I feel like throughout my life people have never truly cared about me how I care for them. And for a while I always thought that was rooted in me lacking certain things but for the first time I've looked at myself through an outside perspective and I would value myself so much as a friend or romantic partner or whatever. And I feel uncomfortable saying that because it ruins the meaning of it if it comes off in a conceited way. I value people because of their souls not because of how funny they are or how well they can hold a conversation and yea those things are nice ofc but they don't mean much if you are not a good person. People have always taken advantage of me or been so cruel and I've just never understood why. I would never want to make anyone ever feel these horrible ways even if they've done me wrong, I always just want peace and for people to just love each other. It just seems like every time I think I find an incredible person they turn out to be so self observed or just so messed up morally. And ofc I know people have flaws, I do too and I don't want or expect anyone to be perfect. However, the things people have done to me are just right out cruel and extremely selfish so I struggle to see their point of view because I would never even think to do the things they have. My point with all of this is if all I ever get with trying to invest in other people and build connection ends up just being pain, then genuinely what's the point? I don't want to be lonely but I'd rather have no company than bad company. And to be clear, I don't give love just to receive love but connection can't build if it's one sided. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so nice because then I could at least relate to people and not feel so distant from their choices. I don't WANT to be separate in this way, but I also don't want to give into this norm of being so incredibly selfish. It would be my dream if the whole world treated eachother kindly. I just want to meet one genuinely good human
Does anyone else just not see the value in connecting with people anymore/has anyone else felt this way before-what did you do?

Superb Opinion