I blame myself every second. what did I do wrong. i loved him. if I didn't love him would I have married him despite his constant anger issues and verbal insults. he was so nice and amazing in the first month of relationship but then something changes and he was sure I'm not loyal. but my marriage fell apart within 3 months. he insulted me every chance he got. checkedmy phone. i hadtotake permission to go anywhere. since he lost his job I wasn't permitted to go anywhere by myself. not even to the shoos. Or the atm. i protested a little but waited so he'd change when he gets a job. but I couldn't live. hexalled his whole family to tell them I went to the atm without telling him. andeveeyone asked me u know how he's like that, why didn't youI tell him? I said I told him on the way back. It was a 10 minute distance from our home and I called him to say I'm on my way back. he said I went to meet with a lover. ue screamed and shouted and asked me to get my family to take me back. he always said he'd divorce me tell me to pack my bags 10 times within 2 months of marriage. he held me so hard and he threatened me so many times during midniggt that I sat on the floor crying.
Everyone is happy. every woman I see is spending time with their husbands or boyfriend. They're making time out of their busy schedule to hang out with partners. But I didn't. It was my fault. i should've been more giving. i spent all my money on him and he said I'm arrogant because I give money to him. if I made time when he asked me to maybe he wouldn't be so angry at me. if I left office when he asked me to maybe he wouldn't have to think I'm cheating right? but I have to stay 7 hours. there's a protocol. I work a9-5.
I feel like a failure. i failed in life. i won't find anyone again. maybe I should go back? l maybe it's because I rejected good guys before that's why karma is getting me. I just wanted to love and care for him. now I have all this emotions in me and nowhere to put them. i feel empty.
