If a guy doesn't want to rush into a relationship is he letting me down gently or something else?

[Anonymous]

So this guy I've been talking to that I haven't met yet says being friends first means a lot to him, sharing memories and having a good time. He says since we haven't met yet we can still be friends and if it doesn't go further we can still be friends. What are your thoughts? he says he doesn't want feelings to get hurt for rushing into a relationship

He's letting you down gently

He wants to take it slow and be friends first

Other (Please explain)

Updates

+1 y

We've been talking for two months, we're both single, we met online, we haven't met in person we were suppose to this week but cancelled and has his reasoning for it.

[Accelerate]

I was reading some of the other replies and saw that you mentioned you two have been talking with one another for approximately two months.

If that's the case, then I would say that he most likely wants to take it slow and be friends with you in order to get to know you better before going forward with a relationship. Two months is a relatively short time to know someone, at least in my opinion, and it might be the case for him too that he likes to take some time to understand someone before progressing a relationship because he might regret it if he just says yes now and ends up not wanting to stay in the relationship, hurting you and him (because of a lost friendship) in the process.

[Buttuhs]

sounds like he has been though a lot.. but it also sounds like, you have a good guy on your hands. being friends shows he is patient, and he is willing to take the time out and learn more about you. :)

[Asker]

Thank you! could i message you more about the details? just to get your opinion on the situation more?

[Buttuhs]

You most deffintly can ! 😄

[Asker]

It won't let me message you

[Buttuhs]

OH sorry about that I dunno why not

[rude_snap]

I think he told you just what he means. And a friendship should ALWAYS a come first. And relationships SUCK when they end so he wants to make sure before committing to a relationship. It's actually him telling you he's interested because he's not trying to rush anything. He's obviously been burned in the past and if he really likes you he doesn't want to be hurt like that or hurt you so he just wants to make sure you can become best friends first.

[evelyn26]

Sounds like he has rushed things in the past. Those things don't last long. I suggest being friends for a long time and get to know each other. Go out and have fun. If it turns into something else then great. If it doesn't oh well he wasn't the one for you. Time will tell. Good luck !
I should have did the just friends first not the f--- buddies thing. Makes things complicated. Friends only and no sex is the way to do it.

[Anonymous]

In my personal opinion, he could be testing the water not literally, but like he wants to become friends with you at first and see if he really likes you once he actually gets to know you more and has been with you face to face to fully know if he wants to be in a relationship with you. Most likely he does want to take things slow and build the friendship first since you guys haven't met in person.

[Asker]

We were also suppose to meet up today and he was totally fine with that until a couple days ago and said he couldn't meet up, then I was upfront with him and he said it was the distance (we live 30 minutes from each other) Then said in a couple weeks we can meet up. (he explained his reasoning)

[Opinion Owner]

At that point I think he may be letting you down gently? BUT it is one time and he gave an explanation and you guys are meeting in a couple week you can always see what happens then. Since you guys both live far try to find a place where you guys can meet each other half way so it won't be so bad (distance wise). If he stand you up again then probably unless something really came up like someone was in the hospital you know? Please be safe when you meet him!

[Asker]

I won't hold my breath, I think i'll give him one more chance and then I'll just leave it if nothing happens, I am not going to wait forever for this guy. I think 2-3 months is a good time to talk and get to know someone. I mentioned talking on the phone and he agreed with that so who knows.

[Opinion Owner]

Alright, best of luck!

[SanguinNymphis]

I think he does want to be friends first - but also keep in mind he may want to be friends first out of security. Being emotionally vulnerable is scary. He may just want to make sure both of you want this so that way it doesn't just deteriorate before it could ever really start.

[MaazSaleem]

Haha.. A great guy indeed i guess.. He wants to get to know you better before getting into a relationship. he wants to find out if you are compatible or not. and then after he finds that out , he will make his move.
right now he just wants to be a friend and take it that way forward

[DarkWalker]

I think you are coming on too strong for him. He wants to be clear you need to give him the time to get to know you better. He potentially likes you and doesn't say "no" right away, so that's a good sign. But don't go "all or nothing" in your vision. You should go: perhaps this could be the beginning of something more, but it isn't yet.

[jay001]

He just doesn't want to hurt you by saying you are in a relationship when you haven't met yet!
Neither of you can know if you will feel the same once you meet him.. he could be totally different in person to what he is online.. so yeah he's just trying to stop you falling too deep too soon

[TomBradysJersey]

Depends on how quickly you are moving. For me we have to be talking at least for 3 months. I need to know if you actually like me.

[Asker]

me and him have been talking for two months

[TomBradysJersey]

I'd wait a little while longer. But I'm also shy and have never had girlfriend before.

[MidnightStar]

Good relationships are based on friendship, at least thats what I've found, it leads to a healthier relatuonship, full of laughing and not hiding yourself

[JohnDoe3000]

Nothing wrong with taking things slow. But not wanting to meet up after two months of talking seems suspicious to me. He could be letting you down gently, or he could be a catfish.

[Liisjak]

isn't 2 months a bit long without meeting up? If you can't find 20 mins for a coffee in your life for someone... he's not worth it. Though I'd understand if you live 100km away, even so in 2 months you should have made contact.

[GoeySamurai]

I dunno. But I've learned from my past experiences and I take it slow now. He could just be doing the same.

[IEat70sBush]

He's a guy. Most guys would rather avoid a relationship if they can still get the sex without it.

[kenny6969]

he probably wants to get to know you better. rushing into shit like relationships is a great way to find out a few months down the road that you reeeaaallly don't like the person you're in a relationship with.

[jacquesvol]

Not every guy you meet will want a relationship (with you or with another)

[Lumberman53]

He probably wants to make sure that he's comfortable enough to be in a long term relationship with you

[TallAnon]

He wants you to take it slow, but you can be more than friends.

[Zelaxus]

sorry that I will put it like this, but you are a part of his list now. once he's done with the other 23 u might be lucky number 24 for a try.

[Anonymous]

He just wants to get to know you before rushing into something he doesn't know anything about

[Steelwire]

I think friends with bens is the answer most of the time here...

[Anonymous]

both are possabilities just dont get feelings till or if ur past the friendzone

[Chanel1981]

Why haven't you met yet?

[Asker]

We were suppose to meet today but he said he had a big presentation that he was informed of and had to work on it today for tomorrow but he's done school and not in summer school. He cancelled a couple days ago and a few weeks ago it was fine to meet. He said as well the distance was part of it as well and if we meet half way or if I meet closer to him. We live 30 minutes away from each other.

[Chanel1981]

Is you're goal to start a relationship with him?

[Asker]

Yea, could I message you more about this?

[Chanel1981]

Sure

[Anonymous]

even guys need time... girls are not the only one who have issues in their normal life

[Ef_Freak]

he is taking his chances