What would you do…?

[ThinkFitness23]

You’ve found out your long term partner has been messaging an old flame for months, they haven’t met up or arranged to but have been talking and reminiscing about the past.

They have kept this from you.

[AmyHew1tt]

Ask her about it. If she gets super defensive, that probably means it's time to go. I don't know all the details, but just talking with the person isn't a major alarm. There's a lot more than just romance with old flames. There's often a solid friendship and lots of meaningful memories. Sometimes people just want to remember that.

So, yeah. Do speak to her about it, even if it's difficult. The truth will out, somehow.

[ThinkFitness23]

Your so right, I think she just wanted to possibly reconnect in terms of conversation about the past possibly.

I still find it disrespectful though, I know what I would be thinking if a girl I was shagging when we were 18 reached out! They were never an item just casually seeing each other but they did spend time together not just a hook up.

Thanks for your opinion, very much appreciated.

[AmyHew1tt]

Yeah, I do understand. Maybe, if you speak to her, try to approach it that way, explaining why it makes you uncomfortable. Because yeah, most girls wouldn't like it very much if their boyfriends started talking to their exes.

[GreenLanternI0I]

Truth? She doesn't like you or even Respect you. You are her's unfortunate option B.

If I were you, I would break up with her, but in a VERY manly and Super respectable way, not because of her, but because you have to respect yourself. If she does such thing with this dude now, while she is still in relationship with you, I can bet you $10,000 that it is only a matter of time before she cheats on you with some other guy.

[ThinkFitness23]

What would be your thoughts if they haven’t been messaging but she friend requested an old flame on FB, this is someone she was dating when she was 18)… That’s 20 years ago?

[ThinkFitness23]

Meant when she was 18…

I can see she requested him and think why are you requesting someone you were F…ing 20 years ago !

She requested him 2 years ago although this wasn’t to be nosy as his wall is open so you can see all his pictures etc.

They definitely haven’t messaged I can see this now, he accepted the request 2 years ago and he is married.

But I’m like why did your request him after all this time!!!

[GreenLanternI0I]

That would be a whole different story. 20 years is a long time, that means for the past 20 years, she has build her foundational life with you, by having your children, living in the same house with you, vacationing with your family and kids etc... So in this particular case, I wouldn't worry if she decided to Facebook an old friend or even crush of her's. Because she has way Waaay too much to lose (kids, house, you and your resources).

[ThinkFitness23]

Sorry for any confusion, we don’t have kids, she wants this and marriage but we have been together 10 years.

I know a rat when I see one she’s generally a lovely woman which is why I’m like WHY ARE YOU FRIEND REQUESTING SOME YOU WERE SHAGGING 20 YEARS AGO?

As I said if his account was private I would understand that she may have been curious but you can see all his pics & posts.

Not being a dick but he’s not even particularly good looking, I’m a far better catch.

Thanks for your response, appreciated

[GreenLanternI0I]

Ok ThinkFitness23, before I will answer your reply, I just want you to know, I am here to sincerely help people, by using my life experience both bad and good and wisdom that I have acquired for the past 20 years (I'm 35). Now, let us begin. First thing first, as hard as it will sound, I do apologize in advance, but your G. F. is a Woman at the end of the day. Women are smarter and adaptive creatures, they Have to be, because they are smaller and weaker than men. The most important thing for the woman are 1. Looks (so she can have the best looking child, so that child can be successful in life) and 2. Money (resources are EXTREMELY important not just for a mother, but for any smart human being) Please, bear with me, I'm going somewhere with all this ""none sense"". If she is talking to that guy, that means he has something that she likes a lot and something that you don't. I don't know what that is, because I don't know you or the guy she is Facebooking. That will be Your job to figure out and decide if it is worth change yourself so you can keep her. In conclusion, if you are afraid or slightly paranoid about losing her, my man, you already either lost her or about to lose her and THAT is a wrong and corrupt thinking. Never forget, you are a MAN! a working man. Women need You more than you need them.

[Miristheiss]

That would be an immediate break up.

She is free to pursue him all she wants, I'm not going to stick around for even the slightest bit of mixed devotions, lying or duplicity.