How can she say she loves me and misses me, but not want to talk to me throughout the day?

[Anonymous]

She used to text me all the time in the beginning, but it seems like the more serious the relationship gets, the less interest she has in talking to me. It's very strange.

She never texts me anymore, and every time I text her, all I get is short one or two word replies an hour later. Then I see her in person and she's all lovey dovey.

(She's in her early 20s, so I know she's on her phone 24/7. So wtf?)

Updates

+1 y

Yeah, I'm not disagreeing with you. I think you might be right

[DaveJord]

Its a form of emotional manipulation, it called love bombing. They make you feel like the most special person in the world at one moment. They say things like I love you and all that... and its intoxicating to us because we really want those things in our lives.

But then she goes cool on you, and now you feel like shit, because they make you so happy and you just want to feel that way about her all the time. So what's her deal... well it's like training a pet, you give them a treat when they do what you want, and then you leave them alone in the house by themselve for house while you go out and have a good time.

When you get home the pet is so happy to see you again, so you give them a treat and you pet them, and the animal acts like all is good in the world. Then you tell them to go lay down and be quiet as you make dinner. Then when bedtime comes you let them snuggle up with you, and the pet is so happy again!

Until you leave again the next day and the process continues again. The animal is honestly there to make them feel good when its convenient for them, or they need it to be there to make them feel better. Then they are gone again.

Unfortunately, you are not a dog.

[Asker]

That's quite a theory you got there. You worked hard on that

[DaveJord]

It's not really a theory, it's a metaphor intended to connect some dots. With the intended intent of provoking thought, in way that will allow the reader to come to their own conclusions. Because honestly, I know nothing about you or your relationship in general.

But if her behavior is causing you some anxiety and she is taking no actions to address her behaviors or take responsibility for how her actions are affecting you on an emotional level and trying to change... then I would really do some self-reflection on that.

People who say they love you, but then their actions do not reflect their words, are usually only all about themselves, and they will always put their needs above your own and then condition you to accept it over time, as being okay.

Which in the end will always leave you feeling wanting in some way and confused.

[Asker]

Whoops! That wasn't supposed to an update lol

[Asker]

I appreciate you taking the time

[DaveJord]

No worries my man, I wish you the best of luck.

[Asker]

Thank you!

[richardcory]

what is she doing during the day? Is she working?

[Asker]

She works 4 days a week 7-7. I have no idea what she does the other days. She says she cleans, smokes weed and drives around
I have no reason to think she's lying, but who knows

[richardcory]

If she is working might she be too busy to respond?

[Asker]

Sometimes for sure, but if she has enough time to go out and smoke weed with some of her work friends, she has time to text me lol

[HyperMeeseeks]

How long have you two been together? I am this way with my boyfriend and it’s because i simply don’t care to communicate on my phone 24/7. He tried to call me and text me all the time and it annoys me. I’d rather he just talk to me in person so I can spend time with him face to face. We have been together for years and have a daughter so I live with him. This is probably why I don’t care to text him when we are apart haha. Talk to her about it. Communication is key.

[Asker]

We've only been together for a few months and don't see each other more than once or twice a week lol
I totally see your point though

[HyperMeeseeks]

Ah. Then I would think she probably has lost interest or something else is going on in her life that is occupying her mind

[Asker]

Yeah you're probably right. I'm not sure I believe her when she says she loves me. It seems kinda soon for that.
Thanks for answering!

[Asker]

She did get a new puppy. You think that could be the reason? Lol

[HyperMeeseeks]

Maybe, honestly just talk to her about how you feel and if she doesn’t care to make you happy by communicating more, find someone who will.

[Asker]

Fair enough

[Asker]

👍👍