Girl puts social media and relationship on same pedestal?

[Anonymous]

My ex of 3 years just left me because i didn’t unfollow every single girl on social media. A month before this i didn’t follow any girls cause she asked me to unfollow to save the relationship, but still left after a couple of weeks and came back. I’ve never cheated on her, entertained anyone on socials, or barely go out. She says i keep them there to look at but i don’t see the key to a happy relationship in who you follow because she still left when i followed 0 women cause of a different reason. Do all girls put a happy relationship up there with social media or is it a select few.

[quaranta]

It's definitely not "girls", it's a specific problem of your girlfriend and you can see even on this website some boyfriends behaving suspicious and controlling in the same way about social media, with unbelievable requests.
So, likely, your next girlfriend won't have this tendency.

The request she had is really too invasive, and it underlines how she doesn't trust you at all, which is a missing foundation for any working relationship.
From here I can't know if all this is because she has deep trust issues (that she would have with anyone else, under any circumstance, because it's rooted in her), or if her anxiety developed over you giving her clear signals of interest in other girls, as in you follow girls just to keep your options open or just to see how attractive they are (when there is no other reason, such as following a girl because of the works she crafts you want to see, or because she is an influencer and shows products you like, or does scientific divulgation, or because she is a friend of yours in real life... If those weren't the reasons, why else would you follow them, if not to open your options or to watch attractive girls?). If that is the case then you weren't honest with yourself and with her, that is why she suspected of your intentions.
Either way it looks like this wasn't the first time you had a fight about this point, you said she left you already in the past, which means the trust was gone already and unfortunately you don't rebuild trust by just forgiving each other, it takes a huge time to reconstruct and a plan behind...
Now try to not recycle the corpse of this relationship again because I think that is going to go the same way again if you give it a chance again.

I'm currently dating a guy and we both have mostly friends of our opposite genders we dedicate time to, and none of us ever displayed signals of jealousy. He never demanded my Instagram following list, I never demanded his contacts list, any of that. We just have reasons to trust each other and don't have trust issues ourselves.

[Asker]

I read everything and understand where you’re coming from but when i say following girls i mean i haven’t been actively following any girls for the last 3 years I’ve been with her she just doesn’t like that i never unfollowed every single girl when we first got together. From childhood friends, to family, to new college friends i made she didn’t want a single girl on my social media but claimed she didn’t get insecure if i went to the gym or bar. I don’t entertain anyone on social media by likes or comments let alone go searching.

[quaranta]

Then it looks like she will repeat the same scenario with any next partner she will have, until she will address her own problem and work on that, but trust issues are deeply rooted in many areas of us and it would take a lot of years before getting really chill with that, I guess.
(This makes the perspective of recycling the relationship even worse if you plan it, completely predictable in its outcome).
You did right in not getting along with her problem, you preserved your boundaries to some extent. She had to compromise too.
I wouldn't have lasted 3 years personally, I lasted around 10 months with a guy like this and that was anyway too much...

[Guy13]

Most women judge your true heart but the other actions we take. These are not congruent so yes, most women would have a problem with this. Similarly, most guys would have a problem with such a controlling woman.