What are ways my boyfriend and I can overcome our traumatic pasts from toxic people?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I are in the early stages of our relationships. So far things are going great. We both have healthy communication, see each other at least 3 times a week, and very happy together. We both got into our relationship well after taking time from our previous relationships but we both had traumatic experiences. My boyfriend was in an emotionally abusive relationship like me and also recently before I met him and we got together I had reconnected with a guy from elementary school and was taken advantage of and basically emotionally manipulated. I felt stupid because I slept with this guy and got high with him after he was kind of a bully to me in school, vice versus my boyfriend has this ex who still tries to contact him. Should we get counseling for our issues? Should we try healthy exercises? Or any suggestions?

[ohsheeT]

Accept that it happened the past is the past you can't change it and why would you it made you who you are today and that's stronger person take it on

Life is just like the day you decided that you wanted to walk no matter what you were going to do it no matter how many times you fell down you got right back up and you did it you weren't going to sit there and dwell on it think about it make it bum you out make you feel bad no you said fuck this you got up and you took it on no matter what it was you took it on it's the same thing in life anything that happens to you you don't need to let it beat yourself up accept it change it move on there's bigger better challenges the only thing that's going to hold you back in life is yourself so don't let yourself hold yourself back

[BadApple69]

I see your age to be between 18-24. You are very young. Is your boyfriend in that same age group? You might ask what does your age have to do with it... A lot! As you get older you will realize there are so many users and abusers out there. You will grow a thicker skin. My advice to you is not to spend a year in therapy but to enjoy your life with him. Forget about these past people but learn from what they did. Don't ever let people use you or abuse you, you are better than that. Therapy has it's place but if you run to a therapist every time you meet a mean person you'll be sitting in that chair the rest of your life. My recommendation again is to enjoy your time with your boyfriend, kick mean people to the curb, and mostly enjoy life.

[mistletoe11]

From what I felt, you both want to leave the bad experiences behind, but are they affecting your current relationship? In a way where you cannot connect beyond a certain line or boundary that you have created. If both of you are really looking forward to a healthy relationship with each other, rewriting the bad memories is not really impossible. Why not try it on your level before going for counselling and other options. Cut off toxic people completely first of all, sometimes being nice is harmful. Do not give any nincompoop from the past the chance to ruin your mental peace. Create moments so beautiful, together that even if u still think about past, you are thankful for what you have in hand in present. This is not impossible.

[provokeesmokee]

Therapy (individual and couple) is your best bet.

It isn't fair to use each other as therapists. That's a professional's role, not your partner's role.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

The past is the past. Learn from it and move on. There's nothing worse than being stuck in the past and letting your previous experiences control you. In fact, it's a major show of weakness on your end. Being strong isn't about living with the pain, it's about shifting your way of thinking and kicking it's fucking ass

[Anonymous]

Communication and effort. This is the only way. There's no shortcut to this. You need to be honest with your partner. And you have to communicate when he's exhibiting behaviour that is eroding your faith in him. And he has to do the same for you. Trust is built not just awarded.

[Anonymous]

Convince him this what he have seen in the past was just the beginning. It will get much worse

[boggboss]

Do u guys feel u need counseling

[Jltakk]

Therapy would be fantastic for you two.

[DextroShade]

Try doing MDMA together, just the two of you.