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Whenever I am eager for a relationship, I've always disappointed. I don't even want to date someone anymore. My relationships always start with a good rhytm but always end sadly. I think I trust the guys I've been without knowing them well and I got hurt by them. Is this a general problem or is it something related to me? I mean I'm really tired of being hurt by guys. What do you suggest me to do?
Obviously, I don't know you, and know nothing about your past other than this paragraph you've posted here. But, this is a common thing that many women experience, and it's almost always for the same reason: most women ONLY date - hell, they only SEE - the top 10% of men. These are the really attractive guys - they're good-looking, confident, successful, and "exciting" (which is another way of saying that they are chaotic and often even dangerous). All the other girls want these guys too, so it seems completely natural to choose one of these guys, and to completely ignore all other men as if they are invisible. You probably don't even realize you're doing it, because it's become automatic.
What this means is that women typically pick men based exclusively on infatuation - how he makes her FEEL initially - and giving little if any thought to that man's morals, values, or life-goals. Most girls actively AVOID those topics, in fact, because she FEELS so attracted to the guy - and the idea of being in a relationship - that she doesn't WANT to know anything that might make her question the guy or give her any uncertainty about the relationship. The last thing she want to do is to break up/walk away from an attractive guy that makes her FEEL so good initially.
The problem is that these top 10% guys have 100 (or 1000, or 10,000) other girls who all feel the same way, and these guys have the ability to attract the *most* desirable girls as well, so in most cases, these guys don't take relationships or commitment seriously. Why should they? If they get with a girl, and she becomes a hassle, he can either cheat on her (he's got plenty of girls in his phone willing to be his side chick), or he will just dump her and replace her the minute that she becomes inconvenient to him.
Most of these top 10% guys are this way, and the few who aren't are usually already in relationships.
So, what's the solution? You need to start picking men based NOT on whether you have butterflies in your stomach when you're around him, or because he's so exciting and hot, but rather based on the man's morals, values, and life-goals. It's these three things that determine if you have a LONG-term potential, but you absolutely should NOT assume that all men are going to have these things that are compatible with you for the long term - and the top 10% of men (as most women would rank them) are among the LEAST likely to have long-term compatibility with you - and are the most likely to hurt you.
I'm sure this isn't what you want to hear - many women love to hate on me for saying this, but it has nothing to do with me - I'm simply telling you how to win for the long-term. You've seen how playing the short game goes: you think you've won the first week you're with the guy, but a few weeks or months in, you realize you've lost badly. If you keep repeating the same behavior, and making the same choices, you'll just keep repeating the same outcome as well.
You might want to read this post as well:
I have a question if you don't mind answering it. You say not to date looking for butterflies in the stomach, but what about chemistry and connection? I have met a few good men who probably would have been good partners. But I didn't find them attractive and nothing was going there for me personality wise either. I can't picture myself dating them just to date. My heart wouldn't be in it and I would be wasting their time/hurting them. What is the best option? Finding a guy I can tolerate or staying single forever?
@Mewzinc Here's the thing about (most) women - and it's different than (most) men: women can and do fall in love with men over time. Their biology has developed to do exactly that, because for most of human history, women didn't exactly get much of a choice in who they were with. Forget about how that sounds in a modern context - it was simply the reality of the world for nearly all of the last million years. But, biologically, women evolved to adapt to that.
I'm not saying that you'd ever be AS attracted to him physically as you might to [insert your celebrity crush here], but think about it this way: most women have ONLY pursued the men that excite them and turn them on, and virtually every time, that ends in disaster. And it isn't just you - look at every girl you know, and ask her about her experiences. Wouldn't nearly all of them say the same?
So, if following your feelings/attraction alone has shown to be such a disastrous failure, doesn't that suggest that you should be following a different strategy? Did you know that the rate of divorce is FAR lower for people in arranged marriages than for "love marriages" - even after you remove those marriages where divorce just isn't an option? That's because people go into those relationships with much more realistic expectations, and the vast majority of them come to love each other, and they know they have to work together as a team, and that this means some sacrifices and not always getting their way.
If "that spark" was so important, why do those relationship nearly always fail? Why do so many succeed even if that spark wasn't there initially? Hint: it's because real life isn't a Disney fairy tale, but as women (and to a lesser degree men too) have been sold the fairy tale as if it were real. It's not, and once you accept that, you actually have a chance at a real success.
Guys are hurt by girls as much as girls are hurt by guys. The issue tends to be people seeing what they want to see rather than the patterns that actually exist. If you want a healthy relationship, improve your observational skills, both of yourself and others. Learn what makes a healthy relationship for you... and make sure it is realistic (not expecting a provider of a lifestyle you feel entitled to). Also, never seek more than you bring to the relationship. Make sure you pay attention to deep qualities, not superficial ones (like body parts and color). Find out what they've learned about themselves from their past relationships, how they've handled stress, frustration and disappointment in the past, the reasons they want a partner, what they're looking for in a partner, what they believe they bring to a relationship, their views on honesty, responsibility, respect, consideration, teamwork, equality and any other term you find meaningful in a relationship. Past patterns don't necessarily predict future patterns, but you want to know what they've learned from their past patterns and what they've replaced them with. Discuss all concerns. Never assume the newness balances out the irritations, as the newness will disappear if the two of you don't know how to keep a relationship new and alive. Don't assume talking and communicating are the same. Have someone qualified teach you effective communication skills. Stop blaming others for your disappointment, start viewing your own role in the situation and learn what you can do to change your patterns. You have no control over others, but you do have control over yourself... so focus on what is within your control.
Me personally, I believe that the male species are predominantly evil at a fundamental level. That aside, I also believe good people just always end up with bad people. It’s never cheaters ending up with other cheaters or abusers with abusers. It’s always some trash person ruining the life of an innocent, and at this point I’m starting to think that’s just the way life is. The innocent attract broken people in an unconscious effort to help, love and heal them and the Evil ones seek to destroy others because misery loves company. It’s human nature unfortunately.
@Yazu-chan It's thinking like this that leads to failure.
@Vegasrunner
Well, manifesting for men to be better people isn’t working either so 😐😂 I doubt a positive attitude will do much to change the reality.
@Yazu-chan No one said do that either. I'm saying if you're going to hold the attitude that "males are evil" then your actions are going to be based on that concept. No man that has his stuff together wants to spend time w/ a negative woman, therefore you're only going to be left w/ men of lesser value who are typically losers. You need to first improve yourself and your attitude before trying to secure a good man.
@Vegasrunner
So what you’re saying is positive attitudes will make the guy not a loser? Because that’s DEFINITELY NOT the case. My attitude doesn’t change anyone’s character. If they’re scum when I’m nice, they’ll be scum when I’m mean. How about…not be scum? Is that an option?
Instead of spreading your man hating bs, why don't you just go to therapy? I get so aggravated with this man hating crap from so many women on here. Women are in no way shape or form inherently innocent, irregardless of how society likes to paint you all. Men get hurt by women all the time, we just dont talk about it as much. That being said, why would any man be interested in you when you lowkey hate men and group all men into a category that you yourself wouldn't liked to be grouped into as a woman.. Im sure youd have a problem with a man saying that all women are less intelligent than men, but yet you're on here trying to paint us all with the same brush because some guy broke your heart.. At this point, most men today have realized that women aren't as innocent as most of us were brought up to believe, so why you still believe that bs has everything to do with your ego. Simply put, there are trash people, and there are good people, and gender has 0 to do with it. You and your misandry can either go to therapy, or go to hell.
@Pegases
😂not the letter! You’re crying and throwing up rn. Guarantee you men are the problem. If there weren’t trash men there would be no trash women, because why? Men created the problem. All of the earth’s problems start from a man. War, Racism, Sexism, Homophobia, Climate change, mass shootings, shall I continue? How about men go to therapy first because it’s hell on earth already 🤪
@Yazu-chan No. I didn't say anything like that. You're attitude is based off a negative premise therefore you're only going to focus on the negative. You're making the claim that you're nice, I'm saying you don't sound that nice and that the change needs to come from you first. Once you improve your attitude you will have a better chance of attracting a better quality of man.
@Vegasrunner
Wait😭😭 who said I wanted to attract a man in the first place😭🤨 And I am nice sometimes, just not to specifically straight men because they can’t be trusted. And again, my attitude won’t change their character. Me being nice to them won’t make them miraculously better people. And I refuse to do emotional labor, they can go cry to their mommies, not me lol. I see where you’re getting at with the whole ‘like attracts like’ thing but that’s not the case, otherwise, faithful people wouldn’t end up with cheaters and so on.
@Yazu-chan You're kinda proving my point. If you go around acting like a hammer every person becomes a nail. You already have a mindset, they paint "straight men" in a negative light, well you get back what you put in so it evil behavior you claim is simply a reflection of people treating you based on how you treat them. Also your overriding premise is false because you don't have a big enough sample size to know how many "faithful" people end up w/ cheaters.
@Vegasrunner
Sample size? Dude, I’m not about to write a research paper for you, you’re the one who decided to argue with me about my opinion. The change should start with men because they are the problem. No woman is out here oppressing men, trying to take away their rights to bodily autonomy in 2023, and you still say women’s attitudes are the problem? That’s wild😂 It really doesn’t matter what the topic is, you still wouldn’t be able to name any major issue on earth that started with a woman. How about men change their attitudes first? Then we’ll have something to actually talk about.
@Yazu-chan Well that's good because you're not really qualified to do so. You're entitled to hold whatever opinion you like, it has no relevance to reality so I'm not sure why you believe I would be interested in "changing" it. I never said anything about women's attitudes being the problem I said your attitude is probably your problem. You keep claiming "men are the problem" however you're the only one that seems to be complaining about a problem, why would someone change to solve someone else's problems? Who's taking away rights to bodily autonomy? Again I never said anything about women being a problem I said your attitude is your problem. You are correct in stating that women haven't started built or created anything major on earth as men built the world you now have the pleasure of living in. Again why would men have to change their attitudes if you're the one thats so miserable?
@Vegasrunner
I’m confused, why are you still arguing with me again? How would you know what I’m qualified for 🤥 Now you’re making it personal which is weird and honestly fan behavior. Omg you’re obsessed🤭🥰
@Yazu-chan I can certainly understand your confusion, as you're either not reading or are choosing to create a more palatable narrative. You're not qualified because you're unable to see past your own narrow POV which is something you would have to be able to do to write research papers on this subject matter. You're need to pretend that challenging your opinion is "fan behavior" is simply a way for u to attempt to rationalize your personal insecurities. This is another example of behavior you will need to change if you want to stop being miserable.
@Vegasrunner
It’s okay to be a fan🤩 You love my point of view, that’s why you’re still under my comment.
@Yazu-chan If it makes u feel better to believe that than by all means go ahead. This is a terrific example of how attention is so important to a females sense of self worth. Ty for sharing this.
@Vegasrunner
You’re welcome! 🥰
@Vegasrunner you're wasting your time man. She's long gone. Don't save her, she don't wanna be saved.
@Yazu-chan Thanks. Hopeful you can change your life around for the better. GL
@Vegasrunner
Farewell!!!
@Pegases It's never a waste a time to learn why people think the way they do. in my opinion you're making a mistake looking to "save" someone, instead you should be taking the info she is giving and applying it successfully in your own life. @Yazu-chan is providing valuable insight into why so many women are unhappy w/ their loves rn.
@Vegasrunner what did she teach you?
@Yazu-chan You already said bye. TBH you sound like more of a fan of mine than anything else.
@Vegasrunner I'll say this, Its one thing to be doing research, as I've done the same and commend every man doing so, but it's another thing to be genuinely trying to help a woman, as you have, that consistently goes out of her way to misunderstand you, or just blatantly ignore many of the good points you took the time to make. All I'm saying is you've gotta know the difference between people that are capable of having that kind of discussion with you, and people that aren't. You essentially went around in circles with this girl for a day, and she couldn't care less about anything you've said. You've got great advice to give man, give it to women that can receive it, don't waste it on women that aren't there yet.
@Vegasrunner
Yeah I know. I was saying bye AGAIN because you still responded after I did so I figured you didn’t understand the first time. Once you stop @ me then I won’t respond because at that point you won’t be speaking directly to me anymore.
@Yazu-chan I understand completely you feel the need to have the last word. Like a lot of women you believe the conversation begins and ends when u say so unfortunately that is false and if you want to contact me I will happily allow you to expose your flaws.
@Vegasrunner
You commented under MY comment. I never wanted to engage with you in the first place so, yes, I will have the last word. So, we can keep this going as long as you like I suppose.🫥
@Vegasrunner This type of girl isn't new to me. I know the type well, so once I was able to place her in that category, I stopped responding to her. Again I agree that learning is absolutely what you should be doing, I just don't see how the back and forth you're engaging in with her is helping you. She seems too childish to offer any valuable incite at this point.
@Pegases I think you're making a huge mistake, of thinking you understand my intentions. I'm not here to "help" her and I'm not sure why you think that as I have never said that anywhere. My goal is not to give unwanted advice, to anyone, rather to listen and judge each individuals statements on its merits, try to understand why they make them and the apply them when applicable to my daily life. Think about it like this, you say I have "great advice" well one of the reasons is because I've had thousands of hours of conversations w/ women and have spent years learning and understanding their nature. If someone like you genuinely ask for my advice I would give it, however I understand female and social media culture and realize that it is virtually impossible to change a women's mindset no matter how delusional it may be.
@Vegasrunner fair enough. Best of luck man.
@Yazu-chan Yes, anytime I see something false or incorrect I comment. Yes, I understand u need to get the last word in, I've been w/ a lot of women so I'm very familiar w/ female nature.
@Pegases That is understandable. Please allow me to explain.
1) Her original statement was about "all men being evil" people that make stements like this are the evil ones so I wanted to validate that theory and I did.
2) I hold a belief that women aren't able to accept accountability. I wanted to test this belief by seeing if the asker would even entertain the idea that if she changed the only thing she controls (her attitude) then perhaps she would get better results. She didn't and that alone is a lesson that men can use when dealing w/ women in their personal life. I'll give u a tip I use, when you're seeing a girl an EZ way to build attraction is 2 listen 2 her stories and find ways to place the blame on everyone else but her. Women are painfully insecure and u can use this to your advantage by stroking their ego's at the appropriate time. All I would have to do is agree w/ her that "all men were evil" and her attitude would be different.
3) Notice after her argument has been discredited she randomly says something about me being a fan of hers. This proves that despite what they say at the end of the day attention from men is what women crave. I don't know her but I wouldn't be surprised if she wasn't attractive and rarely received positive attention from men.
4) She makes the statement that "men should change first" Why? Because she's unhappy? Think about it like this. If you and I were friends and everytime I came over your house I complained about being unhappy and then after several visits said that u need to change what would you say? in my opinion if anything comes from this exchange its that young men understand that women will go out of their way to make their problems your problems however they are not your problems. If she is truly as miserable as she says then it's her that needs to change.
These are just some of the things I learned from this conversation I hope this helps.
@Vegasrunner alright, that's fair. Good points.
@Vegasrunner
Good! I’m glad you’re familiar😆Lets keep this going for a lifetime! Oh oh, if we can keep this up for a year, let’s become friends ok? 😊
@Yazu-chan Sure. I'm happy to keep it going for a lifetime because you never stop learning. I'm going to pass on being friends however because women don't offer much value to me as platonic friends.
Aw that’s a shame because you bring me so much joy @Vegasrunner ! 😊
@Yazu-chan which only proves that a change in your attitude would open you up to more successful relationships
@Vegasrunner
Whatever you say😀
@Yazu-chan Glad I could educate you.
@Vegasrunner
Educate me on what again? I wasn’t listening 🤪
@Yazu-chan That's on you. The inability to listen is typically the number one trait of losers.
@Vegasrunner
Great!
@Yazu-chan I'm training you to hopefully be a winner one day.
@Vegasrunner
Good!
@Yazu-chan Step one learn how to take accountability. I realize this is difficult for most women but if u did, that would at least give u a shot at retaining a guy. Doesn't mean you'll get a man of my quality but at least u can get someone.
@Vegasrunner
Sure!
@Yazu-chan Awesome! Please LMK the next time you take accountability for something. Now that is something that you can have the last word on.
@Vegasrunner
Yup! 😂
@Yazu-chan Have you taken accountability for anything yet?
@Yazu-chan I didn't think so I'll check back later.
@Vegasrunner
Don’t☺️
@Yazu-chan You can count on it!
@Yazu-chan TY. Do you mind if I share this w/ some of the guys I mentor? This is a perfect example of females that don't take accountability.
@Vegasrunner
Do what you want. It doesn’t matter to me. 😀
@Yazu-chan taken accountability for anything yet?
@Vegasrunner
Why are you obsessed with me😭
@Yazu-chan I thought we discussed your Narrcism? No one is obsessed w/ you, we literally talked about u letting me know when you actually take accountability for something. The conversation is in writing do you not recall that?
@Vegasrunner
I don't know what you said because I didn’t read it.😄
@Yazu-chan Lol, being ignorant does not make an issue go away. Have you taken accountability for anything yet?
@Vegasrunner
Damn, I wonder when he’ll realize I haven’t read a single message he wrote in a long time…😂
@Yazu-chan Being ignorant isn't really a skill to brag about. Have you taken accountability for anything yet?
@Vegasrunner
lalala~
@Yazu-chan Have u taken accountability for anything yet?
@Vegasrunner
La de da~
@Vegasrunner I get the notifications every time you ask her the same question that she hasn't answered since this thread began more than two weeks ago. So I asked the right person, and the question was rhetorical because its obvious you dont have anything else going on. I couldn't care less if you're offended by me pointing out the obvious.. you're over twice her age, and getting the last word in is how you enjoy spending your time. It's pathetic, and especially weird for someone you're age.
@Vegasrunner Correction, you're not twice her age, she's actually 27 per her profile. She simply acts like she's much younger. So I'll leave you with this; a lot of people that act the way she does, tend to act that way because they are emotionally stuck at the age when they first experienced some traumatic event. In other words, how she perceives the world most likely isn't an act, its who she is because of her past. And you cannot save her from that, espwcially not like this. I honestly think you have good intentions, but doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different result is the definition of insanity.. Cool if you want to help people, but you're wasting your own time, and helping no one. . It's painfully obvious to everyone else except you that this isn't working... Do better man. Take care of yourself.
@Pegases It's weirder that you've interjected yourself into a conversation that doesn't concern you. Even weirder that u extrapolated something out of then airb as I didn't see anything in the conversation discussing my emotion, however It makes since as many males of your generation hold more feminine traits. As for my time last I checked it was mine, so no need for you to concern yourself w/ that.
@Pegases TBH you preaching to me about the nature of women as, I've had sex w/ over 270 in my lifetime how many have you? You're Analysis of her is basic as it's pretty obvious she experienced relationship trauma anyone reading her initial post could have told you that. You're other mistake is believing I'm interested in "saving her" you think that because that's what you're interested in doing. I'm more interested in allowing her to continue to vent so more inexperienced guys from you have tangible lessons to learn from which apparently has worked as u have felt the need to contribute utter nonsense based on poor comprehension skills. Perhaps you're wasting your time however, I never see a waste of time in digging into a person's psyche, people who do do typically that because of their on lack of critical thinking skills. My suggestion to u is if a third person conversation infuriates you so much perhaps spend your time refraining from intersecting into it.
@Vegasrunner lol you have a problem man. The sooner you acknowledge that, the better off you'll be. Good luck with whatever the hell you think you're doing.
@Pegases You're not a problem. I do find it interesting that you cited immaturity for wanting "to get the last word" yet are attempting to do the same thing.
@Yazu-chan Have you taken accountability for anything yet
@Vegasrunner
Lalala
@Vegasrunner when I mentioned "getting the last word in" I was referring to the fact that you've been having a conversation with someone thats responded to you with "lalala" for over a week.. You've been having a convo with yourself.
@Vegasrunner you made a good point earlier. There's no reason it should bother me that you're essentially talking to yourself on this thread. On that note, I'll let you get back to that. Take care.
@Yazu-chan Any accountability yet?
@Vegasrunner
Llalaa
@Yazu-chan No accountability taken yet?
@Vegasrunner
Lelele
@Yazu-chan So for the audience u still haven't taken accountability for anything in over a month?
@Vegasrunner
Lala
@Yazu-chan Have you been able to take accountability for anything yet?
@Yazu-chan Please let everyone know if you've taken any accountability for your actions yet?
@Vegasrunner
//:;
@Yazu-chan TY for sharing that. Just had to show some people who didn't believe me. Don't stop being you.
@Vegasrunner
,!,:
Don’t expect anything at any point of a relationship. You expect, you get disappointed. Heartbreaks are normal part of life. How we deal with it is up to us. No one knows how a relationship ends or if it’s going to work out long term. It takes two to tango. Maybe change how you meet these people? Irl or online? Either way, no one knows until you actually get to know them.
Opinion
43Opinion
So if you’re going to try anything online or long distance- you already sign up for “trust exercises” that almost always never go right…
and sexual stuff which can feel a bit of a let down at times unless you deliberately expect that, want that, and even encourage that.
I recommend trying dating irl/ local/ through hobby-like places/ community-oriented places/ and even browse some universities. Try looking for people around your age, there. People who are committed and self-disciplined, especially if they DECIDED for themselves, to go to college a bit later in life. Yk- people with goals and such.
Try looking for dates at sporting events? Usually passionate people there. Just try any nice place in person, than online. No tinder 🤦♀️ No mingles or whatever.
Those just welcome all kinds of disappointments.
Don’t give up. Also it’s somewhat helpful to just expect sexuality between a female and male, and then for the two to fulfill themselves emotionally by themselves yet again, applying themselves to the world/society/ and the adventures around them.
We can’t expect for a stranger- guy or girl to make us TRULY happy, beyond all measure.
Only we can do that. Other people can bring us smiles, here and there, at best.
So somewhat lower the- not the expectations but more so any demands or selections. Always ALWAYS expect respect. That’s a critical key to uphold in any and all relationships and situations hips.
Don’t give up so quick, sis.
BUT
do try to live a little more spending time loving on yourself and experiencing the best out of life.
Live it up! ✨
No matter who you are, when you open yourself up to any relationship, whether it's friendship, relationships, what have you, you're opening yourself up to the chance of being hurt.
Your alternatives are to always be guarded and never open yourself up, like only have acquaintances, you won't have friends, but you won't get hurt, keep your sexual relationships NSA, you won't have commitment or a partner, but they won't be able to hurt you either.
It's the main risk you take when you make that choice. Whether it's cheating, betrayal, being used, ghosted, what have you. None of those can hurt you if you never care in the first place.
It's the same for some guys with women. For whatever reason, being emotional in any way is a death sentence for guys. You can't show any emotion at all despite what you're told. So appearing eager or being interested, or not having the perfect intuitive sense to know that it was only appropriate to send 2 texts the next day, not 3, all means that you're destined to be rejected or have people grow bored of you.
The advice everyone gives is to love yourself. I have no clue what that means beyond just not needing anyone, which seems counter -productive. Love yourself and learn to not need anyone I guess.
I'm cynical, I don't believe love exists anymore. Society as a whole is very gaslighting in this way. It's all a smokescreen for sex, ultimately that's all that matters. People will say it's love and a relationship and all that, but it's just sex and insecurity and gaslighting.
When I gave up on it, everything became much easier. I have energy again. I'm working out and I feel much better. I'm building a motorhome to go on adventures.
I'm focusing on me. Love is dead and I'm not going back down that path. I will however get in shape, have plenty of sex, and make very good friends.
Are you selfish without thinking you are being selfish? Most relationships fail because most people do not know how to remove selfishness for each other , they automatically assume their decisions are ok to do , without including and thinking about how their partner might feel. Without respect for each other in a relationship it won’t last , Why it’s important to wear your partners shoes before wearing your own and same goes for them as well , if it’s ok for
You to do something then it needs to be ok for your partner to be able to do the same or it will turn into a double standard , Basically implying it’s ok for me to do this but not ok for you. In most cases people assume the worst case scenario and think oh my partner don’t trust me when really it has nothing to do with that , it comes down to respect for each other. So when you commit to someone always think how your partner will feel when you make a decision , when you learn to prioritize each other and remove selfishness for each other that’s where love grows
It's not uncommon to feel tired of being hurt in relationships, and it's important to take a step back and reflect on what may be contributing to this pattern. It's possible that you may be rushing into relationships without taking the time to get to know the person and build trust, which can lead to disappointment and heartache. It's also possible that you may have a pattern of choosing partners who are not compatible with you or who may not have your best interests at heart.
To break this pattern, it may be helpful to take some time for self-reflection and work on building a strong sense of self-worth and self-esteem. This can involve taking a break from dating and focusing on self-care and personal growth, such as through therapy or self-help resources. It may also involve setting clear boundaries and taking the time to get to know someone before jumping into a relationship.
Additionally, it's important to remember that not all relationships will work out, and that's okay. It's natural to experience disappointment and heartache, but it's important to learn from these experiences and use them to grow and become more resilient. With time and effort, you can find a relationship that is healthy, fulfilling, and based on trust and mutual respect.
I think it is pretty common at your age do get discouraged the way people tend to regard relationships as disposable No one wants to get to close in fear of being nailed down for too long. Kind of short-sighted, as they are missing out in the best part of a relationship
The only other thing I can think of, is your selection process needs to change. Maybe work on being friends first and see if he is in it for the long haul. Test him, if you will by putting off physical contact (to be determined by you).
If he's a dog and only interested in one thing, then he will either get frustrated and/or he won't stick around, but if he's truly interested, waiting for won't be any effort so long as he gets to spend time with you.
I figured you would have learned by now. Why are you perpetuating your expectations and the same behaviors? I suggest you take a break from dating until you do.
the answer is probably both. maybe you give too much of yourself too fast... because of your deeper needs.
maybe you are picking ones that are not good for you. a lot of guys just are not well trained or mature... where are people learning how to have good relationships? Oh yea, the kardashians and netflix... not good.
If you see dark clouds over you, the problem and solution is in your sub conscious to make changes.
You're eager for a relationship, that's your problem.
Just go at it with the mindset of "whatever happens, happens" and you'll find the relationship progressing a lot better
Setting your expectations too high can make you inadvertently do things that will turn guys away
Maybe it's the pattern, or shall I say type of guy that you're dating that may be the issue. I know a number of my female friends that seem to fall into this pattern of dating the same type of guy over and over, and then end up getting hurt.
Once you break that pattern, explore the type of guy you'd never considered before, you might get better luck.
You need to choose better. You probably keep going for the same type of guy.
do you know if you get lost in a desert without a compass you will walk in a gigantic circle in the direction of your most dominant foot.
you need to try to be more self aware. Figure out what type of men you keep going after.
create boundaries so you don’t go off tangent dating the same type of guy that you don’t want. Sensible ones that make sense to help choose better
Don't date someone with a similar personality or similar past to any of your exes because you will be incompatible.
Also try being with someone with conservative morals if you want someone more likely to be faithful long term.
Don't date anyone that has a past of casual sex. It isn't a "phase" like some people suggest, it is their morals.
Well my opinion is influenced by the desire I felt when I saw your photo blown up enough. Your sexual magnetism that seems to be pervasive around you might be upsetting a few guys. In that photo you are a knock out and if anything mabe some guys felt that they had an unfair disadvantage. I'm probably not husband material but I promise you wouldn't be bored with the degree of lust that erupts when I look at your photo
Too many girls are unbearable bitches who can't wait to hurt boys. Then such boys probably take it out on you.
They are usually bitches because they love sex, want to get paid for it, then get dumped as too expensive - and theygo complaining about it and hating 'men' 🤷♂️
well there's a bunch of people on the planet who live in a long term happy relationship. so if you keep finding guys that hurt you, you're looking for the wrong guys. or you're looking for guys wrong. of course the men who are being assholes are still accountable for their shit but you can only change what you do, not what they do.
women who are too "eager for a relationship" are usually the ones who get played on the most for the fact that you come off as too easy and gullible.
you gotta be a little more assertive and let these guys know that you're no clingy princess rushing for a relationship at a deathgrip. if you think something sounds too good to be true then it probably is. dont be afraid to call them out either
Yes you are you have to take your time and get to know the guys. When you go for a job you have a probationary period where you don't get any benefits and the reason for that is there watching you and evaluating you to see if you a good fit if your the type of employee they want in there company. We'll that's what you have to do when you date. Take some time get to know him and no sex or kissing get inside his head and see if that's really the man for you understand
Pay attention to what makes SINK'S happy.
You have to choose more wisely. I discovered a long time ago most men are not worth the trouble, but don't give up, there are some good men out there. I found one and you can too.
I'd say it's pretty common these days. Guys aren't assholes, they're just more insecure and emotional because of the pressure society puts on them.
We as guys need to start thinking for ourselves. That will solve the problem.
u Communication, communication, communication. All the time, from the very beginning. You will be able to sort out more guys that are not good for you.
There could be boundary of self esteem issues that is causing you to date down or not respect your own boundaries. Sometimes you have to say no and be alone if the guy is treating you badly
It usually happens from having high expectations from the beginning and lacking boundaries. Try working on those two it helps a lot!
I think you have answered your own question. Yes you need to take things slowly in the beginning before you can fully trust the guy.
How do you exactly get hurt from guys?
How many guys are we talking about?
And do you see a pattern?
Hope you don't offer them sex because that's the culprit. Stop doing that or you might not find someone to settle.
It’s common and I feel like that do but I think it’s for the best you have your guard up. Trust should be earned.
I'd say it's a pretty common experience since majority of guys are shallow douchebags who refuse to work on their character and only know how to be crybabies. Have high standards and only give your time to those guys who meet your standards.
heal your childhood traumas and correct the subconscious belief of what's attracting these type of guys , read more about it
Maybe a general problem. It happens to about everyone. All relationships have their ups and downs. If you're not completely into the person, then they split apart.
I don't think it is just you or just girls. I think we have commoditized each other.
Men used to have to make a commitment to a woman for sex
That was love and marriage.
Women wanted freedom and equality.
This is the unintended consequence.
Be single and sexually free and have healthy fun sex when you need it and surround your self with friends men and women when your not enjoying your self try it it's not for everyone but it worked for me and many others I know just saying x
Stop dating men you barely know, get to know them first.
"Is this something related to me" the question I ask from myself. It is not you, it is your traumas that cause this. You didn't learnt to be like this in one day, it took years. And it will take years to heal too.
Think about the thousands of nice guys you friend zone in favour of the assholes who treat you like shit. Women love to be abused. It's a fact.
what is the usual pattern you have meeting guys? Does it start from a dating app followed by talk/text then meeting up?
You probably trust people too easily. Believe things too easily. Expect things too quickly. Do the opposite of those.
You sound like a woman that has slept around. Gross. Total turnoff.
When one gets attached to someone unworthy of it, getting hurt is a given.
Yep. But let's be honest you're not going to change anything you're doing. So you probably should just not date.
date guys that are a bit older than you are used to. It will probably help.
U aren't alone have seem to lose trust in women aswell. I don't know why will guys be unfaithful.
We want what we can't have. Always remember that
It's more than common. All couples live the same thing but deal with it.
you maybe choosing the wrong guys
Maybe you need to find a better class of guys.
I'm tired of being hurt by girls too.
Why do you allow yourself to be hurt?
Is this a gag bot to generate questions lol
Fake profile get out!
Do you sleep with them?
You are picking the douchebags.
Take a long break
all men are dog
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