Should couples share all their passwords and have complete transparency?

[haynes]

[Lliam]

Nope. I can't imagine why that would be important.
Some people say, "If we trust each other, we share everything." But I say, "If we trust each other, we feel no need to pry and spy."

A desire to share all passwords seems needy, insecure, controlling, and distrustful. You can't build love on that.

My wife and I have better things to do than to pry into each other's business. But we talk a lot about all kinds of things. We really don't have any secrets from each other.

I don't have a password on my phone because I don't use if for much but talking, texting and taking photos. I don't have many apps except for things like weather, clock, maps, and things like that. I'm not even much of a texter.

I know my wife's phone password in case of emergency. But I could give a shit about looking at it.

I now my wife's iPad password but, again, I have no interest in looking at it.
I don't know what password she uses for her laptop because I've never had a need to open it up.
She doesn't know the password to my laptop, but she's not interested.

I honestly don't want anyone accessing my laptop. The only social media I use is Facebook and GAG. But I store important documents and passwords for all kinds of things there. I also store photos, things that I write, and there are my search histories. It's my personal property.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Transparency yes, passwords no.

Login, show them there is nothing to worry about when you are logged in passively, but don't show anyone your passwords.

By passively, I mean lets say you are talking to people about interesting, important, or funny stuff online, and your wife asks what you are doing, you could be "like hey, look at what ____ said". It feeds her curiousity, and it calms her worry if she has any, without giving her control over your account.

She should do the same for you as well, and in general, even without trust problems, couples should take interest in eachother's lives and what eachother does, just for closeness sake alone.

It's always good to know about your partner and their daily life, both to build trust and get closer to them, Its also good in emergencies, like if they don't come home on time, aren't answering their phone, and you know who they talked to recently, you can find them more easily if worried abot them, but being controlling is bad.

[jennifer_bloom]

I think privacy should be respected unless there is a history of cheating because your purpose in life is to live for God, you don't exist only to serve your partner. So having a relationship does not mean you owe infinite debt to the person you are married to, they can have half your apple pie, but they do not retain ownership over your soul.

[OldWomanBySoul]

Nah, people need their privacy, even from their SO. Plus I've heard so many old people (I Love hanging out with my grandma and her friends and acquaintances lol) say that the key to happy and long marriage is not telling your partner absolutely everything, some things are better left unsaid

[OlderAndWiser]

Even in a marriage, each partner is entitled to some privacy. I don't want to watch my fiancee taking a dump and I don't want her to watch me taking a dump. There are times when I talk to my lifelong best friend about my fiancee and I wouldn't want her listening to our conversation. She has tons of privacy because she is Chinese, her family and friends are Chinese, and they constantly converse in Mandarin.

If we are "supposed to" have complete transparency, then I need to tell her that she can never again speak Chinese in my presence. . . but I trust her and it is okay that every little thing is not transparent for me.

[AngryCarl2]

Fucking A.

[Mangospacho]

Mandarin is tough to learn, too. Not worth learning just to know what someone “might” be saying behind your back.

[OlderAndWiser]

@Mangospacho I'm not paranoid about what they are saying and I've got no plan to learn Mandarin!

[razelove]

I don't think so. Phones have GPS as well, but I don't feel the need to track my wife's location, or enact geofencing on vehicles which would be the natural extension.

If I wanted to cheat and do so through the internet I'd so through fresh accounts. Likewise if I was looking to hide money I'd start building a new identity with the money I'm looking to hide.

I'm not some brilliant mastermind, so other people can have the same thoughts, if you're that suspicious sharing passwords won't help but maybe hiring a PI would

[AviatorTom]

No, there are still some things you keep private in a relationship.

[Apple1996]

In a serious long term relationship yes couples should share all passwords. New/short relationships no since the trust hasn't been built yet

[coachTanthony]

So much for that surprise BD party lol

[OlderAndWiser]

Shhhh! Coach, my fiancée's 60th birthday is in June and I am planning a surprise birthday party!

[zeitgeist057]

Nope.

But if you want to go that route, why stop there? A truly intimate couple should poop in front of each other and have their partner wipe their butt.

My point being that there are healthy boundaries that are actually beneficial to a relationship. This "transparency" isn't necessarily a sign of relationship health and could in fact be toxic or codependent.

https://us.abuniverse.com

[LiamJHayden]

This should be the Superior Opinion.

[mikan_galena]

100% transparency all the time always? Absolutely not. My partner and I share a lot of our passwords. We know each other’s phone passcodes for convenience, but most of the other passwords we keep on a document for emergencies.


We don’t share personal back account info, or other things like that. I don’t know the password for their work computer because I don’t need to! (What am I going to do lol? I have no idea how he does what he does.)


Transparency is good, but it’s not necessary (nor healthy) to be completely transparent. A good rule of thumb that I use is if I feel like I’m sneaking around or doing things to make sure my partner doesn’t know, then I shouldn’t be doing that.

[ZackBan]

I think it should be available on demand as a show of trust but not shared by default.

The difference being it's very creepy and borderline toxic to spend your time going through someone else's online presence but also hiding it raises suspicions so a balance needs to be struck.

My girl has no business reading what the group chat with the boys is saying.
But she's more than welcome to check if I'm having solo convos with other girls and if yes what about.
I expect similar treatment.

[Leapfrog00]

I'm a private person with a lot of things and I would feel violated if someone had all my passwords.

Even if the girl would offer to share hers, I would tell her that's her business. Partners shouldn't share everything.

A little mystery in a relationship builds a better foundation. If there's no mystery, then the person would be so pridictable.

Even if someone were cheating on me, it would still be wrong for me to ask her because I'd be violating her privacy. I can't say I wouldn't be curious though.

[DJB72]

No.

The most important thing in a relationship after communication is trust. I trust my wife and as a result I don't ask or expect her to share passwords or PINs with me except for our business accounts which we operate together. I don't use her phone. I don't even go into her handbag - althought that's partly because I'm scared of it 😉 - and she's the same.

We respect each other's privacy and trust each other.

I wouldn't read her diary and I don't expect her to share it. There are things a spouse doesn't need to know.

[Screenwriter]

Nope. Your phone and your various accounts are your private property. You can certainly share interesting things on or in your various accounts, but no SO should be snooping around in your personal spaces. They're like diaries. Not yours. Private thoughts, conversations etc.

[Screenwriter]

I mean, not shared.

[Phoenix98]

No everyone is entitled to privacy. I don't see any reason share my pass words and accounts with my partner I'm not obligated to and she isn't obligated to share her passwords for her stuff either. I don't want to feel pressured to share literally everything nor would I want my partner to feel that way either. If either one of us wants to share an account or password with the other that's a different story.

Now harmless stuff like hulu or netflix that's different that's entrainment but stuff like finances, bills, etc stuff like that unless your living together and pooling your money together or she's in charge of paying the bills or something like that.

[DaisyM23]

no, transparency is good sure but there's no reason for anyone to know every single password of yours but maybe that's just me, i wouldn't be comfortable sharing my password with anyone, i wouldn't hide what i'm doing and i would freely give my devices to use but i wouldn't give my passwords

[mstbooblover]

Generally spoken it's not a good idea for couples to share all their paswords. One never knows how life will evolve for them. I think that really trusting each other, while avoiding silly suspicions, also means allowing each other some privacy. Still, why would you absolutely want your partner's passwords for?

[catiecatie]

I don’t think they should share passwords. Unless it’s a joined account then yes it’s okay, but most people have separate accounts anyways. Maybe if you trusted each other with your phone then you can give them the password to unlock your phone. That’s the only think and that’s if they give it to you. If you know it and they didn’t give it to you, then you shouldn’t go through their stuff.

[WindAtMyBack]

What for? I would never even consider giving or asking for a password unless there was a good reason to. I certainly wouldn't do it to spy. If someone gave me a PW for some reason, I'd use it for whatever purpose I was given it, then get out. Everyone needs their private space. It's an important and inviolate part of a relationship.

[Jaximus-Lion]

See i am one of those who thinks like this! We have sex, we do many things together, i am not sure how transparency/privacy works in these situations but we share everything! If it's a tooth brush or same pornhub account, spotify or e-mail passwords and so on 🤷‍♂️. It's not a (SHOULD) but in my opinion when you are in a healthy long term relationship there is no boundries/transparency/privacy , just saying.

[Sirenboobzilla]

No. I'm taking one after my parents: Even in their long term relationships they have their separate things from social media to financial accounts and, to my knowledge, they never ask for each other's passwords. They've lived happily this way. I trust my partner. That is all

[Rei13]

No I think everyone is entitled to some privacy. My boyfriend and I will use each others phones sometimes and I’ve let him use my computer so there is nothing to hide but I wouldn’t want him going through all my personal stuff and I wouldn’t do that to him either

[CaptainOverthink]

Does that mean you have no trust?
Then No.

Trust is the foundation of it all, if you think a complete disassembly of privatelife is the key then you don't have trust and you're not giving it.
But maybe agreeing to get off datingapps and media that has to do with showcasing your status and beauty.