Former friends with benefits keeps contacting my boyfriend? What is between both of them?

[Anonymous]

We have been together for a year.

My boyfriend and his friends with benefits have not seen each other for ca. 7 years, they used to have great sex, and used to write with each other weekly.

We had some conflicts and almost broke up as I saw how they sent kisses to each other before we met, I know they cannot meet as her boyfriend is against it, he keeps assuring they are friends and they constantly write each other. I felt like they have so big connection that it is insane. My boyfriend did not want us to break up and said he will stop writing her as she means nothing to her. After this her friends with benefits freaked out and started to contact him everywhere, asking his friends about him, sending him crying emojis. He just told her he cannot write with her and it is difficult to explain. Now they just send each birthday wishes, congrats for occasions and blushing smileys. I feel so disturbed by it. What is between both of them? I feel like she will be her future girlfriend and she will never give up trying to get him.

[Anonymous]

Then leave him. Mentally set yourself free from the burden of that situation because now that you’ve posted about this a few times I know it’s eating you up inside, which is not healthy. The thing is if he left you for her tomorrow there’d be nothing you could do. If he found some super sneaky way to still have sex with her behind your back there’d be nothing you can do. Basically, if these things ever happened it would be out of your control, so why worry about it? Why worry about her? Enjoy what you and him have now and what you’re building.

[ShiftingMonke]

Clearly they had a strong connection. Your boyfriend seems to be making an effort to respect your wishes and distance himself from her. You cannot be mad at him for actions he isn't responsible for; potentially the communication during holidays and yearly events counts for something, but if you both want to work things out, boundaries should be reaffirmed. I strongly suggest reaching out to his former lover, as an olive branch, and request that she respect the sanctity of your relationship. Give her a chance, woman to woman, to be decent. As for your boyfriend, make him aware that while you appreciate the distance he's put between himself and her, even the blushing emojis cause you to be uncomfortable. Request again that he focus more on the woman he currently loves. If he can't provide the love and attention you deserve, perhaps it's time you step away from the triangle and seek happiness elsewhere.

[Asker]

Is it fine for former friends with benefits to send kiss emojis to each other? I never do that to anybody besides my boyfriend and very close girlfriends. My boyfriend says it doesn`t mean anything. (is not flirting) I think it does mean a lot.

Then again my boyfriend keeps telling me it means something when work colleagues touch my arms, shoulders and legs. I say I cannot do anything about it and it doesn`t come from my side and I do not touch them. He thinks this is flirting.

[ShiftingMonke]

In my opinion, sending lone emojis without context is just cringe. I couldn't decipher hidden meaning behind it, and it seems like a rather easy habit to break.

He may perceive it as flirting; his point is sort of valid, in that (if) your coworkers truly are flirting in that way, you're somehow responsible for actions that you don't support nor enable, much like his former friends with benefits attempting to contact him more regularly.

Either way, it isn't and should not be a tit-for-tat discussion, you should be able to lay out your concerns and reasonable requests. He should then be able to do the same, and from there you negotiate the terms of the relationship moving forward. If anything, giving up on your coworkers "touching" you in exchange for him cutting off all contact works in your favor, as your indifference to casual coworker contact isn't high on your list of pleasures, but his emoji exchange is.

[Guy13]

Sounds like other waves are moving in the ocean and Sands along many surfaces are being jostled here snd fro about the kingdoms

[Mayo503]

Maybe he’s getting the urge again for her…..
Or is she out to get him and knows how to do that but it’s down to your boyfriend to put a stop it….
If not that’s up to you…
What do you do …
Walk away or fight for him…?
But he shouldn’t put you in that…!!
Good luck

[Asker]

How should a boyfriend who loves his girlfriend behave? She contacted him again wishing him happy birthday and he just sent her a blushing smily and thanking him. Why can`t they just stop writing to each other. And yes, that`s how insecure it makes me feel. Why can`t he leave it unanswered? Before when he said that he cannot write her, she went nuts and contacted him around 8 times through different portals and people..