Does anyone else just not see the value in connecting with people anymore/has anyone else felt this way before-what did you do?

Question

I feel like throughout my life people have never truly cared about me how I care for them. And for a while I always thought that was rooted in me lacking certain things but for the first time I've looked at myself through an outside perspective and I would value myself so much as a friend or romantic partner or whatever. And I feel uncomfortable saying that because it ruins the meaning of it if it comes off in a conceited way. I value people because of their souls not because of how funny they are or how well they can hold a conversation and yea those things are nice ofc but they don't mean much if you are not a good person. People have always taken advantage of me or been so cruel and I've just never understood why. I would never want to make anyone ever feel these horrible ways even if they've done me wrong, I always just want peace and for people to just love each other. It just seems like every time I think I find an incredible person they turn out to be so self observed or just so messed up morally. And ofc I know people have flaws, I do too and I don't want or expect anyone to be perfect. However, the things people have done to me are just right out cruel and extremely selfish so I struggle to see their point of view because I would never even think to do the things they have. My point with all of this is if all I ever get with trying to invest in other people and build connection ends up just being pain, then genuinely what's the point? I don't want to be lonely but I'd rather have no company than bad company. And to be clear, I don't give love just to receive love but connection can't build if it's one sided. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so nice because then I could at least relate to people and not feel so distant from their choices. I don't WANT to be separate in this way, but I also don't want to give into this norm of being so incredibly selfish. It would be my dream if the whole world treated eachother kindly. I just want to meet one genuinely good human

Telekinetic-Potato · Accepted Answer

There's a lot to this and it's hard to say eloquently.

First of all, humans are inherently selfish. It's in our nature. I don't know you, I'm sure you're a better person than most but even your actions are ultimately guided by what you believe serves your ideology the best. There's no way around this, it's human nature.

So how do you navigate a world like this and stay true to your values, your sense of morality? How do you make your actions healthy for your soul while being happy living the lifestyle you want?

You need to understand that there is a game to life which involves lying, cheating, manuvering, manipulating, stealing and most importantly, self control through self awareness.

We all play this game whether we realize it or not. You can win at it without even realizing yore playing. The people who realize they are, don't care if you're playing or not, they will take advantage of your trusting and carefree nature. Because all they see is opportunity and value.

It's important to remember that for the most part, it's no hard feelings, it's not meant specifically to make you feel pain. It's simply people making plays in the game of life to bring them closer to their goals.

You can play it in your own way, just like any sport, there are players who are extremely successful by cheating and there are ones who get to the top with mostly honesty and genuinity.

I don't want to be rude but I'm going to be straightforward right now.

You're a young woman in a vicious world. You need to pay attention to the people around you, understand what it is they want and how they go about getting it. You need to be friendly with people not just for connection but for practicality as well.

People can be friends and at times, selfless but there are limits. Especially when the friend is keeping the other from their goals.

Be aware of not hurting people's egos, pay attention to how what you say may be interperated by other people in the room.

If nothing else, you speak of connection but what happens when your innocent actions create problems or frustration for other people? How connected are you to these people that they could so often betray you without being able to see it coming?

I don't think that would happen to you for any reason other than at least some part of you understands all this and you believe it's more righteous to simply ignore certain things. But that doesn't make truths go away.

This world is vast and has room for great happiness and great sadness great pleasure and great pain.

Your focus and awareness are incredibly important to controlling where you are as you walk that line.

CreatingWonders · Accepted Answer

I don’t see the point in talking to people anymore, I used to try when I was younger but I was left on read or ignored so I slowly gave up, after the death of my Nan and being I’m a toxic narcissistic relationship I couldn’t care less about people anymore I’m happier alone.

Also we have nothing in common this whole covid plandemic proved that to me.

I do get a bit lonely but I just play a game or read and it soon passes.

Emelina · Accepted Answer

Simple answer, treat people how you want to be treated, if they treat you like crap then treat them like crap, if they treat you with respect then respect them... give and take. The world has so much issues now with how humans interact with each other that it's very very different from back in my days, where humans used to respect honesty and treated each other fairly well. Technology has screw up the world a lot now, I think anyways. Cheers

76blh · Accepted Answer

I feel almost exactly as you do, except I know there are people out there who are good. They can be hard to find, but they are there. I know because I'm one of them! But then maybe everyone thinks that they are good. It is easier to be single and not risk the heartbreak, but I was sad to see your age and that you have this attitude this young. I only got it in my 40's. Don't give up just yet, you might be lucky.

thatshydork · Answer

People show love in different ways. That’s something that’s important to understand when forming relationships with people. Not everyone will be nice to you or like you, but it’s important to find the ones that do and form relationships with them. I think that relationships are vital to our existence. Graduating in the midst of Covid (I was class of 2021) really showed me that the people you care about and the ones who really care about you are what’s going to get you through hard times.

DizzyDesii · Answer

I stopped wanting long term connections (platonic friendships) after high school.

hellohruu · Answer

Yeah, there is internet and people irl are annoying

Nikki1989 · Answer

My appetite for life is far too strong to allow that to happen.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Stop trying to build connections with strangers. Get to know someone before you try to build a bond with them. You need to protect yourself.

In_Trance · Answer

Have you ever asked anyone if they care the way that you do, or is this something you're assuming?

magiusX26 · Answer

welcome to myworld young lady

Does anyone else just not see the value in connecting with people anymore/has anyone else felt this way before-what did you do?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said