Girls, if you withhold sex from your boyfriend/ husband, how long until you accept him cheating?

[JamesDiaz11]

Disclaimer: Don't waste your time posting "cheating is never acceptable." Or "why not just leave," because anyone with half a brain knows that relationships and the willingness to stay are complicated.

I think everyone would agree that men greatly desire, and arguably need sex. One of the biggest reasons we enter a relationship is so that we can have regular sex with our significant other (this isn't the only reason ofc, but it's a big one).

However, things happen, things change, and there may come a time when your partner (the girl in this scenario) may not be receptive to sex for a long time. There are the well known phenomena of "sexless marriages," however, many people find themselves in boyfriend/girlfriend relationships long-term, which can also turn sexless for a long time (over 1-3 months)

Not in the mood

So, for the women on here, how long would you deprive your boyfriend/ husband of sex (whether it be out of spite, or just because you're not feeling it) who is openly pursuing it with you, before in the event he cheats you're open to the idea of understanding why he did it. This doesn't mean you would forgive him, or be willing to work through it, but that you would be open to accepting some responsibility in what occurred (as you were the one who deprived him of sex).

[Anonymous]

NEVER. And yes, I will absolutely ”waste my time” saying that cheating is never acceptable because that is the truth. If you cheat then that’s on you. You’re a selfish nacissistic asshole who lacks all sense of morals if you do, end of story. You can try to justify it for yourself but it is unjustifyable and you’re nothing but a weak piece of shit of you do. No, men do not need sex. I peomise you, and I know you already damn well know this deep down, that that’s a bunch of bullshit. Want and need are two different things. You may really want sex, but you do not need it. If you are in a monogamous relationship with someone you have agreed to not sleep with anybody else, bo matter the circumstances. If you can’t accept how things are then you try to talk and solve things and if that’s not working then you end the relationship BEFORE looking around for someone else to get into bed with. And that’s it. It really is this simple and if you cannot get on board with this then a monogamous relationship is not for you and you should just never get into one.

[JamesDiaz11]

So, let's approach this a different way, because you became a shrill, hysterical women really quick: At what point would you as a women be receptive to a conversation on sex after withholding sex for an extended period of time?
How long before you acknowledge it's a problem, and there's something YOU need to do in order to remedy it. My guess is that you'll put the onus on the man (e. g. "well, he needs to make me feel sexy, or compliment me, or...") because you're clearly a shrill, hysterical woman, but feel free to prove me wrong.

[KrakenAttackin]

Wow, someone is triggered AF!😂😂😂😂

[KrakenAttackin]

Triggered girl reported my comment.

[JamesDiaz11]

@KrakenAttackin Yea, they reported every response I had to them and to the question itself. Super triggered.

[KrakenAttackin]

Modern women are unstable and triggered over the smallest things. No wonder most of them will end up alone.

[LazerBean]

LOL Kraken can't really talk about being triggered, since he has me blocked because he got sick of me making him look like my stupid bitch in every argument.

[SphynxUK]

1-3 months is a ‘long time’ 😂. What about after childbirth? You have literally no clue about anything. Deprive? I would deprive you! I hope any woman would. If YOU want sex every day, find someone compatible. Or better yet, cheat and set her free from you!

[Anonymous]

If you enter relationships because of sex then you’re doing it wrong. You should be with someone because you love them and want only them and to share a life together. Sex is just a nice bonus that comes with it. If you base your relationship on sex it will never last because over the course of a longterm relationship/marriage there will naturally be drys spells and sometimes they can last for several months or even years, especially if you have kids. You need to work through it. To go out and cheat in such situations means you can kiss that relationship goodbye and it would seem like you were in it for all the wrong reasons to start with or too immature to handle a real relationship.

[JamesDiaz11]

I agree that the primary motive for a long-term relationship is love (i. e. commitment and duty, not infatuation and capricious feelings); however, this doesn't negate the importance of sex.
There's a saying: "sex is 40% of a relationship, unless it's bad, then it's 60%."

[Juxtapose]

If I want just love man I will call my friends.

[KrakenAttackin]

Yup. Withholding sex is default permission for a man to find sex elsewhere.

[JamesDiaz11]

Well, that's pretty extreme, but alright.

[LazerBean]

Never. My husband and I have always agreed that you should never neglect your spouse. But you can always undo that damage and do better. You can never undo being a cheater though. My husband, I, and eeryone with half a brain knows that there's nothing more worthless than an unfaithful partner. The fact that you think there's any excuse for cheating means that you need to be treated and viewed as a cheater already, because it is inevitable for you.

[LazerBean]

But yeah, I will never expect him to cheat on me because he is a good man. Something you cannot relate to.

[JamesDiaz11]

I don't know who you are, and you have next to no knowledge of who I am; so, it's pretty frivolous you wasted your time insulting me instead of succinctly answering the question. You could have simply said never; however, you tempered this "never" with a stated duty you accept to not "neglect your spouse."
Let's turn this around them: what would you do if your WONDERFUL husband wouldn't have sex with you for two years (taking into consideration you're in your 20's)? What if you have had multiple conversations with him on this issue to no avail? Now, add the variable of you co-owning a house, having children, and divorce would be devastating to both of you financially.
I don't advocate cheating, I'm just trying to gauge the empathy of you women, and there seems to be very little.

[LazerBean]

I know you're okay with cheating, and that is all that needs to be known about you. And my husband wouldn't so that, but I'll play along with your hypotheticals. I still wouldn't cheat because that would make a worthles shitbag who deserves to be publicly shamed and looked down upon by the whole community. Just because your spouse is doing you wrong does not make you any less of a worthless human being if you decide to cheat.

[JamesDiaz11]

I see. So are you then on board with cheaters facing public humiliation (knowing many of your fellow women will face this)? Because, if so, I'm fully with you on that.

[LazerBean]

Absolutely. I need to lie though, everyone here knows you're a cheater who would never want to be called out and will always justify themselves for cheating.

[JamesDiaz11]

I have options; that's all I'll say. One look at your soft husband and I'm guessing you're the best he could get- sure, he won't cheat. Do you ever miss a real man?

[LazerBean]

Wow that's some serious projection to go along with your admission to premeditating cheating. Both of which are very common in products of broken homes and promiscuous parents.

[JamesDiaz11]

My parents are together, and my dad was my moms first boyfriend; so, you're free to try again baby-Freud.
You didn't answer my question: do you miss being with a real man, albeit one who cheats on you? Is this why you took that Psych 101 class, to psychoanalyze your love interest?

[LazerBean]

Lol Real men don't cheat on their wives, which means you will never be a hundredth of the man that my husband is. Lol now we are getting down to it, you defend cheating because your dad is the one who taught you how to be the cheater/slut that you are. Why don't you go show this whole threads to your mom and see how impressed she is.

[JamesDiaz11]

Here's a pro-tip for you women: a real man isn't just whatever you say you want a man to be; a real man is one who is accepted and acknowledge by OTHER men. Look at every culture across history, male right of passage is done among, and acknowledged by OTHER MEN- not women. We decide who real men are, not you, and it's telling that the guys WE acknowledge as real men get all the women- not the soft, emotionally available, sensitive, rolly-polly men who bend to you stated (i. e. false) preferences.

[LazerBean]

That doesn't really help you because real men also agree that you're a filthy slut.

[JamesDiaz11]

It's my estimation that you don't personally know any real men.

[LazerBean]

That would be you, baby girl.

[Billlewis]

I'm a firm believer that a woman should always have the inherent right to decide when or if she wants to engage in any sexual interaction with her boyfriend or husband, and if she prefers not to have any sexual encounters whatsoever, her wishes must be upheld.

[Anonymous]

I will never take or accept accountability if my partner cheated because I wasn’t in the mood and because he can’t take accountability that he can control his needs.
You need some serious help if you can’t control your self buddy. Typical guy and the role model for generations to come

[JamesDiaz11]

How about if you weren't in the mood for two years? Is it still a failure to "control his needs?"

[Opinion Owner]

Yes it’s selfish. Turn inwards towards your partner and be supportive of what’s the root of this over all.

[JamesDiaz11]

I see- do you think a woman ever took accountability, or do you believe that's solely a male trait? Honest question. Think about it, you were so quick to say you'd "never take or accept accountability," that was the FIRST thing you chose to say, presumably a visceral reaction.

[Opinion Owner]

I can see why she withdrew from you.

[Agape93]

Counter question. When you keep disrespecting your partner, how long will it take for you to accept she will find someone who does respect her?

[JamesDiaz11]

Why can't you women answer a question directly? In what scenario is it appropriate to answer a question with another answer, other than as a transparent attempt to be right (which you modern women have ingrained in you)?

Nevertheless, I'll answer: if you mistreat your partner, I'd expect the average person to put up with it for 3-6 months before it becomes a terminal issue, which includes her entertaining other men (whether it be strictly virtual, or actively forming alternative relationships).

[Agape93]

Care to try again without being an ass?

[JamesDiaz11]

Why don't you respond to what I said without getting offended by the fact I didn't deliver it softly lol.

[Agape93]

Follow the rules or your shit gets removed

[LiamJHayden]

"Don't waste your time posting 'cheating is never acceptable.'"

Why ask a question if you don't want honest answers?

[JamesDiaz11]

Just because people that lack empathy are annoying to me, especially women (who are suppose to be the emotional sex). For a gender that finds nuance in everything, and will always temper an issue with context, it's obnoxious when they become paladins of right and wrong, and good/bad when it impacts them.
For instance, many women will at least pose a rationale of why a woman would cheat. They'll say, "well, maybe he wasn't treating her well; maybe she needed to find herself; maybe he wasn't satisfying her; maybe she deserved more than what she was getting; maybe she had unresolved trauma from life, etc. etc. etc."
However, when the shoe is on the other foot they feel zero empathy, zero accountability, and the masters of nuance (e. g. "well, it depends...") become dogmatic.

[LazerBean]

@LiamJHayden you can't really expect cheaters to be reasonable.

[AsaKyo]

I wouldn't withhold that from a guy if I was actually happy being with him and he was definitely the one for me