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I think there may be some misconceptions, particularly about guys, not really wanting a LTR. So. . . when you are dating, do you have the idea that if you find the right partner (and if they feel the same way,) you are willing to settle into a long term relationship? Or are you closed to that possibility? I am NOT asking if you start every first date thinking or even hoping that this person is THE ONE; I am just asking if you are open to a committed relationship if you meet the right partner.
I was married for over 20 years, it wasn’t a great experience for me, and it didn’t end well, so I’m in no hurry to get tied up in another LTR. I felt rushed into my marriage by my ex, who was terrified of being alone and we were both way too young.
But, just because that didn’t work out well doesn’t mean, if I met a good guy who I click with, that I wouldn’t be open to a LTR.
And I also don’t do hook-ups, I can’t separate out sex from my feelings. There needs to be a level of trust for me first. But I only seem to attract guys in their 20’s who just want sex and to play games. I seem younger than I am so they also panic when they find out my real age.
But what I don’t get why it has to be either a casual nothing or an immediate lifelong commitment? I feel like I’m looking for a unicorn, but can’t there be a middle ground of meeting someone who doesn’t want to just hit and run, but who really likes you and is happy to just see how it goes and enjoy the ride without constantly needing you to commit to eternity?
I guess it’s different at my age, I’ve had my kids and don’t have that biological drive anymore. I would like to have a partner to share things with, but I’m not afraid to be alone either and if no-one comes along I’ll be content.
I dated my girlfriend from December 2020 to March 2023 before I proposed to her.
Oh congratulations! I think it’s wise to really take the time to get to know someone before you get married.
Yes, I have been very careful. Experience is a cruel but efficient teacher.
THATS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL ABOUT IT
Do you think she knew who I was when she texted me (via her private number) or do you think she just texted without checking who it was ( without realising that it was my number) ?
Context: I came across her at the bus stop and I asked her for her number. I am not her client but she gave me her work mobile number not her private number. I didn't realise this until yesterday. I have sent her happy new year text etc to this work number. I even called this number and spoke to her. All this time it seemed to me that it was her number.
However, yesterday when I gave a call, she no longer had that phone. Someone else now was carrying that work number. Yesterday, I gave a call to her work mobile, her colleague picked it up. I asked for her, the colleague said she was not in the office. I asked for her number but the colleague hesitated to give her number. The colleague told me that she d text her. The colleague did not ask for my name ( therefore this means perhaps that previously the girl has saved my number in this work phone)
The girl in question texted me after 10 minutes (not from work mobile) but her private number. This is the first time I realised that she had another number. Her text was saying “ you gave a call to XYZ company hotline (mobile number which she previously gave me) and my colleague said you were looking for me. How could I help you “ . She did not write my name. But I have a feeling she knew that it was me. Because will a girl call from her private number to some unknown person who called the work mobile?
Yeah when I was dating it was in hopes it would develop into long term but now I don't want any guy rn.
Still licking your wounds from the last guy?
Yup.
I understand. Been there and done that with a few women over the years.
One of those guys saying he loves me, but didn't care if I left and he won't be exclusive.
I was stupid.
If you want to know if your partner loves you, stop listening to what they say and look at how they treat you. If it's reallly love, it should be obvious in their actions.
Remember, the relationship was not a waste if you learn a few lessons from it. That's how you get to be older and wiser!
Yeah I sort of knew from the beginning but he kept coming to me and saying he loved me. I knew I had to leave because what he was doing to me mentally but I loved him so much and that made it really hard to do. I still cry about him and it sucks it been over a year now.
True but honestly I wish it never happened lol.
I dated a woman for two years and fell in love with her. She was completely honest and never claimed to be in love with me, but I was hoping that it would eventually develop. I left her after two years, sad and sorry to do it, but also wishing that I had done it sooner.
That really sucks, but I bet you found someone better.
I am still hung up on him, we were friends for years before this happened. So to delete him from my life is crushing.
Yes, I'm engaged now and getting married April 27. She's a great woman!
You'll never forget him, of course, but deleting him from your life is the most effective way of getting ready to move forward.
Oh that is awesome! Not too much longer til the wedding!
Yeah, I know you are right.
Definitely open to it and I always have been. I think most guys fit into this category. Basically, we tend to approach dating like this: we're absolutely THRILLED to have a no-holds-barred sexual relationship with a hot girl who turns us on. We'd all love to do that all day along. If it ALSO turns out that she's super cool to hang with and we love being around her even when we're NOT having sex, then that's the girl you want to have a long-term exclusive relationship with.
So it's not as though the most appropriate advice for women is "don't give up sex early because if you do, you're toast for a long term relationship." Rather, I think the most widely correct advice would be, "it's fine to have sex early on if you'd like to do that--just make sure you ALSO have other things to offer if you want a long term relationship." Especially for hot girls, this part may be their sticking point. And they often don't realize it because they don't get honest feedback in the real world.
thanks for most helpful
Its strange for me to understand that people would just want a casual hookup relationship. It would seem weird to show yourself in such detail and then just throw that person away. Like what?
I would think poepel would have better things going on then just sleeping around with different women and constantly needing to approach random women like some beggar for sex. Like develop some hobbies , live your life, don't waste your life constantly chasing someone's desire for you, and then throw them away once you feel validated.
(this is just one perspective, I am sure there is more. ))
Your perspective strongly resonates with me.
turnpost Sad how generation Z has become. And we tough our generation was bad but in our generation we would date if we had things in common if we like the same sport , music , hiking or riding bikes. Crazy how mych has changed in a decade remember when we were in highschool at the time enos dated emos preps dated preps diffrent world now a days.
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61Opinion
I'm answering this question as I felt after I divorced my wife of 20 years. I started dating, looking first of all for fun and open to sex if it happened, and thinking maybe the possibility of a LTR, though I wasn't actively looking for one. I found an LTR in my SO... we've been together for 7 years and counting.
I don’t date at all if the long term relationship is not the goal of the other person. I am not interested in wasting my time with people not worth it.
s So so so many women fall into the trap of if he really loves me he will only want me!
Which is true in solid relationships but those never get close to solid or secure.
Course you give him the option he will go outside of you for sex.
Women do this a lot also in bi and lesbian relationships.
We are ldr so open cause I wanna know but hope they won't? Yet they still won't tell you cause why cause drama when you will never find out? 😒
I keep my options open. A long-term relationship would be great, but I don't think about it until I can tell she's long term relationship material.
I have no interest in dating at this point. There is always a chance at a miracle but it's the same chance I take playing the lottery.
When i ask a woman out it's to see if she's ready for a long term relationship or just out for fun, and rude way I respect her desires, being young as it goes your supposed to go out have fun with as many different women for some that works fine for others it's not their way, don't have time to juggle multiple women or have an ego to stoke in that sense, only one good lady is needed, that's been my viewwhen í get involved with a woman, most men guys dudes how ever you refer to males, to them it's a game, how many women can you sleep with move on to next, and that's cool if your into those game, but i have always known what i seek in a woman and who and how I am as a man, and it's not than I couldn't behave in that way I didn't have time to, saw no need to, I'm very selective in the sense, thati don't just approach any woman to ask out just like that, it's a long term partner I seek
I'm a relationship type of guy. If i meet a girl, and i like her enough to continue going out with her, i will want to date. I won't just go have sex and never talk again.
If i don't like her, i just stop going out with her. Even before any sexual interaction.
As for relationships, i see every relationship and invest in them, as if they are forever. I mean, who would invest time, money, among other things, if we tought the relationship would be over?
If it doesn't workout, fine, at least i will give it my best.
Casual isn't my thing. We are not just meat. If my life doesn't allow for a relationship in that point in time, i just don't go on dates.
When I was still single, I was open to it. Doesn't mean I dated exclusively or for that matter that I would commit myself from date one even if many women think that's what a guy should do in order to pass as serious.
Women avoid men who don't commit to the dream of a relationship even before they've met saying stuff like they don't want to waste their time. Apparently a womans time is so valuable that she can't give three dates worth of time to a guy figuring out if she's the one he want to commit to while she has no problem asking him for years of his time to commit into a relationship that more often than not fails. Who's wasting whose time?
I would be careful about people who want a relationship before they've decided who/what type of person they want that with.
Right! Those are the people who are in love with the idea of being in love. You would just be the person playing a role in the play they have scripted.
I'm 27 now and honestly my hope of finding a partner for long term fell pretty much into the abyss. I do have some kind of desire but dont have the energy and enthousiasm to search and persue girls anymore. Earlier I tried approaching girls at uni (though that happened very rarely), tried to meet some via instagram and had some online dating apps. Since none of these lead to anything I stopped, also I realised that in general it became harder (like girls reply far lesser on insta and more have set their profiles as private)
Have you ever tried consulting a dating coach?
no but I've been in therapy when I was younger, didn't help much. Believe me I tried a lot, tricks from pick up artists, confidence building etc. nope
Perhaps you should talk to @coachTanthony about what a dating coach might possibly be able to do for you.
@EmyyWolf people like you also make me wanna stay away from women
@EmyyWolf I actually look decent, do sports regularly (athletic figure). Its not the physical aspect but more psychological.
@EmyyWolf the shallowness of todays society disgusts me, I'd rather stay single and have s self fulfilling life instead of being dictated around by some wanna be gen z trendsetters
Sometimes I'm good with the short term. If she's a girl who'll be fun and beneficial for a few months or even just weeks while I visit a place or just dont plan on much more. I think those relationships are fine. But if its just sex or for something to do giggity, then it's gotta be some insane shit she's pulling.
But short term is a fine concept I think. I'd rather have a few short terms and then my one long term. If that doesn't work, then maybe my past short terms could go longer. It's always an investment or should be.
When I was young, I just wanted a girlfriend. Dating around held no interest for me. I just wanted to find someone I liked, and stick with her.
Now, it's more about company. Someone who can carry on a good conversation. Someone to do things with. If they happen to be someone to get serious with, then I'm open to it. At this stage in the game, it would be the last chance to grow old together. So if it happens, I hope it's a good one.
I hope you find her, young man!
There's a possibility, although I think it's a slim one. We'll see when she returns to the States in the spring. See if it goes anywhere.
So is your new bride going to be the last?
You got that right!
Older, not open because I've "retired" from dating. I figured if I haven't found what I'm looking for by now, I'm not going to, so why go through the headache? One of them has stuck around for the last 20 years, so I've got someone to scratch an itch if I need it.
You're never too old to find love. I met my fiancee when I was 65 years old (December 2020) and we will be getting married on April 27. I finally got it right!
You are "too old" if you are not in the mindset "to find love." If I'm not in the mindset (which is why I've "retired") then why go through the motions and risk an STD in the meantime when I can just live my life and wait for love to fall in my lap unexpectedly one day (if it's destined to)? I do not feel like I'm missing out on anything one way or the other. If it happens, it happens, but I am not in a mindset to actively hunt/pursue.
Besides. I'm a writer. I can write the perfect partner/romance and it'd be better than anything I'd find in the wild.
I've dated with the goal of meeting people with the possibility of it progressing. I don't just date to find a future spouse. I'm not that desperate to get married. It's not like I'm on some mission.
It's more laid back than that. It's fun to meet people and maybe spend time with a person you hit it off with really well. Have some fun with another human being, get to know them. If it turns into a relationship then fantastic, if it doesn't proceed further then it us what it is and you meet someone else.
28 and never dated.
Though if wanted a casual relationship, I've read and learnt that I should be clear to let her know.
So I'd be clear I whatever move I make.
I won't go for only fuck buddies, but friends with benefits. She has to agree to have fun from flirting through text up to having sex, while she fully understands that I have no interest in settling down with her.
Now may it happen that I find her interesting enough to settle down.. that might happen. Though never originally planned if I were looking for a casual relationship.
I'm young and attractive and looking for fun. I want everyday a different dick fucking me so how would a long term relationship benefits me?
@Saramodel I volunteer! lol
Fuck enough guys and, eventually, one of them will go psycho on you, do things that you don't want done, give you an incurable STD, you'll get a reputation as the village slut, or some other unspeakable calamity. But at age 20, you probably assume that something like that will never happen to you. That is what young people usually think until something actually happens to them.
I feel that a lot of people are searching for something, but not everyone will find what they're looking for. Times have changed a lot and relationships are definitely changing. I'm curious to see the changes for our future.
Okay. What is your answer to the question I asked?
Always have as I believe happiness comes from experiencing things with loved ones. The purpose of dating should be to find a partner that you can sail through life with.
However, recently I've changed and I'm open to short term right now. I've only been in long term relationships in the past, but women don't value the same things as me in a partner and never will. My past 3 relationships I was hoping to get married, but got dumped each time 😂
It's to the point where one day if I ever become really financially well off, I'd say "Fuck girls. Who needs em? They couldn't take me at my low, so why should they deserve me at my best?"
If I ever become financially well off, I'd still try to play a broke guy. It would be the only way I'm able to filter the girls that are with me for me and not money.
Who needs em? They couldn't take me at my low, so why should they deserve me at my best?"
The girls who meet you later, when you are successful, will not be the ones who passed you by when you were broke as a joke. And they may be nice ladies who would have accepted you in less prosperous times, also.
Really , I'm always looking for long term , and I had long term until recently , mainly of course honestly because of my age , but I'm highly sexual so that has to be a big part of it , fortunately here many options , but because I dont do ( my rules for 25 years ) Bar girls , massage girls , freelance , golf caddys , that cuts down the field quite a bit.
But , I always seem to find one , its just keeping it going long term.
Happy New Year all , hope you had a great one !
25, and I am open to the possibiity mentioned in the question. However, if I were to measure my chances of achieving, I would need negative numbers to represent it (yeah, I know that probability cannot be a negative number, it's just to show my attitude).
possibility*
I don't date with any ither intent than such. Fundamentally, I'd only seek a long term romantic relationship as an act of requested charity, to provide companionship with a few hard-and fast rules, which when broken three times, means I end seeing them and they're out of my home.
To this body and mind, such a relationship is entirely unnecessary for joy.
Said rules are a few things to -not do-. No demands to do anything.
If I wanted a long-term relationship and he didn't - dating wouldn't make any sense.
So you want a long term relationship?
for now, I don’t want any relationship
I did, I'm over 28 and married, so I guess it worked out looking for a long-term relationship for me.
But yes, while I had many 1 night or short relationships, pretty much just based on sex, as I grew older, I was more interested in long term/forever relationships.
This is bot our second marriages.
I don’t have ideas on how long I plan to date someone for before the relationship ends. Who thinks like that?
I date someone because I like them a lot and find them very attractive and want to spend time with them and be with them.
That’s it.
There are people who date with the idea that they will not get into a committed, long-term relationship.
Not interested in dating and not interested in long term. If anything, it’ll be short term. I can’t be bothered with relationships.
Why bother at all?
After having a number of serious relationships over the years with exGFs who carried far too much baggage🧳, I'd much rather prefer maintaining my own sanity and enjoy a casual arrangement with a regular friends with benefits. Less drama without the hassle of a relationship.
The whole point of dating is to find a compatible long term partner. Too bad that it is nearly impossible to find any good quality women.
Some people date just to find partners for short term sexual relationships. "The whole point of dating" for you is not the object for everyone else.
Yeah us women are so low quality. You men are the best. Too many good quality men and not enough good quality women. Men are the better gender always and forever. Women are mostly trash am I right
When I was still dating, it was always in the hope of finding my future wife. I was 35 when I finally found her.
I am getting married in April and I will be 69 years old. It's never too late!
I voted D, I date looking for a long term, committed relationship. Just don't let my wife know!
P. S. it's a joke obviously.
I knew it was a joke as soon as I read it!
Relationship regulation regimes do not allow this. You are best off limiting to 5 months.
"Relationship regulation regimes" . . . I have no idea what you are talking about. Please explain.
Oh I was wanting an encompassing term that avoided long explanation but clearly that fell flat.
There is marriage & divorce law of course.
With defacto relationships being common now, marriage is no longer the limit of government involvement in relationships and I think you have to use the word regulation for the lack of a better word.
In a number of countries after a period of cohabiting you might find you are required - on a break up - to go through a no fault divorce style process where a court re-distributes the assets.
In some countries that might be two years or one year or possibly 6 months. It may not require cohabitation at all but merely people considering you as a couple.
In a country north of you, a guy was required to pay 50K/month spousal support to a woman he never cohabited with and who had maintained a separate home to him.
Maybe you could say common law marriage even though it doesn't officially exist in many places. Got any suggestions?
I am not open to the possibility of getting married at all. I have no intention of forfeiting my hard earned money or property to some woman just because she's been married to me and it's almost impossible to avoid that.
LTR ≠ marriage
Once again, I cannot apologize for the courts of California.
Yes, is there any other reason people date each other?
Yes, of course. Some people date just in hopes of finding a team member for the recreational sex league.
I would do so, but there are many who date just for sex. I'm not sure you would really call that a date though. To me it would be more like a hookup. 🤔
I mean I'd like to say yes. But actually it's more like I date with the intent of, "oh I wonder how long this one will last before she taps out".😆
Honestly I never expect anything to work out. Why would I set myself up for that disappointment. It's just not realistic at this point.
I date exclusively with the intent of finding someone ideal for long term commitment/marriage. It's a waste of time and effort otherwise.
I think both sexes probably hope in this manner. There are also individuals who don't know which relationship style they want until they spend a bit of time with the individual. Great question!
After I broke up with somebody I was with for four years. I dated somebody who was the opposite of my ex girlfriend.. It was a lot of fun but I knew it was not forever.
m I am out of a long term relationship and just taking life casual for now, in no rush to jump back in, it happens when it happens.
i've always sort of dated with this goal in mind.
I date for fun. If things work out great and if not then on to the next one to try and get in a relationship with. I read some where that their is more girls then guys.
I dated just for fun for many years but became serious about finding marriage in my early 20s.
I'm really looking for a committed relationship.. I guess it's why I don't really date much at all.. I'm not up to standard..
When I WAS dating, it was always for a long term relationship.. Never did casual...
I have never dated befor and I would like to keep it that way.
When you are ready for dating, you will probably feel differently.
Never dated. Every relationship I've had has happened in different ways. I don't like dating either.
I’m definitely looking for something long term type relationship, hasn’t happened yet
Relationships are too much work these days... most women are too needy or self entitled... I gave up on any kind of long term relationship.
If most women you meet are too needy or self entitled, maybe you need to change the way you are going about dating. I have not had that experience. We all have needs we want fulfilled in relationships but I've dated many women who were not looking for a man to take care of them.
Those women are very few these days
.. but I guess location plays a role in that too.
I think there are good women in most places, but you need to know how to find them. And you've got to have enough confidence to attract them. Guys with low self-esteem often attract very needy women.
This is very true !!
My generation is all a mess. I can't believe there's people my age still acting as if they were in highschool trying to be popular seriously grow up.
Iv been divorced for 14years, had a couple of relationships but nothing ever lasted. I had friends with benefits and that's all it was but the connection was amazing I wish it could of been more that's what I would like to find in 2024
I am not only "open to the possibility" of a long term relationship. I am SPECIFICALLY SEEKING a long term relationship! Lol
I date for fun and if more comes of it, great, but I'm not putting pressure on me or the lady.
That's the only reason I dated. I wanted a steady, monogamous, infatuated relationship. And I never had any trouble finding one.
Long term relationship didn't necessarily have to guarantee marriage, though.
Yes but I struggle to find a man who doesn’t want only sex or mentally plays games. The dating stage never seems to get far enough to even begin to think about long term dating
I'm 18 and not into a LTR... just some fun sex
I'm only interested in a LTR, I currently couldn't bring myself to do a ONS or similar.
I have been open to a long term relationship since I was 10. Just my luck I am autistic and not good at forming relationships with people.
That’s the only thing I’ve ever in my adult life dated for. I can’t even conceive dating for any other purpose.
That’s basically the entire point of dating for me.
No jist a hook-up and maybe more as it grows
I've had good boyfriends and some bad ones which I regret, atlast can't change the past so just had to move one
I hope to find a long time partner, but I’ve also never dated. Maybe that’s why…
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