How do I overcome anger in my relationships?

[Anonymous]

After several failed relationships, I have come to realize that my anger is a serious problem. The rage towards the women I have been involved with has only bubbled over into violence twice. I pushed someone (hard) and threw something at someone another time. My rage feels deep and uncontrollable. I have decided that I am unable to be in a relationship, and I have decided to go it alone... even though I desire companionship. The price is too high for me to try again.

[lightbulb27]

Yea, kinda been there. maybe those were good ones for you in the end, maybe.

So you've found the source of what you can change, you. I'll explain this simply for now. A woman attaches to the man's heart... she gains priority emotionally in order to ensure her security and survival. It is physical, emotional and spiritual thing the coming together.

With that access... she can "jack" you to hell if she wants to, and granted you are not a perfectly peaceful being, got your own traumas and triggers. Before women start blasting me, yes men can cut them down as well, seen it live, especially when they are intentional in hurting another. We get to know each other and can hurt each other deeply.

But it doesn't have to be intentional to hurt, it can be as simple as differences that "set off" some trigger inside... communication. Women PMSing is one area of risk because their hormones are off and they can be more argumentative. Just disagreements in anything can cause fights rather than dialog.

Men... given personality (sensitivity?) and our emotional training in life, we can be bombs when pushed too far. Add alcohol/drugs or other stresses, yea...

So you gotta do some work to figure out the roots of why you go off, that's in childhood trauma/training/oaths/curses. Figure out why you pick these women... that's also in childhood trauma and training. Maybe you pick the wrong women... like moody edgy ones, or controlling ones... and you can learn to pick better. And maybe the issue is in your ability to be vulnerable in intimate but intense communications? Analysis time...

that wasn't as clear as I wanted it to be, but you can ask questions...

[lightbulb27]

I re-read the post. I'd look in your childhood to see if women have hurt you. those traumas are controlling you and need resolved. trauma therapy, but doing some self exploration can help, group therapy, self work.

[SirJohn42]

Anger managment classes.
Also find a group to talk your feeling out. Counselor is a good start as well.
Your mental health is something you need to take seriously.

Its good your not dating now but you can turn things around.

In time when you find true happiness.

[TT1227]

I would seek counseling. They would be able to help you a lot and provide you with necessary resources. A lot of people don’t believe in therapy but coming from someone who also struggled with anger issues it has helped me tremendously.

[SaoirseS]

You’ve already decided against future relationships so it’s strange you’re asking this question. But if you want to do something about it, as others have suggested you need anger management therapy or other professional help.

[AaronKrieger]

Reflect on habits of yours that reinforce being aggressive or impulsive in any manner and stop doing them. For example, people usually say "let off some steam by punching a bag" but that's actually an awful idea. Doing that reinforces the idea in your head that you have to punch something when angry, so that leads to do you doing impulsive shit.

You overall want habits that reinforces control, discipline, and impacts you positively. It's surprising how even the minor habits in our lives can impact us significantly.

[Anonymous]

The fact you are getting physically violent (and this wasn’t in self defense right?) is very dangerous and doesn’t reflect well on men in general.

I share you feelings of anger about the unfair bullshit women especially modern women do to men. Their selfishness and disgusting conceit is only getting worse.

There have been times I just wanted to grab a women and slap the absolutely living shit out her because nothing else seems to get through. My words go in one ear and or the other. But I didn’t do that and I’m glad I didn’t. I have self control to know that there are consequences to my actions.

You need a place to safely ventilate your anger. Go to a mma gym, shooting range or something that allows you to legally (and safely) ventilate your anger. If you don’t have that then is always going to be an issue.

You don’t want to be in jail for assault and battery on a woman.

[sage2021]

If you are on drugs, like meth, that can make you really aggressive and want to yell and get out of control. Just sayin'

[Spongebobssocks]

Therapy and psychology etc problaby won't help you they are programmed by the governemnt. I'd talk to a close friend if I were you.

[Anonymous]

That is interesting
I'm in a similar situation
Just one woman
I didn't think I exactly had a problem until I saw your question

I can say, when I was 16 I had a lot of rejection
More to do with inability to commit to a relationship

That's my current understanding

[Opinion Owner]

And one more thing
My wife is like a nuclear super power
You do not cross her!
Unless you're very angry!
That might help explain too

[WanderingLoveWizard]

I can't deal with women like your wife. You can't yell at them because they'll yell back, and you can't hit them either. So all you can do is sit back and lose, every time

[Juxtapose]

@WanderingLoveWizard that's when you defeat them with your intellect and stoicism.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

True

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Good choice. Better to be alone and work on yourself than end up hurting a woman and go down for DV

[sheikalana]

I suggest you try some therapy and anger management therapy.

[Jamie05rhs]

You need to go to anger management classes. This is very serious, dude. You could end up in jail.

[Anonymous]

Good on you for making those new rational choices. Are you always stressed? If so I say get a psychiatric evaluation and meds.

[Agape93]

Why do you hate women so much

[Asker]

I don't hate women. The reality is that I have many, many close female friends.

[Agape93]

Sure doesn't seem like it. Hey @PrettyPriya does this look like the conduct of a man who likes women?

[PrettyPriya]

"The rage towards the women I have been involved with has only bubbled over into violence twice" Well, that doesn't spell love for women.

[Agape93]

Exactly. That's as weak as a Georgian politician making racial laws and claiming he isn't racist because he has black friends.

[Asker]

So, if a gay guy punched a guy, does that mean he hates men? If a lesbian punched a woman, does that mean she hates women?

[Agape93]

Bad choice of equivalency, and irrelevant. If you beat on women, and make 0 note of ever assaulting a man, then yeah its pretty damn clear.

FYI, you can hate and degrade a gender and still want them on your own terms.

[Asker]

@PrettyPriya Women provoke and attack just like men. Many think they can hide behind being women to protect themselves. They're shocked when a guy gives back exactly what they give.

[Agape93]

You're a year late you fucking idiot. She's long gone from the site.

[Anonymous]

Tie your penis into a knot.

[Juxtapose]

Smoke a loooot of weed.

[Jamie05rhs]

This is bad advice. Marijuana induces psychotic behavior and exacerbates existing problems.

[Juxtapose]

@Jamie05rhs I have literally never seen marijuana induce psychotic behavior. Did you watch that stupid propaganda video where someone smoked a joint and then jumped out a window?

[Juxtapose]

I know real life smokers and have experienced myself. You people have marijuana all wrong

[Jamie05rhs]

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[In_Trance]

Therapy

[NATesque]

See a therapist