Friend of girlfriend messaged late at night, she said she hadn't spoken to him in a year. Found things that say otherwise, advice?

[Anonymous]

Wondering people's takes and if I should bring it up, my girlfriend had a friend in the past where his current partner wasn't happy with their friendship as she said they were too close.

Long story short, this guy randomly pops up and and messages my girlfriend after a year, and at like 1am at night. I was like bit strange but OK... she then told me he was an old friend and about that. She said she didn't know what he was up to, if he was transitioning or not, or anything about him.

Its been a few weeks and his insta popped up as she follows him. It's public now and she seems to have liked and commented on his pictures for the past year... he even has a septum piercing and comments like "🍆😈💦" on the pic she liked...

Should I confront her or not? I sort of feel lied to as she said she didn't know what the guy had been up to and hadn't any contact for a year and the like on a picture with that comment is bothering me, advice?

[ManOnFire]

Yeah, that is not a good situation right there. The fact that she lied and has really been on this guy's page the whole time is definitely cause for concern. You could do two things:

You could temporarily ghost her - and I am not a supporter of ghosting by any means - but just as a test to see if she'll wonder what's going on with you, which will prove whether or not she cares, assuming you two don't live together.

Or you could honestly come out and tell her that you feel like she lied and that you've seen all her activity on his page. She will of course become angry, gaslight you, and then try to create a second account that you won't know about to keep contact with him.

The second would be a painful option but the one most likely to show her true colors and lead to the breakup, which probably will be necessary. Lying and hiding things are unacceptable in my book.

[Asker]

Thanks for the reply,

See the whole situation was weird anyway. She never mentioned the guy once in the whole time we have been together, then Christmas comes, had a few drinks and he messages being weird at 1am and extra friendly. She swipes it away quick and it's only after I ask who it was that she says it was a good friend etc. But she hadn't spoken/doesn't know what he has been up to in the last year. Next day she messages and he goes all shy, sheepish and really weird.

I spoke to her today and confronted her about the insta thing as if she has been liking his pics for the past year, she lied about knowing what he had been up to and social media is still contact. She said she forgot about liking his pics, she likes everyone's pics and probably did it as to make sure he was alright as he doesn't have a lot of friends. So to give support by liking his pics as he was always feeling down. She also said that liking his pics doesn't mean she knows what he has been up to for the past year.

The guy has a good few pics where he is flirting/being sexual with people in taken relationships... so that by itself made me feel uncomfortable right now.

On one hand this is a screwed up situation and a lot of red flags, on the other she told me thats the truth and she isn't lying... I don't feel like I can fully trust that, with what happened above... would you trust that in my shoes?

[ManOnFire]

Hmmmmmm. That's really weird, yeah. Seems like she's lying, saying she "forgot" about liking his pics when apparently she's still been doing it, right? She COULD be telling the truth, but something is kind of weird about that situation. If she didn't get angry with you about it, then it's possible she's telling the truth.