Boyfriend told he met an interesting girl in a cafe and had a lunch with her, exchanged contact to be friends? Should I be concerned about it?

Question

He is a social person, likes to talk to everyone. He bought her a coffee and then they went to a restaurant together.
He told me it was a great time with her and that he made a new cool friend. I wasn't obviously there and I always lived by a code to trust and never to control anyone. Its ok to make new friends of an opposite gender. But this time, it kinda got stuck in my head.
He said she initiated the conversation, looked at him and smiled, so they ended up talking for an hour and then moved somewhere else to share a meal. It was little bit out of character for me. I would never really question it, but for some reason it feels off. I didn't mention it to him, because I dont want to blow anything out of proportion and sound sillly but Im little worried if I hear that they might meet again one on one.

SueShe · Accepted Answer

Initiating conversation with another person of the opposite gender while being in an exclusive relationship is nothing unusual in itself.

Going for a coffee with the same person after just a few minutes of conversation is already something that I would frown upon but still be okay with.

Where it is no longer okay is that your boyfriend goes out to lunch or dinner alone with a person he just met minutes ago is a red flag and a total no-go.

If he would have had the decency to tell you beforehand that he is taking a total stranger woman out to dinner alone, just the 2 of them, I could perhaps think that it is not that bad. However, where the joke stops is when he casually tells you afterwards

"oh by the way, I met this interesting girl and we had a coffee and we went together to a restaurant for a meal, just her and me", then I would also blow a fuse.

Latest by then, I would tell him to better have a reasonable explanation to give and that he should surrender the key to my place. Taking her out to the restaurant is one thing, to take her home to my place the next time is not an option.

PrettyPriya · Accepted Answer

The whole him buying her a coffee and then continuing their little rendezvous by going somewhere else would be a bit of a flag for me. Why did he have to pay for her? That is not typical of something you would do when you just met someone and there is no intention of dating.

That would be a problem for me. Now, if my other half met someone and had a coffee with them in any other circumstance, I wouldn't care in the least. I trust him implicitly. You have to have that in a relationship or it will never work.

The thing that bothers me about this situation is it was literally the first time they met. Sitting there and having a coffee and a chat with someone is one thing. To buy them something and then suggest going to have a meal together after just sounds off to me.

Ultimately, it is how much you trust him that matters. If you do, there should be nothing to worry about. Unless he has given you a reason to not trust him, you can be okay with it. If any part bothers you, communicate that to him.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It's understandable that you may be feeling concerned or uneasy about your boyfriend meeting someone new and exchanging contact information with them. However, it's important to remember that it's healthy for individuals in a relationship to have friendships with people of all genders.

It's also important to trust your boyfriend and his intentions. From what you've shared, it sounds like he was open and honest with you about his lunch with this new friend and didn't hide anything from you.

That being said, it's okay to communicate your feelings with your boyfriend in a non-accusatory way. Let him know that you trust him but you can't help feeling a bit uneasy about the situation. Ask him to be considerate of your feelings and to keep you in the loop about any future interactions he may have with this new friend.

Ultimately, it's important to maintain open and honest communication in your relationship and to trust and support each other's friendships with people of all genders.

nitsuj86 · Accepted Answer

I would say if you don't like it, then let him know. He can choose to do with that info what he wants. But if he doesn't respect how you feel and try to avoid doing things like that in the future, then I would drop this guy.

This smells like I can flirt with women, as long as I tell my girlfriend she is a friend. This is bullshit, he's just waiting for you to blow it up, and he can say he did nothing wrong, when he knows he did.

I wouldn't want to date someone like that. I have before, and trust me they don't care about you. You are just a filler right now. If he really cared, and you told him to stop, he would.

All this controlling bullshit is exactly that. Bullshit. You are allowed to have boundaries. If you don't want to date someone who does that, then don't, or at least give them a chance to change it. But it will only get worst over time, not better.

Truthatanycost · Answer

Your issue is you haven't set clear boundaries with yourself. When you are in a relationship there are different boundaries based on loyalty and mutual respect. If one doesn't want this then they can just remain single. This guy is acting as if he's single, and you are not seeing the huge parade of redflags because you haven't set any clear boundaries.

'I dont want to blow anything out of proportion and sound sillly '

You don't need to blow anything out of proportion. One can calmly assert. But in any case, for me, it would be over already...

mobiusforniner · Answer

It is not okay. You see, i used to be in the "guys and girls can be friends" camp. Did same thing your boyfriend did. Im admittedly social and charismatic. Was given phone numbers by several women, some were wven married. I hanged out with women other than my wife.

By the time i began feeling feelings and realizing they were reciprocated, well, at that point it was too late. And evidently those women were willing to wait forever for something more than just friends.

Men and women cannot be close friends.

So yes, having multiple experiences in this and knowing the outcome, you have absolute reason to be concerned.

thatssuppy190 · Answer

Dont be naïve like some of the people replying on here. Give your boyfriend VERY good sex one time, then immediatly confront him about it and then withhold sex from him until he removes her from all the socials.

This is a hack to control men, this aways works.. Im talking of experience.

Anonymous · Answer

yes. you should be concerned. because the girl will get the wrong impression. who knows how far he'll go without realizing it. all i'm saying is this isn't normal and you should seriously be on the lookout...

HighValue · Answer

It is not okay to make new opposite gender friends when in a relationship.

exitseven · Answer

I would be concerned if I was you. It sounds pretty fishy to me.

In_Trance · Answer

You tell us... Does he have a history of this?  Can't fault a guy for being up front about it

Anonymous · Answer

Guess you let him get away with just about anything if he thinks all that okay

OddBeMe · Answer

Only if she’s a different race. Race mixing is against god.

Anonymous · Answer

Be more brave and tell him to cut it off, wtf is wrong with you. Or you make a cool friend guy two see how he feels. What he says and does is a big pile of bullshit

Anonymous · Answer

Nah it's harmless. Now if it was a girl doing that with another guy you have to be careful...

Poppasmurf773 · Answer

I’d be concerned that’s crossing the Line in my opinion

Miannprierre · Answer

I am not that modern, I would immediately turned into a devil

Marked_Man · Answer

He basically went out on a date with her.

ThomasDavid1989 · Answer

If you're a jealous person, sure

Iron_Man · Answer

Yes….

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

Yikes

Boyfriend told he met an interesting girl in a cafe and had a lunch with her, exchanged contact to be friends? Should I be concerned about it?

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Boyfriend told he met an interesting girl in a cafe and had a lunch with her, exchanged contact to be friends? Should I be concerned about it?

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