Guys, boyfriend said he wasn't comfortable taking me on a trip because?

[Ghen28]

My boyfriend of one year, we are in a long-distance relationship and have never been intimate since he's so busy with his job, plus he lives three hours away from me. (We've kissed and held hands, but I don't really get to see him because of his job) Feels more like we're just friends at this point tbh.

He sent me pictures of him in New Orleans and sent me a long text saying "As much as I'd love to kiss you in a hotel room before my business meetings even if I could have taken you with me, I wouldn't have been comfortable bringing you and taken you out for dinner on such dangerous streets because of how beautiful you are."

Is this normal for a guy to say if he likes you? I just thought it was strange, because I know for a fact I'm not pretty. Yes, I have low self-esteem and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Second, I never asked to go with him on this trip anyway, so he just messaged me out of the blue after not texting me since Sunday. Not that it's a big deal, since I'm used to not hearing back from him for days/weeks.

And I don't know much about New Orleans anyway or how dangerous the streets are, but I highly doubt someone would kidnap me. Guys don't typically look in my direction since I'm not sexy. I'm just an average nerdy looking girl with glasses, RBF, who wears baggy shirts that cover her butt. In short, I dress like a boy, so the only feminine thing about me are my boobs which are somewhat big.

So, when he sent me that text, I felt really doubtful, so I wanted to get some other guys' input on it. Wouldn't you want to take your girlfriend out someplace nice to eat and spend time together? Or if it normal for a guy to feel possessive and want to hide them from the world? I don't think the latter is true but I don't know... Starting to wonder if that text was a red flag. I don't have much dating experience to back me up tho.

I hope this question doesn't annoy anyone. Thank you in advance.

Updates

1 y

For one year, I've never been to his place. He says he wants me over, and we've made plans, but then he either gets sick with covid or something else, cancels last minute... I guess maybe that spells it out that he might not be that interested in me.

Updates

1 y

Just to let you all know, I know his mother and father as we are good friends. So I would at least know if he's married or not. Unless he's secretly eloped. I've known my boyfriend since 2012 since we went to school together, but we didn't start dating until last year. He's had terrible past relationships, all of which he's blamed on his exes for being "crazy", one he recently broke up with because she not only cheated on him but tried to force him into marriage. I don't know much else.

[GreekLorrd]

It's understandable to feel confused and doubtful about your boyfriend's text message. While it's possible that he may be genuinely concerned about your safety and well-being, it's also possible that his comment about not wanting to take you out on the dangerous streets because of how beautiful you are could be a red flag. It could be a sign of possessiveness or insecurity on his part. It's also concerning that you feel like you're just friends with him and that he doesn't make much effort to see you or communicate with you regularly.

In any case, it's important for you to communicate your feelings and concerns with him. Ask him to clarify his intentions and feelings towards you, and express your own thoughts and emotions as well. If you don't feel comfortable or safe in the relationship, it may be time to re-evaluate whether this is the right person for you.

[Ghen28]

Thank you for your reply. I will definitely give it some thought. He has told me before he feels possessive over me and has revealed he was insecure about me being in a relationship years ago with someone else.

[GreekLorrd]

It's important to take his possessive behavior seriously, as it can be a red flag for controlling behavior. It's understandable for him to feel insecure, but it's not healthy for him to try to control you or your relationships. You should have a serious conversation with him about boundaries and healthy communication in your relationship. If he is not willing to respect your boundaries and work on his own behavior, it may be best to reevaluate the relationship. Remember that your safety and well-being should always come first.

[OlderAndWiser]

This guy is probably married or living wth his girlfriend. You are just his backup plan.

[Ghen28]

I guess I wouldn't be surprised.

[OlderAndWiser]

He may be interested in you, but only as the backup plan to the girl he's living with.

[DaveJord]

Long Distance over year and never been intimate... sounds like has not a real and true boyfriend.

Sounds like bull shit to me. No he's full of shit.

[Avicenna]

His behavior is suspicious. He should take you with him.

[Ghen28]

I suppose so. I didn't know about his trip until he told me two days ago. Not that it would have mattered since our relationship is very much lacking. I'm thinking of waiting until he returns from his trip to break up with him that way he can at least focus on his business up there without distraction.

[Iron_Man]

Make sure he’s not involved with seeing somebody else

[Ghen28]

difficult to do that since he lives 3 hours away, plus he barely texts and calls. I don't know where he even lives either since he's never brought me over.

[Iron_Man]

Wow you don’t even know if he’s married wow

[Ghen28]

I've known him since 2012. We've been friends for that long, but i know he's had bad luck in relationships with many women. He's not married that much I know since I know his parents.

[Iron_Man]

OK well then you shouldn’t have a problem

[In_Trance]

Doesn't seem like a relationship at all

[Ghen28]

I agree. I think I'll break up with him.