My anxiety is ruining my first relationship and I don't know what to do, help?

[Anonymous]

So I have really bad anxiety that has shown itself in my relationship. This is my first boyfriend and so this is all new to me and it is scary. I will open up about some things but I can't always carry whole conversation. I'm still scared to eat in front of him and he wants me to be comfortable asking for things such as cuddles. But he has been really patient with me and given me time and I keep saying that I will get better but it's not improving like either of us would like. He told me that in 2 weeks cause that's the next time we will be able to see each other that he wants to see improvement. Honestly, I feel like it's valid because it's not fair to him. But the other thing is he is moving about 6ish hours away and I don't know how to handle that. The other thing is that we've only been seeing each other for about 2 months. I'm lost on what to do. He makes me really happy and I always feel safe around him and I want a relationship with him and he wants one too. But my anxiety is keeping our relationship from going further. I recently started getting help for my anxiety but it will take time and I told him that. I'm not sure what to do anymore, I'm confused and I want everything to be okay. Sorry if this doesn't make sense. Feel free to ask questions.

[Anonymous]

What exactly are you afraid of. Let's start there.

[Asker]

I think that I'm more afraid of getting hurt, doing something wrong, getting my heart broke, maybe even falling in love cause I don't think I've ever really truly loved someone and I don't know everything. I think some of it is I've been hurt by too many people in my past and I worry that it will only happen again. I hope this helps, I'm running only a few hours of sleep and my brain is tired of running in circles so I'm having a harder time putting my thoughts together.

[Opinion Owner]

Well if he's moving 6 hrs. Away is it work, college, what? And how often is he coming back, if at all.
My personal opinion is for THIS particular "relationship", you need to start with the practical. Then secondly you need to deal with your trust issues if this "relationship" continues.
And I'm not trying to insult but based on what you've told me so far I'm concerned about your choices.

[Asker]

For work. His family is here but said he would only come back for Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Also, I do trust him otherwise I wouldn't have made it this far but I think its my anxiety that is holding me back, I don't know

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, but you said you've been hurt by too many people in you past. That calls into question your judgement of other people. You can't trust, if you keep choosing people not worthy of trust. Understand?
The best thing a person can do for themselves. Is learn what the EXPECT from other people. Because when you know that that's called self respect! You can't respect others if you can't respect yourself.

[Asker]

Okay so I understand where you are coming from and appreciate your opinion and what you said is true but I do feel like I'm getting better about judging people. Obviously, I didn't learn from my mistakes fast enough but at the same time, I learned the different ways people will use you. While I may not have a lot of self-respect I feel like I still have some. And with time I know that I will get better.

[boggboss]

What do u mean your scared to eat with him

[Asker]

For whatever reason, I haven't been able to eat in front of him. I start shaking really bad and can't because I feel like I'm going to throw up. It's worse if we are out in public. I've managed to eat some while I'm with him at his apartment but he usually has to look away before I eat. I hate that I do it but I can't help it

[boggboss]

If things are that mad u mind not be in the right frame of mind to be in a relationship

[Asker]

I forgot to mention that it's not just him. When I started a new job 8 months ago I didn't want to eat in front of my coworkers and a few months ago I started feeling comfortable enough to start eating in front of them. I don't know if this changes anything. But I have wondered if I should be in a relationship and I told him that this may not be the best of things for me right now but at the same time I'm learning a lot about myself and in some ways, I'm changing for the better so it's been good for me. I really want it to work but I'm not sure if it will...

[boggboss]

Then it just depends on how patient he is willing to be

[Asker]

He is willing to be patient with me because he knows it is hard for me he just told me that he was hoping that by now it would be better. He just wants to see that improvement and honestly so do I

[In_Trance]

get therapy

[Asker]

So I guess I should have mentioned this but after I realized how bad my anxiety really was I did start therapy so I'm getting help just wish I would have realized it sooner