If you are dating to find a long-term, exclusive partner, how soon do you ask yourself. . . "Is this The One"?

[OlderAndWiser]

At some point in dating, a person who is dating to find a long term partner will ask themselves, "Is this person The One? Have I finally found her (or him?)" But most people also are not consciously doing this on a first date. If we spot an obvious deal breaker, of course (like she's an alcoholic or he has an anger problem,) we don't ignore it and we end it as soon as we become aware of the problem. But, on a first or second date, I've never asked myself, "Could this be my future wife?"

Of coure, it doesn't happen at the very same time in every reationship, so answering that "it depends on the relationship" won't be very helpful. In general, when have you started asking yourself this question?

Before the first date, as soon as I meet them.

During the first date or immedately after the first date

During the second date or immedately after the second date

Within the first month of dating

As soon as we have sex

As soon as we meet each other's families

Something else that I'll explain in a comment

[Guy13]

Immediately for me, however, it depends on one's level of Intentions. I am not shy or bashful as it relates to my reasons for dating. If one is not on the same page as i am then there are others for both of us. I am not shopping for the sake of shopping in any area of my life.

And unfortunately, this straightforward interchange requires an eye-eye half and hour plus conversation. It is the first date maker or breaker. If good then the proper amount of pressure is applied to the dynamic. Pressures only increase when space is shared and if this little bit of pressure is too much then definitely not "under a common roof" material.

When i arrive at a Yes to the following question then i am finished: When i swivel up into a prune and her a raisin, will she still be beautiful? This takes both assessment and Time.

[worldscolide]

We had only had one date. But my circumstances are unique. About a week after our first date, i was admitted to the hospital with a wisdom tooth that was killing me.. I spent a week in the hospital with two days of it in the ICU. My wife, Not my mom, not my best friends, not my coworkers. This girl who i had gone to a concert with, my future wife, visited me daily in the hospital, Two of the trips were from her home town 4 hours away, the rest were from where she was attending college which was 50 miles away. That sealed it for me. I knew i was going to marry her.

[worldscolide]

We hadn't even had sex yet lol. Not kidding though none of my family or friends came to visit me. My mom even tried to steal my car.

[OlderAndWiser]

With a family like that. . . you can only hope that it's a small family!

[worldscolide]

Agreed. The only person in my family on my side anyway, is my uncle who I'm named after. I absolutely love everyone on her side though.

[worldscolide]

Wow that made no sense. The only person on my side of the family I like is my uncle who I'm named after.

[letuswaltzforthedead]

As soon as I have see potential on my mind, usually when I first meet someone. Even if it's silly, I like to think about what role or what sort of relationship I could have with the person. If it's a romantic one and I think I'll ask the person out in the future, I'll question if I could be in a long term committed relationship with this person.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I don’t think I ever asked myself that, it just fell into place, just happened without asking, just felt natural and right

[JHNS98]

The way it should happen

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@JHNS98 exactly!

[JHNS98]

It has happened for me once before, but it led to disaster... Pepole like this seem few and very far between, for me at least.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@JHNS98 oh no, I agree these days it is few and far between. People don’t seem to know how to be true friends these days, much less anything more.

[Lliam]

I guess that question is in my mind from the beginning. If I want to be in an exclusive romantic relationship with her, I'm wondering if she will be "the one". But I didn't allow infatuation to fool me and getting married wasn't an urgent desire. An infatuated relationship was enough.

So, we'd just go steady until I decided if she really was "the one".
And, when I say "the one", I'm talking about marriage, which means that there will only be one "the one". I took marriage very seriously. It was the biggest decision I would ever make. It meant forever. So I was very careful about making that commitment.

[Kori1236]

During the first date. If things go well and I can see a future with him I’ll start thinking about that. And then as things progress between us if things change as far as red flags or deal breakers crop up I’ll consider terminating the relationship. But if I’m looking for a long term partner I don’t want to waste either of our time.

[Phoenix98]

I’m just going to let nature take its course and when I feel someone is the one I’ll propose.

its not something you can will to happen when it happens it’ll happen. Just like love when you find the right one the pieces just fall into place like a jigsaw puzzle.

[Aerissa_Jade]

Takes awhile to really get to know someone and meeting their family is a great time to see how they'll be, as you also marry into that family and you cannot simply expect them abandon their family for you.

[CindyRuns]

When I was dating, I started asking myself the question starting when I first meet the guy.

And, I usually end it once I decide he's not hte one.

[MendaciousMarxist]

that is good, it is never good to waste time

[CindyRuns]

@MendaciousMarxist -- At the same time, it keeps you available when "The One" appears in your life !!!

[AsaKyo]

I barely ever ask myself that question lmao

[OlderAndWiser]

Are you dating with the hope of finding a partner for a LTR?

[AsaKyo]

I don't really "date", but I would like to be with someone for the long-term, yes

[OlderAndWiser]

You've not yet found someone who was a good enough match to make you ask that question?

[Twalli]

Everyone I date is someone I'm considering marrying once I get to know them better. So I don't really ever think "is this The One, I am more of the mindset, if all goes well, this will be The One".

[LovingJo]

I think every time you meet someone, is different, but with my current partner, I knew the first night I met him!! 🥹💯❤️

[exitseven]

It is usually the first month I would start thinking about what it would be like to be married to her,

[19magic]

I wanna say after three/four months tbh but it's hard to say exactly unless your in that situation

[sheikalana]

It definitely takes time and probably more than a month to realize that.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

As soon as we meet each other's families.

[PainusNdeeAnus]

When I’m dating seriously we only know each other for a few months because I don’t like to wait around and play games

[KrakenAttackin]

Very soon which is why I can't imagine how people date more than one person at a time.

[Anonymous]

I'm not really sure I never gone past a first date. Also, I have thought that the girl I dated would be the one for me?

[Alwayreckles93]

I believe in courtship.

[OlderAndWiser]

Okay, but that doesn't answer the question.

[Alwayreckles93]

It takes years to get to know a parson.

[Massageman]

It was many months for me - - -

[Tracker1958]

For a man, you would have to be crazy to get married In this country.

[msc545]

Never. The system is completely rigged against men. Marriage is not safe for men.

[DiegoO]

In my other life I might know.