Why are Men so Scared to Get Married or why do they reject being attached to someone emotionally?

[ventustalks]

[caring__1]

People here seem to be focusing on potential financial losses. Though there is basis in seeing that as a factor, another major factor can be the man's loss of self. Either he conforms to her wishes, in order to please her, and ends up compromising his values or living beyond his means, or she may view him as a lump of clay, which she is entitled to mold into her ideal.

I designed my home to be very efficient, so I don't have to concern myself with extremes. It's been decades since I last ran my forced air units, but I'd probably run them if a woman was in the picture, as she'd probably be less willing to put on a sweater when it cools a little or take clothing off when it warms a little. Also, I'm reluctant to invite women into my home, as they generally feel free to tell me what I should do with my home. Rather than appreciating what is, they focus on what could or should be. It's not much fun to feel that whatever you do is never enough.

It's not that men don't want emotional attachment; it's that the cost to get it is often too high. I would love to feel a special connection with someone, but with retirement being only months away, I'm not about to take on the liability of a dependent.

Unfortunately, when people think about relationships, they tend to focus more on what they're entitled to receive than what they bring to the relationship. I enjoy giving and helping, but when the other person doesn't reciprocate in kind or appears insatiable, I stop doing more than the other does. That doesn't mean I give only to receive; it means I have no desire to be drained by someone who primarily focuses on what she's entitled to receive.

Rather than focus on men's reluctance to get married, look at the patterns of women that scare men off. As long as women make the choices they do, they'll determine the results they'll see. I don't believe all men or women are alike, but I do tend to shy away from those who show signs of these common qualities I don't want in my life. I am open to committing to a woman for the rest of my life, if she appreciates me as I am and seeks no more than she brings to the relationship. This ideal woman will value making all significant decisions together, as partners, not unilaterally. She won't pout or overreact when things don't go her way. If a woman wants a partner, it's important she takes the time to understand how her choices impact others.

[Drewtate]

Simple. You leave school at 18 or college in your early 20s you then spend the next few decades working and saving to be as successful as you can and have enough to buy a home, car, and support a wife and kids with as best possible lifestyle and 7-20 years after you married your wife and had kids she decides that she's not happy and doesn't love you anymore and she's seeing someone else behind your back so she gets a restraining order based on some false allegations of domestic abuse or rape and you get thrown out of your home or even locked up in county jail for the weekend or over the holidays. While you are in jail she sells all your personal possessions, empties your joint accounts, cashes any bonds and savings you both have, takes your rainy day cash fund, runs up credit card debts. Then when you get out you have nowhere to live and no money. there's a new guy in your home banging your wife, watching your tv, drinking your beer playing daddy to your kids who she won't let yoh see becauseshe wants maximum child support. She's has a divorce lawyer that she's engaged 2 years prior which you are going to have to pay for. In the divorce she is finacilly rewarded. She gets the family home, half your money and possessions, a chunk of your future pension and investments, life long alimony and of course child support for at least 18 years.

As for being attached emotionally you get betrayed by the person you trusted the most in the world, a person you thought was your best friend, a person you made sacrifices for, the reason you went out in the morning to do a job you hated, someone you would have died for. Are men scared of getting married or reject emotional attachment, no they are reluctant to get f*cked over when the divorce rate is 50-60% and intiated 70-80% of the time by women

[Drewtate]

@Danielle93 I give you an example of what a lot of men are going through and all yiu can do is make it about yourself, classic narcissist

[inhua]

@Danielle93 nobody is saying all women do this but there are a lot of enablers in society who allow for bad women to exist and the laws give them favorable treatment

[RavVid]

@Danielle93 I don't think it is psychopath behavior but is very clearly cold cunning exploitation. On the numbers (0.5 x 0.8 = 0.4) 40% of women will do this.

I'm not saying that this was the game plan from the first date but somewhere along the line it becomes the game plan of 40% of women who marry.

That's the rather scary part of it. You can start off with a loving girl who really does see it as till death do us part but then starts thinking 'I can have the house, have the car, have the two kids but without this guy who is a bit boring now. I'll wait till both kids are at school and I can work... then I'm outta here'.

With 40% of women doing this it is broken. Not a deal to sign on to.

[RavVid]

@Danielle93 Entirely correct. As I like to put it if it wasn't for sex we'd just hang out with our sister. Getting sex is the primary driver for men certainly but until recently we were happy to do that through marriage.

The problem is it is broken on both sides of the gender divide. Marriage and/or children is just a stupid thing for a man to do. Cohabiting is stupid for a girl to do if she does want children within a marriage.

In US 30% of births are to single mothers though I don't know what that means. It could be unmarried but cohabiting or no fathers name on the birth certificate. Dunno. I find it hard to see how this benefits empowers women to be bread winner & child raiser at the same time.

Whilst I am focusing on the median of 8 years that still means 50% of marriages are of longer duration. The next blip up is at 20 years which probably corresponds to the empty nest phase of life.

As you point out both genders have different values. A system that optimizes highly for one gender relatively to the other gender is polarizing and inherently not going to work out well. In the end both genders lose out. It seems we agree on that

Probably society will rebalance eventually. In the mean time I have to respond to the real world scenario of 40% cashing in at 8 years. You have to respond to the real world scenario of men getting the sex but stringing you out.

It does seem we both lose.

[CoolCatMar1]

Yes it does happen unfortunately... Not all women do that though so i don't understand why some men don't want to marry. Of course some men just don't see the purpose of weddings

[RavVid]

@CoolCatMar1 Not all women I agree but enough to make it too much of a risk to take. With 40% of women doing this by 8 years it is simply a toss of a coin. Would I go to a casino and put everything on red or black in a single spin of roulette? Same odds of losing everything but at least at the casino I could double my money. So a single spin of roulette with all my worldly wealth on it is a better deal.

I don't know how I can make it clearer.

[Adaeva]

Because most modern women are like chimps with double-digit body counts. Men are attracted to young virgins, not chimps.

[KrakenAttackin]

Spot on correct. Women have KILLED marriage. Women have no one to blame but themselves.

[RoosterBreast]

A few corrections.

First of all, Mister Mim is the man, Kanye is a woman who was pregvestigated by a few internet illuminati conspiracy theorists including one that goes by RFTKOHIAH.

It is quite obvious that Mister Kim is more masculine than 99% of real women and the wide hips don't help him.

Secondly, I'm not much of a fan of marriage either but there is too much gender blaming. If modern women suck then don't blame the female gender itself, because femininity is exactly what they're lacking. Or, possibly they don't lack femininity but you lack masculinity. So, may I recommend you to take your birthright back and become as masculine as mister Kim, or even Michael Obama himself, by using the self-hypnosis guided meditation video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dG5cZzbKvW0

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Probably because they chose wrongly too many times in the past. Also, probably because they are too scared to put a real effort into something and then run away on another branch as soon as they see a problem.

Instead of problem solving they jump into another thing,

My parents have been married for 27 years and they have had horrible days but they have had nice days and yesterday, they were walking by the river just like lovestruck teenagers and lifelong beat friends and they were very happy.

Relationships as well as marriage takes hard work and if you are unable to face the problems and solve them, or if you choose a wrong partner just because of their shiny looks or because of their “whatever” something superficial, then you’ll get superficial results.

So, I wouldn’t blame women for the end of relationships.

I would think all these men could have chosen a bit more wisely.

They break the hearts of the right women and marry the women they should never even get close to to begin with.

So… Yeah.

I am not interested in men with such judgment. I wouldn’t want my son to inherit their silliness.

[KrakenAttackin]

@lafemmefatale_1. Do you want your son to be brutalized by a woman, have your grand kids stolen, have his life destroyed, his retirement stolen, and the courts solidly in her side, even if she cheated on him?

[KrakenAttackin]

If you do have a son, don't do what most women do, which is serve him up to the brutality that is modern women.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I don’t want any of these for my future son, so I sincerely hope I instill the values in him and show him an example of how a woman should love a man. And what he shouldn’t accept from a woman and what kind of women he should avoid even if they are the prettiest in the world.

Here’s men’s problem. You go for looks, always. And you can’t expect someone who you liked just because of her looks to be your perfect partner. Because someone having pretty eyes doesn’t equal they have pretty heart.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I am well aware what to do if I have a son, I have a brother. He’s very handsome. He had a very pretty girlfriend at some point, who hurt him a lot. That girl had mental issues and tried self harm many times to manipulate my brother into staying regardless of her horrible behavior.

I always disliked her but never told her.

I always liked another girl who is not so pretty, but I knew for a fact that he would love my brother the best in the world. He lost that girl, because chose someone else as he was very young maybe 20 years old.

But men, always choose this way and you can’t expect to choose wrongly and get a right result.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I always told my brother, it’s better a woman loves you more than you love her. Man loves with eyes… Woman loves with heart. When a man loves with eyes, it ends badly… Because eyes are not created for loving and you love the person who is totally wrong for you.

[KrakenAttackin]

@lafemmefatale_1. Not true. It's women who are chasing the top 4% of men. Men don't have the luxury of picking a perfect 10 of a woman. Also, women are way ahead of men in basic dating experience in your 20's. Franky, the average man doesn't know WTF to do or how to date, as opposed to women who have already dated quite a bit.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

So, if all these happened to a man because he chose a very wrong woman, because I can’t imagine any normal woman stealing children from a father… Where dis you have your brain? I am sure there were far better women in your life that you didn’t notice, or didn’t consider beautiful or mysterious enough to spend your whole life with them. Then you blame all women to be evil. I don’t even know a woman in real life who has done any of what you wrote there.

How did you manage to find such woman?

And looking at your posts and comments, your judgment hasn’t changed much. Because I’ve seen you blaming women every chance you get, you’ve done that many times, to the women who have never done any bad to their partners and all this just because of one fucked up woman from your past.

Why should any woman have to deal with the mess another woman left you into?

All because your brain was blinded by your penis.

[KrakenAttackin]

@lafemmefatale_1. I'm sorry but you really have NO idea what you are talking about. If you understood western (American) "family law", and American women, you would not be making the above statements. MOST women steal kids from the father, MOST women divorce rape their husbands, MOST women make brutal false accusations to gain an upper hand in legal proceedings (because it works and the courts automatically side with the woman). American women are incentivised to brutalize men in marriage and divorce, which is why marriage rates are at all time lows.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

@KrakenAttackin How is it possible to steal children? I don’t understand

And why did you love a woman who can STEAL your child from you?

I find it hard to understand

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I am sorry if it has happened to you. I just don’t understand how’s that possible at all.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Now that I think of it more, I am really really sorry if that happens. No one should have their children “stolen” from them. But I still don’t get the “stealing” part.

[inhua]

[ show him an example of how a woman should love a man ]

that sounds great on paper but has absolutely no bearing on other women. girls aren't taught to be respectful to the male gender. only told to "fear the patriarchy" and other feminist nonsense

[Shiningtempest]

@lafemmefatale_1 I don't see myself getting married & or being attached to someone emotionally because I don't want to experience heartache.

[Tstrbrainer]

by the way, a relationship also requires one to be sexually involved, so attraction is really important

[RoosterBreast]

@lafemmefatale_1 stealing children? I witnessed it the final year I lived in my parent's house. My dad brought over his friend because he became homeless and shortly after got jailed for a few days until proven not guilty. That is in Canada where things are supposed to be softer than in US. His one and only wife, he was with her since they were both teenagers. After at least 3 kids and over 30 years, she took his house, made false accusations, and with help of hiring lawyers using his own money she got him driven out of the country and now she owns all his property. I'm not saying he was the perfect guy, one thing that fueled it is how they were vegetarians for decades and she quit but he wanted to stay vegetarian, which made him obviously look weak and I cannot blame her for "wanting a chad" (although nothing about cheating was mentioned) it's understandable that he's making shitty choices and became unattractive, in addition he wanted to force her to stay vegetarian, as I understood, and in some sense he deserved getting a divorce, BUT that is separate from having his home and children taken away. His very own home with his property he never got to see again. So while I am not afraid of anything of this kind happening to myself, I know that it happens, a lot.

[RavVid]

At the end it doesn't matter who is at fault. What does matter is that it is impossibly hard and it does seem to be at that point.

Therefore it is the height of folly for a man to enter a marriage contract which has severe termination penalties whether it is terminated on either side or in conjunction.

It is objectively far from silliness and more the opposite.

[RavVid]

It is fairly simple. About 70-80% of women unilaterally initiate divorce at 8 years which is the median length of marriage now. i. e. 50% of marriages end at. So of ALL women who marry 40% will initiate divorce by 8 years.

Now on average there are 1.8 children involved in a divorce. Obviously children come in whole numbers. One marriage having one child and another three marriages having 2 give about that with an average of 1.75 children.

In the divorce the woman will usually get custody and if the divorced father is lucky he will get them on weekends or every second weekend. That's a civilized divorce.

However the woman can claim abuse and make further claims the ex husband is a pedophile. She doesn't need to provide any evidence of this. It helps her to get more of the assets if she does this and she will be prompted to make these claims.

In that case the father is unlikely to see his children again due to court orders. That is what is meant by stealing.

You said men should use their big head. Sure we like our girl to look good but we don't marry unless we think the girl loves us and we love her. But 1 in 2 of those girls will unilaterally divorce in 8 years. and if she is a really good girl let us have them every second weekend.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

And I am telling you, you are marrying wrong women… That’s why 1 in 2 women divorce.

Why didn’t you marry the one that doesn’t divorce?

[KrakenAttackin]

@lafemmefatale_1. There are almost no "right" women left in the west. The overwhelming majority of western "modern" women just aren't wife material.

[RavVid]

@KrakenAttackin The right women wait till the children leave the nest at 20+ years THEN divorce. There is quite a peak at 20+years of marriage.

[Shiningtempest]

@lafemmefatale_1 Just because a man loves with eyes, it won't guarantee things will end badly.

[Shiningtempest]

@lafemmefatale_1I don't care if she's a right woman for me. Unless she commits to a prenup, I won't enter into a committed relationship.

[Sirenboobzilla]

I'd pin it on men consistently seeing through various mediums that they are to be held to higher expectations than we are. That they need to do husband things just to get sex from a non-wife. That they need to earn and spend X amounts of money just to afford their lifestyle. Really, if you crunch the numbers, it's a small percentage of women doing things loudly enough to screw it up for the rest of us.

[AlphaGhost]

Let's crunch the numbers then, 60% marriages end in divorce and 70-80% of them are initiated by woman and in more than 90% of them, men are economically raped by government. I think you should re-read the first line at-least 4 times, so it registers in your mind "60% of marriages end in divorce".
What's even more fucked up is that 22% of them happen in the first year... but you forget to mention an important point here, Why should men even marry in 21st century?
It brings us zero benefit.

[RavVid]

I think the point some of us are trying to make is that it is not a small percentage of women - it is nearer half of all women. So it is a coin toss.

A difficulty is divorce stats are not marriage stats. Marriages longer than 30 years are unlikely to end in divorce. It is close to 50% of marriages end in divorce.

If you take a random group of 100 brides then by the eight year of marriage 40 of them will have unilaterally initiated divorce out of the 50 divorces that will have occurred in those 100 marriages. Only 50 of those brides will celebrate their tin (10th) anniversary as the median (50 %tile) length of marriage is 8 years.

It is overwhelmingly 80% of wives that initiate divorce. but because 50 of those marriages go longer than 8 years it is 40% of those brides that will initiate divorce.

It is certainly not a small percentage of loud women.

[pervertedjester]

In my experience it's because men clock in at taking 88 days to fall in love, whereas women take an average of 134 days to feel the same. But if men don't feel love back in that gap of time, the Wall goes back up. It's a very solid wall at that point because we've had time to think of all the negatives that might be involved and we hate thinking. So now it becomes the woman's turn to hack though all the negative thoughts before she can even start chipping at the wall of stubbornness. Most women fail because it takes the ability to endure difficult circumstances.

[Miristheiss]

Because of the no fault divorce laws. Your spouse can literally cheat on you and then you may have to pay for alimony for years.

Alimony should not exist. Custody should be an automatic "joint" custody with neither spouse having to pay the other.

Any man with a business, any wealth, assets... he is taking a huge risk by submitting all his assets to the government intervention via a judge. She is literally rewarded for breaking the marriage contract.

Women aren't virtuous anymore. No one saves herself for her husband. Any guy who gets married...5...10...30 other men have had this woman. Women aren't traditional... they all put out so why risk everything financially for a woman who is already willing to have sex with you. There is nothing special about the guy... I mean she was willing to sleep with all of those other men. They didn't risk all of their assets and alimony payments to be with her. Why should you be the chump who risks it all on her?

With the state of today's society and hook up culture, people divorce on a whim, the moment they (the world of selfish, entitled people) don't feel "fulfilled" or "happy" then it's straight to the divorce lawyer and the alimony request and the judge gets to decide the asset distribution... there is no reason to legally marry. Just date long term and monogamously. Also don't live together. They may deem that to be a marriage and divorce and alimony laws may kick in to ensure a guy keeps paying a girl long after the dating is over.

Zero reason to do this.

Traditional, loyal, virtuous, wife material women don't exist anymore in the west. Don't marry, legally, financially you are just shotting yourself in the foot.

Here is a major reason. Actor Kevin Costner's EX WIFE who hasn't stared in ONE FILM... no one has paid ONE CENT to see any of her movies was paid THIS MUCH to care for a kid:

Kevin Costner, 68, is to pay ex-wife Christine Baumgartner, 49, $129,755 per month in child support, according to a tentative ruling set Tuesday that was seen by The Post.

Did you read that? 130,000 every MONTH... when they should just get JOINT 50/50 CUSTODY and neither ex should pay the other... nope, the judge awarded her roughly 1.5 MILLION dollars a year to buy food and clothes for a kid.

Kim Kardashian is worth 1.74 BILLION dollars. She and Kanye West have a kid... they dared to get married and are now divorcing. 50/50 custody right? Each wealthy parent can care for the kid half the time. Both are wealthy NEITHER need to the other anything... right?

Kanye West is paying $200,000 a month in child support.

THIS IS WHY NO MAN SHOULD MARRY A WESTERN... SLEEP AROUND, SEXUALLY LIBERATED, EMPOWERED, QUEEN, DIVA, DIVORCE ON A WHIM WOMAN WITH THESE CORRUPT TYRANICAL DIVORCE SETTLEMENTS. LAWS JUST SET UP TO SCREW A MAN FINANCIALLY AND GIVE ALL HIS ASSETS TO THE WOMAN LEAVING.

[Anonymous]

They are just scared, period. Full on fear as if dying. They made poor decisions in the past and they cannot accept that it was 100% their own fault. The best way to describe men: imagine cooking a meal for the first time with the recepee, but it turns out bad because you added too much salt for example. Men will try it and never make it again, will deem a meal not tasty and not worth the effort. Women will just put less salt next time and problem solved.

I realized that this will probably never change. I think that men are biologically wired like this, to be simple and very instant gratification focused. They are so hard-working, oriented towards the goal, but it's a double-edged sword; if they succeed in whatever they planned their ego and proudness can make them superheros, the best in the whole world! But if they fail, the consequences can be catastrophic. And I cannot stress enough HOW MUCH catastrophic, to the point of endangering other's and their own lives. Men cannot see the small picture in bad times, they only see the big picture (hell they would start a war over salt production methods just because they didn't dose it well, lol). What I'm trying to say is that it's a myth that men are these brave, strong creatures; they are actually very weak and scared. Seems they can't let go of past traumas, and they will do anything to avoid getting themselves even remotely close to something that could suck as much as it did the last time. So they settle with being alone and bitter.

I know some women are like this as well, but I just see it more in men. And It is so sad. I love men! As a woman with strong feminine traits, I just want a man who is not so freaking scared of love. I want to be there to wipe his fears and tears, I want to be inspiration and motivation that love does exist and it's worth it, because I have so much love to give that I keep giving to men who not appreciate it. I want use the best of my skills to make his soul happy and life easier; I like to make a delicious dinner for my man! I like to rub his feet! I'd be more then happy to be an addition or a reason to his healthy state of mind, even if it meant sacrificing some things (like time friends, career path, etc) because in the end I can trust that if shit goes down the show, this man will take care of me, he will not leave me hanging.

I'm sick and tired of this equality movement shit, we simply cannot be equal, the end of story. Not saying there should be gender roles in every aspect, but some are neccessery for survival.

[RavVid]

Lets do a quick review.

At 8 years, 50% of marriages have ended in divorce. Of those 70% are initiated by the wife, 20% are jointly initiated and only 10% by the husband. Lets assume of the 20% jointly initiated, it is 50-50 the wife has done something really bad and the husband has done something really bad.

Infidelity would fit that model. The cheated partner wants to divorce the cheating partner's ass and the cheating partner wants to maximally hurt the cheated partner.

So realistically 80% of divorces are initiated by women and only 20% by men.

The median length of 8 years seems suspiciously like the number of years it takes to pop out two babies and get them into elementary school. At which point the husband is no longer needed for child minding duties.

In the divorce the husband is going to lose at least 50% of assets but probably a lot more as the house will go to the ex wife but the husband will still have the pleasure of making the mortgage payments. He will also have the pleasure of paying child support for children he is not given access to for another 13 years at this point (18 - 5 years).

For 80% of men, none of this has been their choosing but they haven't got any say in it at all. Their wife has just made the decision.

IN WHAT WAY IS THIS NOT A DEAL TO AVOID?

[limaberg]

To avoid this, maybe suggest proposing a prenuptial agreement to your future wife? That way, she wouldn't receive 50% of your assets.

[Grovermint]

A lot of states will throw prenuptials out, especially if the wife has a good lawyer.

[DextroShade]

@limaberg when a man suggests a prenup she will immediately emotionally blackmail him by saying something like "Why don't you trust me? I thought you loved me!"

[limaberg]

@DextroShade Well, I wouldn't react in that way 🤷 I also want to include cheating in the agreement. None of the parts should contribute to infidelit

[RavVid]

@limaberg It is very doubtful in my country. Even in simple commercial contracts - like waste collection - a contract can be invalidated if it is 'unconscionable'. That is there is a disadvantageous term but there is no reasonable way to avoid that term. For example there are six waste collection companies and in their standard contracts they all have automatic rollover clauses on expiration that are difficult to avoid for waste producer Joe Blogs.

A situation like this was found to be unconscionable recently because the waste collection companies were exploiting a power imbalance in their favor over waste producers.

The situation with prenups is very similar. If I ask you to marry me and, instead of a ring, I present you a prenup and say "Just sign here darling and we'll marry" then that might be found unconscionable duress. That is I won't marry you if you don't sign.

Recently our highest court found a prenup was unconscionable and therefore unenforceable. She got 50% ($12.5 M) after 4 months of marriage. You might ask how the husband managed to convince the wife to leave after 4 months? Maybe he expected more sex than she considered reasonable - it was an older man younger woman marriage. A sports star was divorced because he expected sex 6 times a day which the wife complained bitterly about, so that does happen.

Anyway if you think a prenup in Australia is going to stick in Australia you have to be as optimistic as the guy who believes the 'till death do we part' vow. The simple fact is courts legislate and you are betting the courts won't progressively find prenups unconscionable.

[RavVid]

Maybe if we made girls propose to us with their prenup which we either accepted or rejected as a oneshot without any unconscionable negotiation duress we'd be OK. As it stands it looks like if a girl says 'I had to because otherwise he wouldn't marry me' then the guy is toast.

It is no good simply not signing a marriage certificate because you are regarded as married after two years.

So the only reasonable option is to pump and dump after six months to be on the safe side.

[RavVid]

@Grovermint Check my comments further down. The invalidity of prenups centers on if it was unconscionable i. e. unfair, unreasonable, excessive. Our Australian High Court threw a prenup out for this reason. Maybe US State Supreme throws them out on the same basis.

It is very hard bar to pass if you can't say I won't marry you if you won't agree to reduce your entitlements under normal divorce processes.

Also in recent times an Australian ex-husband found out his child was not his child. He actually managed to get a judgement against his ex-wife for financial fraud such that she had to pay him back the money. BUT the femfascists went to work and that verdict was reversed in a higher court by a female judge who had cheated on her husband. Nice huh? Since then there has been correcting legislation but child support payments can't be claimed back because that would impact a child.

So as well as not marrying and keeping the length of a relationship to less than what might be construed as a common law marriage, you had better always use condoms. Oh and keep them locked up because it is not unknown for a woman to take a pin to them.

[molonski2]

If I were advising any young man now , particularly in the wonderful USA , it would certainly be to NOT get married , its simply an outdated idea with far too many risks especially for the male , Id suggest he focus on education / employment / social / sport , there is absolutely no benefit for them , to place faith in the institution of marriage , and there is simply far too much to loose.

You can now , no longer risk marrying down financially also , then to ride the wave of emotions also , no benefit , and a massive manipulated downside.

[magiusX26]

not scared but intelligent enough to see that it is no longer even a good thing to be married anymore if you are a guy.

as a guy it is a lose only situation to be married where as for a gal it is a win only. guys get to pay someone else's bills, high risk of any children being someone else's, high risk of loosing half or more of what ever he has or had when they met if she ever "feels" unhappy, higher risk of being hot with metoo charges. women get someone to pay their bills and do not have to be accountable for shit.

[lightbulb27]

Pain, fear of pain. they don't like difficulty. Guys just want to have fun, like they do with their buddies, but close relationship is not always like that. freedom feels good, to do what you want.

my self worth was low and I felt not good enough for anyone, so I projected that onto the women. that lead to many problems.

So finding a partner that can provide those things is good and helps, but if there are emotional barriers, they can be hard to cross over to get the guy moving forward. If his model of relationship/marriage is... pain/divorce/suffering... why would he sign up for it? Thus the model at home makes a difference.

[Lynx122]

Well you spend your whole life becoming independent building yourself up putting yourself in a good position to deal with all of lifes challenges, gaining experience, learning from setbacks and painful mistakes becoming more unfazed. But now you feel you're in a good place you've gotten the hang of things it seems like things will steadily improve from here. Of course there will always be unexpected dangers and stuff but you've been around for long enough that you're not worried. So everything's looking good and then you throw it all away because of one bad decision.

Why wouldn't you be careful?

[Kaamraj]

Marriage is either for the very rich who can afford to take the loss after marriage or the very poor who cannot afford to not get married. For the majority of men marriage is not beneficial in fact it is detrimental.

More than 50% of marriages end in divorce with the women filing more than 70% of the cases. The no1 reason for failure of marriage is not cheating as some women might tell you but financial issues. Women are awarded vast majority of the alimony, child custody, and half of the man's assets. So you see marriage, for a man, is getting into a legal contract with a party (woman) who is incentivized to break it.

[Dargil]

Western feminist/woke culture has turned women into social predators. Land mines. That is why the Hookup Culture exists. It is the only way men can have social and sexual relationships with women at relatively minimal risk is hooking up; especially after the emergence of DNA analysis. Just a few words to law enforcement or a lawyer is enough to destroy a man's life and career. Women have gotten to hate men like Blacks hate Whites and are willing to draw men in with the intent of bringing them down. That is why I strongly recommend that men seek partners in Latin America and East Asia. There are still risks, but much more manageable.

[ImalwaysrightOK]

There's no real benefit to marriage nowadays, as anything that can be had in marriage can be had outside of marriage and marriage comes with a lot of risks and zero rewards for men. Sex dries up, danger of losing everything in divorce which is initiated by women 70% of the time. Women nowadays want to focus on themselves, their "career" over having and raising a family. Furthermore, most women want to give their best years, when they're young, pretty and sexy, to other guys and then "settle" for some guy after they become less desirable and older. No guy wants to marry and have kids with someone other guys have enjoyed her younger years. No way.

[DextroShade]

Marriage is a bad deal for men in the West. If a man marries a woman she can cheat on him, have another man's child, and then divorce him and be entitled to half his stuff, alimony, and child support. She can accuse him of abuse with zero evidence and he will lose his rights. I support the institution of marriage and am married myself but feminism and the corrupt family court system have ruined it to the point that I cannot fault a man not wanting to marry, especially when mostvmodern women are hoes and unworthy of being wives.

[inhua]

marriage comes at a huge cost for men and divorce can ruin them completely

aside from the fact that most men have to put in the work to attract women, when he does attract women, only a small percentage of those women is he truly compatible with, the rest could screw him over resulting in loss of finances, loss of assets, loss of child custody and a possible MeToo accusation attached to him

[Anonymous]

Are you kidding me? Spend 10 minutes on this site and listen to some of the vile things some women post. Marriage is lifetime commitment or should be. Would you want to commit to half these women? I didn't think so!

If a woman wants a guy to commit 1st she has to choose a good man. A mature man who actually is capable of that type of a commitment. Then she has to instill trust in him. And that can only be done through time and effort. A woman cannot game or b. s. her way through this. Then and only then will a guy want to marry her.

[Anonymous]

Its not that "Men so Scared to Get Married" today, is just that everything after the marriage is slanted against them, 80%+ of divorces are instigated by women, the so called 'Family Court" is biased against them, so much so that a man can loose everything he's worked so hard to build, family, home, savings etc because the wife had an affair, which in a no fault state means she gets 50% of everything, not including child support.

Is it any surprise that young men have performed a risk/benefit analysis and decided that marriage/family life is not for them.

[HighValue]

Women use the court system to abuse men and steal from them. Women have NEVER got even one law changed to help men and make things more fair. ALL women support a system that abuses men because they never do anything to get laws changed.

And any woman that refuses or gets upset by a prenuptial agreement are thieves.

[SolitarySolace]

Because with marriage comes divorce and from divorce the woman can apparently have her pick of any and all of his resources and assets as well as the kids if there are any involved. His life would pretty much be over and she gets all the riches? Hell no, so it’s no wonder men are worried about marriage. I’m never getting married because of this. Life is already a struggle. Why marry a woman and make it worse?

[Freedom_Enjoyer]

Why are Men so Scared to Get Married?

The return on investment of marriage has become extremely unattractive. It's a high-risk, high-reward “bet” that men are increasingly unwilling to take. If it works out, it'll be the main contributor to most men's fulfillment. If it doesn't, it'll be the reason for most men's misery. By probability, not getting married is the obvious play here.

Why do they reject being attached to someone emotionally?The other problem which I observe is that men don't get what they want out of women. Women, in turn, complain that most men do not meet their standards. Essentially, a Mexican Standoff. I think there are obvious arguments for not getting emotionally involved with someone who doesn't meet your (most basic of) standards.

[moemoney410]

It isn't in a mans best interests to get married because of the success rates and things of tht sort, but there are so many other factors its not tht we dont love our women, but i have seen too many marriages fail for me to think i should do it too. For example im 22 my parents were married 23 years up until 2020 I thought they were going to be together forever but they weren’t and they aren't forever doesn't seem to last and the financial burden of divorce my father went through almost broke him to his knees i just can't

[Lionman95]

Because many men spend more time in front of a screen than by interacting with real people. They hear stories online and take that in account more than the times where a marriage actually works out.
I´d say many men are confused nowadays about what to look for in life and what could go wrong so they prefer to stay alone.

[Shiningtempest]

@Lionman95 Wrong, it's perfectly valid to take the risk of divorce into account more than the times where a marriage works out. If he prefers to stay alone, then let him stay alone.

[Lionman95]

@Shiningtempest Sure you make a valid point if it´s a true story of a divorce case that went horrible for the guy. But on the other hand the internet is a free space for anything. That means someone could make up divorce stories or stories where a woman mistreated him without consequences. It´s not like the online world is a place where truth is most important. Like there is no way one could be held accountable for what he/she posts. The problem I therefore see is if guys take their knowledge from forums like this one or some mgtow forum where other guys write "women are this/that" while at the same time they neither know a person in the forum nor do they have real life experiences with women because they think that what they get from online is enough.

[Shiningtempest]

@Lionman95 Perception is reality for some people, whether we like it or not.

[artgorgeous]

They are scared to get marry because they are scared of a divorce. Western countries statistics show that divorce cases are 40-50% of all marriages. Scary, isn't it? Especially when it comes to splitting finance, children, goods, etc.. And like 5-10 or more years of both lives are wasted.

[sheenagwapa]

i only see this phenomenon in western men in my culture it's not the case because usually the girlfriend, boyfriend they have the same economic status the men of course are still expected to be the provider but they won't suspect their girlfriend is a golddigger. they are probably have a lot of datinh experience and so they learn mote on how to pick they don't wanna waste time and energy

[Static_In_The_Attic]

As for marriage we aren’t scared to get married it’s just we are not stupid enough nowadays to do it.

Marriage is like a hurricane there is a lot of blowing & when it’s all said & done your house is gone.

[Shiningtempest]

@Static_In_The_Attic Well said. :)

[Static_In_The_Attic]

@Shiningtempest Thanks & we may be crazy but we are not stupid.

[genericname85]

men aren't "scared" to be married. even just framing it like that by that choice of words shows massive female narcissism and utter lack of empathy. and it's toxic invalidation of legitimate worries and feelings that men have by gaslighting men into thinking that their carefullness is not warranted. men are rightfully carefull not to get a hasty marriage, cause more often than not, it's half HIS shit that he ends up losing when she decides to divorce him later down the road.

[Grovermint]

There's a rather large risk for men to lose everything, even with a prenup as they can be thrown out of she has a good enough lawyer. I want a wife and kids, but at this point in life, I don't see it happening and if I do, I'd probably meet a Jekyll and Hyde type of woman that pretends, just to do that very thing later. I'm a pessimist now. I don't see life really getting better, just growing to accept the way things are.

[Anonymous]

Half of marriages end in divorce, women file 80% of them, and men get screwed in divorce court and child custody settement. How can you NOT see why that is unappealing to today's men?

Emotional attachment leads men to make decisions they'll later regret. It's pure self-preservation.

Sex is easilly available without all the risks and costs associated with marriage and commitment.

[MountAverage]

I'm not scared of it, I'm just not interested in it. If me and my partner are happy together, we don't need a piece of paper to prove that.
Honestly, I don't know that many people over the age of 40 who still care about marriage, it's kinda a dying concept.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I'm not scared of it, I just haven't found most women value-added enough to do that. The ones that brought enough to the table I gladly would have married, but life got in the way. Most don't have enough to offer

[Killsey]

They are not. I'll demonstrate by using a random guy here in the comments. Maybe two for fun.

@drewtate and @KrakenAttackin. The first two blue names I see. Is any of you afraid of height?

[Drewtate]

No not at all

[Killsey]

@Drewtate Good. If someone dared you to balance on a beam that's 100 feet off the ground and all you have for balance is that beam. Would you do it?

[Drewtate]

Ask myself whether I should risk it

[Killsey]

@Drewtate And is it a yes or a no?

[Drewtate]

Depends what is on the other side

[Killsey]

@Drewtate Nothing. Just you on a beam 100 feet off the ground.

[Raaj4you]

Neither I am scared to get married nor I am an unemotional person. I have not found the right women for dating who talks about love, dating, marriage, family and making babies.

All the women I have met or had a chat with talks about only name, fame, money, career, house, car, feminism, patriarchy, refuse to have babies, which are big red 🛑 flags for me.

[Anemone978]

Sluts ruined everything, it was fine when there was only a few but with the majority of women now thinking Its my body I can do what I want.. well you get all this other baggage with it..

[Anonymous]

Marriage today does not offer men the same benefits it used to. But if that were the only issue, men wouldn't be as opposed to marriage as they are. The real problem is divorce, which benefits women and hurst men. Half of marriages end in divorce and women are responsible for 80% of them. It shouldn't come as any surprise why men are avoiding marriage. We are all aware of the risks, and the fact that it is a contributng factor in the steep rise in suicide among middle aged men.

[Anonymous]

Guys aren’t actually afraid of commitment or getting hurt. We just say that to let you down easy. If we say we’re not interested, we might come off as too direct or mean. The problem is that it’s so convincing that women think we’re just walking around all afraid of commitment and think it’s a widespread issue.

[Adaeva]

I will put it in words you can understand. Would you be afraid to lend a friend $10,000 if you knew there was almost a fifty percent chance that you would never get any of your money back?

[whirled_up_girl]

I've known both Men and Women who were afraid of marriage. Sometimes it was that there parents had a bad marriage or that they had been married already and went through an ugly divorce.

[Vegasrunner]

There's no benifit to marriage for men. Essentially you're agreeing to a government contract that says you're willing to give half your income and assets away if one day a woman decides she doesn't want to be w/ you anymore.

[Anonymous]

Because there's no one in the world that has f*cked up men's lives more than women. No wonder why they're so afraid of marriage

[LazerBean]

Men aren't, just certain kinds of men. Typically they come from a broken families or have weak family bonds and low morals.

[AnusNdaPainus]

Because women have too much trauma

men aren’t dumb we can tell when you don’t trust us

why would I commit to someone who isn’t wide open for me

that marriage would just be a time bomb

[LiamJHayden]

Depending upon where they live, the divorce laws can be onerous if they have assets and earning potential. As the joke goes, "Instead of getting married, I'm just going to find a woman who hates me and buy her a house."

[TooHot2Care]

a little dash of Trauma.

a little sprinkle of : a LOT of y'all are SUUUPER narcissistic.

and a dash of : Most women don't care about male emotions.

[serious]

That is because they know that it will not work in the long run.

[Lokiion]

Women can take a lot of his shit if she decides to divorce. And he really can’t do anything about it unless he got her to sign a prenup which is unlikely

[BigDog1989]

because 75% of all marriages, fail. marriage hasn't ALWAYS been around. in fact, animals, don't do it, and most of them, don't mate for life. So, why do humans?

[strateguy632]

in the past it was for family stability, and child support was a single payment but laws now give stability for divorce so the benefit of marraige is cancelled.

[John_Doesnt]

Not scared, there is no benefit to the men. A women gets an ATM, but the men get nothing out of marriage.

[jahaims]

Marriage only benefits the female. (On paper/legally) Nothing changes for the guys except he loses half his stuff.

[Heolurt]

Because men are realizing how there isn't a single benefit for men to get married but there are a lot of cons for a man if he does get married.

[Dinn3r]

I think the family we grow up in influences our attitudes towards marriage tremendously. In our family we learn different attachment styles.

[noohair]

Men used to have to make a commitment to a woman for sex.
That was love and marriage.
Women wanted freedom and equality.
This is what freedom and equality looks like.

[Anonymous]

Four out of ten men who get married will be divorced by their wives. If I was a man I would be scared too.

[TonyMetal___86]

Because marriage ain't the same like the old days anymore, a marriage should last forever...

[RingOfFire]

To me it has always kind of felt like the death of freedom.

[In_Trance]

Because of the legal ramifications. The system never favors men

[007kingifrit]

they don't, but you're 19. maybe you are dating men that are too young, he should probably be older than you if you want committment, like 30 maybe

[DerekC321]

Afraid of making themselves vulnerable by opening up and making that kind of huge commitment.

[Stillsleeping]

From what I gather, it's the courts. It's not kind to men if things don't work out.

[clampfan101]

I’m quite the opposite. I’m just shy and don’t want to rush.

[Tstrbrainer]

Few weeks ago, I read in a local newspaper that the court ordered the husband to not just pay for the wife after the divorce, but also her dog.

[Anonymous]

Men want a good marriage not a marriage with a woman with an onlyfans account and a large body count.

[boecker-propagator]

These are actually two completely separate questions.

[ventustalks]

This is why I added "why". Thank you tho.

[ventustalks]

Not why, "or"