Is it weird my boyfriend brings up having kids when we haven’t been together long?

[Anonymous]

We have been officially dating for 4 months but have known each other for about a year. He brings up marriage and children often. He recently just said “if you ever decide you want to stop taking your birth control just let me know and we’ll talk about it. When you’re ready I’m ready”. I told him I would like to have kids one day but I would want to be married first. Nothing wrong with not being married it’s just my preference. He smiled and said “noted”. I’m not complaining by any means. I love the fact he wants to get married and have kids one day. Just wanted to ask others opinions if it was normal to have these thoughts and desires this early in a relationship.

[quaranta]

In my culture this would be very weird, the fact he talks about being ready already just after 4 months would feel really irresponsible to me, like if he doesn't know what he is talking about. But maybe in the US it's not considered weird.
All I can say is to wait enough time to be more sure to be a "forever" couple to grant a stable parenting to your children for at least 10-15 years, so maybe you should live together for 2-3 years before marrying at least, so that the honeymoon phase will finish, your relationship -will- slowly transform, and you will see what the "permanent" relationship will be after that, mostly made of familiarity rather than lust, with some load of swallowed issues, and possibly with some acquired skills to manage conflicts and boundaries. At the beginning anyone is good to feel like it's "forever", but that is why it's not wise to marry or have babies during this phase. I suggest it mostly for the responsibility on kids, not for you. Bad parenting, divorces and bad examples (like constant arguments) are the root of almost all behavioural and psychological issues people grow up with, paying for their parent's inconsiderate choices.
(This is anyway the point of view from a person who comes from western EU, that would be a quite agreeable opinion here).

[Guy13]

I am so glad you came back with ring, church, and a signed legal covenant. Sometimes, that puts an end to the fantasy or it makes the man step-up. This ought to be fun..."notated"

That's sweet and long-term vision but really early suggestion for a four month relationship. Revisit next Thanksgiving or Christmas on that year anniversary as that's a GREAT time for a ring. And household income is factor too...

[Asker]

Yeah I don’t think he meant any harm by it but it’s also been a very long time since he was in a relationship and I just want to do everything the right way.

[WaterIsland]

Has he brought it up again since he said “noted”? You’ve given your stance, seems like he should back off after that. If he hasn’t, then he is putting the cart before the horse. Which isn’t a good sign because it means it’s infatuation, not love.

[Asker]

Yes he did. After the conversation he said he wants to move forward at a pace I’m comfortable with. He said he didn’t want to plan kids right at this very moment but will be very happy when it does happen. He hasn’t mentioned it since.

[WaterIsland]

Hmm. I think the question is if you’re comfortable with it. I’m glad he backed off. If he didn’t that would be like pressuring you to go too fast. Which isn’t cool. You can’t build love overnight. And it’s important to love each other before having kids together. And ideally be married.

Honestly it’d freak me out a bit if things moved that fast. But it really comes down to how you feel about it

[Anonymous]

You fokes dating eachother from last few months only n talking about marriage & kids? Lol.

[Asker]

We have known each other for a year tho but only officially dating for 4 months.

[Zayed_]

You have to be married first.