People here seem to be focusing on potential financial losses. Though there is basis in seeing that as a factor, another major factor can be the man's loss of self. Either he conforms to her wishes, in order to please her, and ends up compromising his values or living beyond his means, or she may view him as a lump of clay, which she is entitled to mold into her ideal.
I designed my home to be very efficient, so I don't have to concern myself with extremes. It's been decades since I last ran my forced air units, but I'd probably run them if a woman was in the picture, as she'd probably be less willing to put on a sweater when it cools a little or take clothing off when it warms a little. Also, I'm reluctant to invite women into my home, as they generally feel free to tell me what I should do with my home. Rather than appreciating what is, they focus on what could or should be. It's not much fun to feel that whatever you do is never enough.
It's not that men don't want emotional attachment; it's that the cost to get it is often too high. I would love to feel a special connection with someone, but with retirement being only months away, I'm not about to take on the liability of a dependent.
Unfortunately, when people think about relationships, they tend to focus more on what they're entitled to receive than what they bring to the relationship. I enjoy giving and helping, but when the other person doesn't reciprocate in kind or appears insatiable, I stop doing more than the other does. That doesn't mean I give only to receive; it means I have no desire to be drained by someone who primarily focuses on what she's entitled to receive.
Rather than focus on men's reluctance to get married, look at the patterns of women that scare men off. As long as women make the choices they do, they'll determine the results they'll see. I don't believe all men or women are alike, but I do tend to shy away from those who show signs of these common qualities I don't want in my life. I am open to committing to a woman for the rest of my life, if she appreciates me as I am and seeks no more than she brings to the relationship. This ideal woman will value making all significant decisions together, as partners, not unilaterally. She won't pout or overreact when things don't go her way. If a woman wants a partner, it's important she takes the time to understand how her choices impact others.
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Simple. You leave school at 18 or college in your early 20s you then spend the next few decades working and saving to be as successful as you can and have enough to buy a home, car, and support a wife and kids with as best possible lifestyle and 7-20 years after you married your wife and had kids she decides that she's not happy and doesn't love you anymore and she's seeing someone else behind your back so she gets a restraining order based on some false allegations of domestic abuse or rape and you get thrown out of your home or even locked up in county jail for the weekend or over the holidays. While you are in jail she sells all your personal possessions, empties your joint accounts, cashes any bonds and savings you both have, takes your rainy day cash fund, runs up credit card debts. Then when you get out you have nowhere to live and no money. there's a new guy in your home banging your wife, watching your tv, drinking your beer playing daddy to your kids who she won't let yoh see becauseshe wants maximum child support. She's has a divorce lawyer that she's engaged 2 years prior which you are going to have to pay for. In the divorce she is finacilly rewarded. She gets the family home, half your money and possessions, a chunk of your future pension and investments, life long alimony and of course child support for at least 18 years.
As for being attached emotionally you get betrayed by the person you trusted the most in the world, a person you thought was your best friend, a person you made sacrifices for, the reason you went out in the morning to do a job you hated, someone you would have died for. Are men scared of getting married or reject emotional attachment, no they are reluctant to get f*cked over when the divorce rate is 50-60% and intiated 70-80% of the time by women
Probably because they chose wrongly too many times in the past. Also, probably because they are too scared to put a real effort into something and then run away on another branch as soon as they see a problem.
Instead of problem solving they jump into another thing,
My parents have been married for 27 years and they have had horrible days but they have had nice days and yesterday, they were walking by the river just like lovestruck teenagers and lifelong beat friends and they were very happy.
Relationships as well as marriage takes hard work and if you are unable to face the problems and solve them, or if you choose a wrong partner just because of their shiny looks or because of their “whatever” something superficial, then you’ll get superficial results.
So, I wouldn’t blame women for the end of relationships.
I would think all these men could have chosen a bit more wisely.
They break the hearts of the right women and marry the women they should never even get close to to begin with.
So… Yeah.
I am not interested in men with such judgment. I wouldn’t want my son to inherit their silliness.
I'd pin it on men consistently seeing through various mediums that they are to be held to higher expectations than we are. That they need to do husband things just to get sex from a non-wife. That they need to earn and spend X amounts of money just to afford their lifestyle. Really, if you crunch the numbers, it's a small percentage of women doing things loudly enough to screw it up for the rest of us.
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In my experience it's because men clock in at taking 88 days to fall in love, whereas women take an average of 134 days to feel the same. But if men don't feel love back in that gap of time, the Wall goes back up. It's a very solid wall at that point because we've had time to think of all the negatives that might be involved and we hate thinking. So now it becomes the woman's turn to hack though all the negative thoughts before she can even start chipping at the wall of stubbornness. Most women fail because it takes the ability to endure difficult circumstances.
Because of the no fault divorce laws. Your spouse can literally cheat on you and then you may have to pay for alimony for years.
Alimony should not exist. Custody should be an automatic "joint" custody with neither spouse having to pay the other.
Any man with a business, any wealth, assets... he is taking a huge risk by submitting all his assets to the government intervention via a judge. She is literally rewarded for breaking the marriage contract.
Women aren't virtuous anymore. No one saves herself for her husband. Any guy who gets married...5...10...30 other men have had this woman. Women aren't traditional... they all put out so why risk everything financially for a woman who is already willing to have sex with you. There is nothing special about the guy... I mean she was willing to sleep with all of those other men. They didn't risk all of their assets and alimony payments to be with her. Why should you be the chump who risks it all on her?
With the state of today's society and hook up culture, people divorce on a whim, the moment they (the world of selfish, entitled people) don't feel "fulfilled" or "happy" then it's straight to the divorce lawyer and the alimony request and the judge gets to decide the asset distribution... there is no reason to legally marry. Just date long term and monogamously. Also don't live together. They may deem that to be a marriage and divorce and alimony laws may kick in to ensure a guy keeps paying a girl long after the dating is over.
Zero reason to do this.
Traditional, loyal, virtuous, wife material women don't exist anymore in the west. Don't marry, legally, financially you are just shotting yourself in the foot.
Here is a major reason. Actor Kevin Costner's EX WIFE who hasn't stared in ONE FILM... no one has paid ONE CENT to see any of her movies was paid THIS MUCH to care for a kid:
Kevin Costner, 68, is to pay ex-wife Christine Baumgartner, 49, $129,755 per month in child support, according to a tentative ruling set Tuesday that was seen by The Post.Did you read that? 130,000 every MONTH... when they should just get JOINT 50/50 CUSTODY and neither ex should pay the other... nope, the judge awarded her roughly 1.5 MILLION dollars a year to buy food and clothes for a kid.
Kim Kardashian is worth 1.74 BILLION dollars. She and Kanye West have a kid... they dared to get married and are now divorcing. 50/50 custody right? Each wealthy parent can care for the kid half the time. Both are wealthy NEITHER need to the other anything... right?
Kanye West is paying $200,000 a month in child support.
THIS IS WHY NO MAN SHOULD MARRY A WESTERN... SLEEP AROUND, SEXUALLY LIBERATED, EMPOWERED, QUEEN, DIVA, DIVORCE ON A WHIM WOMAN WITH THESE CORRUPT TYRANICAL DIVORCE SETTLEMENTS. LAWS JUST SET UP TO SCREW A MAN FINANCIALLY AND GIVE ALL HIS ASSETS TO THE WOMAN LEAVING.
They are just scared, period. Full on fear as if dying. They made poor decisions in the past and they cannot accept that it was 100% their own fault. The best way to describe men: imagine cooking a meal for the first time with the recepee, but it turns out bad because you added too much salt for example. Men will try it and never make it again, will deem a meal not tasty and not worth the effort. Women will just put less salt next time and problem solved.
I realized that this will probably never change. I think that men are biologically wired like this, to be simple and very instant gratification focused. They are so hard-working, oriented towards the goal, but it's a double-edged sword; if they succeed in whatever they planned their ego and proudness can make them superheros, the best in the whole world! But if they fail, the consequences can be catastrophic. And I cannot stress enough HOW MUCH catastrophic, to the point of endangering other's and their own lives. Men cannot see the small picture in bad times, they only see the big picture (hell they would start a war over salt production methods just because they didn't dose it well, lol). What I'm trying to say is that it's a myth that men are these brave, strong creatures; they are actually very weak and scared. Seems they can't let go of past traumas, and they will do anything to avoid getting themselves even remotely close to something that could suck as much as it did the last time. So they settle with being alone and bitter.
I know some women are like this as well, but I just see it more in men. And It is so sad. I love men! As a woman with strong feminine traits, I just want a man who is not so freaking scared of love. I want to be there to wipe his fears and tears, I want to be inspiration and motivation that love does exist and it's worth it, because I have so much love to give that I keep giving to men who not appreciate it. I want use the best of my skills to make his soul happy and life easier; I like to make a delicious dinner for my man! I like to rub his feet! I'd be more then happy to be an addition or a reason to his healthy state of mind, even if it meant sacrificing some things (like time friends, career path, etc) because in the end I can trust that if shit goes down the show, this man will take care of me, he will not leave me hanging.
I'm sick and tired of this equality movement shit, we simply cannot be equal, the end of story. Not saying there should be gender roles in every aspect, but some are neccessery for survival.
Lets do a quick review.
At 8 years, 50% of marriages have ended in divorce. Of those 70% are initiated by the wife, 20% are jointly initiated and only 10% by the husband. Lets assume of the 20% jointly initiated, it is 50-50 the wife has done something really bad and the husband has done something really bad.
Infidelity would fit that model. The cheated partner wants to divorce the cheating partner's ass and the cheating partner wants to maximally hurt the cheated partner.
So realistically 80% of divorces are initiated by women and only 20% by men.
The median length of 8 years seems suspiciously like the number of years it takes to pop out two babies and get them into elementary school. At which point the husband is no longer needed for child minding duties.
In the divorce the husband is going to lose at least 50% of assets but probably a lot more as the house will go to the ex wife but the husband will still have the pleasure of making the mortgage payments. He will also have the pleasure of paying child support for children he is not given access to for another 13 years at this point (18 - 5 years).
For 80% of men, none of this has been their choosing but they haven't got any say in it at all. Their wife has just made the decision.
IN WHAT WAY IS THIS NOT A DEAL TO AVOID?
If I were advising any young man now , particularly in the wonderful USA , it would certainly be to NOT get married , its simply an outdated idea with far too many risks especially for the male , Id suggest he focus on education / employment / social / sport , there is absolutely no benefit for them , to place faith in the institution of marriage , and there is simply far too much to loose.
You can now , no longer risk marrying down financially also , then to ride the wave of emotions also , no benefit , and a massive manipulated downside.
not scared but intelligent enough to see that it is no longer even a good thing to be married anymore if you are a guy.
as a guy it is a lose only situation to be married where as for a gal it is a win only. guys get to pay someone else's bills, high risk of any children being someone else's, high risk of loosing half or more of what ever he has or had when they met if she ever "feels" unhappy, higher risk of being hot with metoo charges. women get someone to pay their bills and do not have to be accountable for shit.Pain, fear of pain. they don't like difficulty. Guys just want to have fun, like they do with their buddies, but close relationship is not always like that. freedom feels good, to do what you want.
my self worth was low and I felt not good enough for anyone, so I projected that onto the women. that lead to many problems.
So finding a partner that can provide those things is good and helps, but if there are emotional barriers, they can be hard to cross over to get the guy moving forward. If his model of relationship/marriage is... pain/divorce/suffering... why would he sign up for it? Thus the model at home makes a difference.
Well you spend your whole life becoming independent building yourself up putting yourself in a good position to deal with all of lifes challenges, gaining experience, learning from setbacks and painful mistakes becoming more unfazed. But now you feel you're in a good place you've gotten the hang of things it seems like things will steadily improve from here. Of course there will always be unexpected dangers and stuff but you've been around for long enough that you're not worried. So everything's looking good and then you throw it all away because of one bad decision.
Why wouldn't you be careful?
Marriage is either for the very rich who can afford to take the loss after marriage or the very poor who cannot afford to not get married. For the majority of men marriage is not beneficial in fact it is detrimental.
More than 50% of marriages end in divorce with the women filing more than 70% of the cases. The no1 reason for failure of marriage is not cheating as some women might tell you but financial issues. Women are awarded vast majority of the alimony, child custody, and half of the man's assets. So you see marriage, for a man, is getting into a legal contract with a party (woman) who is incentivized to break it.
Western feminist/woke culture has turned women into social predators. Land mines. That is why the Hookup Culture exists. It is the only way men can have social and sexual relationships with women at relatively minimal risk is hooking up; especially after the emergence of DNA analysis. Just a few words to law enforcement or a lawyer is enough to destroy a man's life and career. Women have gotten to hate men like Blacks hate Whites and are willing to draw men in with the intent of bringing them down. That is why I strongly recommend that men seek partners in Latin America and East Asia. There are still risks, but much more manageable.
There's no real benefit to marriage nowadays, as anything that can be had in marriage can be had outside of marriage and marriage comes with a lot of risks and zero rewards for men. Sex dries up, danger of losing everything in divorce which is initiated by women 70% of the time. Women nowadays want to focus on themselves, their "career" over having and raising a family. Furthermore, most women want to give their best years, when they're young, pretty and sexy, to other guys and then "settle" for some guy after they become less desirable and older. No guy wants to marry and have kids with someone other guys have enjoyed her younger years. No way.
Marriage is a bad deal for men in the West. If a man marries a woman she can cheat on him, have another man's child, and then divorce him and be entitled to half his stuff, alimony, and child support. She can accuse him of abuse with zero evidence and he will lose his rights. I support the institution of marriage and am married myself but feminism and the corrupt family court system have ruined it to the point that I cannot fault a man not wanting to marry, especially when mostvmodern women are hoes and unworthy of being wives.
marriage comes at a huge cost for men and divorce can ruin them completely
aside from the fact that most men have to put in the work to attract women, when he does attract women, only a small percentage of those women is he truly compatible with, the rest could screw him over resulting in loss of finances, loss of assets, loss of child custody and a possible MeToo accusation attached to him
Are you kidding me? Spend 10 minutes on this site and listen to some of the vile things some women post. Marriage is lifetime commitment or should be. Would you want to commit to half these women? I didn't think so!
If a woman wants a guy to commit 1st she has to choose a good man. A mature man who actually is capable of that type of a commitment. Then she has to instill trust in him. And that can only be done through time and effort. A woman cannot game or b. s. her way through this. Then and only then will a guy want to marry her.
Its not that "Men so Scared to Get Married" today, is just that everything after the marriage is slanted against them, 80%+ of divorces are instigated by women, the so called 'Family Court" is biased against them, so much so that a man can loose everything he's worked so hard to build, family, home, savings etc because the wife had an affair, which in a no fault state means she gets 50% of everything, not including child support.
Is it any surprise that young men have performed a risk/benefit analysis and decided that marriage/family life is not for them.
Women use the court system to abuse men and steal from them. Women have NEVER got even one law changed to help men and make things more fair. ALL women support a system that abuses men because they never do anything to get laws changed.
And any woman that refuses or gets upset by a prenuptial agreement are thieves.
Because with marriage comes divorce and from divorce the woman can apparently have her pick of any and all of his resources and assets as well as the kids if there are any involved. His life would pretty much be over and she gets all the riches? Hell no, so it’s no wonder men are worried about marriage. I’m never getting married because of this. Life is already a struggle. Why marry a woman and make it worse?
Why are Men so Scared to Get Married?
The return on investment of marriage has become extremely unattractive. It's a high-risk, high-reward “bet” that men are increasingly unwilling to take. If it works out, it'll be the main contributor to most men's fulfillment. If it doesn't, it'll be the reason for most men's misery. By probability, not getting married is the obvious play here.
Why do they reject being attached to someone emotionally?The other problem which I observe is that men don't get what they want out of women. Women, in turn, complain that most men do not meet their standards. Essentially, a Mexican Standoff. I think there are obvious arguments for not getting emotionally involved with someone who doesn't meet your (most basic of) standards.
It isn't in a mans best interests to get married because of the success rates and things of tht sort, but there are so many other factors its not tht we dont love our women, but i have seen too many marriages fail for me to think i should do it too. For example im 22 my parents were married 23 years up until 2020 I thought they were going to be together forever but they weren’t and they aren't forever doesn't seem to last and the financial burden of divorce my father went through almost broke him to his knees i just can't
Because many men spend more time in front of a screen than by interacting with real people. They hear stories online and take that in account more than the times where a marriage actually works out.
I´d say many men are confused nowadays about what to look for in life and what could go wrong so they prefer to stay alone.
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