Relationships

I’m so worried that my boyfriend will end things with me, what should I do?

my boyfriend and i have been together for 9 years and i messed up so bad. so i’m the type of person that has a hard time letting go of the past. he has done and said some pretty crappy stuff to me, i forgave him, but still can’t let go of what was done and said. i bring it up a lot. anyway, a few days ago, we were hanging out and something happened and i punched him. things got out of control real real bad. i texted my friends telling them what happened and in the fit of anger i told them that he was a waste of time and i’m going to heal myself and start dating again. i didn’t mean a word, i said it bc i was angry. he came to my house the next day to talk and forgive me for punching him right. he then used my computer and i forgot my computer and phone were connected. so he went through my text msgs, saw the message i sent my friends and now is upset, hurt, sad and angry. i tried to explain myself but it didn’t help. he asked me if i think about being with someone else and i said no, but when we do argue, i think to myself that if we don’t workout i’ll have to start dating again. he asked me why i would even think that and i said it’s bc all we do is argue. he said we? or you? i said yes me, i argue with you. he then left my house so upset and it killed me. i tried calling him yesterday to apologize and he said he didn’t want to hear what i had to say or hear my voice and hung up on me. i’m so sad and hurt that things went down this way, and i don’t want him to break up with me. what should i do?
I’m so worried that my boyfriend will end things with me, what should I do?
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