Do you think he's ready for a relationship?

[Anonymous]

Seven months ago I reconnected with my ex. He was fresh out of a relationship with someone else. At that time he wanted to hang out and said that he can only offer me friendship and companionship.

I said no because I still have feelings for him which go beyond friendship. We cut ties then.

He called very recently and said he missed me and wants to be in my life.

I know he's talked/ seen others and obviously that's how life goes. Even if was out there dating and couldn't find anyone, that's ok too. I wasn't able to find anyone either.

I still wonder if now he's ready for a relationship.

Anyone has any experience in this?

[Oliverlogan263]

Here are some things to consider in determining if your ex is ready for a relationship:

• His behavior and intentions. Has he clearly expressed that he wants an exclusive, committed relationship with you? Or is he still being vague or uncertain? His actions will speak loudly here.

• His ability to commit. Does he seem focused on building something real with you, or is he still noncommittal and keeping his options open? Someone ready for a relationship will show willingness to commit.

• His emotional availability. Is he willing to be open, vulnerable and emotionally intimate? Or does he still seem guarded and hesitant? Emotional maturity points to relationship readiness.

• His self-reflection. Has he done any reflecting on his previous relationship and what he's learned? Or does he seem to be brushing past that part of his life quickly? Self-awareness is important.

• His communication. Is he able to communicate clearly about what he wants and needs from a relationship? Or does he avoid complicated discussions? Good communicators tend to make better partners.

• His past behavior. Take his previous actions, including his initial reaction seven months ago, into account. Past behavior can provide insight into his current readiness.

• Your gut feelings. Ultimately, trust your instincts. If deep down you have doubts about his intentions or ability to commit, really ask yourself why and be honest about those concerns. Your intuition may provide valuable clues.

So reflect on these various factors and how they apply to your specific situation. At the end of the day, actions speak louder than words. His behavior will tell you more about his actual readiness for a relationship than anything he says. I hope this helps! Let me know if you have any other questions.

[Asker]

So far we he said he wants to be in my life and that I make him happy. He also said he wants to keep me company and be with me.
He’s made himself vulnerable with his feelings and I can tell he cares about me.
We haven’t talked about being exclusive but I plan to ask how he feels about it.
The last thing I want is to be his back up plan for sex. If he does not want to be exclusive, I will end it for good.

[Oliverlogan263]

Based on this additional context, here are my thoughts:

• His words so far are encouraging - saying you make him happy and he wants to be in your life and spend time with you are all good signs.

• Being open about his feelings and making himself vulnerable also indicates an emotional maturity and readiness for a close connection.

• Having an explicit conversation about exclusivity is absolutely essential before moving forward. You need to know if you're both on the same page and wanting the same type of relationship.

• You're wise to avoid being his backup plan for sex without any real commitment. Set that boundary clearly from the beginning. If he's not ready for exclusivity, then ending things may be your best option to protect yourself.

• Approach this conversation calmly and openly. Simply say something like "I really enjoy spending time with you and our connection. In order for me to fully invest in this, I need to know if you see this becoming exclusive at some point." Then listen to his response and go from there.

• His reaction and clarity around commitment will tell you a lot about his true intentions and whether or not he's ready for a real relationship. Pay close attention to that.

In summary, having an honest, direct talk about exclusivity and commitment is absolutely necessary here. His response will likely determine your next steps and if this has potential to become a healthy, committed relationship. I would love an update after you have that conversation and let me know if you have any other questions.

[rm_llort]

Probably just doing his 'rounds' trying you as a long shot. To see if he can get a little action during a quiet period.