Would you stay in a relationship with someone who gambled away the money you had saved for marriage?

[Anonymous]

He apologized dozens of times, but I don't know how to trust him again. Need help :(

[Anonymous]

Very very ironic you posted this. Just tonight I celebrated my one year of sobriety from compulsive gambling.

I am actually a hard working, educated and normally financially disciplined individual. However I have a history of depression and I wanted an escape. Gambling felt like a “safe” escape sense I wasn’t drinking or doing drugs and yet I felt completely entranced. There something one of my ex girlfriend said to me years ago that haunted me and played like a broken record in head for a very long time. But when I found that gambling silenced her screeching disgusted voice even if it was for a few hours.

Now that gives me no excuse to do what I did. However what all these other ignorant judgement commenters do not understand is that gambling is an actual brain chemical addiction.

People think it’s just immaturity but it’s not. It might if started as an immature decision but it later becomes a literal physiological wiring manipulation upstairs. Researchers have done brain scan studies on compulsive gamblers and the dopamine levels in our heads shoot up 10x while gambling vs. someone else who is not a compulsive gambler who is doing the exact same thing. Compulsive gambler literally feel high when they are “in action” (gambling) like to did a line of cocaine.

Anyway your fiancé has a choice to 1) admit he had a problem 2) go to gamblers anonymous meetings. I say meetings as in plural meetings because he needs to be going several times a week. They also have Gam-Anon programs for partners and spouses of compulsive gamblers. You will get to see how serious this problem is.

[Opinion Owner]

If your fiancé can’t admit he has a problem nor refuses to seek help then he will likely only get worse. However I have seen many married men come into these GA programs and through the grace of God straighten out.

However he will most likely NOT overcome this without an anonymous program. Reason being not even the best trained psychotherapist in the world will be able to related to him. Only a compulsive gambler can truly understand another compulsive gambler. Only they can relate. And being able to relate to others with who had this exact same problem yet overcame it is what got me to finally quit.

Just my two cents. Sorry you are going through this.

[Blueeyes81]

As a recovering alcoholic 9 years sober I completely understand the other side. You are not cured of your addiction, nor am I. Its a gamble anyone who gets involved with an addict must understand. I don't fault them for it. It's just smart to be weary of it. In recovery they gave some stats to put this into perspective. Only 4% of addicts who enter rehab remain clean 1 year on. I've been rejected several times because of it and never once would I call them "ignorant and judgmental". That just says you harbor anger, addictions best friend.

[Opinion Owner]

@Blueeyes81 in that case i will just won’t mention my past.

[Opinion Owner]

@Blueeyes81 and people understand alcoholism but not compulsive gambling

[DaveJord]

Nope that is called stealing, and if someone will steal from you then they will lie to you... and eventually do even worse things to you. But they will make you feel like the most special thing in the world to you, because that is how they manipulate you into trusting them.

[sunflower00]

You’d really need to think about your future and the likelihood of him stopping. My mum’s dad had a gambling problem and ended up gambling so much that she came home one day and all of her toys were gone. On another occasion, she came home again as a child and all of their furniture was gone. He manipulated her into feeling bad about being upset about her toys because he made up a lie about it.


If you’re going to have kids please consider what if could turn into. Also, I understand it’s an addiction but to me that is unforgivable.

[Anonymous]

oh... oh sweetie. i'm so sorry. but fuck no. i would have to throw hands. he doesn't care about your relationship or your marriage. in fact, he may have not even been planning to actually marry. that's how unimportant it was to him. trust, gone. relationship, rocky. I don't know how he'll make up for this...

[coachTanthony]

Yes of course. Love is forever lmao

[BCA6010]

That's a pretty big problem. Gambling funds should be 100% throwaway/entertainment money; you don't touch your savings for it. It sounds pretty heavy-handed to some, but AI would recommend leaving that person, because such a severe lack of good judgment is going to be a problem in the long run.

[Adam1978]

They would never have the opportunity. My savings and money would be locked away from their direct access. Same as their money wouldn't be something I can access without going through a spending arrangement. Ie I convince her to buy X or ship in with Y amount to buy X.

[Fireguy17]

I would have a hard time with that, and unless they sleeked help and quit, I just could not trust them.
I had a friend whose wife had a gambling addiction and she/they lost everything.
He lost his business, the house, their savings they were wiped out.
He divorced her and moved away and had to start all over again.
No thanks, not for me at all.

[lilyanony1]

No, I could not, and no I would not.
It's an addiction and even if he pleaded he'd get help. He'd need to actively do it and be "clean" 7 years before I'd believe him.
So it's really a waste of my time entertaining that.

[Sunssong]

Why 7 years lol?

[lilyanony1]

I dunno I figure that by that point it's a healthy habit that stuck and the desire to gamble gets easier to manage

[Sunssong]

According the modern neuroscience the sweet spot is 100 days. It's a process addiction. Food, gambling, sex, internet, etc

Yeah not doing the behavior causes synaptic decay.

[arodriguez664]

Nope. He obviously showed you how high gambling is on his list of priorities and low your relationship is.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Never mix assets with a degenerate gambler. When you're getting evicted from your home you'll know why.

[Anemone978]

Nope it just shows I sure as hell don't want to be tired to someone with no self control and will bring my credit score down lol

[Ehjoh1]

It might be hard because you love him, but you're better off ending this relationship because he will only get you in financial trouble. Don't let his poor choices drag you down, you only live once and he doesn't seem to change anytime soon.

[electromagnetic]

I would not. That’s tell tale signs of a chronic gambler.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone so irresponsible in the first place.

[LazerBean]

No, but I would never commit to a gambler to begin with.

[exitseven]

no, they are like drug addicts. They never really give it up/

[Sunssong]

Na you can. It's a process addiction not a substance addiction lol

[Jazzy54]

I wouldn’t. I can’t be with someone who’s so irrelevant with money.

[Jazzy54]

*irresponsible.

[Unit1]

You need help with a gambler future spouse? Save yourself. He'll keep gambling. Words won't do anything.

[Nikki1989]

I wouldn't date anyone that gambles to start with.

[ImalwaysrightOK]

No sweetie. He obviously has a problem. It's not acceptable.

[LiamJHayden]

Nope. A gambling addiction can be dangerous. Just dealt with a case where the trustee gambled away almost all of a $350K special needs trust.

[TheSpaceGnome]

People who gamble are not marriage material.

[Blueeyes81]

Nope, why would anyone. They'd gamble away all future money we would have.