What to do about my boyfriend and his friends?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend wants me to meet his friends and I am so nervous because I'm not social like I used to be in college and feel like I would be socially awkward.

I don't want to make a fool of myself by saying the wrong thing but I also don't want to come off reserved and standoffish by not saying much.

What should I do? I am freaking out about it because he has said this could be a make it or break it moment for us depending on how his best friend views me. So I'm under a lot of pressure.

[quaranta]

I think you should meet them. It seems like you are at the beginning of the relationship and you want to know if you are compatible with his life, other than his friends, and the way he is. Seeing him with his friends (or family) will give you an overview about sides of him you didn't see before, because there wasn't that circumstance yet. With them, he is more free, more "himself", is not biased by attraction and it shows his true colors, it's the person he would be in a long term relationship with you. You can see his real honesty, his real care, the role he tends to get, with the people he cares about (but doesn't have to impress). Truly a great opportunity in my opinion, even more for you than for him I guess. I would instantly take it.
On the other side, his best friend doesn't control his life. If his best friend doesn't like you, well, it's still his decision to make it or break it. He might just tell his friend you are shy and that is early to judge, and to give you another chance.
You can anyway tell him you have a relationship with him and not with his best friend, and that you want to trust him first, so to not instantly follow whatever his best friend say but to at least think twice and to not de-responsibilize himself.
To be honest if things are going great but he leaves you because of the best friend, I would think that would be an excuse to break up without telling you what is wrong (that was wrong already before), putting the fault on his friend to avoid you getting mad at him or to feel too guilty.
Like others said, anyway: smile, be nice, have fun etc. I mean they are normal people with their problems and flaws too, you're going to blend in better than what you picture I guess. Especially if you are in your 30s, it's really NOT the time anymore for weirdos and shit, everyone will just follow the social norms I would expect. Very easy, nobody wants drama at that point in life.

[Asker]

You are so right. I didn't even think of that. It would give me an overview about sides of him I didn't see before and help determine if we truly are as compatible as I think we are. And you're also right about the best friend. You've given me a lot to think about and I will try to chill out and not be so nervous about it because you're right, they are normal people with their own problems and flaws. I just have to go in there and just be myself. Smiles and all.

[Anonymous]

You hold the power in this dynamic and don’t you forget it. Unless he’s going to get sex from his buddies (maybe he’s bisexual, who knows), you are the boss.

[Asker]

Thanks! I will keep that in mind.

[Guy13]

If you do not meet his friends then you are asking for relationship termination. Firstly, if his friend group is like mine he's been getting dawged about fantasy girl and beating off to magazine pictures... He has to prove that you are Exist. Secondly, he is proud of you which is a huge positive relational sign. Thirdly, he is going to rub it in their face and tell them to keep their eyes and their thoughts "Off my woman"

Being shy and holding onto his arm is actually good. Please be you as he likes you just as you are !!

[Asker]

Didn't think of it that way. Thanks.

[Guy13]

You are VERY welcomed. You can be yourself and fragile and shy and kind of grab on to him IF he is a good guy. It is encouraging thing. Next would be Family.

[Anonymous]

If you think you’re not social you will fulfill that prophecy even if it isn’t true. Secondly no one is judging you as much as you’re judging yourself. You have nothing to prove to your bfs friends, crack jokes, talk about crazy stories or what tv shows you’ve been into lately. Don’t put pressure on yourself where it isn’t needed.

[Asker]

Thanks. I'll try to do just that.

[ShiftingMonke]

Just say right off the bat "so I've got bad anxiety and I get super nervous around new people". They can't really fault you for anything after that and it's up to them how involved you are in any conversation. Remember to laugh at their jokes, smile a lot, and express interest in them. You'll be just fine.

[Asker]

Ok I can probably say that. That may help a lot. Thanks!