How do you cope with relationship anxiety?

[Anonymous]

Okay. Relationship anxiety/fear. Talk to me about how you deal with it. I’m so worried I’m going to end up sabotaging something good. Or at the very least take all the fun out of dating and relationships for myself if I can’t handle the anxiety better. I also know that if I don’t learn how to cope with it, it will come up in every stage, no matter the level of commitment. I have just had a lot of relationship trauma in my previous relationships (cheating, abuse, lying), and while I’ve done a lot of therapy, it doesn’t just go away. I always feel so scared but I truly want to be better and do better.

[ohmyguy]

have open line of strait forward no holds bar' d line of communication with your partner..

talking things out
being honest
coming clean confessions..

getting on even ground
clearing the air... airing out the laundry..

all helps to syncronise, eliminate doubts.. align each other thinking
awareness if each others needs identify our role , our responsibility.. level the playinng field,
make sure your on the same page , being on the same page.. knowing that your on the same page can and will reduce anxiety great deal

[Asker]

Thank you! I appreciate your advice. I guess I needed to read it to realize that I have had honest conversations with the current guy I’m seeing, and I don’t need my anxiety to try and push it or rush it. He’s been very clear about where he’s at. My anxiety just always like to jump steps and feels the need to lock it down faster than makes sense. So maybe I need to find ways to cope on my own since he has been very open and honest with me and there isn’t confusion from his end.

[Anonymous]

I'd talk to my partner about it. And if I couldn't talk to my partner about it then that's a clear sign it's time to find a NEW partner. You should feel safe with your partner, not the other way around. And your partner should be trying to alleviate anxiety with you, not the other way around. If they are doing this, if they are making a real effort and you still feel this. Then that's a YOU problem.

[Asker]

Great insight. Thank you! I haven’t addressed it with the person I’m currently seeing as we aren’t exclusive yet. I hope we will be, but I think we need to know each other more first. I just don’t want my anxiety to ruin it before I even get to that place. 😅 But when the time is right, I do hope to share with him about my anxiety. I also don’t want my anxiety to cause me to push something before it’s ready.

[Opinion Owner]

Well keep telling yourself for the time being then "we aren't even exclusive yet, so there's no reason to get worked up yet". Sounds to me like you're letting your hopes of the future overwhelm you. People are going to hurt you in life, including people you care deeply about. The difference is the ones you care deeply about are worth bleeding for. You've essentially told me that guys is not quite yet on that list. So relax, and give this the relationship the PRESSURE it deserves.

[RoseySarah]

Baby steps and don't be hard on yourself!

What gives you anxiety? The idea of it being open or just really stressing with a boyfriend?

Take small steps to help and eventually you will see how far you came!

[Asker]

Thank you so much! I am so hard on myself. And I appreciate the reminder to give myself more grace. I think my fear stems from an abandonment wound and fear of rejection. Like if I don’t lock something down quickly, they won’t want me. But then my anxiety gets the best of me and I struggle to allow the relationship to naturally progress at all phases from exclusivity to marriage. It was an issue in my last relationship (with each stage of the relationship) and I can see it starting with the new guy even though we aren’t even exclusive yet. I guess awareness is key. I like this guy and just don’t want my anxiety to get the best of me before I even gave it a chance.

[RoseySarah]

Your welcome and I'd like to see more of you so give me a follow and we will see how you come along with baby steps and grace

[boggboss]

Surely this is a subject to bring up in therapy

[Asker]

I have and do. Just curious if anyone had suggestions or tools that they found helpful in their experiences.

[boggboss]

Ah fair enough i learned to trust my friends when I started to overthink on subjects

[Asker]

I usually talk with my friends as well. And it does help.