Beginning to think my partner will always take his mothers advice over mine?

[Anonymous]

My partner is very close to his mother. He tells her a lot about out relationship.

Once, I was preparing to do him a favour- clean his windows. I told him the method by which I’d clean them. He called his mother and asked her opinion, and told me that she said the same method. It kind of annoyed me, I knew which method was correct to use.

I often have extra virgin olive oil with meals and have been explaining the benefits to my boyfriend for a long time. Tonight, he told me he told his mother about me saying this. She told him that he should be having the olive oil as it’s healthy. So now he’s told me he’ll be having the olive oil.

These are just some examples. I’m genuinely worried for the day she disagrees with me, and what my boyfriend will do. I’m pretty sure he’ll take her word instead of mine. What do you guys think? His mother seems nice , but I just don’t want to end up later down the line with him following everything she says is best and being unhappy.

[kylee2437]

Well he seems to be a Mommas boy , but I totally get it. I kind of do the same with my dad because my dad has helped me out most of my life. It’s going to take a strong man to be able to get called before calling my dad.


Anyways , as your relationship moves on - I’m sure he will become more trusting to take your advice first. His mom seems like she’s doing a good job agreeing with you so he learns to trust you first too

[Asker]

I spoke to my mother about this issue too, and she said he will eventually come to me first too. I’m worried, what is he doesn’t and I have to live with it:(

[kylee2437]

@asker you have to remember for the most part our parents/guardians are very important to us and we have relied on them most of our lives so he’s going to go to someone that he feels like knows best. Just keep being the best girlfriend you can , and whenever he asks for support from you make sure to go out of your way. Once he ensures he can fully rely on you, it will happen.

[Asker]

Thank you!

[SnowedIn]

On the one hand, I agree with @kylee2437 . On the other hand, this one thing almost broke up my marriage. Y advice would be for the two of you to solve this or break up. His mom may be the most brilliant person on earth, and she might be right all of the time (unlikely), but if he won't trust you or listen to you without calling her, that's a showstopper.

here's the bigger thing, I think: none of this is big. Olive oil and windows? That's minor. What happens when it's about buying a car or moving or kids or religion or changing jobs? No... this is a bad situation.

[crossdressingrihno]

Maybe you should talk to his mother in private sometime.
Explain things calmly try to be as unconfrontational as possible work things out for there.
Keep in mind the goal isn’t to win over his mom rather the goal is to reach a mutual understanding between all three parties but you start with the mother since she holds all the power.
You don’t want to ruin things between your partner and his mom but you do want understanding so boundaries can be made peacefully.

[LazerBean]

You are correct, he is not going to change. If you are not already married, act accordingly.

[kylee2437]

I don’t agree. It’s most likely too early in their relationship for him to feel like he can totally rely on her for support. His mother most likely has his most trust