My boyfriend had only 2 sexual partners which both were long term relationship, each lasted about 3 years.
I had 6, 3 short term relationship and 3 ons after my last ex broke up with me.
At the beginning my boyfriend asked me about my number, i was honest and answered 6.
Then he asked if they were casual or in a commited relationship, i said they were all relationship, how stupid of me to lie to him (he told me his opinion about casual sex and that he doesn't want a girl who does it). He even said that he wanted complete honesty because he wants to know the other person and if she is compitable with him or not.
But at the moment i wanted him to be in love with me and so i lied to him to look better.
Now 8 months later he found out sth that i had a ons. He asked me if it was true and i didn't wanted to lie and so i told him about my past.
He said to me "you know how i think about people who have casual sex, right? You know i wouldn't be together with someone who had casual sex, right? But you still lied to me and deceived me. You took with your selfishness my right away to make a informed decision. A decision about if i want to be in a relationship with you or not. Now that i know all needed information i will make my decision not to be in a relationship with you. Now i gonna grab my stuff and leave this place for good. I could have saved so much time if you were just honest with me, but shit happens, 8 months gone to waste."
Since this he didn't contacted me.
I saw that i really hurt him with lying to him and especially that he found out about my past from some other than me. I know i was stupid to lie. He wanted complete honesty and i lied. I really took his right to make a decision away. I should have respected his dealbreaker. I shouldn't be selfish. This is what i learned.
My boyfriend is a very nice and kind person who always folows his principles.
What should i do now?
Please dont call him names, i was in the wrong.
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"... He even said that he wanted complete honesty because he wants to know the other person and if she is compitable with him or not.
But at the moment i wanted him to be in love with me and so i lied to him to look better."
" 'But you still lied to me and deceived me. You took with your selfishness my right away to make a informed decision. A decision about if i want to be in a relationship with you or not. Now that i know all needed information i will make my decision not to be in a relationship with you. Now i gonna grab my stuff and leave this place for good. I could have saved so much time if you were just honest with me, but shit happens, 8 months gone to waste. ' "
*sigh* You are painfully learning via The School of Hard Knocks one of the most important rules regarding men and relationships: Once you lie to him, he will never love you again.
His not being happy about your casual sex is one thing, but notice his anger about trust. In essence, you "raped his time and his feelings".
Almost no men would stay with you after that. If you came clean in, say, a month in, maybe, but that long over an issue vitally important to him like this? Even if he forgave the one night stands, which I would have if I was him, you lied over something important, and, no matter what the motives were, that shatters his image of loyalty and trust and __predictability__ in you. For males, these are vitally more important that the biggest tits or nicest ass or perfect sex.
Honey, you need to learn and move on.
If it is any consolation, he was not right for you anyway. Even if you had not lied and were still together, I would not be surprised if something else about his being uptight was going to make you grow resentful and angry.
I want to be clear about something...
The worst part about lying to your man especially over something important is that then he learns that he cannot count on you when it may matter most. This is one of the reasons that, in court, there is something called "spousal privilege".
Men fundamentally are polygamous. We want to fuck any available female. So to make us monogamous we have to change our behavior which means investing in the relationship and the biggest investment is trust. This is why men go furious over adultery... It isn't that some other guys penis was in you. It was because you may have shared intimate things about your man and life with him with that lover who, instinctively to a man, is a competitor. It's like committing treason.
So, with your now ex-BF, you didn't commit treason, but he's lost trust in you and is equally furious over feeling used. He can no longer see you as a partner and thus, you have no value to him and so he is moving on.
I feel sorry for you and this is a very sad story. You actually seem like a very lovely and nice young lady who unfortunately made inexperienced and immature decisions earlier in life and in this failed relationship. I think that going forward you will have learned your lessons and will become a very nice girlfriend to your next boyfriend who hopefully will not be nearly as uptight as this last boyfriend
Good luck, honey.