Should couples share all their passwords and have complete transparency?

Question

Lliam · Accepted Answer

Nope. I can't imagine why that would be important.
Some people say, "If we trust each other, we share everything." But I say, "If we trust each other, we feel no need to pry and spy."

A desire to share all passwords seems needy, insecure, controlling, and distrustful. You can't build love on that.

My wife and I have better things to do than to pry into each other's business. But we talk a lot about all kinds of things. We really don't have any secrets from each other.

I don't have a password on my phone because I don't use if for much but talking, texting and taking photos. I don't have many apps except for things like weather, clock, maps, and things like that. I'm not even much of a texter.

I know my wife's phone password in case of emergency. But I could give a shit about looking at it.

I now my wife's iPad password but, again, I have no interest in looking at it.
I don't know what password she uses for her laptop because I've never had a need to open it up.
She doesn't know the password to my laptop, but she's not interested.

I honestly don't want anyone accessing my laptop. The only social media I use is Facebook and GAG. But I store important documents and passwords for all kinds of things there. I also store photos, things that I write, and there are my search histories. It's my personal property.

TheSpaceGnome · Accepted Answer

Transparency yes, passwords no.

Login, show them there is nothing to worry about when you are logged in passively, but don't show anyone your passwords.

By passively, I mean lets say you are talking to people about interesting, important, or funny stuff online, and your wife asks what you are doing, you could be "like hey, look at what ____ said". It feeds her curiousity, and it calms her worry if she has any, without giving her control over your account.

She should do the same for you as well, and in general, even without trust problems, couples should take interest in eachother's lives and what eachother does, just for closeness sake alone.

It's always good to know about your partner and their daily life, both to build trust and get closer to them, Its also good in emergencies, like if they don't come home on time, aren't answering their phone, and you know who they talked to recently, you can find them more easily if worried abot them, but being controlling is bad.

jennifer_bloom · Accepted Answer

I think privacy should be respected unless there is a history of cheating because your purpose in life is to live for God, you don't exist only to serve your partner. So having a relationship does not mean you owe infinite debt to the person you are married to, they can have half your apple pie, but they do not retain ownership over your soul.

OldWomanBySoul · Accepted Answer

Nah, people need their privacy, even from their SO. Plus I've heard so many old people (I Love hanging out with my grandma and her friends and acquaintances lol) say that the key to happy and long marriage is not telling your partner absolutely everything, some things are better left unsaid

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Even in a marriage, each partner is entitled to some privacy. I don't want to watch my fiancee taking a dump and I don't want her to watch me taking a dump. There are times when I talk to my lifelong best friend about my fiancee and I wouldn't want her listening to our conversation. She has tons of privacy because she is Chinese, her family and friends are Chinese, and they constantly converse in Mandarin.

If we are "supposed to" have complete transparency, then I need to tell her that she can never again speak Chinese in my presence. . . but I trust her and it is okay that every little thing is not transparent for me.

razelove · Answer

I don't think so. Phones have GPS as well, but I don't feel the need to track my wife's location, or enact geofencing on vehicles which would be the natural extension.

If I wanted to cheat and do so through the internet I'd so through fresh accounts. Likewise if I was looking to hide money I'd start building a new identity with the money I'm looking to hide.

I'm not some brilliant mastermind, so other people can have the same thoughts, if you're that suspicious sharing passwords won't help but maybe hiring a PI would

AviatorTom · Answer

No, there are still some things you keep private in a relationship.

Apple1996 · Answer

In a serious long term relationship yes couples should share all passwords. New/short relationships no since the trust hasn't been built yet

coachTanthony · Answer

So much for that surprise BD party lol

zeitgeist057 · Answer

Nope.

But if you want to go that route, why stop there? A truly intimate couple should poop in front of each other and have their partner wipe their butt.

My point being that there are healthy boundaries that are actually beneficial to a relationship. This "transparency" isn't necessarily a sign of relationship health and could in fact be toxic or codependent.

https://us.abuniverse.com

Should couples share all their passwords and have complete transparency?

mikan_galena · Answer

100% transparency all the time always? Absolutely not. My partner and I share a lot of our passwords. We know each other’s phone passcodes for convenience, but most of the other passwords we keep on a document for emergencies.

We don’t share personal back account info, or other things like that. I don’t know the password for their work computer because I don’t need to! (What am I going to do lol? I have no idea how he does what he does.)

Transparency is good, but it’s not necessary (nor healthy) to be completely transparent. A good rule of thumb that I use is if I feel like I’m sneaking around or doing things to make sure my partner doesn’t know, then I shouldn’t be doing that.

ZackBan · Answer

I think it should be available on demand as a show of trust but not shared by default.

The difference being it's very creepy and borderline toxic to spend your time going through someone else's online presence but also hiding it raises suspicions so a balance needs to be struck.

My girl has no business reading what the group chat with the boys is saying.
But she's more than welcome to check if I'm having solo convos with other girls and if yes what about.
I expect similar treatment.

Leapfrog00 · Answer

I'm a private person with a lot of things and I would feel violated if someone had all my passwords.

Even if the girl would offer to share hers, I would tell her that's her business. Partners shouldn't share everything.

A little mystery in a relationship builds a better foundation. If there's no mystery, then the person would be so pridictable.

Even if someone were cheating on me, it would still be wrong for me to ask her because I'd be violating her privacy. I can't say I wouldn't be curious though.

Screenwriter · Answer

Nope. Your phone and your various accounts are your private property. You can certainly share interesting things on or in your various accounts, but no SO should be snooping around in your personal spaces. They're like diaries. Not yours. Private thoughts, conversations etc.

DJB72 · Answer

No.

The most important thing in a relationship after communication is trust. I trust my wife and as a result I don't ask or expect her to share passwords or PINs with me except for our business accounts which we operate together. I don't use her phone. I don't even go into her handbag - althought that's partly because I'm scared of it 😉 - and she's the same.

We respect each other's privacy and trust each other.

I wouldn't read her diary and I don't expect her to share it. There are things a spouse doesn't need to know.

Phoenix98 · Answer

No everyone is entitled to privacy. I don't see any reason share my pass words and accounts with my partner I'm not obligated to and she isn't obligated to share her passwords for her stuff either. I don't want to feel pressured to share literally everything nor would I want my partner to feel that way either. If either one of us wants to share an account or password with the other that's a different story.

Now harmless stuff like hulu or netflix that's different that's entrainment but stuff like finances, bills, etc stuff like that unless your living together and pooling your money together or she's in charge of paying the bills or something like that.

DaisyM23 · Answer

no, transparency is good sure but there's no reason for anyone to know every single password of yours but maybe that's just me, i wouldn't be comfortable sharing my password with anyone, i wouldn't hide what i'm doing and i would freely give my devices to use but i wouldn't give my passwords

mstbooblover · Answer

Generally spoken it's not a good idea for couples to share all their paswords. One never knows how life will evolve for them. I think that really trusting each other, while avoiding silly suspicions, also means allowing each other some privacy. Still, why would you absolutely want your partner's passwords for?

catiecatie · Answer

I don’t think they should share passwords. Unless it’s a joined account then yes it’s okay, but most people have separate accounts anyways. Maybe if you trusted each other with your phone then you can give them the password to unlock your phone. That’s the only think and that’s if they give it to you. If you know it and they didn’t give it to you, then you shouldn’t go through their stuff.

WindAtMyBack · Answer

What for? I would never even consider giving or asking for a password unless there was a good reason to. I certainly wouldn't do it to spy. If someone gave me a PW for some reason, I'd use it for whatever purpose I was given it, then get out. Everyone needs their private space. It's an important and inviolate part of a relationship.

Jaximus-Lion · Answer

See i am one of those who thinks like this! We have sex, we do many things together, i am not sure how transparency/privacy works in these situations but we share everything! If it's a tooth brush or same pornhub account, spotify or e-mail passwords and so on 🤷‍♂️. It's not a (SHOULD) but in my opinion when you are in a healthy long term relationship there is no boundries/transparency/privacy , just saying.

Sirenboobzilla · Answer

No. I'm taking one after my parents: Even in their long term relationships they have their separate things from social media to financial accounts and, to my knowledge, they never ask for each other's passwords. They've lived happily this way. I trust my partner. That is all

Rei13 · Answer

No I think everyone is entitled to some privacy. My boyfriend and I will use each others phones sometimes and I’ve let him use my computer so there is nothing to hide but I wouldn’t want him going through all my personal stuff and I wouldn’t do that to him either

CaptainOverthink · Answer

Does that mean you have no trust?
Then No.

Trust is the foundation of it all, if you think a complete disassembly of privatelife is the key then you don't have trust and you're not giving it.
But maybe agreeing to get off datingapps and media that has to do with showcasing your status and beauty.

midnightmoon05 · Answer

If this is the one you plan to marry, have a family…it’s important to be on the same page with everything. Trusting this person will be there and know where things are.

as the result says here…most are not in good relationships/marriages…therefore most said no.

BadApple69 · Answer

Noooooo! Even though you are a couple there needs to be some privacy in a person's life. If you know the passwords anytime there is a late-night text the other would want to see who it is. Out of context anything can be taken the wrong way. Trust in a relationship is more important then the ability to read your partner's texts and emails.

OfMiceandMen · Answer

I would have no issue letting her see my social media and email accounts. I've got nothing to hide. For instance, I would have no problem letting her see my GAG account. I manage to refrain from being a pervo on here.

That being said, I am unlikely to give her the passwords to my accounts as we could break-up someday and she could potentially do some harm, if she is a vengeful individual.

CreatingWonders · Answer

No, my now ex wanted all my passwords to things, she also wanted the keys to my house, I drew a line at that, I may have nothing to hide but I want to have some privacy, she also turned out to be toxic and I left her, well if I’d given her all my passwords and my keys then I’d be buggered wouldn’t I as she’d be able to get into everything, including my house.

Luopio27 · Answer

If I ever get a girlfriend, I would base the relationship on trust, not survailance. Its not like couples have eyes on each other at work. school. hobbies and time with their friends. During those times it is the most easiest time to fall inloce with others or cheat but in the end if there is loyalty there is no need for any kind of survailance.

bolverk · Answer

Go that way if you wish bu everyone is entitled to some privacy, I had a girlfriend who could not cope with my phone being unlocked, but my laptop that had all of my work data, my bank accounts access, etc was locked tight with 256 bit AES encryption that is a requirement of my employer.
I did not ask to see what was on her phone/tablet, it was a short relationship due her constant moaning about not being able to trust me as she had no access to my laptop.

Shark_61695 · Answer

Definitely not but they could have some passwords they share. Plus if a site has 2fa, they wouldn't be able to log in even if they had a password.
Also they could just use my saved passwords on a device for most things, don't need to know the actual password.

lorenzomichael · Answer

Absolutely. A woman is the softer side of the man's messulinity making him a complete man, so what's there to hide? However if each finds things in the other person's lives that they don't agree with, before you go off arguing make sure it was before you came into their lives. So you don't go ruining a good thing. Never get it twisted.

AliSulayman · Answer

My girlfriend went hysterical when I gave her my phone and asked for her phone as an exercise for trust. She gave me a lecture on how you should be with a person who you think you can trust no matter what, otherwise you shouldn’t. It’s controlling and privacy invading! Imagine 🤣

Anonymous · Answer

No, you are a singular individual and you deserve and need to have areas and spaces in your life to thrive and indulge on your own, even if that means keeping personal accounts personal. Big FYI nothing lasts for ever, and people change ultimately that person may not be your person forever so know you have weird stranger with a working knowledge and access to all your stuff. Nope.

EaterPeter · Answer

We should be living double lifes. Don't be tied to someone's hips. Double as one is be a person have your life as an individual and have a life with partner. If you two enjoy doing things together do it by all means. But for our own sanity we need different lifes and different people.

Drumlin2001 · Answer

I wouldn't say i have secrets. That said I wouldn't want my OH to have access to my GaG account. Pretty much anything else is fair game, but this is my place to vent so would rather they not see it.

sage2021 · Answer

I'm in a long term relationship and neither of us know each other's passwords. Could somebody hiding his pornography?
I have no reason to have a passcode on my phone other than he gets in there and changes things without asking me first?

Paul_in_Indy · Answer

Absolutely not. For most of us, that’s not possible; regardless of whether it is a good idea. I can’t share access to my work laptop and my work accounts. Besides, I don’t believe that any good comes from that level of suspicious monitoring.

jshm2 · Answer

That's coercion - not "transparency," you dummy.  Even a bank will not let you access a partners private account, even if you both held a joint account. What is legally yours is for your eyes only.

Christsdisciple15 · Answer

I've never been in a relationship but passwords don’t matter to me at all they’re not on my mind ever so I wouldn’t even think to ask for his and I’m unsure why he would want mine

I feel like if it gets to that trust is clearly lost

Anpu23 · Answer

To a point, my partner doesn't have access to my company files, bank accounts and documents that are protected under non-disclosure. Other than that she has complete access.

desidoll · Answer

No, relationship/marriage doesn’t give us the freedom to go beyond the boundaries. We need privacy still.

nolabels · Answer

Nope. I tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth here. Sometimes the truth can hurt the ones we love. I wouldn't want that to happen.

MotherEarth2020 · Answer

No, because if my husband had my gag account password. He would get me into trouble. He is a dumdass online You better know him as humanearth on here.

matchrestore · Answer

I have access to my wife's passwords, but other than to get info for tax filing without bothering her or logging into streaming services I've never really used them.

menina · Answer

No they shouldn't. Just because you're part of a couple it doesn't mean you don't have privacy. You should be able to keep some things to yourself.

DeeDeeDeVour · Answer

Between me and my husband:   If he asks, I give the password.   If he doesn't ask, I don't voluntarily share passwords.  It's mutual.

annabananna · Answer

I wouldn’t say it’s a should or shouldn’t. I think couples should talk about what makes them comfortable and what works for them.

Adam1978 · Answer

No they should not. You should always have safe guard against your partner completely screwing your life up.

LazerBean · Answer

Yes if you are in a legitimate relationship. If you're not married, then no.

Unit1 · Answer

I have seen what sharing passwords can do. Wreak havoc. Its not Like getting divorced without a prenuptial agreement prior but it is similarly on a lesser scale.

I don't Want that.

Also cyber security.

Andres77 · Answer

No. Even married couples need privacy from each other.

Sjoerd85 · Answer

No. I don't need to know her passwords, and she doesn't need to know mine. If you do not trust each other, you don't have a good relationship.

rosemilk · Answer

lol no. boundaries are perfectly healthy in relationships. is there a good reason you need all passwords? probably not.

richardcory · Answer

I think people still need privacy. Also many people have work accounts where they are not allowed to share passwords

Quackthulu2 · Answer

this

Jazzy54 · Answer

No. Honestly, that shows that you don’t trust them. Plus, if they’re up to no good, all will be revealed eventually. Things always have a way of coming out in the open sooner or later.

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

How do I plan any surprises (vacation, gift ideas, etc) if she can see them in my email? I've no interest in seeing her inbox ever.

strateguy632 · Answer

if she knew what i watched she would leave me so must keep some secrets. same as she kept some secrets.

UniquelyBasic · Answer

It depends on the relationship but I don't think passwords need to be shared for everything. It's okay to have boundaries in a relationship.

MJackson1234 · Answer

Yes. Anything else besides this is utter BS.

RingOfFire · Answer

No. If you are so untrusting of your partner you are in the wrong relationship. Every person is entitled to their private spaces, in or out of a relationship.

Kelly6 · Answer

100% transparency sounds good, but it sure will create questions and debates too and arguments

CuriousMufuxka · Answer

Might as well. Bitches be checking phones anyway or accusing because you locked your shit! Really I think couples should respect each others privacy and trust that their lover isn't fucking around.

Should couples share all their passwords and have complete transparency?

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