When someone breaks their promise, is it normal to lose trust in them?

[Anonymous]

I was raised knowing that your word is your bond and that when you say that you’re going to do something, you do it. Well, recently my best friend gave me his word that he would help me do something that was not only really important to me, but that would positively impact my life. I won’t go into the details of that, since it is quite a lengthy story. But I will say that it involved him coming down to Florida from New Jersey next week to help me achieve said goal. We’ve planned this for a month, down to the last detail and everything was set for next week. He messaged me last night and backed out of coming saying only that he “has other things to do instead.” He said that he knew he wasn’t coming for three of the four weeks and yet he still strung me along and led me to believe that he was going to come and help me. I was very hurt by this. I mentioned to him in a text how hurt I was and that I lost trust in him. He wrote me a very harsh message back, yelling at me for saying that I lost trust in him. I believe that when you go back on your word especially given the circumstance, it warrants one to lose faith and trust in the other person. I believe that trust will have to be rebuilt over time. He instead called me some nasty names and proceeded to make me feel like I am the one being unreasonable when I was just stating my feelings on the situation. He just kept repeating that he didn’t understand where the loss of trust comes from. My question here is, do you think I am right in your word is your bond and when it’s broken trust is broken? Or is he right and I am being unreasonable? Thank you In advance for your replies.

[CubsterShura]

I don't see people as entirely trustworthy or untrustworthy, usually the truth lies somewhere in the middle.

If I have a friend who loves reading and borrows books from me and returns them in good condition all the time, but this person is always late to events and parties and never shows up on time, I can say that I trust this friend with my books but I don't trust this friend with making it to planned programs. I could continue lending books to this friend but perhaps invite other friends if I want to go out.

[CubsterShura]

Also I want to add that I've also had times I felt very let down by friends and I felt like I could not trust them any longer. Of course now I understand that things aren't so black-and-white and even with people who are very close to me and I love them, even then I don't trust them with 100% of things. And that's fine, it just means I maintain my boundaries with them in those areas while we still continue to be great friends.

[YesterdaysChild]

I think you already know the answer to this. Rest assured you are not wrong in your thinking. He is the bad egg in this farce. Especially if he knew for weeks he was not going to fulfill what he told you. While it's true no one has to do anything that they don't want to do, then they should not tell one they will. I would say always think of the worse. That way you will never be disappointed when someone doesn't live up to your expectations. Am I right to assume that this friendship is over?

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes that’s a fast way to lose trust. But also I’m wondering if he’s your bestie why you live so far away and only communicate via text. Surely he would have told you on a phone call.

[Asker]

I tried calling him, but he wouldn’t pick up. He told me to message him via text, so that’s what I did.

[BarryLiverstone]

In this case.. but don’t you and him talk on the phone most weeks?

[Avicenna]

It's going to be very hard to regain trust in this case

[noohair]

Trust is different for men and women. I never make promisses. I will do what I say I was going to do or i will not make any commitment.

[Nikki1989]

Yes, that is a normal reaction.

[In_Trance]

Yeah