My male best friend (married) is cutting me out becuz he has problems with his wife and she wants him to cut out all the women in his life?

[Anonymous]

She wants him to cut me out and she won't let him have any communication with me. I confronted him about it because he was avoiding me, so he said he has problems with his wife and she wants me to cut out all the women in my life. I know for a fact that it's just me and it really hurts me. I didn't overstep any boundaries, it was HIM who did that consistently and put me in a very shitty situation. He apologized for putting me in this situation. I have no idea what to do.

[Finchie40]

You are just going to have to accept it for what it is and realize he is a married man and move on with yourself. For a marriage to last and for love to grow between 2 people for most relationships , both partner’s have to make each other their top priority over everyone , including friends and family etc. Especially in a marriage , even though you think his wife is being out of line and not accepting of your friendship with him , you have to understand his wife is his top priority , The same would go if she had male friends that he didn’t want her talking to , For love to grow both partner’s need to wear each other’s shoes before making decisions and removing selfishness for each other , and sacrificing for each other as well, If you can’t do that for your partner. they will not be able to do it for you , Most relationships fail because most people do not know how to remove selfishness for each other , in a relationship, they only think what is best for them , and not consider their partner’s feelings. He clearly has more love for his wife by ending his friendship with you , He realized he made a promise to love his wife and to sacrifice for his wife to make their marriage and love grow between them. People that do not know how to remove selfishness and to know how to sacrifice for their partner will never experience true love , they will continue of a path of failed relationships until they learn how to truly love the same way they want to be loved in return. Cheating occurs because people that cheat our selfish people that only care about themselves. They don’t consider their partners feelings they only consider themselves. Understand this concept to help you when entering into a relationship with someone , your chances of having a happy fufilled relationship or marriage comes down to this concept. Whether
You are religious or not this is how love grows between 2 people , remove selfishness for each other period

[Asker]

thank you so much for this very substantial and helpful response. but don’t you think he had to tell me that he has problems with his wife to explain his actions, and that she’s the one who wanted him to cut out all the women in his life? He apologized for putting me through this situation and for overstepping boundaries. we were almost always texting and sharing a lot of things with each other.

[Finchie40]

Yes, his actions towards you is not your fault period , He was the one investing time into you , knowing that he is a married man and crossing boundaries he shouldn’t be crossing, if he truly loved and valued his wife , he wouldn’t be stepping out of line period. The thing is, he probably got busted , his wife probably checked his phone and noticed he was talking to other girls’ and she more than likely went ballistic on him , making him realize he was busted so to make everything better in his marriage he listened to what she said, she more than likely said , if you don’t stop talking to those other girls then I don’t want to be married to you anymore. Which in turn makes him realize what he is doing is wrong , Most people in general don’t know how to remove selfishness in a relationship, they don’t know how to sacrifice until they get caught red handed , if he never got busted by his wife he would continue doing what he is doing , Just like a cheater does , a cheater will keep cheating until they get busted , once busted they point fingers at everyone else but themselves , mainly pointing fingers at their partner making excuses for their actions. Most relationships fail because most people do not know how to remove selfishness and sacrifice for each other , they think flirting with the opposite sex is ok to do and they keep doing it until the get busted. So don’t blame yourself for his actions , he is clearly in the wrong by investing time into another girl while he is married. Sadly married women do this shit as well and then they wonder why their marriages end in divorce or an affair occurs because most people can’t accept in themselves that they are wrong , most people think they are right it’s always someone else’s fault for their actions. Basically pointing fingers at their partner before pointing fingers at themselves first. When you learn to remove selfishness and you understand you can’t always be right and your partner is wrong , that’s the key

[Finchie40]

To making love grow , when you give what you want to receive , You can’t expect someone to do for you, if you can’t do for them period , it needs to go both ways or it will not work, no relationship is perfect , you will always have disagreements , there will always be temptation’s, when you learn to remove that for someone it’s easier for that someone to remove it for
You , if they choose to walk away , let them go and realize you deserve someone that will stand by you no matter what

[Oliverlogan263]

This is a difficult situation, but here are some things to consider:

1. You've done nothing wrong. His wife's jealousy is misplaced and you are being unfairly punished.

2. Cutting you off is not a real "solution." It's just sweeping the issue under the rug and avoiding dealing with the root cause of her jealousy.

3. His priority should be fixing things with his wife and earning back her trust. Cutting you off may be part of that process, even if it's unfair to you.

4. You have a right to feel hurt. This friendship likely means a lot to you. But his marriage must come first.

5. The best thing you can do is communicate your feelings to him in a calm, open manner. Let him know you value his friendship but also want to respect his marriage.

6. Offer to give him the space he needs, while also making it clear the door remains open if things change in the future. Sometimes space and time can help ease jealousy.

7. In the meantime, focus on your other relationships and activities. His situation may be out of your control for now.

8. If his behavior truly crossed boundaries and "put you in a shitty situation," that is worth reflecting on. But focus now on moving forward in a healthy way.

Ultimately this is his marriage to repair. You can communicate your feelings and perspective, while also respecting his choices for the sake of his family. Set healthy boundaries for yourself, and keep the door open if his circumstances change. I hope this perspective provides some constructive guidance. Please let me know if you have any other questions.

[Anemone978]

Well he isn't your man, so get over it and go find your own you can talk to..

[EmmaMary]

Well I certainly can't see this marriage lasting very long.

[Asker]

I appreciate his honesty in telling me that he has problems with his wife and that he's the one who overstepped boundaries, not me. and that he apologized for putting me in this situation. They have 2 kids and maybe this is why. We also spoke a lot during the day (maybe even more than necessary, we talked during the weekends, during vacations etc...) and maybe she felt like things went over the limit, but the content was never inappropriate.

How do you think I should handle this? I'm truly devastated, and my voice was trembling while I went over to speak/confront him about it. I also teared.

[EmmaMary]

Thank you for the MHO.

[Unit1]

And then idiots say men and women cannot be friends.

Your male best friend is obviously married to his toxic wife. He made the decision to go after his wife's demands (and a toxic one). That is a common trait in toxic individuals.

There is not much you can do. You can make him aware of her unreasonable demands and inform him, that these are traits exhibited by toxic individuals. The rest is up to him.

On the other hand, he is just as much at fault that he overstepped boundaries, so the only one he can blame for this outcome is himself.

Wish him farewell and good luck in resolving the situation and move on. He chooses to have it coming at him.

[SnowedIn]

You do nothing. Except respect what he wants. Given them space.

It sucks for you but it's the right thing.

I agree with @EmmaMary I don't see that marriage lasting long but don't be part of why it implodes.

[Asker]

how come you don't see this marriage lasting long, can you let me know please?

[SnowedIn]

Sure. Two big signs.

First, he's talking about problems with his wife/marriage with other people. And while, yes, everyone needs a friend to talk to, even about marriage that's a bad sign.

Second, she's making him cut all the women out. That's a bad sign and a sign of immaturity, lack of trust, and childishness.

[Asker]

but don’t you think he had to tell me that he has problems with his wife to explain his actions, and that she’s the one who wanted him to cut out all the women in his life?

[SnowedIn]

As for cutting out women, yes, that's on her (and what I said as my second point).

Their marriage is rocky. For the reasons I said. That was the answer to your question.

[Asker]

Thank you so much. This was very helpful

[SnowedIn]

You're very welcome. Sorry this happened.

[Asker]

I told him i'm sorry that i invaded his privacy (by him telling me that he had problems w/his wife), and he said "im sorry i put you through this situation".

Although i'm sure he will reach out again sooner or later when things calm down as "The Flame is gone, the Fire remains"

[SnowedIn]

Very nice of you and very wise observation

[Asker]

Thank you :) Well I also apologized if I overstepped boundaries and I demanded clear communication from him so that I wouldn't feel so much anxiety, and asked him to keep it civil.

[madhatters4]

sounds like he fucked up and now his wife is tightening the strings. it is like you said not something you did but unfortunately it is impacting you as you are potentially losing a friend.

[Asker]

She thinks he loves me. They have 2 young kids. Yes their relationship is rocky obviously (he told me they are having problems). But I can't fathom how she would force him to cut out other women?

[madhatters4]

well if she thinks he loves you it would make sense to want to make sure you two aren't hanging out together right? does the guy love you?
if you were married or in a relationship you wouldn't want a girl your partner is in love with having an intimate relationship... it's rough on you because you haven't done anything but it certainly seems like he's done something to cause his partner to distrust him

[Asker]

he said he’s having problems with his wife and that she wants him to cut out all the women in his life. that’s what he explicitly said. i think she’s hate me if she found out that he felt i had the right to know that.

[madhatters4]

"i think she’s hate me if she found out that he felt i had the right to know that."

i don't think you should presume anything about her feelings towards you. her issue is with her husband.

[exitseven]

My wife made me do that too. Now that I am older I regret it.

[Asker]

oh please talk to me and tell me what happened, and why you regret it

[exitseven]

She was jealous of them. I had three girls that were a big part of my life and after I got married it caused problems with my wife. I sort of drifted apart.. One of these girls married a guy who later murdered her. This still haunts me to this day.

[BarryLiverstone]

I’d say give it time. If he actually cares about you then he will want to communicate in the future. For right now can you give him space and suggest he reaches out when he wants to?

[DextroShade]

You will just have to accept it because his relationship with his wife is more important than his relationship with you.

[balyai]

You said you didn't overstep any boundaries it was him. What do you mean by that?

[Asker]

he would text me a lot during the day, weekends, during family vaactions, etc... shares a lot of his personal life details with me and vents to me about his problems. I never initiated those conversations or enabled for this to happen.

[balyai]

He was friendly with you. But I understand how his wife feels. I feel bad for you. I hope he never sexted

[Asker]

Honestly i'm devastated. I can't believe she's forcing him to cut me out of his life to be honest. But when I confronted him about it (and my voice was trembling and i was shaking and tearing), he apologized for putting me in this situation, saying that it was him who overstepped his boundaries, not me.

[balyai]

Be honest, did anything sexual happen between you too?

[Asker]

No absolutely not. I'd never do that. But i can't fathom why she's so insecure about me specifically?

[balyai]

I asked cause you sound like you are in love with him. It's normal how his wife feels. He's always talking to other females when he should be focused on his wife.

[Asker]

I don't have that many friends, and he's one of the very few ones that I had (i communicated this to him), and I told him not to be very harsh with me.

[balyai]

I know how you feel. I've been there many times. Now I'm used to friends leaving.

[Asker]

He knows that I rarely go out, etc... and that i'm a recluse. So this situation really really hurts me to be honest, I have no idea what i'll do. I know it will pass

[balyai]

Message me. Let's chat there

[BigDog1989]

My dad doesn't have "girl" friends, in his life. Why does he need them

[Luckycharms12]

Well his marriage is more important. And respect that even if you don't agree

[DermalPunch]

She's perfectly right.

[Asker]

exactly how is she right?

[DermalPunch]

He's her husband. You are not his wife. His duty is to her. So bye bye. My husband would have ZERO female friends. And I would have no female friends. She is protecting her relationship. Good for her. Go find a new friend.

[KrakenAttackin]

His wife is correct.