Is too much value placed on passionate love over compassionate love?

[Anonymous]

The intense feeling of being in the cloud (madly in love to the point he fantasize about them too much) is short-lived anyway.

Why do you need that in order to be happy in the relationship? I think it's possible to love your partner in a realistic way without the needing to constantly lust over them. When you're infatuated with them, all that's in your mind is being together physically with them but nothing else. You don't fantasize about what else makes them as a person, their traits, their qualities, their goals, etc.

Too many people think they have to be madly infatuated in order to form a family with them. Seriously? Is too value being placed on passionate love over compassionate love?

Updates

+1 y

Passionate love is simply lusting over them. Therefore this means sex is being placed on a pedestal. Remove that from the equation and what else do you love about them!!!

[Rosexøxø]

You know, this is a very interesting question. I really do like it.

I think the question of which is better is fine. I think what also has to be weighed and considered is how effective sex is to a person/ couple.

If the couple gets high and get by on sex, it’s possible they won’t have too many issues with emotions like loneliness or incompatibility, if they only ever meet up and such, for intercourse./ value/ prioritize that.

If sex doesn’t mean much, and they value other things in life, having it will be nothing extraordinarily special, and it won’t be completed, as much. That means with the remainder of the time, the couple will be dealing with:

Possible nuisance-behaviors. Lack of understanding, possible lack of respect, and a bunch of other things on the social-function plane.

Meanwhile, on the emotional and mental-health state, they could possibly feel alone and uncared for.

Those feelings and poor functions could only create arguments/ stress/ and feelings of unhappiness/dissatisfaction.

Your question is posed on ethics and morals. What a person values and how that would affect a relationship and that is true and very much relevant.

I answer this question by stating it depends on what is meaningful and valuable to the person/pair, and if they both value very different things and do not respect or negotiate/ sacrifice, it will simply be a tough time to truly get along or live together.

I think a couple should value very similar things, and so they will achieve that in their relationship.

I’m not saying one value or one set of values, is right or wrong, over the other. Just, they need to be mutually upheld and reciprocally given and receive, by each member of the relationship.

Regardless, of how that relationship is in “seriousness/objective,” or duration (short-term/ long-term).

[Rosexøxø]

Also-
Don’t mind the people who are heavily disagreeing with this. I didn’t read all of the definitions you attributed, but I’m sure that is not as important as the question stated and the deciphering the components to what a relationship is/ could be, in a complex and simplified matter.

I hope, either way, you didn’t the answer you’re looking for.

All the best to you!

Really enjoyable/ thought-provoking question

[Asker]

True. Honestly what worked out for me is not falling in love but loving his traits and attributes... a healthy relationship without being infatuated.
I've seen several people do some things without thinking all because they were ''in love'' with the person... that in love stage clouded their judgements. I'd rather but not in love but think logical than be in love and not think with my head.

[Rosexøxø]

Omg twins! You’re nailing this! 🤜🤛

I’d love to follow your account just for the mere reason I get this value you hold!

I have danced back and forth, but I know exactly what you’re saying.

Don’t get bored with living your life whether the company is big or small and you’re gonna love that and thrive! If it gets questionable you could always experiment the sensual side of things, but you’re so right. I mean, thinking logically is the best way to go!

I will try what you said sometime! 😁

[Rosexøxø]

Also no pressure on the account thing. Just be free sis! And who knows how long anyone stays on here amirite 😂🤜🤛

[HighValue]

I do think many people focus too much on the sexual part of a relationship and not enough of the other parts that make a couple compatible for long term. That is one contributing factor why many relationships fail because it won't stay as exciting and new forever as it was in the beginning. People need more in common than just physical attraction and sexual enjoyment. That is part of it, but there is much more to a successful relationship.

[AmeerX]

You know this is what compassionate love is about. In our culture we marry first and love later which is unthinkable in Western countries. But it works that way as well. It is more realistic. Girls don't have to seduce men to choose them and men don't have to waste so much time in selection. Of course there is some level of introduction and courting which was completely unavailable before the social media and mobile communication

[AmeerX]

Thanks for MHO

[coachTanthony]

yeah because rom coms teach women fairy tale BS.

[Haha456]

my former teacher once said "if you fall in love , you can also fall out of love". if you learn to fall in love with someone, you will never fall out of love.

[Asker]

Believe your teacher. I've seen several cases of people that were madly in love and it ended with them hating each other and their flaws once the infatuation stage stopped, lol

[Haha456]

but there would be no relationship if there is no falling in love. there has to be a spark. i can learn to love anything. but falling in love is different. its magical

[Asker]

But what exactly are you think during that ''falling in love'' stage? What exactly are you loving besides just sexual attraction as the main component?
That's what infatuation is mainly about, physical attraction and being with them together a lot. It talks about nothing about the person as a whole, their traits (ex: being great with kids, having a stable family, etc), your common interests, etc.

[Haha456]

falling in love means someone who makes you very happy. being good with kids, having a stable family might be decent qualities but it doesn't mean this person can make you very very happy and excited to be with them

[watercolor_lions]

I disagree on your definition of passionate love.

I loved my husband passionately (was infatuated), but it wasn't mostly sexual. I was emphatic about his personality, high smile, his gentle touch. I was passionate about HIM, not sex. Sex was involved, but even to this day, I'm still really interested in my husband without sex being a major role (considering we're both physically injured right now).

Lust is bad. But passion and lust are different. You can be passionate without lust.

[boggboss]

I would disagree having passion in a relationship don't mean u only lust over them 1 can passionately want someone but It dont mean u want to fuck them 24/7 and thats all u want to do with them

[CoolCatMar1]

Exactly

[Asker]

but too many people confuse that for love and all of the sudden there are lots of break-ups having and several of those people who were supposedly ''head over heels'' in that long-term relationship never end up getting married nor having kids with them... waste of energy and time... too much investment over nothing

[boggboss]

This is a new take for me I have never seen passion seen as a negative before and I will agree some people build their relationship on the physical aspect only but thats what I would call lust not passion when I'm happy to see me girl or see her succeed in somthing its that same passion that makes me feel so happy passion is not only expressed by sexual touch

[Asker]

So it's only bad when the relationship only has 100% passionate love and nothing else basically?

[boggboss]

I wpuld say its only bad when passion is only expressed physically with nothing else

[Jamie05rhs]

"When you're infatuated with them, all that's in your mind is being together physically with them but nothing else. You don't fantasize about what else makes them as a person, their traits, their qualities, their goals, etc."
NOPE; that isn't true. This is absolutely false.

[jshm2]

No. Stop being such a shitty idealist. There is a time and place for compassion. The bedroom is not it.

No wonder you're disappointing in relationships.

[Asker]

I can be in a relationship without lusting over a man too much. Off course he'll never find out and never did.

[Asker]

I still treat him good, have respect for him and still care for him... just ''not in love'' with him.

[Anonymous]

I think because generally "passionate" proceeds "compassionate". Most people don't ever get to the compassionate. I don't think most women today even know how to be compassionate anymore. At least not towards a partner. I think most women would just rather wade in the shallow pool of passionate till either it dries up or they get bored. Then they find another.

[dustybiker]

I’m sure you don’t need it. But I would rather be alone than be without it again.

[Darklydarkened]

We're not old and dead yet to just have familial nonsense in our veins is all

[Anonymous]

I have to disagree. You have to be passionate about everything you do in life.

[Iron_Man]

Just be natural, enjoy the moment and work harder for the relationship

[In_Trance]

The fact that anyone has to compartmentalize things like this means it's not real love

[Danny_dan92]

Everyone loves sex. Including women

[Asker]

I guess. Personally, that's not my favorite activity. If it's too much it bores me and it starts feeling like a chore to me.

[Asker]

I made the mistake once of being in a relationship with a boyfriend that had a very high sex drive. Too much and at some point I just was a starfish, didn't feel like doing it.

[Danny_dan92]

The guys you fuck probably don’t do shit.

Everyone is different I guess

[Rosexøxø]

(Sorry long text. End is me thinking out loud. Feel free to overlook it. First part is my response)

That’s undeniable. Values are in question here. I will say in some areas men know when to leave emotions out of things because it is too complex. I think women may place their value around sex, so they think men may not fully value them if they are only fucking them

BUT

I think that is not the case. I think sex cannot be an indicator of love, unless ofc, he does it incredibly rough and angrily lmfao

Or she, for that matter.

I think women are insecure and need other ways to know FOR SURE that the men they are with truly love them, and sex is not a great indicator for that.

I think helpful indicators would be time spent together, verbal and some non-sexual treatment.

Some men get this, while others want her to believe without a doubt he loves her by the overtime, he enters into, of just sex with her.

She’s an intellectual too. She wants to connect with him on an intellectual level or at least a silly and constantly fun level.

Maybe they’re not serious thinkers but goofers and buddies. She needs that, just as much as physically “feeling good” together.

I don't know maybe women should not look for happiness from men, but just quality time and/ or pleasurable time, whenever they can actually schedule it.

I do assume women should try to find more happiness within themselves and their lives when not with their mate. One moment they live their lives and aren’t sexually mature. Next moment they are sexually mature and active while still living their lives. Maybe men and women should just come together for “understandable” needs/ pleasures, or handle it in another way. I can’t tell who is unreasonable overly active men, or under active women, or vice versa.

I think it depends on them as individuals and what they value. An overly active man would need and overly active woman and an under active woman would need an under active man. Seems fair 🤔.

[Asker]

yeah that can be it. If it's just the bedroom and nothing else outside of that (ex: going on a trip, to the park, spending quality time), yeah I tend to get bored.

[Danny_dan92]

Sexual stimulation feels good for both men and women.

Women usually would only have sex with a man when they’re comfortable, really like the guy, are attracted to him, and trust him.

That’s when the sex is based on love.

Lust would be strictly physical attraction and trusting the guy. This leads to the possibility of the guy using her

[dazzinu69]

It's all up to the ppls pov

[mT2359]

Real love is compassion.

[LemiaOfThunder]

Yes I beleive so.

[MyDreamsAreNotDead]

depends on person

[Anonymous]

I don't think so