How can I become a better girlfriend?

Question

my boyfriend and i have not been the best lately. i’ve been a horrible girlfriend to him, i’ll admit. he did some pretty crappy stuff in the past and he apologized and is trying to change, i’ve been holding a grudge towards him and becoming angry about the things that had happened. we haven’t spoken today at all bc the last week all we have been doing is fighting with each other. i miss who we used to be, i miss him. i’m pretty sure after this time he doesn’t want to get back with me. i guess i am asking how to become a better girlfriend for a future boyfriend i guess.

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

Well before you can really and truly appreciate someone at their best you have to see them at their worst. So, if your best is not good enough then you worst will be over whelming.

If you cannot forgive or accept people for who they are without resulting to blame shifting and gas lighting, then it will never work. If said he was sorry and you accepted that apology then you need to move on, if you truly cannot do that then you are incapable of truly forgiving him or loving him.

For me I never expect a woman to change for me. I either lover her for who she is and I accept that or I can't. All a man really wants is for a woman to accept and appreciate him for who he is. It's easy to get caught up in a loop of negativity... but you got to learn to detach from those moments and remind yourself of all the good qualities this person has, and how you love those things about this person. If those things are not enough to carry you through the tough times, or if those qualities are not enough to allow you look past their mistakes, then you just have to move on.

Nobody will ever be perfect or do all the right things all the time, but once step back and detach from the matter at hand you will be able to see if all the great things, they do are good enough for you... then you can really and truly appreciate this person. If you can't do this, then nobody will ever be good enough for you.

BCRanger10 · Accepted Answer

If I may ask, what did he do and what is he doing to improve himself? Likewise, when you get angry with him for his past offenses, what is the context?

Something my wife and I do is we have a weekly meeting with each other. We pick three specific things with which to honor the other person; three specific things we each said and did in the past week that made the other feel particularly loved, appreciated, and cherished. A gift the other bought or made, making coffee, taking on extra chores, or some other act of love. Then we each take turns discussing how the last week was with work, family, friends, prayer (we're Catholic), and so forth.

Then we discuss how we are doing as a couple. That's when we discuss ways each may have offended the other. Conversely, it's also an opportunity for one to apologize for something not previously discussed ("Last month, I did or said x, y, or z. I didn't think of it until now. I'm sorry"). There are other things we discuss as well, but this one is the most relevant. It's basically a chance to engage, prevent, or defuse conflict.

What this essentially is is a regular and intentional way to ensure that the relationship is stable and healthy, and can grow and mature. Granted, it's more geared towards a marriage, but I think it still can be of some value towards an unmarried couple as well.

LilMissLeanna · Accepted Answer

If you are going to be with him forgiveness of the past is kind of a deal breaker right? Youd want him to forgive you right? If you can't let it go then this probably won't work. My first boyfriend cheated on me and I took him back and it was a bad idea. The trust was gone and I couldnt get past it so I had to leave him again which made it harder than the first time.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I find if you have a problem with something approach it more sweetly and playfully because he will find it more cute and want to fix it so he can get more of you. If you come off all bitchy he will be more like ugh and want to avoid you or continue doing things you don’t like.

Guy13 · Answer

Before one can accept and love another one must first accept and love oneself, therefore, evaluating and analyzing oneself regularly is a major component in maintaining a successful relationship. From there we can catch-up with our partners and the Relationship in whole as we grow together rather than apart.

Basically Me, Myself, and I must change to Me, You, and Us in all Matters.

Avicenna · Answer

Communicate better and forgive where possible

Anonymous · Answer

Become a partner that say what she means, and is clear and precise about what she wants. Dont play emotional games where you withhold intimacy as an extorsion card for your boyfriend to figure out what is wrong with you. Intimacy should never be a trade card, and intimacy does not mean sex. So, if you are mad, say you are mad and say why. Also be clear about your limits, it will make you an emotionally healthier persona and that will reflect on your relationship. Limits are not spoken, limits should be demonstrated in the sense that you express them and then, if these are broken, there are actual consequences to it.

But mostly, be a respectful person towars your man. Men need to feel respected, and this does not mean do what he says because he is in command. It just means be respectful, recognize him as you partner and act as a commited person wether he is with you or not.

Be mindful, be attentive and be caring. But must of all, dont hold on to the past. If you are done with someone, be done. Accept your mistakes, accept his mistakes, deal with it however you wish to, and move on. There is nothing worst than bringing baggage from another relationship to a new one. Your new partner is not your ex and he should not pay for the mistakes of another person.

Hope you find this helpful. Also, try not to focus so much on how can you be a better girlfriend, and more in how to be a better person in general.

21Cowboy21 · Answer

Sorry to hear that. Will you reconcile the fight shared between you too or move on and leave it in the past?

It may be that two great people can be on different velocities (space x time) at that stage in life and need some space to find a more suitable partner for each of their own goals. It doesn't mean anyone was in the wrong - just that you two aren't right for each other even though u can both be great people in your own life or with those who match u best.

If u think you would regret "what if" later on in life - attempt to reconcile.

If you dont think you would regret leaving it behind - you've already made the choice that is best for you.

RavVid · Answer

Look I think part of the problem bfs and gfs is that we all have an idea of what a good boyfriend/girlfriend is. For a start they don't cheat but there are other things too.

A lot of couples develop shortcuts into fighting. There is something that the other partner regards as bad partner behavior and it goes from there.

How about asking what would a good girlfriend/boyfriend have done in that situation?

One girlfriend always wanted me to admire and express appreciation of what she had done but she would rarely give me appreciation. But the fights would a little more on immediate than the general. That I didn't thank her for buying XYZ fulsomely enough. I might say that she didn't appreciate my effort to do ABC for her. The arguments were always on superficial examples of an underlying core problem.

I think asking the question above could help eliminate some systemic problems.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Listen your being to hard on yourself. Your not a bad girlfriend you just human he did some Nad things to you and your not handling it well but who would when someone hurt you naturally your gonna be angry about it. He has to understand that it's gonna take time for you to heel what he did obviously violated your trust now it's gonna take time for you to get back to who you use to be with him. If he can't understand that then he's crazy after all it is his fault that your this way with him. Trust me your a good girl look at what your doing for him he did you wrong and you still gave him another chance when you probably shouldn't have you feel me.

lightbulb27 · Answer

read some books

meditate to heal your brain

read some books and watch videos on relationships, communication, and forgiveness.

write down what happened, what you learned about yourself and what you learned.

Work on healing your own junk and crap.

Do best you can next time...

OfMiceandMen · Answer

Sounds to me like you learned a lot from this relationship. I think the biggest lesson you should come away with, is that it doesn't have to be that difficult with someone.

If you do call it quits, hope you find someone that makes it a little easier to get along.

20yearsolder · Answer

Sometimes you can't forgive And forget. And you shouldn't. I don't know what the crappy things he did in the past but it's not a requirement for you to get over them. He started the whole shitty situation. Chances are you're better off without him.

Mofunfour20 · Answer

You're probably a bad girlfriend because you weren't raised to be a wife. If thats true you're gonna have a lot of bad habits to break to accommodate a relationship in your life

NotTacocaT6969 · Answer

That depends on the specific guy you’re trying to date.  Every last one of them wants something different.

SnoopBean9110 · Answer

I’d hug and talk at the same time. That way you make no eye contact to see expressions. You just need an easy one on one hugging. Also I’d get warm after hugging awhile! So I just never wanna stop.

Iron_Man · Answer

Try taking him out to dinner and paying for it be nice and friendly and smile, be consistent in the future bring up positive things. He also should be positive and doing things for you

WhitneySnow · Answer

Talk to him. Maybe you guys can still save your relationship.

Sensualsubmissive · Answer

Best quality a guy likes is one who comforts him💚🏆🌹

gorydetails · Answer

So start being pleasant. In the future, when that 'crappy stuff' happens, move on. Don't stay and torture the dude afterward.

FitMom · Answer

It's not always easy I can understand that but for me trust and being considerate are good ways to start

LemiaOfThunder · Answer

Ask your partner what you could do to improve.

Wise4myage · Answer

Becoming more mature would sure help and that includes your boyfriend.

EaterPeter · Answer

Keep working on it. Small things often. Listen to him. Find his love language priority and follow it. Same time pay attention to your happiness too.

Anonymous · Answer

see your question title? That's how you become a better girlfriend. Ask your next boyfriend the same question. 🙂

KrakenAttackin · Answer

At your age you had better figure it out... quickly.

Anonymous · Answer

he misses you too. but he's scared terrified even of you and your family hurting him again

Anonymous · Answer

You could become a better girlfriend by going out with ME !! I'll treat you right !

In_Trance · Answer

Learn from past mistakes

Anonymous · Answer

Live and learn from your mistakes.

wafflemakerman69 · Answer

Respect is what us guys want.

krin_m · Answer

Be yourself and kind!

Anonymous · Answer

Provide sex more often

Dav1dTh0ma389 · Answer

Listen

How can I become a better girlfriend?

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