward woman up tell him what you did or live a life of denial a dn stop making yourself the victim it's called self control you little whore

Anonymous · Answer

"Second of all, you guys are really discouraging, I love him and I don't want to leave him."

No one on here is being discouraging. Discouraging would be to tell you are a whore that two timed her boyfriend with his friend. People on here could be telling you that you are a total slut that doesn't deserve to be loved. So far, everyone on here is being REALLY nice to you.

christian2724 · Answer

You're a whore.

Now that we have that out of the way... don't tell him. Why hurt his feelings unnecessarily.

As for you.. .why do you say you're in a 'relationship' if you clearly can't handle one. It's immature and laughable. If you want to f*** around... that's perfectly fine. Just don't lead on some dude while you're at it.

Blaming his weed is such a p**** way out. Just take responsibility.

dtaijo174 · Answer

"...it was HIS weed we smoked and it made us both horny so technically he is responsible too" Please for his sake leave him and only date guys that cheat from this point on.

angelwithin · Answer

a LOT of people have been in your situation. Believe me, I know.. we've all been tempted to cheat, but a lot of us haven't! Even my spineless ex who cheated on me at least told it to my face and now we can at least be friends if nothing else and I can at least know it was nothing that I did wrong, he just wanted sex.. you're worse than he is, way worse! You think it's okay! He at least KNEW it was wrong and fessed up, apologized about 100 times for 2 months and said I deserved a hell of a lot better that what he did to me and how he treated me. I hope your boyfriend leaves you anyways, he deserves so much better than you.

CorneliaisPretty · Answer

seriously, tell him. if he truly cares about you, he'll forgive you even if you lose his trust. also if you lie, its eventually going to come out and you so don't want him finding out from someone else.

also, if he gives you another chance, you'll know your relationship is strong enough.

plus, honesty always help in a relationship, he'll acknoweldge it.

Ashley8282 · Answer

"I DID NOT SMOKE BEFORE I MET HIM. He is the one that set the stage and environment for things to go wrong. HE IS The one who introduced me to his friend and made us stoner buddies"

...Your boyfriend is also responsible for shoving his buddies d*** in your vagina to right?

AfiFan88 · Answer

i just have to say if it was me. I would love to know so I could beat my worthless friend with a bat to the face and tell you its over but thank you for at least being honest but there's no way I would ever be kool with anything like that and if he is any kind of respectable guy then he would feel the same. but that's just me...

alltheabove1212 · Answer

You are being kinda selfish here. You don't like the answers on here about telling him, because you want your boyfriend even though you betrayed him. You want your cake and to eat it too. You agree with the answer that says NOT to tell him because that's what you want.

Yes people cheat, but to not tell your boyfriend and lie on and on, it's GOING to come back to haunt you. You're better off sparing him and telling him, and completely understanding when he breaks off contact with you.

LiveYoungLiveFree69 · Answer

things like this always come out one way or the other. it'll be much better for your relationship if he hears it from you than from someone else. what if his friend feels guilty and decides to tell him? he'll never forgive you unless he sees that you're trying to make it right by putting your own self on the line by telling him. hopefully you guys can move past it.

I cheated on boyfriend with our mutual friend...should I tell him?

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