Was my boyfriend right to get offended with what my mom said?

[Anastacia1989]

My boyfriend and I are in a serious relationship dating over a year now and we’ve spoken about moving in together later on - just the two of us no parents.

My mom invited us over for lunch on Christmas Day and she “suggested” and was telling my boyfriend that he could rent out his condo and come live with me and my mom later on and that he won’t hve to work if he did that, but he doesn’t want to and my mom kept pushing the subject and said this to him when I told her not to because living arrangements are between me and my boyfriend.

my boyfriend got very pissed and offended because he doesn’t like the idea and my mom kept pushing the subject…I made it clear to him and reassured him that I spoke to my mom about it that it’s not happening and that we’re going to be living ourselves later on…

was my boyfriend right to be offended about the fact that she told him to rent his condo and not have to work? Or is he being unreasonable?

He was right to get offended -it’s meddling

He’s being unreasonable - it was a suggestion only

Updates

1 y

My boyfriend is a quiet type of a guy who’s into sports and he also likes his privacy and not being told what to do by anybody…

[MementoMori777]

Sounds more like an opportunity he didn't seem to want, he wants to be the one supporting the family, understandable, seems to me like your mother offered that opportunity cause she knows what comes next, you move out, even tho it's a part of life, it's a sad part for parents.

[Anastacia1989]

My boyfriend didn’t like the fact that my mom was pushing the subject because my boyfriend loves where he lives and he wants to work because that’s how people make a living…. secondly him and my mom don’t have much in common - he’s into sports and my mom loves fashion lol

[MementoMori777]

Anger doesn't seem like the proper response to this offer tho

[Anastacia1989]

He was offended and annoyed because my mom was being pushy about it…. would you be offended if a parent was feeling you what to do? Or would you politely brush it off?

[MementoMori777]

I would just tell them why I prefer the way I'm doing it, him simply saying that he likes where he lives is enough for your mother to be like "oh okay, the option is always there" unless he took it as a insult or triggered his ego, I don't see how someone could get angry at that, maybe he took it like she was saying he can't support her daughter, who knows

[Anastacia1989]

He felt like my mom doubts him and his brother kept saying he has a bad disability which he doesn’t otherwise he wouldn’t be living on his own…. he also felt like my mom kept questing him as if she thinks he has bad intentions for me which he doesn’t

[MementoMori777]

The dude lowkey has to accept that mothers want the best for their children, he shouldn't take it personal and parents judgement is something every man should prepare for, mostly if their choice of fashion isn't very charming and is misleading, which personally I would dress to impress cause parents blessings is actually important to me and it should be to him too, if I were to try and put the pieces together I'm assuming he's one of those dudes that believe they don't have to change anything and they should be accepted the way they are, I really hope not cause that type of mentality can be quite destructive.

[Anastacia1989]

He dresses well - in casual sporty clothing - hoodies and jeans and toques and caps…. he’s very presentable and has his hair cut nicely as well…. he just doesn’t like being bossed around and likes his independence and my mom did reassure him that she likes him and approves of our relationship….

[MementoMori777]

Does he wear his hats and hoodies indoors? Some people see it as a lack of manners just so y'all know and people pick up on small things sometimes which creates this perspective in people's minds

[Anastacia1989]

No he wasn’t wearing his hat at my moms house only when were out alone

[MementoMori777]

Doesn't necessarily have to be something that day, either ways don't stress to much about it, let it be in the past

[Anastacia1989]

He said he’s happy with me and still loves me so that’s a relief…but he brought it up this past weekend that he doesn’t agree with some stuff that my mom says…

[MementoMori777]

Well everyone isn't going to always agree with everybody, they should just accept each other's differences but I know it's easier said than done

[Jdjfjcjj]

Had she simply left it as an offer for y'all to live there, then that's one thing. But then her mentioning how he could then rent his place and make money, and quit working is too much.

Sounds he did right too and let you handle your mom.

Handled well

[Anastacia1989]

Ya so he was right to get offended? And you agree it was too much what she said to my boyfriend?

[DaisyM23]

i mean he didn't have to get OFFENDED but i can see why he'd be pissed

[Anastacia1989]

Was this a form of meddling? Or an innocent suggestion from my mom?

[DaisyM23]

the fact she kept pushing is meddling

[Anastacia1989]

I agree…his brother does the same thing constantly being in his business and our business

[DaisyM23]

family is family, but draw your boundaries

[Anastacia1989]

Exactly I agree boundaries need to be in place even if someone means well

[exitseven]

I agree with the boyfriend.

[Anastacia1989]

So this was a form of meddling? My mom did cross the line?

[exitseven]

Yes, he told her he didn't want to move in with her and she should have left it alone. by the way this boyfriend of yours really wouldn't want to have a job if he moved in with your mother?

[Anastacia1989]

He prefers to work and be independent

[Anastacia1989]

He also likes his privacy and quiet time as well

[exitseven]

@Anastacia1989 OK, So what was the outcome?

[Anastacia1989]

Nothing he was just irritated and weirded out

[Anastacia1989]

But he still loves me and says he’s happy with me

[exitseven]

@Anastacia1989 AH, good. I like a happy ending.

[BarryLiverstone]

Was he in the wrong because he got beyond frustrated? Yes. He was a guest and shouldn’t have become angry. However what she suggested I would have felt frustrated by as well in his shoes and would have let her know to table the discussion for another time directly.

[Anastacia1989]

He thought it was weird how my mom was insisting for him to rent out his place and come live with us…. he doesn’t wanna rent or sell his place and he loves his privacy- and so do I cuz I know how my mom can be at times….. she was being pushy about the subject and that’s what frustrated him

[A_Nihilist]

One "no" should be enough. If people keep pushing their point over and over. People are going to have issues with it.

[Anastacia1989]

My boyfriend didn’t give my mom a direct no…. he only said his work is too far from my house and closer to his place…. he told me in private that he doesn’t agree or wanna move in my house and that my mom was pushing the subject

[Massageman]

One or two mention should have sufficed. But, getting his knickers in a bunch didn't help, regardless.

[msc545]

It is really none of your Mom's business.

[Anastacia1989]

Exactly living arrangements are for the couple to decide 💯