How to make him share the expenses in a long distance visit?

[Anonymous]

We've been together for quite some time and we have decided to meet now. Since it's pretty long distance and due to many reasons not really possible for me to visit him, he says he'll come to meet me. The journey and other things are going to come pretty expensive. He has a good job and I'm still a student with a part time work that doesn't really pay much.

I am really not that type of a person that would make their partner pay for them. So far he didn't have to pay a single penny for me. I also have clarified it earlier that we're going to split all the expenses that we'll have together. But about the journey cost, it's a bit too expensive for me but I don't want him to pay more than me. So I requested him to pay it for the time being and once my conditions get better, I'll pay my share back and make this journey even. But he feels uncomfortable to agree to that and take the money.

How do I make him agree upon it and share the expenses?

[WindAtMyBack]

Let him pay his way if he wants. Counting every penny and trying to make everything even is a horrible way to have a relationship. If he can afford it and you can't, then let him pay more. You are making it too difficult.

[Asker]

The issue is, I personally feel he's a little disrespectful towards me since I don't work in that sense. He often tells me that I won't understand how hard doing a job is, my life is just too easy etc. So I don't want him have room for it.

[WindAtMyBack]

This isn't even about finances. You are making it complicated out of stubbornness.

You can't "make him" do anything. If you are butting heads over something so trivial and petty, you shouldn't be in a relationship. It's not worth it.

[Asker]

That's not my point. I'm in plain terms unemployed while he has a good job. Definitely it gives him an upper hand in society. When we fight he says abusive things regarding that and reminds me again and again that I'm jobless and dependant on my parents. So I don't want him to later complain about this journey fare (which he probably someday will) because definitely it is more expensive to him than to me. I have dignity and I don't want to be called a gold-digger for making me take the huge burden of paying the journey expenses. I know a little push will help him accept the proposal, he deep down wants it too. That's what I was talking about.

[Asker]

*making him take

[WindAtMyBack]

He shouldn't be trowing that in your face. But he is not here so I can't say anything to him. But you ARE here, and I think you are just being stubborn.

You are also WAY over thinking this.

[slatyb]

Forget it. If he's earning and you are in school, let him cover his expenses. This does not obligate you to have sex with him.

[Asker]

The issue is, I personally feel he's a little disrespectful towards me since I don't work in that sense. He often tells me that I won't understand how hard doing a job is, my life is just too easy etc. So I don't want him have room for it.