Have you ever had a LTR with someone whose native language was not also your native language?

Question

My fiancée is from China and Mandarin is her native language. Her English vocabulary is very good although her pronunciation of American English follows Mandarin rules rather than American English rules.

She has taught me a few expressions in Mandarin: hello, I love you, have you lost your mind? But she acts as if I am incapable of learning her language and she is not interested in teaching me. Every evening, she speaks on the phone - in Mandarin - with family and friends. Maybe she doesn't want me to understand what they are saying, but I think she may just be insecure about her ability to teach me Mandarin.

I may purchase language CD's and listen to them every weekday when I am going to and coming from work. The language thing is frustrating, but. . . she is the kindest, most gentle soul I have ever known, I love her, and she loves me.

What is your experience dating someone whose native language is not YOUR native language?

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

yes... we be married.

it's an interesting thing in that it can take extra effort to communicate, and that can be good.. or not. I have to listen harder, that's good! It makes us focus and repeat things, sometimes good and bad in that it can be frustrating when we don't "get it" or just don't have patience at that time. Words can be mixed soup which changes meaning or phrased wrong. English is not as simple and clear as we'd like to think it is.

I don't speak her native language, so I give slack for reversing things or mis pronouncing. A lot of interpretation is in context so I'll suspect if something is wrong, usually.

Now add to it I noticed that females, when hormones are swinging, can reverse things..."turn LEFT!!!"... sometimes means turn RIGHT!!! To be fair, my male driving instructor was yelling at me, in a tight ally nearly hitting a car... to "come this way"... when he really meant "go the other way". He had a cold... his brain wasn't working right!

My mother consistently would describe things as up when it was down, she had no orientation. I won't even get into my errors. It just goes to show human minds are complicated calculators that do have errors, are not exact and precise and need constant work and tuning. That's all children do... tune until it works. Our hormonal and food environment is "jacked to hell" and so no wonder we have a lot of issues in sanity going on.

So...

I wonder what this will be like as we age... gotta try to keep the brains sharp even when they are slowly fading. I saw 88yr old couple argue over a vaccum cleaner... it was a communication issue, and patience. they loved each other for 60 years!

This another reason we all need God...:) patience!

Ni-how!

zeitgeist057 · Accepted Answer

I've dated multiple women from other countries where English is not the native language. I have been in the following scenarios:

1. She spoke English, but I didn't speak her language.

2. She didn't speak much English, and I didn't speak much of her language.

3. I was learning her language, and she spoke English.

Even the ones where I didn't speak their language, I learned at least a little bit, like how to count and say polite things. I sometimes have been taught naughty things as well. One lover from Quebec liked when I said naughty things she taught me in French with my American accent. So far, I think Turkish has been the hardest. And (Brazilian) Portuguese is the one I love to speak the most.

I've never had an issue with language being a barrier. We still speak the language of love, after all <3

midnightmoon05 · Accepted Answer

Yes yes yes!! My husband speaks the male language … it’s so foreign to me! Just kidding.

I understand him well and ask for clarification if I missed understood.
even though English is not my mother tongue, I try to communicate as best, slowly and concisely. Such as use words like - “did you say turn right?”. “Correct” “honey, the mountain/water fall is so amazing!! Please do not look, I just wanted to share. Thank you for driving us”

when we visit my mom…I generally translate the important aspects of the topic…other than that, my honey gets a nap while I take care of family business with mom.
communication can be tricky even when both speak the same language, it’s a new skill with any new partner we live with. as well as with friends/families/with colleagues or with our boss. We just can’t talk to them the same way as we wish. that’s what I am teaching my two teens about what they will encounter as they approach adulthood.

sexy_julia · Accepted Answer

I’m from Germany, and my husband is American. I moved to America a long time ago and decided to attend college here. I was a 19-year-old college student nearing the end of my freshman year when I met my husband. He was 54 and was a divorced father of three grownup kids. I knew his English well. I moved in with him and married him two months after meeting him. It was love at first sight. It was difficult at first to leave my family from Germany behind, but I now have a family of my own here in America. We’ve been married for 14 years now. I’m 33, and he’s 68. We have six kids, and I’m pregnant with our seventh baby. I love my husband and children so much.

Avicenna · Answer

Yeah, I have dated a number of women who had a different native language than mine. Now, some of those women's native languages were ones that I speak, so it wasn't really an issue. Some were from Japan, Korea, Vietnam and Hungary, so it did matter.

coachTanthony · Answer

No but I think it would be interesting. I would probably want to learn the language at some point for better communication. Chinese though could be a bit difficult though lol

AviatorTom · Answer

Sort of. My ex-wife's native language is English, like me, but she came from a family that spoke a lot of Spanish, and she was fluent. I learned a lot of Spanish, which was appreciated by her family.

BigWhiteWolf87 · Answer

My boyfriend / fiancé speaks another language as his mother tongue. His English is also good, he's been in the west for about 12 years now. He's Coptic or Christian Egyptian and I've been learning Arabic since we met about 2 years ago.

@OlderAndWiser - and I mean no offense to your fiancée but I find it ignorant, rude & disrespectful she doesn't want to teach you her language. Yes Mandarin is difficult but you're obviously wanting and willing to learn. Furthermore speaking to her family in front of you in Mandarin IS extremely disrespectful.

Maybe you should sit down and talk to her.

Relationships where there's low communication usually don't last very long.

Sun_Kim-Ai · Answer

My wife comes from the German-speaking minority of my country and it's never been a big deal until a couple of years ago, when she got really into her cultural origins.

I can understand German pretty good and speak it decently, but she's adamant that our children learn perfect German and be aware of their culture. For the twins she's already picked Germanic names.

Unit1 · Answer

LTR no, not yet.

Not having a common language is not a big issue for me. There are other ways to communicate and we got them translators.

I have a fantasy of finding a sweet girlfriend, that might be from another country. If it's not a German or American one, then I can relish some aspects of multi-culturism and accents and cuisine.

But who will it be?

musicbrain5 · Answer

Yes! I know I’ve mentioned to you that I married a Serbian man - of course, his native language is Serbian, and he also understands Croatian (they are mutually intelligible). We speak English with each other, however he has taught me some things in Serbian. He will act as a translator for me if conversations with his family are in Serbian, especially with his parents.

Rei13 · Answer

No I’ve always dated people with the same native language. My current boyfriend could’ve been the exception with his parents both being Cambodian. He understands khymer when it is spoken to him but he can’t actually speak it. My best friend’s first language is Mandarin Chinese but she is fluent in both that and English so never was an issue even though her English sucks sometimes and you have to fill in the blanks for what she means lol

Jaximus-Lion · Answer

I am from Iraq, the wife is Swedish. I already spoke aramic ✝️, arabic, English and Swedish and with her i learned more academic and more grammar correct Swedish and it's was always fun. I did strugle with some expressions and grammars but it's all good now. On the other hand! It's not easy for her to learn a new language, with her dyslexia, she can some words and expressions in aramic and arabic but she can't have a long conversation with them, just short ones

spartan55 · Answer

That's unfortunate she is unwilling to help you because immersion is the best way (from what I understand)
There at least six languages I hear daily at work, fortunately English is the most common. At least count we have employees from 42 different countries. 😳

Lots of Asians, almost all are Burmese.

Likes2drive · Answer

I’ve dated a Chinese woman before for several dates, but it never went any further. She chose to speak English as much as she could so that she could learn from me. If she talk to her parents, then it would be in her native language only because her parents didn’t actually know English and it’s also easier for her to speak Chinese anyway.

meetkitty123 · Answer

I am the one who speaks another language. I have had sweet bfs who want to learn the language and I have had Pain in the A$$ X's who had issues with me speaking another language in the presence 🙄.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Yes, my ex-fiance was from India. About 15 years ago, there was another girl from Bulgaria who hardly speaks a word of English.

sheikalana · Answer

I've dated people whose native language was not the same as mine but I've never bothered to learn their language and this was never an issue. As long as the both of us could speak proper English and communicate effectively that was as never an issue.

jeffend888 · Answer

Lots of men are moving this way because they've had it with the upcoming generation of women.

menina · Answer

No, I've never dated someone who didn't speak my native language. However, there's an high chance that I will end up dating someone who doesn't Portuguese. I can feel it.

It would be nice having him teaching me his language. But if he doesn't, I'm going to learn by myself.

Agape93 · Answer

Yeap. He's russian, and at the time spoke almost no English. Cobbled together a basic runglish pidgin so we could communicate lol

Grond21 · Answer

My girlfriend right now speaks English, Hindi, and Telegu. But her English is flawless so I don't have any issues. I would like to learn both of the other languages though.

Anonymous · Answer

nope. my partner's parents are straight up filipino immigrants, tagalog obviously being their native language. my partner can only understand some tagalog. but his native language is English.

Dargil · Answer

Yes. She speaks Tagalog, Visaya, some English and a Spanish dialect

Have you ever had a LTR with someone whose native language was not also your native language?

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