boyfriend broke up with me cause I lied about my sexual past?

[Anonymous]

boyfriend and i were together for 8 months and he broke up last week.
My boyfriend had only 2 sexual partners which both were long term relationship, each lasted about 3 years.
I had 6, 3 short term relationship and 3 ons after my last ex broke up with me.
At the beginning my boyfriend asked me about my number, i was honest and answered 6.
Then he asked if they were casual or in a commited relationship, i said they were all relationship, how stupid of me to lie to him (he told me his opinion about casual sex and that he doesn't want a girl who does it). He even said that he wanted complete honesty because he wants to know the other person and if she is compitable with him or not.
But at the moment i wanted him to be in love with me and so i lied to him to look better.

Now 8 months later he found out sth that i had a ons. He asked me if it was true and i didn't wanted to lie and so i told him about my past.
He said to me "you know how i think about people who have casual sex, right? You know i wouldn't be together with someone who had casual sex, right? But you still lied to me and deceived me. You took with your selfishness my right away to make a informed decision. A decision about if i want to be in a relationship with you or not. Now that i know all needed information i will make my decision not to be in a relationship with you. Now i gonna grab my stuff and leave this place for good. I could have saved so much time if you were just honest with me, but shit happens, 8 months gone to waste."

Since this he didn't contacted me.

I saw that i really hurt him with lying to him and especially that he found out about my past from some other than me. I know i was stupid to lie. He wanted complete honesty and i lied. I really took his right to make a decision away. I should have respected his dealbreaker. I shouldn't be selfish. This is what i learned.

My boyfriend is a very nice and kind person who always folows his principles.

What should i do now?
Please dont call him names, i was in the wrong.

[abc3643]

You wrote:
"... He even said that he wanted complete honesty because he wants to know the other person and if she is compitable with him or not.
But at the moment i wanted him to be in love with me and so i lied to him to look better."
and
" 'But you still lied to me and deceived me. You took with your selfishness my right away to make a informed decision. A decision about if i want to be in a relationship with you or not. Now that i know all needed information i will make my decision not to be in a relationship with you. Now i gonna grab my stuff and leave this place for good. I could have saved so much time if you were just honest with me, but shit happens, 8 months gone to waste. ' "

*sigh* You are painfully learning via The School of Hard Knocks one of the most important rules regarding men and relationships: Once you lie to him, he will never love you again.

His not being happy about your casual sex is one thing, but notice his anger about trust. In essence, you "raped his time and his feelings".

Almost no men would stay with you after that. If you came clean in, say, a month in, maybe, but that long over an issue vitally important to him like this? Even if he forgave the one night stands, which I would have if I was him, you lied over something important, and, no matter what the motives were, that shatters his image of loyalty and trust and __predictability__ in you. For males, these are vitally more important that the biggest tits or nicest ass or perfect sex.

Honey, you need to learn and move on.

If it is any consolation, he was not right for you anyway. Even if you had not lied and were still together, I would not be surprised if something else about his being uptight was going to make you grow resentful and angry.

[abc3643]

I want to be clear about something...

The worst part about lying to your man especially over something important is that then he learns that he cannot count on you when it may matter most. This is one of the reasons that, in court, there is something called "spousal privilege".

Men fundamentally are polygamous. We want to fuck any available female. So to make us monogamous we have to change our behavior which means investing in the relationship and the biggest investment is trust. This is why men go furious over adultery... It isn't that some other guys penis was in you. It was because you may have shared intimate things about your man and life with him with that lover who, instinctively to a man, is a competitor. It's like committing treason.

So, with your now ex-BF, you didn't commit treason, but he's lost trust in you and is equally furious over feeling used. He can no longer see you as a partner and thus, you have no value to him and so he is moving on.

[abc3643]

I feel sorry for you and this is a very sad story. You actually seem like a very lovely and nice young lady who unfortunately made inexperienced and immature decisions earlier in life and in this failed relationship. I think that going forward you will have learned your lessons and will become a very nice girlfriend to your next boyfriend who hopefully will not be nearly as uptight as this last boyfriend

Good luck, honey.

[akadatank44]

Your both at fault here.
You lied we know that and you kept lying. I'd be hurt and so would everyone else. But its not the number, it's that you lied nothing else. at least for me.
he's not considering the last 8 months of his life. he's so damn strong on his principles that he can't make exception or think for himself. Do you really want a man who chooses to not look at all possiblities is and can't overlook the past for a greater tommorrow?
You should look at his actions and take note, maybe he wasn't the man you thought of.

[Asker]

I lied to him about sth important to him.
It has nothing to do with his principles, you could use this argument if he didn't wanted to date me at the beginning because of his principles.
He left me because i stole his right to choose to be with me or not, i hide the information he neededto make an informed choice. Thats why he broke up

[Anonymous]

hmmm well that's tough. i mean you live and you learn. you weren't up front and the truth is despite how much you think someone may judge you you should always be honest about your past and who you are... the right person will love you for you, the genuinne you so you don't have to front about who you are. maybe just tell him that you regret not being upfront with him, but you thought that not telling him the whole truth was better at the time and looking back you should have been upfront about your past. than say that it is the past though and that since you met him you've onnly been seeing him; that it shouldn't matter. & if he really wants to break up that it's fine & you understand. all you can do is apologize for lying and see if he'll forgive you. i think what you did is forgiveable, in my opinion.

[Asker]

My bfdont think i would ever cheat on him and so he trusted me very much. For him its only important that it happened (1 time mistake also 1 ons he could see as a stupid mistake but not three) and this a dealbreaker for him

[btbc92]

Move on and learn from your mistakes. This is why you don't do what you did in your past. He was in the right to leave. He has his terms for the relationship. You knew them and you deceived him. What more do you expect from this question? You know what you did wrong, you have to accept it. When people say what God says about sex and where sex needs to belong, this is why also. You can't turn back the clock and change your past, but you can change your attitude and either wait for sex or risk getting dumped again in the future. Overall, regardless never lie about this and be wary of people who say's they don't care about the number. It's always they don't care until you end up in bed with them.

[rozequarts]

Yes you are in the wrong, but no point in making you feel bad you understand that. I would try to speak to him in any way possible, if you have to use a phone booth even, and sincerely apologize. A guy that takes his principles seriously is a keeper, so after apologizing ask him if there's a genuine possibility of any sort of getting back together. It sounds sorta pathetic, but you seem like you want him back in which case begging might be the way to go. If he says no chance, respect his choice and just let it go.

[HOAAH]

you can try to explain why you lied, that you just really wanted his approval. tell him that you need forgiveness and that you aren't perfect and that if he honestly made mistakes in the future or in the past (he's not perfect either) you would forgive him too, because that's what love is. A lot of forgiveness. If he can't forgive you then you have to move on, because he will have that anger, that bitterness against you for the rest of your life with him and you don't need that.

[Asker]

He forgave me for my lying ( and for my past he said i dont need forgivness because there is nothing wrong with it) , but he didn't wanted to be in a relationship with me anymore just like he wouldn't have in the first place.

[WarlandWriter]

Now, as you said, it was wrong of you to lie, and if it matters that much to him, and since you knew that, he was right in leaving. For that, I think the only thing you can do is apologise to him. Make sure that he knows you're not trying to get back with him, since it doesn't seem like he will want that. Trying to do so nonetheless will only make it more complicated. Simply apologising without ulterior motives - just because it's the right thing to do - is the best chance of you both getting closure.
However, I do think he was wrong in saying that the last 8 months have gone to waste. As if he didn't have fun with you. Surely, he was unable to find his future wife in you, but that doesn't mean that your relationship had no contribution to that. It must have taught him some lessons and must overall have been a valuable time. He could have been more understanding towards your reason for not telling him, and have just broken up with you, rather than completely stonewall you.

[AlwaysBelieving]

Thanks for this opinion, makes me still have hope for people younger than I

[WarlandWriter]

@AlwaysBelieving Happy to help :)

[mch90]

Based on the fact that he is ending things becaus of this no offense but I think the so called nice and kind person is just BS. I don't think it's such a big deal I mean it is in your past and why should he judge you for that? If he loves you enough now he Will accept the fact that you had some flings. So what? Honestly don't waste your time on him

[Mark1992]

You girls really won't understand it. It doesn't matter if it was in the past, it matters that it happened. HE HAS A RIGHT TO CHOOSE A WOMAN ACCORDING TO HIS PREFERENCES AND LOVE doesn't MEAN YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT SOMEONES PAST.

[mch90]

@Mark1992 yeah but you already have been with this person and fell in love with this person. Isn't it so shallow of you to just drop them because they made some mistakes in the past?

[mch90]

@TheUsername27 why don't you eat your own shit

[Asker]

He wouldn't date me at the beginning if i have had a ons.
But he dumped me because i lied to him and took his right away to make a informed decision.

[TheUsername27]

You know you are speaking some damn truth when the only response you get is ''eat your own shit''. I don't mean to slate women with the points i make... they are true and the sooner good men realize the less time they will waste dating women for a few months to find out they were once one of the towns cock stops.

[TheUsername27]

Ok wrong post i didn't make the points on this one i just said she was a cock carousel rider LOL my bad. But in my defense I'm not wrong.

[DodgersGM]

Whether you like it or not, your boyfriend is entitled to make decisions based on whatever criteria he wants.

My suggestion would be to move on and to be honest. If someone asks you that question in the future, either tell the truth or say something like "that's not something I'm comfortable talking about."

[SarahsSummer]

Lying is never good but lying about something like that is understandable. I personally never get into the what's your number conversation because there is no upside to it. All you can do now is move on and learn from your mistake. he sounds a bit insecure and judgement anyway. there's a better match out there waiting for you who will love you for you regardless of what you did in your private personal life before.

[Mark1992]

I dont understand why you see him as insecure? Its not insecure to not want to date someone who is not compitable with you or leaving someone if he finds the incompitability.

[SarahsSummer]

@Mark1992 of course not but to have such demands of someone's prior activities is really not necessary.

[Mark1992]

What if he wants a woman who never seperates love and sex like he probably does it? Why should he want a woman who does sth he wouldn't do? Of course at the seek for a lifemate you try to find someone with same values, which they didn't had.

[SarahsSummer]

@Mark1992 you may have missed the part where I told her to move on and there's a better match out there for her. Would you have felt better if I specifically said there's a better match out there for him as well? I thought that was implied.

[TheUsername27]

''bit insecure and judgemental''
You are the one who is judgmental for assuming such a thing. Girls these days don't like men who don't like females that haven't slept around town... funny to see women going down hill so much.

[SarahsSummer]

@TheUsername27 "girls don't like men that don't like women that haven't slept around" What? What drugs are you on right now?

[purplechan]

You need to come to grips with who you are. Don't be ashamed of your past, because you are getting better with every day. I can't say you've done right by lying to him, but I can't say he's right either for judging people so easily. I'd suggest moving on and thinking about how to become a better person and love yourself more before looking for a relationship whatsoever.

[AleDeEurope]

Just deal with it, take responsibility for your actions, you decided to lie despite knowing how he felt about such topic, now you gotta deal with the effect of your lie.
You two are incompatible, and he's definitely not gonna get back with you after an 8 month lie.
Move on, find a new guy that is more compatible with you, and this time, don't lie, learn from your mistake.

[bubblybex]

move on- you lied to him and i doubt hell come back, just keep living your life, and maybe one day you'll find someone who likes you and doesn't care as much about your past, but honestly i can't really blame him since he made it clear from the beginning that he wasn't ok with ons and wanted complete honesty. make sure your 100% honest next time, even if it makes you look bad.

[Coconutpie]

It sucks. You learned your lesson, he doesn't want to be with you, he made that clear. So you have to move on with your life now, there is nothing that you can do. If you didn't lie that time, he wouldn't even be with you. So be happy about all the moments, but people always find out the truth. Move on girl.

[Mccartyy34]

Hey are you there

[Coconutpie]

@Mccartyy34 yeah

[Mccartyy34]

Reach me thanks

[Mccartyy34]

Send a message

[Coconutpie]

@Mccartyy34 why

[Mccartyy34]

We chat

[AynonOMouse]

The truth comes out eventually if you are together long term so it is better to be honest from the start.
You should find someone new, and if you do want a lasting relationship, be honest from the start, tell them what you did in the past, but also tell them that you don't want to do that anymore and want something serious.
I think it is morally wrong to do hook ups/ONS. I think the kind of people that can do casual sex can cheat more easily, and don't think of sex as an emotional expression.

[reptocarl]

He broke up because of the lie not the number. That said he's still a judgmental little prick that has no right to ask what he did. It's none of his buisness how many or what kind they were. Good riddance

[Mark1992]

Non of his business? Who are you to decide whats important for him in choosing a parter even if it is the sexual past? If he wants to be in a relationship with her, then its his business.

Judgmental prick? Having preferences is now judgmental, oh god what a great world to live in.

[reptocarl]

@Mark1992 it isn't his buisness. He wants to know so he can judge her. The past is the past get over it. I hope a woman does this to you

[Mark1992]

How stupid. The past is the past is really the most stupid argument I've ever heard. It doesn't matter when it happend, it only matters that it happened. If he dont want a women who ever did it then its his god damn business and right to ask her. But you know, she is not obligated to answer.

[Rissyanne]

Would you be pissed if a woman lied about being bisexual?

[reptocarl]

@Mark1992 what difference does it make? If you fall in love without knowing her number you're going to dump her after you find out?

[Asker]

My now ex boyfriend told me once that he asked me about my number and my past because if he dont make sure at the beginning then he would have no right to be upset later.

He broke up with me because i lied.
If he knew from the beginning that i had ons, he wouldn't havedated me in the first place.

[reptocarl]

So what he's Mr Perfect?

[Mark1992]

At least he was always honest and was no hypocrite, so he is better than her.

[reptocarl]

@Mark1992 what if he had sexual past just like hers? I'll bet he has several casual flings. He's judgmental and a hypocrite. Why is it ok for him and not her?

[Asker]

He has not ever had any casual flings. He was always someone who valied romantic, intimacy and love and never could stand the hookup culture because in his eyes having sex just for pleasure devalues love for him.

I knew him from before, we had the same circle of friends and you know, he never made out with any girl in his life he wasn't in a relationship with, he only kissed his both exes, me and 2 other girls he dates for a month but it never worked out. He was always honest to me with his past so i dont think he lied.

Reptocarl, you're acting very immature for your age, accusing someone to do sth like that even if there was nothing that indicated this behaviour.

[reptocarl]

I'm actually taking up for you. I think it's very judgmental of him. "He has no single cast the first stone" "Judge not lest ye be judged" "Judgement is mine sayeth the Lord"

[reptocarl]

"He who hath no sin cast the first stone"

[goddess87]

Wow really? If he's that big of a baby over single digit sex partners I wouldn't bother. How is he going to act when something comes up that's a really big deal? And even if they were short they were still relationships not like one night stands

[Mark1992]

If he dont like ons and dont want his girlfriend to have had ons then it doesn't mean he is a baby. If sth big happens which he dont want to accept, he will just break up. He asked about if they were "commited relationship", ons are not commited.

[goddess87]

She didn't say she had ons. She just said they were shorter relationships. Big difference compared to a ons that isn't even close to a relationship

[TheUsername27]

It is his personal taste if he doesn't want used meat. You girls are a bunch of triggered s***'s lol it's funny as hell.

[goddess87]

so it's ok if we accept used dick but not the opposite?

[Mark1992]

She said "I had 6, 3 short term relationship and 3 ons".
This means she had 3 short term relationships AND 3 ONS.

[TheUsername27]

I never said that lol. It works both ways. Lots of girls on here say as soon as they find out he is a player they are gone. Although I think a lot of them lie and just share the top dudes.

[TheUsername27]

The bit that is relevant is the ''3 ons after my last ex broke up with me.'' I bet that ons number is going to shoot up. Girls love sleeping around when someone hurts their feelings. You know you are mentally weak when you do that stuff lol.

[goddess87]

I think being a player is different than having past encounters either way she told him before how many people. at that point how it came about really shouldn't be that big of an issue

[Mark1992]

He asked if she had ons, which she had, but lied to him to look better and stole 8 months of his life.

[goddess87]

she said short term not ons. she never said that in her post. but again failing to see the difference. she didn't lie about the amount.

[Asker]

I had 3 one night stands and 3 other short relationships before i had the one night stands

[goddess87]

Oh well still don't think it makes that much of a difference.

[Mark1992]

He dont want a woman who seperates love and sex so it fucking matters for him.

[TheUsername27]

The funny thing is girls when it comes to sex and boys are mostly hypocrites. They hate players but will literally share the hot men around. I have a mate who gets offered 3 somes by groups of girls quite often. He is a arguably a very good looking guy. All i know is i've heard a lot of girls ''joke'' about giving up their current relationship if he came around. Quite a few men yes like to just sleep around... but the majority of women don't necessarily want to but they will if someone really sexy/hot does (whether they are in a relationship or not).

[samhradh_leannan]

If he no longer wants to be with you, there's nothing you can do. If someone can't accept the real you, there's no point in being with them at all. At least this happened before you two wasted even more time on each other.

[Anonymous]

You were in the wrong.
Like most females who have cheap pasts, you expected to lie or forget your lack of good judgment and expected a male with morals to simply be with you... you don't get to lie your way into the life of a male with morals after you are done sleeping around.
He was right with what he did.

[Phantomium]

I'm not sure there's anything to be done. This is not something that can be taken back, fixed or forgiven. It's just a fact. He has his standards and you don't fit into them. Simple as that. I say respect his decision and move on.

[JSmuve]

Ah the ugly side of casual sex rears its head once again. Your ex sounds too self-righteous for his own good. Nevertheless your best bet is to put this ghost to rest and find someone who is okay with your slumdog past.

[AdalwolfaSorrow]

We all make mistakes. You should had told him the truth, but you know that now. I would just apologize to him and leave it at that. He seems stubborn when it comes to his beliefs.

[Janedoe25]

Guys on here write posts about how they need sex, want sex, girls are clueless about guys needs for sex, they dump girls who won't have sex, YET many judge girls who have sex. They want an experienced sexual virgin.

[Mark1992]

Well this guys are stupid.

But this guy has only relationship sex and this means for him sex means sth and is special for him, but not for his now ex girlfriend or else she wouldn't have had ons. So he wasn't a hypocrite expecting someone pure if he he isn't pure himself. It was his right and she betrayed him.

[abc3643]

LOL

"They want an experienced sexual virgin."

Right?

They want their cake and to eat it too.

[ThatDudeWitt]

Yeah, lying was definitely not good. You will just have to let the heartache run its course and move on. Being deceitful to obtain a relationship is never a good idea.

[TheUsername27]

You was wrong for lying. Funny thing is those 3 ons after the breakup i bet were down to you needing attention or some shit... god knows how many ons you've had since this recent break up.. or will have as a result of it. He made a wise choice.

[ThisDudeHere]

There isn't much to do now other than learning your lesson and moving on.