The dating pool is all messed up right now. I think it would have been better in the 90s. Social media has had a great influence on what people desire in a mate through those fake look-at-me socials media influencers that advocate the “good life” aka rich and got every thing.
the truth is especially with the Instagram models, they make some nasty sacrifices in order to have that so called glamour. Look it up. Search secret life of Instagram models. This world sells you so much fake right down to the genders. So much fake how can the dating life not be effected. It is what is, just do yourself a favor and stay true to yourself because thats unpopular these days.
Hand clap to the rare real ones that still hold on to the old school quality of a good potential spouse. Your a dying breed.
Because it’s hard to find someone compatible. And people find too many minor reasons to not further pursue things.
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It’s likely the guys on the apps do not know beauty when they are looking and peaking with her.
This assume that she’s not bat 🦇 💩 Crazy though…. little Cra is expected but not Cra Cra…
There are women who are just like sigma males, and I think they call them sigma females too. Basically both male and female sigmas are the kinds of people who will go through life with few friends and few partners because not only are they very intelligent individuals apart from the norm, but they tend to be very genuine, have good intentions, are serious about love and relationships, and care a lot about others. But also at the same time, they keep a certain distance from people because they know a lot are wishy washy, insincere, and can try to take advantage of them.
Women who are as you describe are more genuine, deeper than many people, and have a lot of passionate and romantic energy but not in the sickeningly sweet, overwhelming, movie-like way others have. So because of this it'll be more of a challenge for them to meet a man of the same caliber, just like it is for sigma males vice versa. This does not mean that they'll never find the right person, but finding a gold nugget in a cave full of copper is going to take time, and you're going to want that nugget instead of continually settling for copper like the rest of the masses.
I want to call you, Rick Astley
I like this response
Despite there being even more single fish in the sea now then in the past, it is still not easy to find someone suitable. We have more boxes we want ticked off.
Our 20s are going into education and career formation so not as many are coming out of their 20s partnered (and possibly with kiddies). Undoubtedly we will have had some relationships that failed. Whilst we have abundant optimism in our first true love and it's together forever for sure. But it's not.
In our 30s we are a lot more sceptical and disbelieving. It has also got more serious. Marriage and children are more likely part of the deal. With that, relationship failure is far more consequential; especially for the guy. Divorce is a 50% probability at 8 years. It doesn't take much thought to decide it is not worth the risk. I've made that decision so I am biased on that.
In our 40s we could still technically have children but that will run out our working lives. That looks like a not-a-good-idea in addition to the divorce risks.
In our 50s we are in the run up to retirement so no risking the boat here.
So that is my take on the why's.
Sadly a lot of us won't get the thing we want most - a good relationship & partner.
I don't claim to have the answer or the whole answer but here are some thoughts.
I think one piece of what is a very complex puzzle is often a mismatch in place and time of the different people looking for partners. Ships in the night so to speak.
Another piece I suspect is age. It shouldn't matter but I believe it does. I think age also complicates the where and when component.
Age then throws an interesting wrench in the works in that we get more set in our ways. And while we shouldn't fundamentally change for others, I think some accommodations become more difficult as we're older -- notwithstanding the maturity you mention in your question.
I think finally, again notwithstanding the maturity you mention in your question, for a lot of people of all ages, kindness, looks, and maturity expectations and wants and needs are mismatched. Not wrong, not bad, not extreme, just unmatched.
Finally, I think that social media as well as dating apps have distorted how people date and interact. Social interactions are warped and shaped by follows and likes and communications over text and DM, etc.
Just some ideas. Again, I don't claim to have the answers.
This is complex. Very complex.
However there is a lot going in our subconscious that impacts our behavior, attitudes, mannerisms, decisions, etc. that we don’t even realize.
I am personally well educated, in excellent shape, generally care a great deal for others, have a good job, own a house and I’ve been told over the years I’m handsome. But yet I’ve always struggled to find a suitable partner. I’ve had gfs but nobody I ever felt completely ready to 100% trust and surrender to and settle down. Even though I want that.
But one advantage of getting older is I’ve gotten real about things that have impacted me in my youth. Not only other people. It’s true I NOT have a good female role model because my mother was extremely controlling and neurotic. I also has a very rough childhood where I was bullied viciously for having undiagnosed severe ADHD.
But I also became a sex addict later in life. That’s embarrassing and I don’t blame it on anyone despite being tempered to. But I am attention SA groups now. I now realize how detrimentally that has impacted my relationships with women. It made me self sabotage what could have been a good thing.
Because being a slut is the expected norm in western society and many men are looking for cheap & easy. So for women who are pretty, kind, mature who don't dress cheaply, don't act cheaply you have to dig through countless trashy western society men wanting cheap & easy to find someone worth keeping.
It's one of the reasons why western women of more self respect than the whorish norm are NOT bothering with western men anymore but look to other cultures such as say Moroccan, like a friend whose mother is kind, pretty and well educated and married a Moroccan engineer, rather than waste time & energy with western men anymore.
Western society is becoming more & more trashy every year if not every month in some places
Well, youth is the TOP ARBITER of attractiveness in the biological world. Men, no matter what age they are and how they look, seem destined to seek women younger to much younger than themselves.
Though women can get men somewhat younger than themselves, it's still unusual to see female-male couples where the woman is 60 and the man 40, no matter how good-looking, kind or rich she is. There might be incremental change in this scenario, though.
And there is the stigma that older people are no longer sexual or even interested in sex.
Though there's some truth to this because of illnesses such as diabetes or high blood pressure and anyone taking antidepressants usually loses their sex drive because of the medications, there are still perfectly healthy older people who can engage in sex and enjoy themselves. Just not a frequently as 19 year olds!!!
And people who are engaged in life, who are interested and interesting, usually remain that way FOR life.
@Haha456 I'm going to argue that point with you. A 40 year old might be physically prettier, but loads of 60 year olds are far more interesting.
@exitseven It's all MAINTENANCE MAINTENANCE MAINTENANCE!!! AHAHAHAHA!!!
Do what you can !!!
@Screenwriter
I doubt anyone agrees with that
@Haha456 And I call bullshit. I know I'm attractive enough and I know others just as attractive my age and somewhat older. You clearly have a very limited experience with older people and who and how they date and what their lives are like.
I hope as you get older you realize you might be wrong.
@Screenwriter
yea... you're a senior citizen yourself. That would explain why you're fighting for the idea that senior citizens are still sexy.
But I know that from my own experience talking to you , Maturity and wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age.
Just because you are 67, it doesn't mean its easier for you to accept it when you're wrong or when you've made a mistake.
@Haha456 I didn't say ALL are. Just like there are loads of young people who ARE NOT sexy, never were and never will be. I remember them from when I was 19.
Plus your values of WHAT is sexy change too. It's not all about how perfect a body you have, or if you have a six pack etc. Though that might be sexy, hot, etc on one level, that's not ALL there is to sexy and hot. And since you ARE NOT my age, you have trouble evaluating what IS sexy and hot to someone older.
I agree that wisdom and maturity don't necessarily come with age. And maturity and wisdom aren't the sole factors of attraction They also don't make someone attractive combined with a host of other negatives, physical or not.
But one thing you learn with age is it's not all in the externals. And, personally, I knew this at age 23. Loads of pretty people were vapid and feckless and not worth a whit of my time. And they thought they were something special because they were pretty. Got away with murder because of it.
And you're no more a "junior" citizen than I am a "senior" one. I'm older. You're younger. Means little in the scope of what our personal life experiences are: thus your comment about wisdom and maturity being true.
And I'm not wrong for me and my life at age 66. I haven't made a mistake and I'm not wrong for me. I know what I accept and what I value and it's different than what you do. And when I was 40 years or 30 years younger, I was different, just as you are. You should accept that.
@Haha456 You are incredibly ignorant since you aren't 60 and you don't know. And because of your ignorance you ARE offensive. Don't talk about what you DO NOT KNOW!!! You are assuming. And what you're saying is not "the truth."
There are many truths and they are completely according to who you are talking about. Of course there are 60 year olds who don't have sex. I can't relate percentages because THAT I don't know.
Those who can't are usually those who have co-morbidities such as diabetes or high blood pressure or who knows what else.
Sixty, 70 or 80 don't mean you're sick and disabled. I know from my own family. Lots of long-lived healthy people. I have older and younger friends. One is 53 and has rheumatoid arthritis and is partially crippled! He's not going to do well at 60... Yet his wife is able-bodied and vital and full of life and is 10 years older than him.
So PLEASE, I understand this might be YOUR experience, but realize there are many OTHER experiences that express a DIFFERENT TRUTH.
its very hard for an old person to admit she isn't sexy anymore.
clearly you just dont have the maturity to do just that.
I had a similar experience with you in another comment post a while ago. You were bragging that you were financially savvy , held investments and was well off. But then you had to buy clothes for your son at a thrift store.
thats why i said maturity and wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age.
@Haha456 My dear. I don't HAVE to buy clothes at thrift stores. And it IS financially savvy to buy brand new, unused clothes at thrift stores... clothes that STILL have the original tags on them and have never been worn and are being sold for fractions of the cost of, say new Brooks Brothers shirts, pants, jackets. Retailers "retire" brand new clothes to thrift stores to get tax breaks when the seasons and styles change. The fact that you don't KNOW this shows how unwise YOU are. Again!!
Everyone I know shops thrifts to save money so we can spend it on, say skiiing or diving vacations, or home remodeling, or art or going to the ballet or concerts. And when I say everyone, I mean people of means, as well as the working poor. It's how and why so many people look so nicely dressed these days. My schooloteacher mom and post office worker dad took me to thrifts when I was a child and saved money
They left my brother and I several hundred thousand dollars after their deaths. I am still getting a few thousand here and there from dissolving some stock and life insurance accounts years after their deaths... They are complicated to resolve. ...
It is gratifying to me and many others to save where we can.. There's nothing wrong with shopping thrift stores or wal mart or marshall's or TJ Maxx or Home goods to skip overpriced goods.
Maybe you're so rich you don't need to economize. But saving money is ALWAYS wise. Whether you
ve won the lottery or not. Never any reason to waste money or anything else.
@exitseven
i couldn't understand a word you said. you can't even articulate yourself. Learn to write before you tell me how to think, ok?
I think it might not have anything to do with those things. Dating is hard in general. I feel like it has gotten more difficult nowadays for singles for a variety of reasons from hookup culture to the failure of dating apps. Expectations in relationships have changed as well.
Because it's a two way street.
Maybe THEY have trouble finding someone mature and kind enough for them.
That was my problem. I fell for my husband because he was the only person I'd met who challenged me morally. He inspires me to be a better person. The others didn't do that.
>Maybe THEY have trouble finding someone mature and kind enough for them.<
Do you mean like their expectations are too high? ... I think it should be a BASIC thing to be that for someone you really care about.
I feel it's a bit luck?
Sharing the same values is different from just being a decent person who is kind and matured. Maybe I didn't specify things well.
Pretty people usually are used to being treated well and I feel it’s easier to be a good person if you’ve experienced suffering. Besides this too pretty isn’t a good thing. Most guys won’t approach anything they consider to be too good for them and unlike women they usually don’t overestimate their overall quality by much.
Kindness is great but it holds you back as well… kind people rarely get what they want. Their too busy worrying about others.
Maturity’s great but…
Honestly, your question is a lot more complicated than you may think. I don’t think you realized it, but you actually raised a whole ton of philosophical questions.
For example, it raises the question on what is maturity, and whether or not it does, or does not exist.
Honestly, I can’t say there’s one definitive answer. Instead, I’ll just say that not everything is as it seems and that especially goes for people if you don’t really know how to look at them.
It’s worth noting that people have a tendency of showing parts of their personality to me that they wouldn’t shut anyone else. People have a tendency of letting their guard down around me so I tend to get a good glimpse at the dark secrets. A lot of people have, and there’s a lot of them.
The real question is why are they attracted to people who aren't right for them? If they date the same type of person over and over and each relationship fails, it's time to examine what attracts them to this type. Physical traits should not be a primary factor. Appearance has nothing to do with personality.
Hey true. However, you can't deny the natural fact that looks get you into the door first, THEN the person wants to get to know them better after that! 🙂
Yes, of course. I mean don't limit who you'll date based on insignificant details, like hair color or abs.
I think it's just very difficult to find someone and commit. Some fights might have you wonder if it's worth investing more time in that person, you don't know if you give up right away, jump to conclusions don't talk to eachother and try to figure it out.
Because maybe they're not as pretty, kind or mature as they think.
a lot more than that goes into a relationship aswell. Are you stable financially? Do you come with baggage? Do you have a not so attractive reputation? All sorts can hinder
@TenderFantasy, I know your struggle. In all of my struggles with finding a partner, I'm the common denominator. That's really all I can say towards that. Amy definitely figured something out that the rest of us didn't.
I'm guessing 1000lb sisters is a TV programme and Amy must be a fat woman. If that's the case I wouldn't go comparing your life to someone off the TV. This Amy would have been broadcast to a wider audience and had much more of a chance to catch someone's eye which isn't the case for 99% of us.
All I can say is never stop working on yourself and improving. Health, career, appearance, finance, everything
@Keishio She actually married her high school friend so that probably helped lol. He's a very fat/overweight person himself. And honestly, not a looker, no offense. Cute enough but not like that.
@uwotm8e I don't know. It seems like there's a hidden insult with what you say though. It can't be JUST me though! It ALWAYS takes two and I truly do believe there's luck involved with it. I also wasn't going to settle just because my clock was ticking or I was desparate for a baby or something. Maybe some are like that!
From my perspective I like active, slim women be that through sport or gym and I knew it'd be easier for me to find a woman like that if I'm also in shape and active so I started working out and fixing my diet. I also needed to be self reliant so I put myself through trade school. These two things alone have allowed me to meet the type of women I like and have the finance behind me to impress. The initial parts of attraction are incredibly shallow
Because a woman's past matters a lot. So even with all that, if her past was bad I'd stay away.
Also her age. I want kids, so if she's older I always prioritize the youngest women I'm talking to. So a lot of men might be doing that.
Lastly, maybe she thinks she's those things, or appears to you to be those things, but acts like total shit in romantic settings ie ultra jealous or dominating bitchy etc.
Because they're wookin' pa nub, in all dug wong pwaces.
Avoid the Internet like the plague. Forget cyber, and try terra firma.
Because they aren’t willing to ask people out. They want other people to ask them so there’s all these catches standing against the wall and if you just ask a few of them eventually you’ll get a yes. It’s worked for me.
I think that the older you get the harder it is to meet people. When you are in high school and college there are plenty of opportunities to meet people. After you graduate a lot of those opportunities go away.
Possessing good qualities doesn’t entitle you to whatever or whoever you want. Partly luck and chemistry.
Thanks that makes sense.
Because being attractive, kind, and mature is a rare find. I've discovered people cannot bring themselves to be equal or better, so they avoid such people altogether.
Because the population consists mostly of assholes.
Finding a decent human being is like finding a needle in a haystack.
most common reasons:
1. they never actively tried looking when they were young.
2. high standards.
Because not everyone wants me because I am not the wild party type. They want fun and excitement and think I can't do that.
Well, there is some luck involved. If you are not in the right place at the right time, you won't meet that special person. Another reason is people these days sit on their butts wasting their time on dating apps.
Depends on if others meet their standards. I dont feel they need to lower their standards. people just need to meet them
I don’t know. Is this you we are referring to? If so, maybe you are fussier and not prepared to waste time on just anyone, so the pool is not as full?
From my POV, it's because that's not what girls are interested in! They only want cruel, evil guys that control them and beat the shit out of them. So, I guess I'll be alone all my life!
yes, not sure why though. they could be shy. or maybe they expect it to come to them, instead of at least trying to look for it a little bit
If I had to guess, I would say that it happens because healthy people have a way of highlighting how unhealthy other people are.
They haven't learned who and how to date, were not taught to find a partner in their 20s, and set their self worth way too high.
Look to your friend zone and be realistic about the man you need and what you can offer him.
Most people don't want to date good people, attractiveness, age, and income matter much more than being good. If you are attractive, rich people will still want you, even if you are evil.
Are you referring to yourself in this question?
One part is abusive exes, toxic past relationships and my people not being able to handle a healthy relationship after all of that... the other part is a lot of people crave drama.
Kind mature men and women both seem to tend to be nervous about making the first move. But if no one makes the first move they won’t get together.
Because a lot people think once they get a good looking person, they believe they can get any attractive person. They see it as an ego boost.
We are quickly dismissed and quickly judged for not having the physical traits. Typically we are the patient ones.
Most of those people aren't kind or mature they just think they are. And when they interact with a person over a long enough time it becomes apparent.
Lack of “quality saturation” in the local population
i think the most common reason is because there are less and less occasions to meet people
but also everyone has a personal reason
Usually because we’re stuck in our own bubble and pass up great potential relationships for shit reasons.
I kinda relate, you simply can't find them in herd of so called glamourous looking people. It's a alone place to be.
Longest debated question. I think it cause people want someone like how they see them selfsame which is relaxed and comfortable being kinda dorky
Because they aren’t as pretty, kind and mature as they think they are lol
They usually have unaddressed mental issue that give them unhealthy social coping mechanisms they’re unable to recognize because they don’t seek help for it
It takes two to make relationship work right, last time I heard. You can't just automatically assume things like that. Nobody is perfect. People shouldn't expect their partners to be either.
Yeah, but people are allowed to have high expectations too
Yes that's the sad part.
They need to be more realistic with things in my opinion, if they want a successful relationship/partnership with someone.
Yeah, and sometimes the expectations are as high as “I don’t want a partner with toxic behavior” which is what I was referencing originally. You can love someone despite their flaws, but you should find someone whose flaws make them more endearing, not give them the sad backstory
because they are pretty, kind, mature and these qualities are rare.
Probably because they let some slimy asshole get in their pants 15 years ago.
People tend to be attracted to what really isn't that good for them.
A partner is easy, The partner... all people struggle with that!
Probably shyness or they have some unresolved problems in their heads
Just because you look good on the outside doesn't mean you're not fucked up inside
Because people think we are already taken
Because most people just want to mess around 🤷♀️
Their dating standards!
Yes, just like everyone else.
Being kind and pretty not enough.
They don't know what makes a good partner
For women… it’s their past.
1. Haha good one (not).
2. You don't know someone's past until you talk to them during your date or going out several times.
3. They can just LIE about their past.
4.. Everyone has a past. If someone really likes or cares about them, they will ACCEPT it really. I mean they HAVE to, if they want a future with this woman or man (person)!
5. It's not like you or anyone can change their past. It's permanent. I learned that the hard way but I was STILL careful with my life, none the less!
Women get emotionally invested with each sexual partner and the more sexual partners the more mental baggage, the more mental baggage the more fucked up in the head she is.
It’s pretty obvious.
Come on, quit trollin' I was being serious with this question. If it was true that women get emotionally attached with each sexual partner, then female prostitution would be IMPOSSIBLE firstly.
Look up oxytocin production and female sexual arousal.
Women get bursts of oxytocin during foreplay, intercourse, and orgasm… and estrogen enhance it’s affects.
So unless a girl is mentally unsound, she will get emotionally invested.
Men get bursts of dopamine.
Men get vassopresin after sex. That I know as I've read it before.
I think she can only get attatched if it's repeated. I've had one night stands in the past and I never went back and never regret it nor did I get attatched either.
And I was not mentally unsound. It takes more than good/great sex to have a good working relationship obviously.
If you didn’t get any emotional you were either mentally fucked up on drugs or alcohol.
vassopresin doesn’t do anything for men get dopamine from sex which is the happy drug, women get oxytocin which is the bonding chemical.
Women will say they don’t get attached are usually lying to themselves. https://i.imgur.com/cUCgOrC.mp4
So you're saying men are robots and have NO feelings when they have sex with someone? ! God that sounds awful.
And NOPE I was NOT high on drugs or alcohol, how DARE you say that! I am not one of those WILD chicks that wanted to experiement with things like that. In fact, I was a GOOD girl, maybe too good!
I was not LYING to myself lol. Go on and keep on trying to put me into a box if it makes you happy.
I just had no feelings for the men and vice versa. But anyway, I don't think it's really your business what my sex life is like thank you.
They’re looking the wrong place
Picky.
Yeah they do
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