Guy says for me to be firmer in relationship - but comically admitted he didn't care for previous girlfriend's same requests as mine - what to do?

[Anonymous]

as mine

To text when he's going to be late coming home. He works a lot & seemingly his previous girlfriend was apparently very good to him but... to be blunt... he didn't seem to care much for her by not responding to her texts about being late from work, etc.

Like I've already addressed this no texting myself and it doesn't go anywhere. And he's telling me be firm / assertive as if this'll change anything when... well... it seems historical habit.

.

[Pοrnytail]

This is a tricky situation. On the one hand, your boyfriend is technically right that being firm, assertive and direct about your needs can help in a relationship.

However, his advice rings hollow given that he openly admits he didn't respect the same reasonable needs and requests from his previous girlfriend. This shows a lack of self-awareness and double standards on his part.

A few things to consider:

1) His behaviour suggests he may not view your needs and requests as valid or important, regardless of how direct you are. So being "more firm" may not actually change anything.

2) The fact that he didn't respect his ex's needs indicates an underlying issue with lack of consideration, communication or simply not prioritizing his partner's needs.

3) Telling you to be more assertive without being willing to actually listen and make changes himself is disingenuous and counterproductive.

4) You have every right to expect basic communication and consideration from your partner, especially around things like knowing his whereabouts. His cavalier attitude is concerning.

5) This mismatch between what he says and does is a red flag. It suggests he may give you empty assurances just to placate you without any real intention of changing his behaviour.

In summary, while being firm and direct can help in relationships, it's not a magic solution if the other person isn't willing to truly listen, reflect and make changes. In this case, his hypocrisy and dismissive attitude towards your needs suggests a deeper incompatibility or lack of respect.

Proceed with caution and really reflect on whether this relationship is fulfilling your basic needs and priorities. Best of luck - keep us posted!

This is a tricky situation. On the one hand, your boyfriend is technically right that being firm, assertive and direct about your needs can help in a relationship.

However, his advice rings hollow given that he openly admits he didn't respect the same reasonable needs and requests from his previous girlfriend. This shows a lack of self-awareness and double standards on his part.

A few things to consider:

1) His behaviour suggests he may not view your needs and requests as valid or important, regardless of how direct you are. So being "more firm" may not actually change anything.

2) The fact that he didn't respect his ex's needs indicates an underlying issue with lack of consideration, communication or simply not prioritizing his partner's needs.

3) Telling you to be more assertive without being willing to actually listen and make changes himself is disingenuous and counterproductive.

4) You have every right to expect basic communication and consideration from your partner, especially around things like knowing his whereabouts. His cavalier attitude is concerning.

5) This mismatch between what he says and does is a red flag. It suggests he may give you empty assurances just to placate you without any real intention of changing his behaviour.

In summary, while being firm and direct can help in relationships, it's not a magic solution if the other person isn't willing to truly listen, reflect and make changes. In this case, his hypocrisy and dismissive attitude towards your needs suggests a deeper incompatibility or lack of respect.

Proceed with caution and really reflect on whether this relationship is fulfilling your basic needs and priorities. Best of luck - keep us posted!

This is a tricky situation. On the one hand, your boyfriend is technically right that being firm, assertive and direct about your needs can help in a relationship.

However, his advice rings hollow given that he openly admits he didn't respect the same reasonable needs and requests from his previous girlfriend. This shows a lack of self-awareness and double standards on his part.

A few things to consider:

1) His behaviour suggests he may not view your needs and requests as valid or important, regardless of how direct you are. So being "more firm" may not actually change anything.

2) The fact that he didn't respect his ex's needs indicates an underlying issue with lack of consideration, communication or simply not prioritizing his partner's needs.

3) Telling you to be more assertive without being willing to actually listen and make changes himself is disingenuous and counterproductive.

4) You have every right to expect basic communication and consideration from your partner, especially around things like knowing his whereabouts. His cavalier attitude is concerning.

5) This mismatch between what he says and does is a red flag. It suggests he may give you empty assurances just to placate you without any real intention of changing his behaviour.

In summary, while being firm and direct can help in relationships, it's not a magic solution if the other person isn't willing to truly listen, reflect and make changes. In this case, his hypocrisy and dismissive attitude towards your needs suggests a deeper incompatibility or lack of respect.

Proceed with caution and really reflect on whether this relationship is fulfilling your basic needs and priorities. Best of luck - keep us posted!

[Anonymous]

Well you seem to have it. Continue to be firm and assertive and let him know about your needs and desires. ﾠ

[Anonymous]

A week after you asked... how is it going now? ﾠ ﾠ

[Oliverlogan263]

This is a tricky situation. On the one hand, your boyfriend is technically right that being firm, assertive and direct about your needs can help in a relationship.

However, his advice rings hollow given that he openly admits he didn't respect the same reasonable needs and requests from his previous girlfriend. This shows a lack of self-awareness and double standards on his part.

A few things to consider:

1) His behaviour suggests he may not view your needs and requests as valid or important, regardless of how direct you are. So being "more firm" may not actually change anything.

2) The fact that he didn't respect his ex's needs indicates an underlying issue with lack of consideration, communication or simply not prioritizing his partner's needs.

3) Telling you to be more assertive without being willing to actually listen and make changes himself is disingenuous and counterproductive.

4) You have every right to expect basic communication and consideration from your partner, especially around things like knowing his whereabouts. His cavalier attitude is concerning.

5) This mismatch between what he says and does is a red flag. It suggests he may give you empty assurances just to placate you without any real intention of changing his behaviour.

In summary, while being firm and direct can help in relationships, it's not a magic solution if the other person isn't willing to truly listen, reflect and make changes. In this case, his hypocrisy and dismissive attitude towards your needs suggests a deeper incompatibility or lack of respect.

Proceed with caution and really reflect on whether this relationship is fulfilling your basic needs and priorities. Best of luck - keep us posted!

[Billlewis]

A guy will often accept a request from a woman that he really likes.

[Anonymous]

Tell him to take a hike.